by Helen Jacey
PSYCHODYNAMICS AND CONFLICT
How your heroine emotionally copes with Conflict will very much depend on her particular psychology Knowing some basic principles about the psychodynamics of Conflict can really help you know your heroine inside out. You don’t need to be an expert in psychoanalysis to work with these, of course. It’s not as if you are giving your character therapy and she might sue you for being unqualified! But when it comes to writing scenes, an understanding of psychodynamics will certainly add an extra layer of depth.
What do I mean by psychodynamics of Conflict? These are unconscious internal processes, which are ways the character has developed to deal with life. Understanding them will help you know how your heroine reacts or deals with all the layers of Conflict. It’s important to remember that your character might experience each of these psychodynamics at different stages in the story. Different situations might provoke different reactions. However, we all have some fundamental ways of coping with emotions, learnt from childhood. Because they help us survive, they aren’t all bad either. But taken to extremes, they can be very destructive to oneself and relationships. It takes a great deal of healing and self-awareness to change these deeply rooted patterns.
The psychodynamics that are really helpful in developing characters’ interactions are:
Projection
Denial
Repression
Fantasy
Projection — All about Self-Protection
Very often we blame or accuse others of having bad qualities or traits that we have ourselves. This is projection. Projection basically protects us from self-criticism. It helps us survive the horror of being ourselves and our dark sides! People who project a great deal can be very frustrating for others to be around because they have a lack of self-truth, and they find it difficult to see their part in a situation. They can be very manipulative. Or they are simply very scared. Normally they project a great deal because they don’t have high self-esteem or much self-awareness. Not all accusations are projection, however. Sometimes a heroine might be making a really good point about another character’s limitations or an unfair situation. This is why projection is a complex dynamic for women in a world that still isn’t equal. It’s easy for a woman to find fault with what’s holding her back, but sometimes she can get stuck in blaming everything else because she is angry with her own lack of ability to take action. Genuine powerlessness is a terrible thing, and it still can exist for women in the West, but very often women can feel like victims because they don’t want to pay the high price of walking away.
This sense of unfairness can play itself out in intimate relationships. Women frequently feel like the victims in a relationship, because they can feel burdened with children and housework. It’s easier to blame others for a situation that your heroine might be colluding with in some way. It’s doubly confusing when cultural expectations (such as being a stay-at-home mom) encourage a woman to live life in a certain way that doesn’t suit her or bring her happiness. This double bind might make her lash out in anger.
Your heroine might unconsciously be carrying around some emotional wounds from the past. Her way of dealing with these might be to project all those aspects of herself onto other people. However, it’s important to remember that if your heroine is projecting, then she’s learnt to do this for a reason. It’s your job to work out why. This is how the psychodynamic of projection can play out for your heroine:
Your heroine projects:
Self-hate as a belief that somebody else hates her.
Anger as an accusation that others are angry.
Self-pity as a conviction that others are victimizing her.
selfishness as a belief everyone else is selfish.
Famous heroines who project are Terry Ann in The Upside of Anger who rants and raves about how bad her husband is after he disappears, Andrea in The Devil Wears Prada, when she thinks that her friends and boyfriend aren’t supportive to her work, and Carrie in Sex and the City who projects her inability to commit onto men.
Denial — All about the Power
Are women more self-reflective? No! Denial, like all psycho-dynamic processes, affects men and women equally Because women tend to find it easier to share emotions, they might get more opportunity for realizing that they are denying, but a good woman denier can equal her male counterpart any day Deniers deny as a defense mechanism in order to maintain control and power to hide deep feelings of anxiety It is a need to be thought of as strong so others can’t hurt you. It’s not so much about putting on a mask; it’s about really believing that the best face to show yourself and others is a strong one. People who deny bad stuff are generally quite good at getting ahead, and can be positive thinkers. This is a good quality. “You are your thoughts” is a basic principle of self-awareness, and deniers can often prove that positive thinking is the way to go. However, there is a destructive side to denying. People who deny a great deal aren’t the most empathetic people. They don’t want to get their hands dirty with other people’s pain or misery They don’t mind power, but responsibility isn’t really their thing. And too much denial can mean that the individual can fall apart in a real crisis. Research has proven that gloomy people make better decisions in life because seeing the downside means you can evaluate risk better. If you are a denier, you could be disputing this very fact now!
Women who deny can often be feisty, fun-loving, and into the good life. They expect loyalty, have a regal bearing, and hate gossip or gloomy talk. Deniers tend to be loners or fiercely independent beings who have come through hardship or got where they are through their own efforts without much support.
A heroine who denies might say:
“I’m not angry” to really mean “you want to bug me but you can’t.”
“I’m not jealous” to really mean “I’m not going to show you I’m hurt.”
“It’s not so bad” to really mean “don’t bring me down.”
Some famous heroines who deny are Scarlett O’Hara in Gone with the Wind, who refuses to see defeat in any area of her life, Samantha in Sex and the City, who lives for self-pleasure, Amanda Woods in The Holiday, who doesn’t want to see what she’s doing wrong in relationships, and Maggie, the younger sister in In Her Shoes, who refuses to see her envy of her cleverer sister Rose.
Repression — All about Fear
Women who repress their true emotions have generally been taught that their feelings are not worthy of consideration or important enough. They can have terrible low self-esteem or have been damaged by abusive situations that they weren’t helped through sufficiently For these women, repression is a safer bet than facing or reliving the emotional trauma. It’s a bit like a scar that has healed over, leaving some infection behind. The pain is always there, but sometimes it’s not so obvious. A repressing woman usually develops elaborate ways of hiding her scars and thinks she’s convinced everyone they aren’t there, when the signs are really obvious to the people who are close to her. Repressed emotions can manifest as passivity, which can be frustrating for others. If a fairly well-adjusted woman suffers a violating trauma in adult life (such as torture, violence, or rape) she might repress even if this goes against her natural openness because trauma is usually accompanied by shock. If a woman has no one to trust, or comes from a culture that doesn’t permit communication with strangers, then she might not get the professional support she needs.
A heroine who represses might be scarred by:
Low self-esteem and shows it by being dependent, with no autonomy, or through passive behavior.
Humiliation and shows it by self-mutilation, eating disorders.
Sexual abuse and shows it by false sexuality, pleasing others.
Loss and shows it by anger, guilt, or exhaustion.
Trauma and shows it by withdrawal, numbness, insecurity.
Memorable heroines who repress are Rachel in Rachel Getting Married, Precious in Precious, and Juliette in I’ve Loved You So Long.
F
antasy — All about Escapism
Fantasy and the power of our imagination make life a better place. It’s why we read stories, watch movies and plays, and have dreams and become writers. To be a visionary, to make change in the world, you have to be able to see a better reality and believe it can happen. It’s a wonderful gift of humanity. Fantasists are people who have a powerful need to escape reality as a coping mechanism. Sometimes a fantasy helps us bear a nightmare reality. Sometimes a fantasy becomes real. Loving someone who doesn’t love us back sometimes does lead to them changing their minds. Conviction is convincing, after all. But too much fantasy can be destructive. The rise in virtual reality online games such as avatar-run worlds is a reflection on the large number of fantasists out there, people who, for whatever reason, need to spend many hours of their life being anywhere but the here and now. In Avatar, the Hero Jake finds a better ‘real’ life through his avatar self. Fantasy life might be a coping mechanism for extreme feelings of inadequacy, or simply boredom and depression-induced inertia. Emotional literacy tends to be a very low factor in the extreme fantasist. Fantasizing can take many forms of behavior, such as sexual fantasy, addictions from drug taking to compulsive reading, and pathological lying Someone who idealizes others a great deal might have a tendency to fantasize. They prefer a vision of reality rather than the real thing. A criminal fantasist is someone who drags other people into their dark reality.
If your heroine fantasizes she can believe:
She should be with a man when reality says he’s not interested.
She can fulfill her ambitions when reality says the odds are against her.
She has a fairy godmother when reality demonstrates her family hates her (Precious). ^ Passion can last forever when reality says love has ups and downs.
Examples of heroines who need to fantasize are Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose, who uses drugs to help with her fragile grasp on life, Cristina in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, who has a fear of mundane relationships, and Ofelia in Pan’s Labyrinth, who enters another world to cope with Franco’s brutal regime in Spain and her difficult family life.
EXERCISE: YOUR HEROINE’S CONFLICT QUESTIONNAIRE
First, brainstorm all the layers of Conflict in your story. This will trigger some great insights. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t quite sure yet but try to identify how all the layers might be symbolized in the story. The process will help you decide which layers of Conflict are more important for you to focus on. Then, imagining you are in the shoes of your heroine, complete Your Heroine’s Conflict Questionnaire.
YOUR HEROINE’S CONFLICT QUESTIONNAIRE
1. Who or what is your biggest problem? Why?
2. What gets in the way of you living your life exactly how you want?
3. Who or what do you dislike in your family?
4. How do you feel about how other family members treat you?
5. What is your deepest cause of unhappiness?
6. What can you do about this?
7. Who takes up most of your thoughts? Why do they?
8. What are the main causes of problems in your closest relationships?
9. What are your problems at work? How can you change these?
10. If you could turn back the clock in any area of your life to do things differently, what would it be? How would you change things?
FEELING GOOD
AND FINDING LOVE
Chapter 7
The flipside of Conflict is union. Union can mean joy, peace, and harmony. It can also mean the coming together of two people, or a group of people, who feel truly connected with each other. Union essentially means being at one. It is the deepest human need, yet one that takes a myriad of forms in our stories.
THE IMPORTANCE OF UNION
So why is it that as a dramatic principle union is so overwhelmingly overlooked? Read most of the screenwriting books, and the mantra are Conflict, Conflict, Conflict, or, obstacles, tests, and challenges. From Aristotle to today’s screenwriting gurus, no Conflict equals no story. The bottom line is that the focus on Conflict negates other equally important human needs. Linda Seger makes this point in When Women Call the Shots (1996). She asked many women filmmakers (writers, directors, and producers) how they felt their stories were different from men’s. Harmony was a big issue for many of these women.
Harmony is central to female identity, and that’s one of the reasons it has been ignored by dramatists. The ability to let a baby grow in your own body and feel good about it is the deepest source of union. Nurturing a child, whether it is breast-feeding, nappy changing, reading a bedtime story, and constantly needing to see life with two sets of eyes, is being in a state of union with another. Why masculine theories about story have undermined union might be because up until fairly recently gender roles have traditionally excluded men from the hands-on side of caring and nurturing others.
Masculine identity deals out different kinds of Conflict for men to handle. Protector and provider roles are easier to manage if a man has power and control. Whether its money, social standing, or employment, a man is defined by what he does. Achieving status is a lonely battle, fraught with competition and rivalry. Seeking union is something the male psyche needs but doesn’t easily allow itself as it is associated with women and “femininity.”
You might believe women are naturally better at relationships, and that women are the ones who promote bonds and provide the nurturing. Some feminists would say that women haven’t really had much choice but to marry well and become nurturers, until they fought for independence and equal rights. The vast numbers of women today who achieve and want external success backs this up. Evolutionists would say that women’s need to have babies to keep the human tribe going makes them want stories about finding and keeping love. Others, including me, would say that men and women have exactly the same needs for union in the form of love, harmony, peace, and joy.
Conflict is important. It’s vital to storytelling. I’m saying it’s time to elevate the principle of union to its rightful place in the dramatic tradition. Let’s also start saying no union, no story! Whether your favorite recent film is Mamma Mia! or Precious, these stories wouldn’t have their wide appeal without union.
CULTURAL UNION
Joy, happiness, peace, and love are the upsides of caring for others, being a part of a family and community. We need love to thrive. Women, at least in the West, are the overt joy makers and seekers. Sex and the City put the highs and more highs of female friendship firmly on the map. Countless romantic comedies show heroines leading stories in which love for a man is the main deal. Julie and Julia oozes with the pleasures of joy, food, love, and sex. Even darker stories like My Summer of Love which spends half the story exploring the delights of the unrestrained female friendship of two teenage girls. The almost obligatory wedding scene at the end of the romantic comedy is an acceptable cliché we smile at.
How women can express their joy in one culture will vary hugely from another culture. Probably the most joyless cultures for women are those that remove girls’ clitorises. To deny a woman the source of sexual pleasure is rooted in an almost incomprehensible fear and a need to control. Can you imagine a culture in which women subject men to such an extent that men perform castration on each other, and tell each other it’s for their own good? It sounds like a bad “B” movie by a psychotic female Tarantino. In extremely male-dominated culture, stories with heroines don’t tend to be too upbeat. Moments of union, if any, are snatched away and constantly under threat. Heroines have to tow the line and woe betides them if they rebel. Whale Rider’s heroine takes a whole film to prove herself to the tribal elders. The women in At Five in the Afternoon rarely show defiance, and when they do, it’s momentary and angst ridden. Freedom definitely equates the ability to have fun.
I spent many years working in Romania. I visited many orphanages and saw firsthand the failure of babies to thrive in institutional care. The national tragedy has left a scar on the people. It’s not a coincidence that t
he family problems are a metaphoric wound in many contemporary films coming out of Romania now. These are not joyful stories. They are stories about the struggle of the family unit. They are stories about a culture trying to heal the wound of the people.
MEN AND UNION
As men take on more roles that were once seen as traditionally feminine, it’s no coincidence that their stories show more aspects of union. Expressions of joy are seen less as women’s emotional stuff and as more “human.” Bollywood has a head start where men express love, passion, and dance; the U. S. has the bromance and bromedy in which the male friendship is celebrated. And the U. K.? Well, we still have repressed Mark Darcy but even he is loosening up. It seems that men have cottoned on to the fact that they are depriving themselves of the sheer bliss of caring, sharing, and loving — each other. At last they are giving themselves permission to express joy, happiness, and the beauty of friendship. Competitive sports, the objectification of women, and the thrill of winning and getting the girl are still visible in some overtly masculine stories, but things are changing. My main gripe with the bromance is that the male protestations of love for each other still manage to negate the female characters and make them feel slightly alien and subordinate to the male friendship. Pineapple Express and I Love You, Man are good examples of this syndrome. How many girl buddy films do you see in which the man is marginalized at the altar while the two women friends declare undying love?
UNION AND YOUR HEROINE’S’ STORY