by Renee Roman
While in the shower, Sarah ran the soapy sponge over her body remembering how Cam had washed her with so much attention, she’d felt loved. Her eyes popped open, the sponge tumbling from her slack fingers. Did Cam love her? Was that why she was so adamant about Sarah not getting involved with Brace? No. That’s just idle speculation. If Cam loved her, she would have told her. Wouldn’t she? Sarah thought back to the conversation they’d had the night she’d confessed about her upbringing. She had looked terrified when she’d told Sarah that Liv taught her she was worthy of love.
“Oh my God.” Sarah’s hand flew to her mouth. All of a sudden the signs were there, like neon on the Vegas Strip. The way she’d run interference with Maggie. The excuses to spend time together. The frequent texts and calls. The tender touches and the slow, passionate kisses. The more than thorough investigation even when she could have easily stopped. Her persistent worry about Sarah’s safety, and the way she’d shut down after she’d been so vulnerable… And what about her own reactions when it came to Cam? Hadn’t she sought her out? Made trips to the office when she didn’t need to. Had to fight urges to contact her. She’d been the one to take Cam to bed against her better judgment. Or had there been an undeniable attraction between them that she’d chosen not to verbalize until Cam had hinted at feeling the same? Only Sarah’d had tunnel vision. Her goal had been finding a sibling—not a partner.
“Well, Peters, you might have finally fucked up having a family of your own with the one person who had been willing.” She had no idea what to do about it.
* * *
Cam watched Liv peek out the side window before opening the door.
“What a nice surprise, I—”
Cam let hot tears score tracks down her cold cheeks. Inside, she was numb. Liv said nothing as she pulled her in and embraced her. They stood in the foyer for a long time while she let the anguish take over. She hated running to Liv every time life dealt a blow to her ego, but this was much different. This pain—the pain of losing Sarah—rocked her to her core. She couldn’t have stopped the pain even if she’d wanted to. Liv had taught her that real love, no matter what we thought with our head, was guided by our heart. The second Sarah had turned her cheek for her to kiss, Cam’s heart had truly broken.
When the sobs turned into softer heaves, Liv ushered her to the well-worn leather couch. She’d spent hours in the same spot she dropped to. They’d talked about all manner of issues, from having respect for herself to Liv’s belief she’d been put on this earth for a greater purpose than her own rocky start in the world. Cam had never heard the whole story of Liv’s sordid teen years and early twenties, but from the glimpses she’d gotten, she suspected Liv had been into hardcore drugs at one time. She often wondered how she’d risen above that den of despair. Cam needed those answers. Now.
“What happened between you and Sarah?” Liv handed her a bottle of water.
Cam snorted. She met Liv’s compassionate look. “I know. You can read me like a book.” She trembled as she cracked the seal, then drank. Cam wiped her lips.
“Before I tell you what you already know.” Cam smirked. “I need you tell me something.”
“Okay. Ask.” Liv wasn’t one to mince words, nor was she one to waste them.
“What happened to turn your life around?” For the first time since they’d met, Liv’s brow creased, and her eyes seemed to harden. She swallowed hard before leaning forward, resting her elbows on her thighs and staring straight ahead. The crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes deepened. Cam regretted asking. Her scars must run very deep for Liv to allow her to see how much pain she was in. Cam reached across the space separating them to squeeze the solid arm she’d found so much comfort in.
“Liv, I’m sorry. You don’t owe me an explanation.” Cam had done what she always did when she felt lost. She’d come to Liv for guidance in what she should do. And for answers to questions she’d never had. For some reason, she believed the key to her own future lay in Liv’s past. Now she wasn’t so sure she hadn’t made a mistake by coming to Liv this time.
Liv laid her hand on top of Cam’s and squeezed back. “No one’s ever asked.” She smiled. “I should have known you would one day. You have a curious nature.” She smiled. “Serves you well in your line of work, I’ll bet.” She got up and went to the small cart that served as her bar. It had always been sparse, but the whiskey was her favorite, though Cam had never witnessed her having more than a couple fingers on any given night. She poured half a tumbler before holding the bottle out to Cam.
“Want one?”
“Not that much.”
Liv laughed. “Lightweight.” After pouring half her amount for Cam, she took a swallow, then set it down. “I was twenty-three when my savior found me. On the street, strung out on drugs. I didn’t know what day it was. Hell, I didn’t even know what year it was. Not that it mattered. I was going to die on those streets. It’s not like I had anywhere to be. No one would miss me.”
Cam wanted to tell her she’d felt much the same when she’d met Liv.
“He picked me up from the doorway…”
“He?”
She met Cam’s surprised expression. “Not all men are assholes you know. Many, but not all.”
“Sorry.”
Liv shrugged, dismissing the interruption. “Anyway, he took me back to his apartment. It was in a decent neighborhood. He told me to shower and gave me a stack of clean clothes.” Her eyes shut with the memory. “Hot water had never felt so good. When I came out he had a fridge full of food to offer. I ate like it was my last meal and he watched, giving me more of whatever I wanted.”
She looked up again and her eyes held the memory with so much tenderness Cam thought back to the night Liv had rescued her, knowing they’d shared a similar experience.
“I was such a jerk, I went through his medicine cabinet, but the strongest thing I found there was ibuprofen. I’d been without drugs for more than a day. My hands were shaking so bad. Eventually, I got through withdrawal and I started to function again.”
Cam sipped and gave her time to sort out whatever she was working through.
“Long story short, I owed my supplier some money and a few months later, he came looking for me. He must have found out from street chatter where I’d gone. The scum forced his way in one day while I was looking for a job. I don’t think Michael had a chance. The knife…” Liv sucked in a breath before she went on. “It hit his liver. I’m sure he would have been robbed, but something scared the attacker off and he left Michael lying there, bleeding out. I got home just before he died. He wanted me to have everything he owned and gave advice I’ll never forget.”
She swallowed around the lump in her throat. She’d never seen Liv as vulnerable as she looked in that moment. “What advice?”
“Kindness comes in many forms. It was up to me to save another soul who was struggling.”
“You did. You saved me, Liv.”
She nodded as a tear slid down her cheek. “Yeah. And I hope you do the same for someone else someday. That’s our legacy. Michael. Me. You.”
Cam took a shaky breath. “I don’t want to lose her, Liv.” Liv took her hand, and she felt the strength she’d always found in her simple touch flow between them.
“Then fight for her. Fight with your entire heart and soul. Whatever’s happened between you two is temporary.” Liv squeezed once more and let go. “Trust your gut, Cam. You won’t be disappointed. No matter how it turns out, trust that Sarah was brought to you for a reason.” She smiled. “Just like you were brought to me.”
On the drive home Cam weighed the pros and cons of each option she was considering. She checked her app and breathed a sigh of relief knowing Sarah’s car was home. She drove by to make sure she was alone. The living room light was on and she glimpsed Sarah curled up in a corner of the couch, sipping from a mug, flashes of dark and light from the TV illuminating her face. Satisfied, Cam continued on. She had to come up with a game plan and a contingency
. Liv said to trust her gut and her gut told her Brace would never accept Sarah in his life. He had too much at stake. There had to be a weak link in his armor. It was her job to find it and exploit it without Sarah’s involvement. Easy as pie. If only she could be sure.
Chapter Twenty-six
“Is this Sarah?”
“Yes.” Sarah couldn’t quite place the voice, though she’d heard it before.
“It’s Brace. Can you meet me tomorrow?”
Her heart pounded with anticipation. “Yes. Where?”
“There’s a private club near Pulaski Park that we could go to.”
“That doesn’t sound very private.” Sarah tried to keep her tone light. All she could hear was Cam’s voice cautioning her to be careful. She’s projecting her own experiences. This could be her chance to convince Brace how much she wanted them to be in each other’s life, and to be sure she could trust him.
“It is. I’ll get us a table away from prying eyes.”
She chewed her bottom lip, unsure who would care that he was meeting some woman in a private club of his own choice, but at least there’d be other people and that gave her a modicum of comfort. “Okay. Text me the address and the time and I’ll be there.” No matter how ridiculous it might be, the idea of seeing Brace again buoyed her spirits. The downside was not being thrilled she had no clue where she was going.
“I’ll send it.” Brace once again abruptly ended their conversation.
Sarah stared at the screen, willing it to display a message from Brace with the information she’d need to find him. After a few minutes, she gave up. Maybe he got called away. It happened with police all the time. She paced in her kitchen as she pretended to fix dinner, and dinner made her think of Cam.
She missed having meals with Cam. They were fun and easy. Don’t go there. She couldn’t get sidetracked by memories in light of the last time she’d seen her. Cam had been so dejected she’d almost changed her mind and asked her to stay before she remembered how mad she was at her for making her feel like an idiot without a lick of common sense. No. She’d done the right thing by sending her away. If Cam couldn’t lend her support, then Sarah couldn’t be involved with her.
Second-guessing her decision at every turn made her antsy. If she didn’t get the text soon she’d go to the garage and work. Sarah sat down with her bowl of rice and veggies and pulled the file on Brace closer. The last time she’d read it, she’d placed a sticky note on the page with Paul White’s contact information. Another decision to make. But for the immediate future, she’d focus on Brace and the report. It wouldn’t hurt to read it again and see if there was a detail about Brace she hadn’t noted before. Just to be safe. The cover page caught her attention. She ran a fingertip over Cam’s name.
“Cam, why can’t we seem to make us work?” She ached to have Cam’s hand hold her own. To feel her long, lean body over hers. She’d believed in the prospect of a future together. She’d even gone so far as to fantasize what it would be like to wake up next to her every morning and fall into bed together each night. Maybe she would be able to tell her things with Brace were progressing and she needn’t worry. She sighed loudly, then flipped over the page, hoping against hope there wasn’t anything she’d missed on the neatly typed pages. Something that would confirm she wasn’t the one being reckless.
* * *
At six in the morning, Cam headed to the office before Maggie could show. She didn’t want to be quizzed about where she’d been spending her time. Maggie knew Cam didn’t have a case at the moment, and it wouldn’t take her long to figure out she was doing detective work outside the realm of professionalism. Maggie had raised an eyebrow every time Cam walked out from behind her closed door. She didn’t want to admit that she wanted to help Sarah more than any other previous client.
Sipping from the steaming cup of Starbucks calmed her. There were few things over the years that had given her consistent pleasure like the first sip of morning coffee. She opened her email and scrolled. Her heart skipped a beat. Sarah had sent her an email late last night. She stared at the notification line. She didn’t want to open it, but she had to. There were only two reasons Sarah would write her an email instead of texting or calling, and neither of them were encouraging.
Sarah’s words echoed in her head as she read the email. She explained the reasons she couldn’t see Cam anymore if she wasn’t able to give Sarah support while she connected with Brace, and although she would never forget their times together, she was sorry things hadn’t worked out between them.
It ended with, “I know you might not understand the importance of what I’m doing, but I can’t let this opportunity slip away. I’m going to see Brace tomorrow, and I hope he isn’t the ogre you’ve believed him to be. I promise I’ll weigh your caution in my dealings with him. As for Paul, I’ll decide when to contact him after things with Brace have settled. You were right. Blood is blood, and I should meet him. Take care, Cam. Don’t let your demons hold you back from what truly matters to you. Fondly, Sarah.”
She swiped at her face, knuckling her eyes. Cam’s heart was breaking and it was worse than any suffering she’d endured in the thirty-six years she’d been alive. This heartache would last. She’d made such a mess of things, and now Sarah was going to meet up with that maniac again today. She had to make sure she was nearby, even if Sarah didn’t want to see her again. At some point she’d have to let go, but it wouldn’t be today.
Cam watched the dot move across the screen while Sarah drove to her job site. Then she spent the rest of her day following intel that led nowhere. She was no closer to having what she needed to file an official complaint than before. When she did, it would most likely be the final wedge ending what little, if any, chance remained between her and Sarah, but it was a price she was willing to pay. She reread the email a dozen times, looking for a kernel of encouragement. Anything she could hang on to that meant the door between them had been left ajar.
Bleary-eyed, she finally closed it. There was no question in her mind that she loved Sarah, even if she never got a chance to tell her. With love came sacrifice. Cam would gladly sacrifice herself to ensure Sarah didn’t fall prey to Brace’s whims. She believed he wouldn’t think twice about hurting Sarah if she pushed too hard to learn more about him and his life.
She struggled to breathe and focus. Talking to Liv had helped. It always did. Liv was the voice of reason when nothing in her world made sense. She’d never felt smothered under her guidance or words of wisdom. Since learning Liv’s story, their connection felt tighter, if that were even possible. Liv had told her to not let Sarah go. To try to see it from Sarah’s side, but at the same time she owed it to herself to tell Sarah how much she cared. To tell her she loved her. Liv reassured Cam that love bridged the widest gulley, as long as she didn’t give up. It was up to Cam to show Sarah she was in it for the long haul, and if it included Brace, then she’d learn to deal with it. In light of the email, she wondered if any of Liv’s advice would be of use since it was based on Cam talking to Sarah. It was unlikely she’d have a chance, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try.
* * *
Sarah wiped at the sweat on her bottle. She was uncomfortable being the only woman in the dark, antiquated space. Brace had barely said more than two words since she’d arrived. The silence had to end. “So, what made you decide to become a police officer?” Sarah met his probing stare.
“You’re the one who came looking for me. Don’t you think I should be asking the questions?” His tone was even, but she detected an edge of malice.
“Okay. Ask away.” She tried to ignore the negative undertones.
“What made you decide to look for me? You’ve survived all this time without knowing I existed. How can I even be sure you are who you claim to be?” Brace threw back a shot of tequila and held up his index finger to the passing waiter to have him bring another. He didn’t even bother asking if she was ready.
“As I said, my adoptive parents died. I want
a family connection. We have the same birthday. The same eye color. The same facial structure.” When he seemed unconvinced, she went on. “Those things can’t be coincidences, surely?”
“Coincidences happen all the time and they’re just that.” Brace took a sip of his fresh shot and chased it with a swallow of beer. “Why an investigator?”
“I didn’t even know your name or how to begin to find you. And the information she found made it clear that we separated at birth.”
“And just like that you want to know everything about me?”
Sarah shifted in her seat. This was going nothing like she’d imagined. “How about we start with the easy stuff and go from there?” She shared what she hoped was a genuine smile to make him see she meant it.
“Like?” Brace sat back and crossed a leg over his knee.
If she thought Cam was cocky, she had nothing on her brother. “Where did you grow up and go to school? Do you have other siblings?”
“Pennsylvania. No siblings.”
“I’m an ironworker by trade, and I have an—”
“That’s a surprise, for someone built like a mouse.”
Her hackles came up. Brace was downright rude. “Stature has nothing to do with ability.” She looked him up and down. Sarah had wanted to make a derogatory comment of her own until she saw the warning glance. He was starting to give her the creeps. “Have you always wanted to be on the force?”