“You look like a new man today,” Merc commented.
“It feels great to finally be heading in the right direction again,” I answered.
“‘Bout time,” Double-D grumbled.
“Now, don’t fuck it up!” Ever scolded playfully as we walked through the door. Her blunt reply had everyone laughing as we did so.
We all managed to file through the door and into the living room when my eyes met Anna’s. She was smiling, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Something was very wrong. It dawned on me then that I hadn’t let her know I wouldn’t be back last night, but it should be easily cleared up since Merc and Lily were here to vouch for me. That’s about the time I heard another voice.
“I really think I should…” the woman sounded panicked as she got ready to stand, but my wife interrupted her.
“Nonsense, everyone is here now.”
An exchange of lowered voices happened, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying before Anna turned our way again. She turned my way specifically.
“Look, Joker,” she started before turning back to the curvy little blond dressed like she was going clubbing rather than a family birthday party who also seemed absolutely terrified now. “Sorry, how rude of me,” Anna was saying with mock sweetness. “I didn’t get your name.” She paused, but seemed to think better of allowing the woman to speak. “Never mind,” she turned her attention back to me then. “She was here to return your…” Her head swiveled back to the as yet named woman again. “What was it again?” She bent awkwardly, squishing her adorable, yet still smallish, baby bump as she did. The she retrieved men’s underwear from the woman’s purse. Oh fuck no! I was already seeing where this was going. Anna held them out, dangling them off of a single finger. “Apparently, you left these with her last night.”
Every set of eyes in the house moved to me. Most of them not in a kind way. The lying bitch was pleading with her eyes for me to save her from this scene while most the others clearly had my murder on their minds. Everyone except Merc and Lily who knew, without a doubt, it wasn’t true.
“That’s a fuckin’ lie!” The words flew from my mouth laced with both truth and accusation. Anna dropped the underwear to the floor, but I turned to the blond. “I don’t even fuckin’ know you!” I yelled at her.
“Now, that’s a mother truckin’ lie if I ever heard one,” Anna started with only a tiny bit of cool emotion filtering through her words. “You know her very intimately. You know her so intimately that you consummated our marriage with her on our wedding night. Shoot, you drove her piece of crap car to this house just yesterday to deliver me an ice cream cake and balloons.” Oh fuck no! Please, if there is a God out there, tell me that wasn’t true. I had taken those keys from a man, not a woman. I glanced at the woman in question again as Anna shifted and moved over a bit. I didn’t recognize her at all. Then again, I’d been completely hammered and thought she was Anna when I’d woken up to her draped over top of me after my wedding night.
When I shifted my glance back to Anna I noticed she had been blocking a new addition to the décor of the house with her body previously. There was an awesome, handcrafted photo frame sitting there. It looked to be silver, or maybe pewter. I couldn’t tell from this distance. There was a heart in the middle with words etched into it. I couldn’t make out the words from the distance, but I did notice the two pictures that took up space in the frame. They were from our wedding day and night. One was of Anna and me at the courthouse. You couldn’t see either of our faces because I had shifted so Anna could only be seen in profile and my hand was held in front of me so my face was obscured from the shot. It was proof of the asshole I had been on our wedding day. I wouldn’t even let her sister take a picture of us to commemorate the occasion. It was no wonder she hated me, and couldn’t move past my stupid reactions that day.
Nope. Scratch that. I moved from that picture to the one that made me want to puke. Jesus. She had a picture of that? I turned my attention back to the blond woman – the same one who was still sitting shell-shocked at our kitchen table. In the picture, she had been going down on me. It had clearly been the same night I got married to Anna. The most damning part of it was I looked to be seriously enjoying it in that picture. I didn’t even fucking remember it happening, let alone who it had happened with. When I was finally able to tear my eyes away, it was to see that Anna had fled the room. I turned my glare on the woman from the picture, but I focused on the version of her still seated at my table.
“You gave this to her today?” I roughly questioned the woman sitting there.
“Oh my God!” The woman shrieked as she finally turned to see what I had been staring at. “Who took that? Why would someone take a picture of that?” She seemed genuinely upset at the idea that someone had taken the picture, which led me to believe that she hadn’t been the one to give it to Anna. That begged the question, where did it come from then? Surely, she hadn’t taken it herself. Merc had told me he took her out of there when I was just kissing another woman. Apparently, that had been the blond woman sitting in front of me too.
“I didn’t know you had gotten married that day. You didn’t even speak to her at all that night. I thought she was just another club slut wanna-be, or I swear I would have never come here.” Tears streamed down her face. “I’m so ashamed. She’s pregnant. I didn’t know she was pregnant either. What kind of a horrible person do I look like now?” The woman was babbling and blubbering as she spoke. “You borrowed my car yesterday, and I thought it meant something. I thought you finally remembered our night together, and…” She cried some more. “When I got here and saw her, I figured she was just a club slut. It turns out I’m the homewrecking slut. How could you do that to such a sweet girl? She couldn’t even cuss at you after what you did. Oh my God! After what I did with you!” She glanced over to Merc and Double-D then. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I swear!” She knew her ability to show up at the clubhouse would be nil with the admission that she had come here to find me and decided to cause trouble when she found another woman in my house instead. The club had a zero tolerance policy with that type of drama since Toby had been killed by a crazy, jealous club whore.
“Get out of my house,” I hissed at her. She wasted no time doing just that. I noticed Deck followed her to the door saying something as they went and causing her crying jag to ramp up. I had moved without thought to the kitchen island where the photo frame sat mocking me with the worst mistakes I’d ever made. I snatched it up ready to launch it across the room when Ever was suddenly there yanking it out of my hand.
“Don’t you dare!” She took the back off the frame and tore the pictures out then tossed them to the floor like they were on fire. Then she reverently put the frame down on the counter. “She bought that years ago to save it for her wedding photos because it was perfect in her eyes.” Ever teared up while talking about it. “I remember hearing Momma-Luce tell her she was too young to worry about stuff like that. Anna insisted she’d regret it forever if she didn’t get it then, because she’d never find another one like it. She insisted her wedding photos had to go in it one day.”
I hadn’t allowed Anna to have a single usable photo of our wedding. Now, the damn frame was tainted by the horrible memories I’d left her with of a day that was supposed to be sacred. Never in my life had I thought of harming myself for any reason, but in that moment I finally understood the amount of despair and self-loathing necessary to contemplate doing just that. As it turned out, I didn’t need to worry about inflicting harm on myself. Before I could even register the movement, Ever had hauled off and clocked me right in the corner where my eye and nose met. I actually stumbled back from the impact, having been caught by surprise at her attack.
“That’s my girl!” Double-D called out. He must have been ready to pounce too, but when I turned to take the much deserved hit from him, Merc had a hold of him instead.
“He was with me and Tiger Lily every night since they split up, last nigh
t included.”
“That picture, those pictures,” Double-D pointed to the offending things lying on the floor. “That was my baby girl’s wedding night!”
“I know,” I offered up miserably. I grabbed the pictures and started ripping at them furiously, not even realizing I was crying like a baby in front of everyone.
“She can never unsee that,” Lily informed me, breaking the silence that had descended over everyone else there. “But honey, she had that picture since her wedding night.”
I glanced up at Lily through eyes swimming with tears and my face crumpled with more emotion than I could handle. “She knew? All this time?”
“Why do you think she avoided you at all costs before?” Ever asked, though she seemed just as shocked about the fact that her sister had known all along as the rest of us.
“Makes sense now, especially her panicked rant about not wanting STDs from you.” I was thankful Ever didn’t repeat Anna’s worries about me raping her. I didn’t think I’d survive that considering present company.
I stood, moving toe to toe with Double-D, and looked him in his eyes as I spoke. “Take her away from me. I’ve done nothing but hurt her and I can’t…” I choked up and had to start over. “I can’t do this to her anymore. I fucked it all up from the beginning. There’s no going back now.”
“Do you love my daughter?” He asked just as quietly as I had spoken.
“Yes, that’s why you have to do this,” I pleaded with him. He nodded his head once and walked toward the direction of the bedroom where Lucy had gone to be with her daughter.
“D?” Merc called out.
“You should go on home now,” Double-D answered. “Pretty sure baby girl is fresh out of things to celebrate today.”
Misery swam in my stomach as his words just reiterated how badly I had fucked everything up. I tried to make sure her birthday was one that she would remember. She would definitely never forget this one, and that was the kicker. I’d do anything to wipe this memory away and give her a fresh, clean slate. I couldn’t though, because one angry night of being fucked up and drunk off my ass had left us in a state of disrepair with ripple effects that were still hitting hard every time we let our guards down around one another. It was like some force beyond the grave was trying to keep us apart. For a moment, I thought maybe it was Toby, himself. Then I figured there was no way he would put his little sister through this, even if he wanted to spite the man he didn’t think was good enough for his sister.
I sat on the stool at the kitchen island and allowed my head to sink into my hands while my elbows propped it up. I felt a pat on my back before Merc and Tiger Lily took off and then Deck and Ever were there. “I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but remember when you told me she was better off not knowing how far things went with you and the blond that night?” Ever asked.
“Yeah,” I mumbled without lifting my head.
She made a noise in the back of her throat and then started talking again. “She deserved to hear it from you. Part of what has had her on edge has been her inability to trust what you were up to when you weren’t around. I know that despite being married, you guys aren’t really together like that, but she’s pregnant with your kid. Of course she would think about how many other women you’re with since she knows you aren’t doing anything with her. Knowing what happened that night probably made all of her fears, and the things she made up in her head every time you were gone, seem real. I’m just guessing here, but I bet if you had come clean in the beginning she would have trusted your word about what you’ve been up to, and she would have known that woman was lying today.”
I never bothered to lift my head or acknowledge Ever. I listened as she moved away and pushed out of the door. “I’m pretty sure my wife just helped to open that wound in your gut a little wider. She’s not wrong in what she said either, but I want you to hear something else and let it sink in. That girl in there just asked you to move back in so you could work on a relationship again – whether as friends or more down the road – and she did that knowing the truth even if you weren’t the one to tell it to her. Remember that. Having that bitch show up here today made everything fresh in Anna’s mind again, but give her time, and you’ll get back on track again.”
I wished I could believe that. I wished I could believe that my supreme fuck up hadn’t cost me the mother of my child, and hell, at this point probably my child too. I had just managed to get her to agree to let me in enough to be a part of the pregnancy with her. Holding her belly the day before had left me feeling raw and hopeful all at once. Now, all of that was gone again. The blink of an eye never meant as much as the moment when I happily walked into my home, only to watch everything crash and burn around me again.
“Luce?” I heard Double-D call out from the hallway once he realized the bedroom door had been locked. I turned to tell Deck I had a key to the room, but both he and Ever were gone already. They must have slipped out just after Merc while I was lost in my thoughts and grief. The imposing figure of my father-n-law moved inside the room once the door was opened, and all I could think was that they were going to take her away from me and I deserved it. I had made this happen with my own actions. I had fucked up something that would have been the best thing in my whole fucking life, and I did it because I couldn’t get over a simple goddam lie in the big scheme of things.
I wasn’t sure how Deck imagined his sister-in-law could possibly get over what I had done, considering the fact that I had gone off the rails over something that was a tiny offense in comparison to what I had done. My stomach rolled with the self-loathing and the regret I was swimming in. I hated that too, deep down, because I had never been a person to look back and dwell before. Neither had I been the type of person who would take things sitting down without a fight. The problem was, I didn’t know if fighting for her would make everything better or worse for Anna in the end. The last thing I wanted to do was cause her any more pain than I already had.
Whispered voices caught my attention as I watched Lucy leave the bedroom, avoiding looking in my direction as she marched straight out my front door without so much as a word. She didn’t seem happy about having to go either. Double-D came out next, but unlike his wife, he didn’t avoid me. Instead, he came straight over to me and made sure I was looking him in the eye as he spoke.
“You have one week, and then I help her get an apartment, and if you’re lucky, it won’t be one half way around the world.” Double-D didn’t wait for an answer. He turned on his heel and left my house, thudding the door shut behind him as he went. It took me a minute to realize what had just happened. They had left without her. She was still here. Fuck me, if I knew why, but I would do whatever it took to make her see that things would be different.
I waited for her to come to me, because I didn’t think she would appreciate me making the gesture when it was me who she was angry with. It took less time than I’d expected though, and I ached all over again when I saw her face was puffy from crying and her eyes were swollen and red. Not for the first time, I wanted to bring that bitch – whoever the hell the blonde had been – back and punch her in the face for causing Anna’s pain. I wanted to punch the shit out of myself too. Anna took one look at me then turned around and headed toward the freezer. She came back with a bag of frozen peas and handed them to me. I just stared at her for a minute wondering what that was all about when she smiled.
“Whoever hit you did a good job. You should put that on your face before you have any more swelling.” I had almost forgotten about the hit Ever had gotten in on my face. The pain had never registered, but I figured that was because I had stronger aches going on inside.
“Your sister packs a hell of a punch for such a little thing,” I told her. She grinned at that. It was brief, but fantastic to see until the grin faded to a sorrowful glare.
“That was embarrassing,” she admitted. “It would have been something else altogether if my entire family hadn’t been here to witness and h
ear that my husband hated me so much that he cheated on me on our wedding night, and that he didn’t even care I was sitting there watching him do it.”
“You were there for that?” I asked, puzzled.
“I was there for enough, but since you never even knew I had gone, I assumed it wouldn’t have mattered to you.”
“It matters. I didn’t even know. The next day, when I was told about it…”
She eyed me skeptically. “You had to be told about it?”
“I did. When Deck came by the clubhouse, he had to wake me up and there was a woman lying on me. I thought it was you.”
“Last I checked, I’m not a blond.”
“It took me a while to be able to prise my eyes open. I drank more that night than I’ve ever consumed before in my life. I’m surprised I didn’t need to go to the hospital.”
“I get that you’re trying to explain away not knowing you had the wrong woman lying with you, but here are my issues with that.” She held up her hand and then ticked up one finger first. “The fact that you had to get that drunk because you married me. I have to say, that hurts a lot.” She shook her head when I started to speak. “No, it’s my turn. You just listen for a minute.”
Then she ticked up another finger, now holding two in the air. “The second thing is that you may have been too drunk to know who you woke up with, but when we first got to the clubhouse you hadn’t even bottomed out your first drink when a woman was hanging all over you as I watched. That same woman came and stood beside me as she ordered your next round of drinks for the both of you. She even smiled at me before going back to you, handing you your beer, and brushing her body all over you.
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