by L-J Baker
One last thing, maybe don't tell Sarah I'm dead. Let her think I'm a dick who ran away. I'd rather she hated me, than grieved me. She deserves better, too. Now get your pathetic, crying ass up, and live your life. I am assuming you've shed a few tears, because if not, damn, you're a shit brother. Just kidding. I love you.
Az.
Luc swiped the tears from his face and put the letter back in the envelope. It was all he could do to breathe. After a few minutes, he stuffed the envelope into his pocket, and stood. His whole body hurt, but that was okay. He was going to clean his apartment and wait for his new bed to arrive. He would honor Az. He would move forward. He had no idea how that was going to happen yet, but he would do his best to try.
For Az.
Once the apartment was looking better, and the delivery guys showed up to drop off the new bed, Luc made his way downstairs to the club. Everything looked the same, but it all felt completely different. He wasn't sure if there was any mess from that night, but since his father had said that Az put up a fight, he imagined there had been. Harley would have cleaned that up first. There was no way she would have let him see any evidence of his little brother's death.
Luc glanced around, through the people dancing and having a good time, and wondered where Az had died. It could have been anywhere from the stockroom, to the bar area, to anything in between. He thought he would feel it, like he would just know where it happened, but he didn't. He could ask, but then he wasn't sure he really wanted to know.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Harley asked as Luc slipped onto a barstool and helped himself to a glass. She slapped his hand before he could grab the bourbon bottle and poured him a double.
"It just came. I cleaned up." Luc gulped down half the bourbon and put the glass down. "Maybe I should go see Anna?"
"Maybe you should wait until your face heals up. I told her there was a break in and you got hurt, but that you'd be okay. If she sees you like this," Harley waved a hand in front of Luc's face. "She's gonna know you were dead."
"I thought it would heal faster."
"To be honest, so did I. But apparently, when you get murdered with a dagger meant to destroy angels for good, this is the best you can do."
"I don't get it." Luc shook his head. "We were all taught, like had it drilled into our heads, that if we were to die from that blade, we were done with for good. No take backs, no passing go, no soul moving on. I know he's God, but he designed this blade to be forever."
"Uriel talked to me about it a little. She said that what he left out was that your soul, should you be killed with it, is returned to him. It's not in its right form, but it's there. He used that, and I guess a whole lot of almighty creator juju, to bring you back. He's still trying to get Gabe back."
Harley was quiet for a moment, then she continued. "She also told me that the thing he had to do to get you back, it was like cutting off both his arms and legs, and losing a kidney. He had to give something major up to get it to work. There's just not enough to keep doing that."
It was just like him to leave that part out. Luc was surprised his father chose to bring him back over Gabe, not knowing if it would even be possible to get them both returned to the living. Never in a million years, would he think he'd be first choice.
He wished he wasn't. He would rather have Az brought back first. Luc would gladly give up his life to save his brother. Their father had to have known that.
"I know he wants me to continue with the game."
"Oh." Harley shrugged. "I figured you'd wait like a week to read that letter. You do tend to brood."
"I don't brood. And no, I read it a few hours ago."
"So you want me to start thinking about the next sin?"
"No, that's why I'm bringing it up. He wants me to continue, and for him, I will, but I need some time."
"I'll give you a few weeks. Technically, your month with Anna isn't up completely, so you'll have that, but I'm not waiting too much longer. You have to get back on the horse, Lucifer."
"I'm not riding a horse Harley. My brother died. I died. Give me a second to process that."
Harley nodded and topped off his drink. She left him alone with his thoughts and stuck the bottle of bourbon next to him on the bar. He would need at least that much. Not that it would change anything. It couldn't bring Az back, or stop anything Michael did. It couldn't give his father whatever it was he needed to perform a couple more miracles. All it could do was numb some small bit of his pain and help him get through the day.
At least he had Anna to look forward to. She was the one bright spot in this whole miserable year. As soon as he healed a bit more, he would get to see her and maybe things would feel more normal again. Nothing would ever be the same, but maybe with her, they could be okay.
12
It had been three weeks since he'd been home. Three weeks that he kept telling himself he was going to call Anna, that he didn't. Now she was standing at his door with a suitcase and a package wrapped in pretty colored paper. Her eyes were sad, but it wasn't about him.
"Come in." He stepped aside and invited her into his apartment, for the first time. Everything was cleaned up, fixed, or replaced. It looked like nothing bad had ever happened there.
"Nice place." She glanced around, still clutching her suitcase handle and the gift.
"Thank you. Can I take your coat?" It was the first time he'd seen her appropriately dressed for the weather.
She put the suitcase down on the floor, handed him the package, and slipped out of her coat. He handed her the gift back and took her coat, then hung it on the rack behind the door.
"This is for you." She thrust the gift back into his hands. "I didn't want you to have it like this, but I have to leave, so this is all I can do."
"Leave?" Luc shook his head. "What do you mean?" He looked down at the suitcase and his stomach dropped.
"I'm going home." Her words hung in the air like a thick blanket. Luc wanted her to take them back, to say she was joking, but he knew by her face that it wouldn't happen.
"Why?" He took a step toward her and stopped. "Your article made the cover. It was fantastic. I read it."
"It's not that. The story went great. I even got a promotion." She kept her head down and picked at her thumbnail.
"So why are you leaving?"
"My father had a stroke. I have to go home and take care of him. It's too much for my mother alone."
Luc wanted to offer her money for a caregiver, or to heal the man with his powers, or anything that would keep her in his life, but he couldn't. All he could do was watch her walk out of it.
So he nodded. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?"
"You can read that." She motioned to the package in his hands. "It's my first complete romance novel."
Luc looked down at the gift in his hands and smiled for the first time since that night. "Congratulations."
"I wanted to thank you."
"What for?"
"For encouraging me, for motivating me, and well," she looked down and blushed. "For being my muse."
Luc's smile widened. "Glad I could help."
Anna leaned in, popped up on her toes, and kissed him. It wasn't the raw, ravenous kisses they normally shared. This one was soft, sweet, and it was a clear goodbye.
She grabbed her coat from the rack, pulled it back on, and started to leave. Before she could get through the door, he grabbed her arm to stop her.
"I don't want you to go." He tossed the novel on the table near the door and held her face in his hands.
"I'm sorry." A small tear escaped her eye and Luc wiped it away with his thumb. "I don't want to go."
Luc searched her eyes for one last second, then kissed her the way she deserved to be kissed. It wasn't the simple, sweet goodbye that she'd just given him. It was desperate, emotional, and it released everything he'd been feeling the past few weeks. By the time she pulled away, she was full on crying.
Without another word, she spun aroun
d and left.
There were no more break-ins. Sarah Ward and her partner caught a few of the guys involved, and had them locked up in jail. Slowly, everything returned to normal around the club. People kept showing up, getting drunk, and keeping the place going. Luc was grateful that Harley hadn't pushed him on getting on with the next sin, but he knew it had to happen. Nothing was going to take away the pain of losing Az, but he needed to honor him by not wasting his life.
"I think the next sin should be pride," Luc said coming into his office where Harley was doing paperwork.
"Huh?" She had the glasses that she never needed, slipped down her nose, and it made Luc smile. He was learning to enjoy the little things, the way his brother always had.
"I'm ready." He wasn't, but it was as close as he was going to get.
Harley stared at him for a few moments, then hopped up. "Okay. I'll get right on that. You can finish this crap up."
"Hey." He caught her arm before she could get past him. "If you need to talk about anything, you can, ya know?"
"Me? You're the girl in this relationship, Lucifer. I'm fine." She shrugged him off. "Did you finish your love story?"
"If you mean Anna's book, then yes. It was really good. I can't say it's the kind of thing I'm used to reading, but she's talented. I'm really proud of her for finishing it, and for letting it go."
"Maybe I should give it a read?"
Luc laughed. "Now that would be funny."
"Oh?" She raised one eyebrow. "Funnier than the King of Hell reading a romance novel?"
Okay, maybe she had a point.
"I know a guy in publishing. I was thinking about passing it along."
"Maybe you should ask her first?"
"Maybe," Luc said. "But I'm not sure it's the right time to call her. I'm sure she's got enough on her mind."
Harley shrugged and disappeared from the room.
Luc finished up the paperwork and headed back upstairs. His plan was to go to bed. It was late, and he was exhausted, but as he walked past the mirror, he got off track. Without giving it much thought, he waved his hand over the glass and let his mind wander. The first place it went was to Anna.
It was earlier in the day and she was at her father's bedside. He didn't look too bad. He was having some trouble feeding himself, but he was talking pretty well. There were some stumbles here and there, but overall, for a guy who had a massive stroke, he was doing well.
The guy had cut Anna out of his life for wanting to follow her dreams, but when he needed her, she went running back. That was family though. When you had people who cared about you like that, it didn't matter what hurts there were in the past, they came running back to stand by your side.
At least the ones that mattered did.
Uriel had been there for Luc, when he'd needed it most. If not for her, Michael wouldn't have been trapped in the box. His father still would have brought him back, but for what? To what? Uriel was the reason for his second chance.
She'd been gone since he'd been back, but she texted him every day to check in. It was good to have her back in his life. If she'd been gone for good, too, he wasn't sure he could handle it. Michael had taken enough from him.
Luc waved his hand in front of the mirror, and again, let his mind wander. This time the fog cleared and it showed him Talia. She was sitting on the floor in a group, playing a video game. They were arguing over who should go down the left lane, and he was pretty sure, she was winning. She looked happy, like things were finally turning around for her. He was happy for the small part he'd played in that. She wasn't his soul mate, but she was his friend, and he needed all the friends he could get these days. Soon, he would have to call her, make a time to hang out. He was just about ready for another sappy movie and her head on his shoulder.
Once more, he waved his hand, and the fog took Talia away. It settled down, revealing Ronnie. She was sitting on her front porch, looking up at the stars. More than anything, that didn't include do overs and bringing dead brothers back to life, Luc wished he was there with her. Ronnie was his first sin girl, and she would always be special for it, but it was more than that. She calmed him, brought him a peace within his mind that no one else ever had.
Without thinking it through, Luc found himself standing in front of her. She looked down to see him, not realizing that he wasn't there a second before, and smiled.
"Hi."
He didn't respond. Instead, he walked up the stairs and sat next to her. She snuggled against him, nuzzling her face into his side. She was freezing, so he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer into him. Her warmth spread across him, bringing a little life back into him. It was like he'd been frozen all this time and she was the one to melt through it.
They stayed there for a long time, past the time when her teeth started to chatter, and she shivered nonstop against him. Eventually, she started to doze in his arms, and he carried her inside, up the stairs, and put her into bed. She wriggled out of her coat and boots and started taking off the clothes underneath. Luc stopped her, kicked off his own shoes, and climbed in, fully dressed, next to her.
She didn't complain, or protest. Instead, she let him wrap her into his body, and molded around him. He listened to the sound of her heartbeat long after she fell asleep. It was like the ticking of an old grandfather clock. Tick-tock, tick-tock, it lulled him, brought him closer to the peace he felt when he was with her.
Being there with her, hell even looking in on her, was cheating according to Harley. Luc knew she wasn't going to give him shit over it right now, and honestly, he didn't care either way. Tonight, Luc needed this. He needed to be one place where he felt normal, where the rest of the world didn't matter, and where he didn't have to see anyone look at him with pity, or want something from him.
Tomorrow, he would suck it up and keep going. He would let Harley pick a new girl and he would get to know her. He would stop looking in on Anna and face the fact that she was gone, out of his life, even if he might have thought there was a real chance she was the one.
But tonight, he would lay in Ronnie's bed, hold her as tight as he could, and let the world screw off. Tonight, he would do what he needed to do to take care of himself. Az had told him to go see Ronnie, before he met Annalee. Maybe he should have listened. It might have made it easier, given him some distance in his heart from Anna, made it easier to watch her walk away.
Unfortunately, he couldn't go back. If he could, there were a lot of things he would change. None of them would be meeting Ronnie. She would always be his favorite part of this game, even if she wasn't his soul mate, even if he eventually found her, Ronnie would always remain special.
"Looks like you finally slept." Harley handed Luc a bourbon, and went about cutting limes for the evening rush that was hours away. "The bags under your eyes were starting to irritate me."
"Glad I could save you from that annoyance." He left out the part that it was with Ronnie Falcon that he'd gotten that sleep with.
"Your face looks better too. I think that one might scar, but not as bad as I thought it would."
"I don't scar." Luc scoffed.
"No? Well, then good. I didn't want to say, but it definitely makes your face less pretty. Though it probably ups your street cred quite a bit."
"I'm already the King of Hell, how much more street cred do I need?" Luc gulped down half his drink and stared at her.
"You're right. You got this shit in the bag."
"How's it coming with the next sin?"
"Pride is a hard one." Harley shrugged and put the knife down. "I've got a few options, but I'm not really feeling it. I might need a few more days."
"I'm sure you'll pick someone great." He wasn't, and honestly, he didn't care all that much. Luc was just trying to get through the last two girls and get the game over with. He still wanted to find his soul mate, but the game felt tainted. He was only agreeing to finish it out because it was Az's dying wish. It was just like the little twit to force him into this.
"I can't argue there. Each one had great qualities, and I'm a better person for knowing them, but to be honest, you gave me more hurdles than seems fair."
"What does that mean?" Harley popped out her hip and rested her hand on it. "Any one of those girls could have been a great match for you."
"That's true, in a perfect world. But this isn't a perfect world. Things don't always work out how we want. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much we care about something, or how much we want it to work, it just doesn't." Luc let out a long breath. "I'm not saying that's your fault. It is what it is. Life is just unfair."
And it was.
Luc never bothered to convince himself that anything different was true. He'd learned from a young age that the universe conspired against good, that evil often won out, and that no matter what you did, things wouldn't always work out. It was the way of life. Whether it was here on Earth, down in Hell, or even up in Heaven, that's how it was.
Harley's eyes widened, as she looked at something behind Luc. He spun around to see what she was looking at.
"Hello, brother." Gabriel stood several feet behind Luc, with a somber expression on his face. After Luc's initial shock wore off, he walked over and pulled Luc into an unexpected hug. "I'm really sorry about Azrael. I know you two had a special bond."
Luc didn't want to hear Az's name come out of Gabe's mouth. He had no right. Their father chose to save him over Az, and in Luc's mind, that was a mistake. Az was a much better man. But he had to admit, he was glad to see his brother alive. Their father couldn't guarantee that Gabe would be able to be revived. Just bringing Luc back was hard enough.