I was about ready to pull my own damn hair out, going crazy with worry, when I heard Merc call from down the hall where his office was. “Joker!”
“I can’t find Anna,” I told him as I continued walking away.
“Joker! Office, now!” He called out, halting me in my tracks.
“But I,” I started and was abruptly cut off by him yelling, “Now!”
I entered the office, too keyed up to take a seat. Instead I stood there a moment as he clicked away on his computer. Then I started pacing and chewing on my thumb nail, nearly losing patience by the time he gave the machine before him one final clicked and then directed his attention to me.
“Look, I don’t know what this is about, but I’m really worried. I need to find Anna.”
“Are you?” He asked. I didn’t answer, because what the fuck kind of question was that to ask?
“Where are you going to look for her?”
I blew out a breath in frustration. “I don’t fuckin’ know,” I finally admitted. “Nobody really knows her. It’s crazy. Even her family is clueless about where she could be. I thought she left with another brother, but everyone I’ve asked has said it wasn’t them.”
Merc nodded knowingly. “That girl is something special. Her whole life she’s been a dreamer, but she also lives to make people smile. I think the only selfish thing, or out of character thing, I’ve ever seen her do was to hide her true identity from you so she could have something that was just for her, for once.”
I winced, feeling his censure for how I’d been treating her. Deck had already dislodged my head from my ass earlier by telling me something similar.
“Did you enjoy your time with her before you knew her real name and age?”
“Yes, of course,” I answered.
“Would you have been serious about the woman you thought you were getting to know?” His question took me aback because my immediate internal response was to scream an emphatic yes to the heavens. I thought she had been the one that I could settle down with and start a family of my own.
Instead of tipping my hat I just went with an easier response. “I had thought about it, yeah.”
“Did she actually lie to you about anything other than which part of her name was the most commonly used nickname, or when she didn’t correct your assumptions about her age?”
“She didn’t bother telling me about her family’s involvement with the club either.”
“Did you tell her all about your family, friends, and coworkers? Did you tell her the little details about them, like their names, where they worked, what clubs they might belong to?”
“No,” I answered, seeing where he was going with this.
“No, so maybe you were getting to know each other at the same pace then? Maybe she wanted you to be able to give her a chance to know and like her without her baggage sending you running?” His eyebrows arched upward to emphasize his question.
“I know. I overreacted a bit. I get it.”
Merc grinned at me, but allowed the grin to drop and a grim countenance took its place. “I don’t think you do,” he managed to say before I started to disagree. He cut me off immediately though. “I took her to my home and Tiger Lily put her to bed last night because she’d had to stand witness to exactly how far out of the park you hit that overreaction.” His words, once again, had me wincing.
“On her wedding night, she had to deal with a reluctant, pissed-off groom, a baby in her belly, and then I came out to find her watching you with your tongue down another woman’s throat at damn near two in the morning. The girl was about to drop from exhaustion and then she got that jolt of adrenalin from seeing her new husband with another woman. You did that shit right the fuck in front of her eyes. I don’t think you can fathom the work my wife had to put in to soothe that girl. Not that it mattered. I don’t think she ever managed to fall asleep even though she pretended to for our sakes.” His eyes roamed the room before settling on a picture that sat on his desk.
“Lily and I started with a shotgun wedding too. I knew she had a crush on me, and in my stupid youth I took advantage of that when the girl I’d been seeing regularly, but in secret, went out of town and broke up with me so that if she met someone while she was away it wouldn’t be cheating. I figured if it was good enough for her, it was good enough for me too. I was at a party that night, and Lily was there watching me from the corner. She was shy back then, even though she was an MC princess.
“I took her innocence, and knocked her up while doing it. Then I walked away and didn’t even give her a second glance until the day she told me she was pregnant. I had already been back together with my girl at that point. My girl dropped my ass then and there. My dad, and hers, had heard her confession and next thing I knew I was getting married. Hadn’t even managed to finish high school yet. I was also suddenly prospecting for her dad’s club. I already rode a bike, and had thought about putting my hat in the ring, but I still wasn’t sure. Part of me had been thinking about trying to make a go of it in the town where my girl had wanted to go to college instead.
“I didn’t take the marriage seriously. Hell, I left her alone for the most part. We didn’t even sleep together again until damn near almost a year after we were married. Deck had already been born by then. She knew I was cheating on her. She wouldn’t touch me because of it. One night, my parents had Deck, and told me I needed to take her out because she was miserable and her parents were afraid she was going to do something horrible to herself if she was left to keep living the way she was. We went to a party, got drunk, and for the first time since I knocked her up, we had sex again. It wasn’t great, and I continued to fuck around, not thinking that I was the reason sex with her wasn’t any good. She had no clue what she was doing, and I just got in, got off, and left her hanging, and hating sex even more. It hadn’t been anything more than a chore for her considering I don’t think she ever got off.”
He shook off the rest of his story and waved it away like the bad memory it probably was for him. “I thought that by taking care of my needs somewhere else I was sparing her. She didn’t seem to enjoy sex, so I got it elsewhere. I never let her see. I thought I was granting her that much, but she told me years later that her heart used to break because I would come home smelling like them. Fucking whores and their perfumes. It never occurred to me. Then there were the times I wasn’t careful enough about where lipstick marks got left behind.” I blanched at his admission, knowing the state my dick had been in this morning. That statement hit a little too close to home, though I didn’t think Merc knew about that part of my shameful behavior - yet.
“She heard whispers from people too, probably the same club whores I’d been fucking. We had some nasty, mean bitches in here over the years. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me to know they tracked her down outside of the club and gave her play-by-plays. My point is that I was an asshole who needed to grow the fuck up. Even still – I never put it in her face the way you did with that girl last night.”
I hung my head, ashamed of myself. He was right. Deck was right. I’d done far worse to Anna than she deserved. In the big scheme of things her fuck up was looking like an explainable blip while mine would probably prove devastating to any future we could have had, even as friends raising a kid together. Finally, I glanced up to him with pleading eyes. “Is she okay?”
“She’s safe, but no, she’s not okay. That girl is in a world of pain and she doesn’t even blame you. Which is what makes the whole thing complete shit, by the way. She blames herself in some crazy ‘original sin’ theory. She screwed up, so everything bad that follows is essentially her fault in her eyes.”
“Fuck!” I hissed out
Merc started messaging someone with his phone for a few minutes before glancing back over at me. “You gonna set her up at your place?” I nodded. That was the plan all along, if only I hadn’t stupidly stopped in the clubhouse to try to clear my warped brain from the layers of cobwebs. I just hadn’t been able to see my si
tuation for what it had been instead of what I’d made it out to be.
“You have a room to use here if you need it, but I gotta tell you… If you want any kind of relationship with her, not coming home at night shouldn’t be an option you choose after what she saw last night.”
“I won’t be staying here unless she wants me to,” I informed him.
“My advice?” I nodded, giving him the go-ahead to continue with it. “Even if she wants you to, stay at home, on the couch if you need to. She might not see the gesture for what it is right away, but eventually she will and that beats the shit out of how she’ll feel alternatively if she has to wonder what you’re up to while staying here.”
“Assuming she’ll even care after what I’ve already put her through.”
“She’s young, pregnant, hormonal, and has had eyes for you before. She’ll care,” Merc assured me. At least, he tried to do so. I wasn’t sure I was buying what he was selling at this point. I’d fucked up some kind of bad. I sat there absorbing everything before he finally tapped on his desk to get my attention. “Now, go get the girl and take her home.”
When I arrived at Merc’s house the first thing I noticed was that the woman who captivated me all those months ago was sitting wrapped all around herself in the swing on the front porch. Her face was settled to the side resting one cheek against her knees with her arms wrapped tightly around legs that were pulled up tightly to her chest. The beat of my heart stuttered at seeing her like that. Part of me was in awe of her beauty once again. Another felt the hot flush of shame wash over me as it occurred to me that she may be tucked into herself because of all the shit I’d put her through in the past 24 hours. She didn’t even wait for me to put the truck in park in order to get out and help her into my truck. She simply got up from her spot on the porch swing and walked to the passenger side of the truck, hauled her butt inside, put on her seatbelt, was reaching for the door about the same time I came out of my stupor..
I had been standing there, just outside the driver’s side door of my truck, stunned stupid for a minute as I tried to figure out how to best approach this situation. “I’m sorry, I would have helped,” I started to say. I didn’t get the rest out though because she shut the door, barely giving me time to dodge out of the way before metal clicked metal and shut her away from me. Hell, she just missed slamming my fingers inside. Pissed. She was definitely pissed. Rightfully so, but I honestly wasn’t sure what to do with a pissed off and pregnant woman. To be safe, I did nothing except hop into the truck and drive. I backed us out of Merc’s driveway, taking note that Tiger Lily was scowling my way from the porch steps.
Once we were on the road the only noise was the sound of the engine and any other vehicles around us. Anna hadn’t even bothered to look over to my side of the truck once. Her eyes were glued to whatever she was looking at directly in front of her. She failed to move for so long I worried maybe she’d become catatonic or something. Did women just hysterically go catatonic when they grew too upset with a man? Fuck if I knew how they worked.
When we stopped at a light I took a chance and glanced over at her. She didn’t seem angry, she just looked to be resigned and sad. She must have noticed me watching her, and for the first time since she shut the door of the truck she moved. Of course, in doing so she turned to look out the window beside her instead of straight ahead so I could no longer see her face.
As I took off from the stoplight I glanced back over at her one more time. “Anna, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the way I behaved yesterday. It wasn’t fair to you and you damn sure didn’t deserve it. I promise, nothing like that will ever happen again.”
She didn’t respond, not even to flinch. I wondered, not for the first time, if I had broken her. Legitimate worry caused my chest to ache. I decided it was best to wait until we got home to attempt any further groveling. At least that way the rest of world wouldn’t have a front row seat to seeing me beg her forgiveness and how fast she was going to shoot it down. I knew at this point, I didn’t deserve it at all. I wouldn’t give it if the shoe was on the other foot. I’d already proven that much.
Chapter 6
He apologized. There was really no telling what the apology was actually for since there were so many things I felt he did wrong yesterday. Maybe it was for my ruined wedding? Probably not. Someone most likely told him that I saw his make-out session with another woman, or about all the other women who were hanging on him. Then again, maybe the apology was for leaving me stranded while he got drunk at the club in the first place. I wasn’t even sure he would feel bad at all about the blow job he got since he looked as though he enjoyed it a whole heck of a lot. Besides, it was doubtful that he knew someone had told me about that. No matter which part he was apologizing for I was actually just shocked that he’d done it at all.
Despite my shock, I refused to acknowledge him while we were still in his truck. I didn’t want to upset him and then be stranded somewhere else for who knew how long. I wouldn’t put it past the asshole to leave me on the side of the road somewhere. I’m sure the brothers would believe him if he simply said we stopped to get gas and I ran off. I was the liar in this relationship after all.
I had never been to Joker’s house so I was a little surprised when we pulled up to a small two-bedroom ranch-style house with a carport off of one end. The house was probably no more than a thousand square feet, and certainly didn’t compare to the one I had grown up in with its four bedrooms and multiple-car attached garage. I didn’t need all that, but still I wondered about why he had chosen this place. I actually wished I could ask how long he’d had the house. Did he buy it when he left the military? There were so many questions I would have asked if we were the people who had gotten along so famously before my lies caught up to me. Back when he was a prospect named Evan Masters and I was just a girl named Lise. He would have answered my thousand and one questions brightly.
Now, I didn’t think I’d get more than a grunt or a one word answer telling me it really wasn’t my business because our marriage was for medical coverage until the baby was born only. I glanced around the property as I held my tongue. While the house was on the smaller side, the yard was overly large with plenty of room for him to expand when he finally got the family he really wanted one day. The yard was surrounded by a thick line, or maybe it was multiple rows, of trees down three of the four sides making it feel very isolated from anyone else in the area. The Spanish moss hanging from the limbs in the trees added to an otherworldly spooky quality that was sure to be worse as night fell.
Honestly, I wasn’t certain if I’d like living here or not. On the one hand, it looked cozy. On the other, it already felt a bit like my own personal prison, especially considering I no longer had a car of my own and his house wasn’t close to town.
My tummy did flips at that thought. It was just now hitting me that I was married to man who hated me, and I was having his baby, and had to live with him. If only he had been the Evan Masters I first met. I would have done cartwheels in the front yard to have been moving in with him. The man that sat beside me watching me take everything in was cold, mean, and heartless. He was the man who cheated on me on our wedding night. Worry finally settled deep into my bones. Would anyone know if he was mistreating me out here all by ourselves? Would I be safe? Would he force me to perform my wifely duties? Would I get any choices from here on out? My heart started beating wildly in my chest as the panic set in. I couldn’t breathe. I just couldn’t catch my… Oh God!
“Anna? Jesus, Anna take a deep breath for me,” he called out as he pushed my body forward, putting my head between my knees. Now, blow it out. Easy. That’s it. Deep breath in, again.” He coached me through getting my breathing back under control. I refused to look at him after that. I also noticed he was rubbing small circles on my back in an effort to help calm me.
“What was that all about?” He finally asked once I had everything back under control.
“I don’t want to be raped,�
� I cried and then continued to word vomit. “Is it even rape since we’re married? I have a baby to think about. I can’t get diseases you might be carrying now. This place looks like a prison. Everything’s closing in and I… I… Oh God!”
“What the fuck?” He spat out and I hesitantly glanced over at Joker who had stopped rubbing circles on my back. He was no longer touching me at all and had his hands up in the air near his shoulders. The look on his face, he seemed absolutely horrified. “Christ Anna. I would never force you or hurt you in any way.”
“You already hurt me, and how should I know? You’re a stranger to me. I never would have thought you’d be so cruel to anyone, but now I know better.”
He moved quickly then and started peeling a key off of his keyring. He laid it on the seat beside me. “There, go in, make yourself at home. I’ll go back to the clubhouse since you think you have to worry I’d rape you!”
To my surprise, he didn’t sound angry. He just sounded hurt. I couldn’t help how my anxiety and thoughts spiraled though. This was a horrible position to be in and right in that moment I hated everyone and had no one. My family all let this happen. I wished Toby were still here. He would have never allowed this. He knew. I’d confided in my big brother before he got killed. I told him about my crush on Deck’s friend. He’d asked me to wait until I was old enough.
I couldn’t stand the thought of watching Joker get with other women, but I’d agreed. Then Toby was killed and we found out about Gretchen and how she was going to have a baby, but she lost it. I understood then that life was short and you had to take what you wanted. I never wanted it like this though. Toby had been right. He would be so upset with me now, but never would he have just handed me over to a stranger the way everyone else seemed to have done. Even knowing this had been my choice, Toby would have found a way to talk me out of it.
The Princess and the Prospect Page 5