Margaret sighed. She couldn’t wrap her brain around the idea that everything she had been working so hard to accomplish and earn throughout the months she had been here could suddenly be taken away and she could be left with nothing. Her first thought was to run back to her father. But she couldn’t do that now, not with a child on the way and love in her heart for the man she married.
She couldn’t believe he had been lying to her the whole time. He just hadn’t seemed like the type.
Her father was the only hope she had. She prayed she could help her husband change his ways and she prayed that her father would be able to help them with the bank. Those were her only options.
*****
The kitchen door swung shut behind Margaret, and she stood in the breezeway, watching the front door. She knew Mark would come through any moment and she was mentally preparing herself for what she wanted to say.
She had spent the last day or so with Jack, at Ellie’s request, and he had filled her in on the track and the debts that Mark had built up. It was true that he had a problem. It wasn’t just the betting, it was the fact that he wasn’t very good at it and wouldn’t let anyone pick horses for him. He always insisted that he would get the right one and he rarely did. When his horse won a race, he was elated, using the win to justify the losses. And it was never enough, certainly not enough to pay the bills they had looming over their heads.
The house was in jeopardy, the horses were in jeopardy, and the stables were in jeopardy. They really could lose it all. She thought about her growing baby and what they would need to do to prepare for it. It was a scary thing. She was older than most of the women who were giving birth. By the time those women were her age, they were on their second or even third child. Doctor Joe had warned her that it could pose a problem but not to worry too much about it.
Jack had given her copies of the papers Mark had signed when he bet everything he had and started in on the property. He gave her the financial documents that she needed to understand how much was owed and when it was due by.
Her heart thumped as she waited for Mark to come in. She’d heard the wagon pull up some time ago and knew that he had to be about done settling in the horses for the night. So she stood there and waited, her mind racing with anxious thoughts just as quickly as her heart beat in her chest.
The door squeaked when Mark pushed it open. He took a few steps inside, saw her standing there and stopped to stare at her.
“What is that look?” He asked, his voice tense. She assumed he could tell that she knew what was going on. Only a guilty man could have a face like that. And she had grown to know his expressions fairly well over the last few months. He was open with his feelings.
Or at least she had thought so.
Could she trust him now?
“Mark, we have to talk about what’s going on. You need to know something.”
“What do you mean ‘what’s going on’? You tell me what’s going on.”
She lifted one hand to show him some of the papers she had gripped in her fingers. “We owe everything to the bank, Mark. We’re going to lose everything you’ve built up here!”
Mark nodded. “I’m glad you said everything I’ve built up here. This is my house and that’s my stables, you need to remember that.”
“Mark, it’s not going to be yours or mine or anyone’s but the bank’s in a short time, maybe just a few weeks! You didn’t tell me you were going through this when you brought me here!”
“Well, I wasn’t about to tell someone I didn’t even know about issues I might be having with my finances.”
Margaret struggled to hold in her emotions. She had been thrilled all the way up until this morning, loving her new life with the horses and a husband. She thought was happy and content. “Oh Mark!” She turned away and quickly prayed for strength and guidance. She turned back to look at him. “Mark, you were quick enough to bring me here and marry me and take me to your bed. You have been to church with me every Sunday. You have prayed with me! How can you not tell me that you are struggling with gambling?”
“I’m not struggling with it!” Mark reached down and yanked off one of his boots. He angrily pulled the other one off and moved to go past her into the kitchen. “It looks like you’re the one who’s struggling with it. If you don’t like it, well, I guess you can just go back to Virginia!”
For a moment, Margaret was devastated. She had fallen in love with Mark and didn’t want to lose the family she had longed for because of this problem.
“No, Mark!” She followed him into the kitchen. She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was ashamed and that he didn’t mean what he said. “I don’t believe you want me to leave. I believe that you have fallen in love with me the way I have with you.”
Margaret could tell by the look he gave her that she was right. He could only glance at her and then look away, his cheeks flushing a deep red under the dark beard he had grown. His eyes looked sad.
Mark dropped himself into a chair at the table after filling a mug with hot coffee she had ready for him. She pulled one of the nearby chairs closer to him and sat in it, leaning in toward him so that she could speak softly.
“You must know something, Mark. I have news for you that might change your mind about your problem.”
“You do?” His voice was so small.
“Yes.” She took one of his hands and placed it over her stomach. “We’re going to have a baby.”
His eyes opened wide and he blinked a few times. “We are?”
“Yes.”
He stood up, pushing the chair back with his legs, looking down at her. “We are?” He repeated. His face was a mixture of emotions. She couldn’t tell if he was pleased or dismayed by the news. “I…I…”
Mark couldn’t think of the right words to say. Or simply didn’t have them.
Margaret got up and went to stand in front of him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. She felt relief to feel him hugging her back. He lowered his head and gave her a kiss on her soft blond hair.
“I’m glad we’re having a baby, Margie.” He said softly. “I haven’t known what to do about the debts for a while now. I was afraid to come to you and tell you. It all happened so soon after you arrived.”
Margaret looked up at him. “I know that you’ve been gambling for a long time but yes, it seems the worst of it happened right after I got here. You have to stop now, Mark. Do you see that?”
Mark separated from her and went to the kitchen window to stare out over the land. “I can’t now. I owe so much the only way to take care of the situation is to keep it going. I’ve been trying so hard to get the money but every time I think I’m on a streak, I start losing.”
“That’s what gambling is!” Margaret moved to stand next to him again, wanting to be close to him. She wanted to show him that she wasn’t judging him, that she loved him and that she wanted to work things out the right way. “You know that when you do something too much and it puts your money and family in jeopardy, it’s a bad thing. You can beat your problem if you just pray about it and work really hard to resist.”
Mark was quiet for a moment, continuing to look out the window. “I still can’t.” He said to her disappointment. “We can’t get out of debt without the money that comes from it.”
“We aren’t getting out of debt that way, Mark, it hasn’t happened yet, what makes you think it will?”
“Things will change. I’ll start getting a lot of winners and…”
Margaret violently shook her head, putting one hand gently on his arm. “No, Mark! You have to stop. I believe I can get my father to help us get out of debt with the bank. Then, we can…”
“I’m not taking money from your father!” Mark said vehemently and walked back to the table to pick up his cup of coffee. He held it for a moment, looking at it and then shook his head, setting it back down. “No, I just can’t do that!”
“Mark, you have to think about our baby! You have to think about me
! Don’t you love me?”
Mark looked at her with passionate eyes. He was obvious with his love and had let everyone he worked with know about it. He had made her feel like queen of the castle since her arrival. It was one of the reasons she couldn’t believe he had been hiding this from her.
Then again, when she thought about it, she understood, as well. He had fallen in love with her and then been too ashamed to admit his problem.
“Yes, I love you, Margie.”
She went to him again and he pulled her into a hug this time. “I have faith that we can get through this, Mark. I have been praying and I just know that God is going to come through for us. But you have to pray, too. You have to really believe that he will help you stop what you are doing.”
“How can I be a man and ask your father to bail me out of my debts? I am the one who sent for you! I promised him, even though I never told him, that I would take care of his daughter. I know how much you love and respect him. How can you love and respect me after I do something like this to your father?”
“You haven’t done anything to my father. If you refuse to let him help us, then you will really be doing something to him. You’ll be putting the safety of his only daughter in jeopardy. He would be very angry at you for that.”
“He would, wouldn’t he?”
“Yes, he certainly would! And our baby! His grandchild. He would be very, very angry.”
“But we need a substantial sum.”
“It won’t matter. The only thing that will matter is that when we have paid what we owe and begin paying my father his money back, you don’t gamble it away. Do you think you can break your habit?”
She rubbed his arm and looked up into his eyes. He was blinking and refusing to look at her.
“Mark, please. Please tell me you love me enough…and love our baby enough to do this for us.”
“I want to, Margie. I do love you and our baby.”
“We will keep praying about it. My papa will help us through this and then we will start again. From the beginning if we have to. But at least we will have our horses and our home.”
“And our baby.”
“Yes.” She smiled wide and he matched it.
“It’s so wonderful to think that we will have a little boy or girl here next year. I hope it looks like you.”
She giggled. “If it’s a boy, I don’t think he will like that.”
He shook his head. “I hope that he or she is healthy. I hope that you are okay through it all and that everything works out good in the end.”
“Ellie is going to help me. She will know what’s going on before I do.”
They both laughed at that.
“I’m glad she is wanting to help you.” Mark’s demeanor had lightened significantly from only moments before. She could see that he felt relief and renewed strength. She wondered if he would really be able to kick the habit. He was so good with money otherwise.
“Do you want me to start helping manage the finances of the track and stables, Mark?” She asked a little nervously. It had always been his job. She didn’t want him to feel that she was stepping on his toes.
He paused and looked at her thoughtfully. “I think it would be wise, yes.” He agreed. He put one of his hands on her tummy and the other on the small of her back. “You won’t be up for all that physical work taking care of yourself for the next year anyway.”
“Silly man, it doesn’t take that long to have a baby!”
“I know.” He laughed. “But you won’t be going back to grooming and cleaning out stables for a long time, honey. You’re going to have my baby to take care of!”
The thought of a happy family in her future lifted Margaret’s spirits back up into the clouds. She threw her arms around her husband and hugged him close. “I love you, Mark!”
“And I love you, my sweet little Margaret!” He replied, kissing her soft lips with a passion she would never be able to resist.
A Bride’s Hope (by Mary Miller)
Minnie looked down at the telegraph with great fear in her heart. It was from the army. She hadn’t heard from Tom for almost two months but had been hoping and praying everything would turn out okay for him. That he would return home to her soon and she would hear him playing with their little boy, Billy, in the yard. It was what was supposed to happen.
But it wasn’t what happened. The telegraph was gripped in her hands, the paper curling up around them. She sat in one of the porch chairs and stared down at it some more. He was gone. He really was gone. They had confirmed it, found his…body. She shivered.
“Damn this war!” Her father was storming up and down the porch. “How could this happen? How can he not come home to his wife and baby?”
“Papa, quiet down!” Her mother was soothing her father, trying to get him to calm down some. “You’re upsetting Minnie even more. You must calm down.”
“I can’t be calm!” Her father thundered, making her cringe. She knew he was nearly as upset as she was but she didn’t think she could take it today. She got up and went in the house, making her way to her room on deadened feet. She could hear her father still storming outside, his emotions overwhelming him. He had cared for her husband, too. Even his wife’s tears didn’t calm him. She expected him to burst out in his own tears at any moment. When he quieted down, she assumed that’s what had happened.
Minnie dropped herself on her bed face first. She was glad Billy was asleep in the cradle near her bed. She didn’t have the resolve to do anything for him right now. She pressed her face into the bed and let her tears come. She sobbed for many minutes, her marriage and love for her husband running through her mind over and over and over.
She felt like she would never recover from this. Her dear husband, Tom, had been one of the men killed at the Battle of Averasboro, NC. He was shot by the enemy and left in the field like the rest of the men that had died there. It would be impossible to bring his body home. She didn’t know why. It’s what they told her. She didn’t think Averasboro was that far from her little town but she didn’t question their authority. They weren’t going to listen to her anyway.
He’d died a hero and President Lincoln had even sent her a note expressing his dismay at his loss and that he had been a strong and courageous soldier.
It didn’t ease her pain. The president couldn’t bring him back. No one could bring him back. Not even God. He didn’t do that kind of stuff anymore.
Her emotions peaked, she sobbed for nearly an hour. She didn’t know when she would ever stop. Her tears would eventually dry up and she would have no more to shed. She had never felt such intense sorrow in all her 22 years. Where would she go? Who would she rely on? Her parents?
The thought made her cry harder. She was a married woman who had lived for three years with a man who showed her what love was all about. Now he was gone, ripped from her life abruptly. Her tears were intense and her bed shook as her body did.
“Lord!” She cried out. “How could this happen?”
Minnie heard a shuffling behind her and realized she had probably woken Billy up. She used the sheet on the bed to dry her tears and pushed herself up. She was going to be strong for her little boy. Even if it meant she could not show her sorrow in front of him. He was a year and a half old and wouldn’t understand why she was in such despair. It might harm him to see her so upset. She composed herself and went to his cradle, where he was sitting up, rubbing his eyes.
“Mama!” he called out to her. “Mama!”
“I’m here, sweet one,” she said, reaching into the cradle and picking him up. He was getting so heavy. “You’re already wake? Did you get enough sleep?”
“Mama cry.” He was staring into her eyes and she sat on the bed, resting him on her lap. His eyes were huge and blue, gazing at her intently. She brushed his blond hair back from his eyes and kissed his forehead.
“I’ll be okay, little man. I will be. You don’t have to worry.”
“No cry, mama!” Billy wrapped his arm
s around her neck and hugged her tight. “No cry!”
“I won’t, my son.” She buried her face in his small neck and shoulder. “I won’t cry anymore.”
But she knew she would.
Minnie hadn’t gotten any sleep at all for almost four days. Since the telegraph arrived, all she could do was wallow in her misery. Her mother was still being encouraging and supportive but her father was still upset and sullen. His mood was dark and angry. “He was a good boy!” He kept exclaiming whenever the subject was broached. “He was always a good boy! Good shot, too! Took him hunting! He was the best at it, best young boy I’d taught.”
There were many other things that had impressed him about Tom. He never failed to mention them. Minnie often wondered if he would ever stop talking about her late husband. It hurt every time she mentioned him. She wanted to avoid the subject and not think about it. She would never come out of mourning if he didn’t. The fact that she was now a widow with a fatherless boy was bad enough but to have it constantly ranted on about by her father was more unbearable than she could imagine.
She dragged herself out of bed, pulling on her robe as she did every morning. Billy had a strange schedule but she was glad of it. He slept more often than other babies she’d heard of. Her mother had appeared a little envious of it. Billy slept through the night and often into the next morning, allowing her to do other things before he woke up.
She glanced in his room and then went down the stairs to the kitchen when she saw he was still sound asleep as always. Her father and brothers had left for the day’s work and her mother was still in her bed. She sat listlessly at the kitchen table, unsure whether she wanted to make a cup of coffee or hot tea. Either way, she needed something warm in her body. It was chilly this morning. She didn’t expect it to warm up.
She sat there for a little while, gazing out the window as the sun rose. She didn’t want to go back up and get dressed for the day. She didn’t want to go through the process of brushing and caring for her long brown hair, fitting it into braids like she had done nearly every day of her life. She didn’t want to do anything.
The Duke of Ice Page 86