I loved Liam, and I was weak with it.
But I wasn’t going to be stupid with it.
“What you did was so wrong and so unforgiveable, I don’t even know where to start, Liam,” I repeated.
He leaned forward and clasped his hands together in a bid not to reach out and strangle me, I’m sure. “You think I don’t know that?” he bit out.
I stared into the face of this boy who was too good-looking for his own good. “Do you, though?” I asked. “Do you, really?”
His hands white-knuckled, and he leaned closer. “Yes, I do,” he said through clenched teeth. “I know better than, even you, what I did.”
Stay strong. “See, I don’t think you do, Liam,” I countered. “I don’t think you have any clue what you did to me that morning.”
“Rosely-”
“No, Liam,” I snapped, the tears forming from those feelings that I was still feeling from his words that morning. “You took everything I trusted you with and obliterated it.” I could see his shoulders lose their stiffness. “You took everything I entrusted to you and…betrayed it. Betrayed me.”
He stood up and looked like he was ready to destroy the place. “No, I fucking didn’t!” he yelled, not caring that my mother was in the house and could possibly hear him. He stared down at me, a beautiful mess, and continued to yell, “I did what I thought was best for you!”
I stood up to face him head-on. “But it wasn’t!” I yelled back. “It wasn’t what was best for me, Liam. I would rather deal with a million videos of me, and everyone knowing my every secret, than ever experience what I did that morning at your hands!”
He ran his hands through his dark blonde locks. “Goddamn it, Roselyn! How the fuck was I supposed to know that?!”
I was fuming.
I was seriously fuming.
“Because you were supposed to believe me when I told you I loved you!” I flung at him. “That’s what love is!”
And then his next words cut me to the quick. “How the fuck am I supposed to know that? I’ve never been loved or been in love!”
Once again, I was reminded of the world that was Sands Cove. I knew what love was because I got it in spades from my mother, and before my father became an asshole, I got it from him, too. I knew how to love because I saw it between my mother and father when things had been good. I knew love because, before Sands Cove, I lived in a different world where parents were together because they loved each other. I live in a world where mothers made dinner for their families and fathers taught their kids how to play baseball.
Liam knew loyalty because of Ramsey and Deke. He knew honor, respect, and integrity from seeing his parents and knowing that’s not what he wanted to be. He knew the bond he shared with Ramsey and Deke was made of love, loyalty, and respect, but it had been born out of loneliness, abandonment, and the instinct to survive the world around him, because it had been a shitty world.
It still was.
I dropped back on the settee. “Liam,” I breathed out.
He must have not recognized my surrender because he was still breathing fire. “I did what I thought was best for you, and I’m not going to apologize for that, Roselyn. I fucking won’t. I’ll never apologize for doing whatever the fuck I need to do to protect you,” he raged. “And if that means you’re going to have to learn how to forgive me once a fucking month, then that’s what you’re going to have to do, because I am not letting you go, Roselyn. Ever!”
I stood up again. “Liam,” I said trying to pull him out of his rant.
He crowded me and towered over me like an avenging angel. “No, Roz,” he seethed, this time cutting me off. “You don’t get to end us. You don’t get to walk away from me. I won’t have it. I won’t let you.”
We were getting way off track. I needed for Liam to recognize the error of his ways, and all he cared about was me forgiving him.
“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me, Liam,” I told him, doing my best to remain firm. “I already feel like I don’t belong in Sands Cove, I don’t need to feel that from you. I don’t need to know all your secrets, Liam. I just need to know anything that affects me and my life. I’m tired of not being in control of everything around me. First, it was my dad leaving us, and then, my mom marrying Joseph. Next, I was deposited in Sands Cove with people who were not like me. Then Brandon…” Lining out the events of my life was like watching a montage of reel clips. “I made friends, and I existed, but it wasn’t until Emerson came to Windsor that I started to find myself. Even after sleeping with you and Deke for a year, it was still…a controlled situation. I only felt when we were together, because outside the bedroom, I didn’t know you guys, and you guys didn’t know me.”
“Goddamn it, Roz,” he mumbled.
“I finally trusted you with all my doubts, and gave you a real look into my heart, and you tore me to fucking shreds, Liam,” I finished.
“I trust you, Roselyn,” he argued. “This isn’t about not trusting you. It was never about not trusting you girls. It was about protecting you. You have to trust me to protect you. Always.”
“Not at the expense of my feelings, Liam,” I replied. “Either you believe I love you or you don’t. And if you believe I love you, then you have to trust that I can face whatever is coming my way as long as I have you with me. I don’t care about anything else. I can endure the worst if you love me without reservation.”
“I do love you without reservation,” he claimed. “I wouldn’t be in goddamn Florida if I didn’t.”
I shook my head. “I’m so damn mad at you, Liam,” I whimpered. “I’m so fucking mad at you.”
Liam reached out and his arm was around my waist like a steel band. “I’m sorry, Roz,” he growled in my ear. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby.”
Against everything my head was telling me was the right and safe thing to do, I wrapped my arms around Liam’s waist and just held on. I cried into his chest and just…expelled the past couple of days.
“I’m sorry, Roz,” he kept saying over, and over in my hair. “I’m sorry.”
The problem with heartbreak is that the pain is so excruciating, you know you don’t ever want to feel it again. And the problem with forgiving is that you have to trust that the one person who put you through that agony won’t do it again.
It all comes down to fear.
Which pain do you fear the most; the pain of heartbreak or the pain of not being with the person you love? The age-old question that’s never been answered to everyone’s satisfaction.
But as Liam held me in his arms, professing how sorry he was, I thought about what my mother said. Yes, Liam acted cruelly when he did what he did, but, no, he doesn’t treat me cruelly.
I also thought about what Emerson said about scorpions. I didn’t deserve to be stung by one, but I knew playing with one was dangerous. And I knew I’d be stung eventually the longer I played with it.
My crying ceased, and I pulled out of Liam’s arms. When he looked down at me, I gave him the conditions. “If you ever lie to me or hurt me like that again, we’re done, Liam,” I told him. “You either trust me or you don’t. I won’t settle for less. If you ever hurt or lie to me again, I will walk, and it won’t matter what you say or do. I’m not an option.”
“Baby, you were never an option,” he groaned. “Roselyn, you are not optional in my life. You are not optional to me. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for months. I knew you were going to be hurt and angry because of what I did, but I never thought you’d be damaged because of it, Roz. I’d never do that to you.”
I let out a deep breath and chose which fear I could live with best. “Let’s go home, Liam,” I decided.
He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath of his own. “Thank you, baby,” he whispered.
Hopefully, I never end up going to prison for killing this idiot.
Chapter 36
Liam~
It was past ten pm when we walked into Liam’s house. The flight hadn
’t been too bad, but I had slept through half of it. The past few days were catching up with me, and Liam was kind enough to let me sleep during the flight, and not insist on entertaining him. Granted, he grabbed two first-class tickets, so it hadn’t been that much of a hardship for him.
The second we entered his house, Liam grabbed my hand and drug me upstairs, all the way, saying, “You’re moving in with me, Roselyn. Start packing because you’re going to be living with me by Saturday night.”
I stared at his back as he stomped up the stairs with me in his wake. “Sure, Liam,” I sing-songed, “I’d love to move in with you. Thank you, so much, for asking. That was really sweet.”
I could hear him snort his response. “Glad you agree,” he smirked.
We reached his bedroom, and the second we cross the threshold, he was on me. My back was up against the wall and his hands were fisted in my hair as he kissed me as if he hadn’t kissed me in years. My hands found their way around his waist and I gathered his shirt in my hands so tightly it was a wonder I hadn’t ripped the fabric.
I just needed to hold on.
I needed to hold on to his promises; his assurances. Even though I said the words, forgiveness was still a long way off. I had to learn how to live with the memory of his betrayal before I could completely forgive him, and it wasn’t going to happen overnight. So, I chose to connect with him the only way I knew how.
Liam pulled away long enough to drop his forehead on mine and say, “I love you, Roselyn. I love you and I’ll never hurt you again. I swear it, baby.” I just nodded because I didn’t trust myself to speak. I had a lot of issues to work through and I could only work through them one at a time.
We worked at removing each other’s clothing and Liam was walking me towards the bed as we did. Soon, we were both naked and Liam was dropping on the bed, pulling me to straddle his body. I leaned over him and he reared up to kiss me some more. It was like his words weren’t enough; he was trying to convey his apology with every kiss he was pouring into me. I reached between our bodies, and grabbing his naked cock, I positioned it against my entrance, and slowly slid down.
Liam groaned against my lips and my moan was every bit as defining has his. “Jesus Christ, baby,” he breathed.
I placed my hands on his chest and sat up. I looked down at this beautiful boy I was in love with and knew he could probably break my heart ten times over before I packed up and walked away from him for good. The realization was both scary and incredible.
I started moving up and down over his body and I convinced myself the pleasure of being with Liam was worth all the mistakes he was bound to make during our lifetimes. “That’s it, baby,” he hissed. “Ride my cock, Roz. Show me how much you missed me.”
The feeling of Liam being lodged in the deepest part of me was just what I needed to erase these past few days, and I wasn’t above making him prove himself. “Make me cum, Liam,” I demanded even though I was the one on top.
I caught his smirk a half second before he rolled us over and was looming over me. Liam hooked my leg over the crook of his elbow and was back inside me in one swift, brutal lunge. “Liam!”
“I’m the only one who gets to do this anymore, Roz,” he grunted as he plundered into my body. “It’s you and me. It’s always been just you and me.”
I believed him.
As I worked past the shame I was supposed to be feeling, I realized our relationship was all in the little things. The little things that he had shown me that I had been too wrapped up in guilt to recognize. “Just you and me,” I repeated.
“Goddamn it,” he hissed as he pulled out of my body. But before I could ask what he was about, he had me turned over on my hands and knees. “It is just you and me, Roselyn,” he growled again, and I guess I hadn’t sounded as convincing as he would have liked even though I meant it.
“Liam…”
His right hand ran up and down my back as his left hand gripped my hip. “Tell me you believe me, Roselyn,” he commanded. “Tell me you know that it’s always been just you and me, and that it’ll always just be you and me, no matter what goes on in our bedroom.”
I was dying.
Liam was arguing with me instead of giving me what I needed. “Liam, please…” At this point, I’d tell him anything he wanted to hear.
He slammed back into me and my back bowed as my moan filled the room. “Tell me,” he kept demanding as he forced himself inside me as far as he could go over, and over again. “Fucking tell me.”
“You and me,” I cried out. “It’s just you and me.” His hands gripped my hips, and he slammed into me for all he was worth. Pain started outlining the pleasure, but I welcomed it. I welcomed his claims because I needed to be claimed. I needed to belong to someone.
And then he proved it in the way he says he’s been proving it all along.
Liam pulled out, and the frustration was mounting as he kept taking me to the edge and then stopping. “Liam…” I whimpered, ready to beg, but then I felt the tip of his dick rub up against my ass. My eyes closed with the…affirmation of what was to come next.
I took a deep breath as Liam worked his way inside my body. It didn’t matter how many times we’ve done this, Liam’s cock was big, and it always brought initial discomfort whenever we did this. “Breathe, baby,” he murmured, trying to sooth any pain I might be feeling.
We worked together until Liam was seated completely inside me and, while we’ve been here before, this time took on an entirely new meaning. I always thought Deke just wasn’t into anal sex, but now knowing that we never went there because this was something that belonged to me and Liam, it was weird to say it, but this was Liam’s way of making love to me rather than fucking me.
Liam found his rhythm and pleasure soon eased the discomfort. I moaned and Liam didn’t disappoint. “You like that, baby?” he groaned. “You like my cock in your ass?”
“Yes,” I moaned shamelessly. “I like everything you do, Liam.”
His fingers dug into my hips as his thrusts into my body became harder and deeper. “And I love everything you let me do you to, Roz,” he grunted. “And, motherfucker, how I love fucking your sweet, tight ass.”
My hands curled in the sheets and I held on has Liam decided he’d given me enough time to adjust and started pounded his cock in deep and hard. It still hurt a bit, but it was hard to describe. The dirtiness of it…the forbidden vibe made me want to endure through the pain. I knew from experience that my body would adjust soon and then it’d all be pleasure, but even if my body didn’t adjust, I wouldn’t stop him. I wanted to be everything Liam would ever need, and I knew that sounded pathetic and desperate, but it didn’t feel like that. It didn’t feel like that because I knew Liam would always try to be everything that I’d ever need. From the very beginning, when he saw how turned on I was by Deke joining in, he had always worked to give me what I needed.
I see that now.
“Harder, Liam,” I pleaded, in an attempt to show him what this meant to me.
“Yeah?” he growled, and there was hope in that sound. He didn’t want to hurt me, but his dominant side was hoping I meant what I said.
“Please…” I begged, pushing back and backing up my pleas.
“Fuck,” he hissed, but he gave me what I asked for. He started fucking me like I was immune to pain. Liam started ramming into me and the sounds that escaped told me he was living a fantasy come true. He’d always been cautious when we did this, but I was giving myself over to him, and he was accepting my gift. “I fucking love you, Roz,” he growled as his movements became more pronounced.
“I know,” I cried out as my orgasm shook me to my core. I had to bite into the pillow as I let out an earth-shattering scream. And it wasn’t long before I could feel Liam expand inside my body and he was losing himself in one final thrust, releasing these past few days into me. I collapsed on the bed, forcing Liam out of my body, and just laid spent as he fell on the bed next to me.
After a few quie
t minutes, in which we used to catch our breaths, Liam reached over, rolled me onto my side, and pulled me next to him. His heartbeat was an erratic mess underneath my ear. “I will do whatever I have to in order to heal what I did to you, Roselyn,” he whispered in my hair.
“Liam-”
“No, Roz,” he interrupted. “I will do whatever I have to because I need to. I can’t and won’t ever let you leave me. So, I have no other choice than to make sure you want to be with me every day.”
“I do, Liam,” I promised.
He let out a quiet laugh. “We’ll see.”
This time I was the one who didn’t have any doubts.
Chapter 37
Roselyn~
“Why the fuck are we doing this?” Deke grumbled. “What’s the point in having money if we can’t pay someone to do this shit?”
“Oh, shut it,” Emerson tossed out. “It’s not like we’re moving heavy furniture or something.”
“We aren’t moving shit,” Ramsey pointed out. “It’s easy to dismiss our irritation when you haven’t done a goddamn thing.”
“That’s not true,” I said, jumping in. “We’ve been decorating and organizing.”
“And you can’t lay that at our feet,” Emerson argued. “We were more than willing to chip in and move some boxes.”
I watched as Ramsey dropped the box he was hauling out of the back of his Range Rover on the lawn and placed his hands on his hips. “You are out of your goddamn mind if you think I’d let you carry anything, Emerson,” he huffed.
It was Saturday, a little after two, and we were hauling the last of my boxes from my house to Liam’s. I had spoken with my mother and she hadn’t been surprised when I told her Liam wanted me to move in with him, and she had let it be solely my decision, which was no decision at all, really.
I was committed to this.
I was also happy to see Emerson and Ramsey back to being Emerson and Ramsey. Although, I suppose, they’re always just Emerson and Ramsey no matter if they’re being in love or at each other’s throats. It’s what made them fascinating.
The Enemy Series Page 37