I close my eyes and pop my earbuds in, turning the volume up on my playlist as loud as it will go to drown the sounds of him screwing her brains out.
**
The next morning, I find him in the kitchen nursing a coffee. Dressed in a black long sleeve Harley Davidson tee and dark jeans he’s all broody and mad at the world. Jaw tight, gripping his mug so tight his knuckles are white. Lynn’s gone. I guess she came over for a booty call. I want to hate her for being with him. For getting to kiss him and touch him any way she wants. Part of me hates him right now too for bringing her here and taking her to bed. For turning me away. For denying me of what I want most in this world.
“I called your mom.” Did he tell her? My palms begin to sweat and my stomach flipflops. Panic floods me and fear grips me. “Told her I have to ride out on a run for the club. I’m dropping you at home. I can’t…I’ll always be here for you, Wylla Mae, but I’ll never put us in that awkward position again. You’re a kid. I’m the adult. I can’t go acting on feelings that neither of us understand. It’s not appropriate and what you saw…I’m sorry for that. I just can’t be around you right now and it’s nothing you did. It’s all me. I accept responsibility for that. But I gotta remove us both from this situation. Pack your bag and I’ll drive you home.”
“East.” I move toward him knowing my world is cracking in two along with my heart. Moisture gathers in the creases of my eyes.
“Don’t come any closer, Lil’ Lady.”
“I’m not little. I’m sixteen. It’s the age of—”
His hand flies up. “Stop. Don’t be saying shit like that. Go pack your things.”
“Fine. You’re a coward.” I don’t know why I am saying these things or pushing him, but I know what I feel in my heart. I love him. I’ve always loved him.
He shoves past me, his shoulder bumping into mine and electricity passes through my body at the connection. He stomps to my room, and I hear drawers opening and slamming shut. He is packing everything I ever left here. I stand in the doorway watching, hot heavy tears sliding down my cheeks.
Fifteen minutes later everything, all my belongings, all my memories of East are packed into a box and taped shut like I never existed in his world. He drops me at my doorstep and sits the box on the porch.
“Call me if you need me, but only if it’s an emergency. I’m sorry.”
“East,” his name cracks on my tongue tasting bitter like burnt toast. “Can you check the house for me. I’d feel safer.” My words sound as hollow as my heart feels.
“Yeah. Sure. I can do that.”
I follow him in and plop down on the couch fighting my tears.
I hear him move through the house and he stops at the front door after doing his sweep. “Just keep the doors locked. Hell, invite Darin over,” he says as though that will make any of this okay.
I’ve ruined us. I’ve lost the one person I love most in this world because I was being stupid, but I can’t fight the emotions the man awakens inside me. The attraction that lingers under the surface begging to be set free. My fingers twitch, longing to touch him. I suck in a deep breath wishing to smell his intoxicating scent. I’m addicted to Easton Reed. I’m completely fucked in the head over this man.
I run to him and barrel into his side before he can stop me. Wrapping my arms around his middle I breathe him in. The smell of smoke and leather. “I’m sorry, East.” I stare up into his darkened eyes. “Please don’t hate me.” Confusion swirls in my chest. I know I shouldn’t want him.
But I do.
I want Easton Reed.
I want him to be all mine.
To belong to me and only me. I love him so much I physically ache. My heart burns in my chest turning to ashes. How do I let him go? How do I give up the one man who has truly ever gave a damn about me?
His gaze meets mine. I see this raw hunger in his eyes that makes my belly quiver. “I could never hate you, Wylla Mae.” He touches my cheek with his rough fingers and a shiver moves through me. His stare lingers on my lips, and I lean up to close the distance between us. My lips meet his and he doesn’t move. He goes rigid like a statue. The well of tears I was holding back breaks free and his lips finally move, tasting my tears. He kisses me. No tongue just mouth. His lips on mine.
I press into him, running my tongue over his lips, tasting him, his cigarette he smoked on the way here, and the black coffee he drank. He jerks back, pushing me away.
“Don’t,” he croaks as though he is fatally wounded. And maybe he is because I feel as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest and as though I may die right here on this spot if he walks out that door.
Raw and bloody, that’s how I picture my heart at his feet.
“Don’t leave me, East. I want…”
The pad of his finger presses to my lips, silencing me. “Don’t finish that sentence. You’re confused, but one day you’ll thank me for being a better man. I may not physically be present in your life anymore, but I’ll never be far away. I give you my word.”
My tears fall harder, my chest constricting so tight, I can’t breathe as my body violently trembles and shakes so hard my teeth rattle.
His large hand cups my cheek and I nuzzle into it craving so much more than he’s willing to give me.
“I love you, Easton Reed.”
“I know you do.” His hand falls away, stripping me bare, and all I want is for him to say it back and wrap me in his arms, promising he’ll never let me go. Those torturous lips…I can still taste them. Still feel the soft fullness of them.
He takes the final step and opens the door.
“You love me too.” I fall to my knees and the door closes. Hope blooms in my chest and dies as quickly as it budded.
East drops to his knees in front of me, pain etched on his face. Stroking my jaw, he pierces me with his gaze, and I wish he’d say to hell with it and kiss me, but he doesn’t. He drives the final blow into my gut. “I do love you. Just not the way you want me to. I’m not right for you. You’re gonna have a beautiful life, kid. The man who wins your heart will be someone worthy. Not a bastard like me.” His lips meet my forehead signaling goodbye, but I’m not ready to let go of what could be.
“Admit it, East. You think about me. You want me. You want to be with me. I thought I did something wrong, but that’s not it. You’re a fucking coward. Last night you fucked her and thought about me, didn’t you? Just say it.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Wylla Mae.”
“Admit it. You want me. You love me the way that I love you. Tell me you love me. Tell me you want me, East. Tell me,” I cry, grasping the hem of his shirt.
“Yeah. I want a lot of things. Doesn’t mean I can have them.” He pries my fingers loose of him and I collapse. My cheek hits the cold wooden flooring, my tears dropping steady as rain.
I watch his boots disappear out the door. He pauses and shoots me one final look over his shoulder. Lips turned down he closes his eyes and breathes hard for a beat. Then he’s gone. The door slams shut hard enough to rattle the pictures on the wall, and I crack all over like a porcelain doll who has been dropped and discarded.
I’m not sure how long I lay there in the fetal position arms wrapped around my center trying like hell to hold myself together.
After a few hours and I’ve dried my eyes and quieted my sobs, I call Darin. I need something to fill this void in my chest where my heart used to be. All I want is to forget the way Easton Reed smells like sunshine and leather. The roughness of his hands. The softness of his heart. The earthy taste of his tobacco stained lips. But most of all the way he looked at me when he walked away.
Darkness swirls inside me but his memory remains, shining bright like a beacon. But this is one storm I won’t find my way home from.
Chapter 8
Wylla Mae
Eighteen
I fasten the buckle on my white wedge sandal and do one more turn in the mirror. This is it. Graduation day. I’m officially one
step closer to college and one step out from under my mother’s roof. Mom knocks on my bedroom door then pushes it open. “Hey, sweetie. Darin is waiting downstairs. I want to get some pictures of the two of you before you go. Steven and I will meet you there of course.”
“Did you hear back from East?” My heart hammers in my throat at the thought of him. We’ve not spoken much over the past two years after what I refer to as ‘the incident.’ Today is important to me though, and it wouldn’t be right if he missed my big day. He mailed my birthday card and called me. Left me a voicemail in the middle of the night when he knew my phone would be off. Said he was on the road, but I didn’t believe him. I saw his motorcycle parked at the clubhouse. Sometimes when Mom lets me use her car, I go looking for him, needing to know he’s still out there. That he’s still close by. I drive by his house hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Some days I can’t even remember his face. Sometimes it’s as though he’s a ghost and I think I dreamed him up because I needed a hero.
“No. He never did text back, but I mailed him the invitation and sent a reminder. I’m sure he’ll come if he can.”
I give her a weak smile. She doesn’t know what happened that weekend, and I’ll never tell her. East got busy living his life, and I’ve continued living mine existing some place between where he is and where I long to be. I miss him. I miss him so much it aches deep in my bones. He promised he’d always be there for me, but I ruined that. I screwed up. He answers an occasional text but other than that, I’ve had no contact with him. He’s kept his distance and maybe that’s been for the best, but it still hurts. His absence cuts me deeper than any knife ever could.
“You look so pretty. I hope you know how proud I am of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I got you a little something. It’s not much but anyway I got you a present.” She hands me a blue velvet case. I open it up and smile. It’s a strand of pearls. “Thought they’d look pretty today.”
“Help me put it on?” I brush my light brown hair to the side. The older I get the darker my hair gets. You’d never know looking at me now that I used to have light blonde hair.
“Of course.” Mom hooks the strand of pearls around my neck. “There.” She moves my hair back in place. “You’re all grown up now, but you’ll always be my baby girl. The house will be so different once you’re away at school.”
“I’m not going that far away. Just an hour away practically,” I remind her.
“Yes, but it won’t be the same as having you here.”
“Stop it. We both know you’ve been waiting forever for this day to come. For me to be out of your hair.” I grin at her.
“That’s not true.” Her words say one thing, but her eyes give her away. My mother loves me in her own way, but she’s always felt like a caged bird wanting to fly free without the restraints of being responsible for someone else. Responsible for me.
“It’s okay, Mom. I know you love me in your special way.”
“Wylla Mae, I never regretted you for one second. Where is this coming from? Have you always felt this way? That I wished I hadn’t had you?”
I don’t say anything. I let my silence speak volumes. I don’t want to have this conversation. I just want to make it through graduation.
“I’ll tell Darin you’ll be down in a few.”
“Thanks.” She exits my room, and I let out a breath, biting back the tears threatening to fall. Today is supposed to be happy, but I feel empty. I’ve felt this void since the day I screwed up everything with East.
I grab my cap and gown and make my way downstairs to Darin. He smiles big at me. “You look beautiful as always.”
“Thanks. You look pretty darn good yourself.” I move in and kiss his cheek.
“Pictures!” Mom claps her hands and I groan.
“We need to get going.”
“Oh, hush. Let me have this moment, graduate.”
“Fine.” Darin wraps an arm around me, and we pose in front of the staircase.
“Smile, Sweetpea,” Mom chastises me.
I know I am supposed to be happy and excited. Part of me is, but the rest of me is waiting for East to knock on the front door and tell me he’s proud of me, but he doesn’t. I fold into Darin’s Mustang and go through the motions of smiling and pretending I’m not completely broken inside because he isn’t here. I search the crowd for his face through most of the ceremony, battling my tears. Allowing everyone to believe I’m simply sad that I won’t be seeing my friends or my boyfriend every day. I’ve gotten used to wearing this mask. Pretending I don’t care.
Darin is leaving tomorrow to go straight to football camp in Florida. I’m here until I make the move to my dorm at Marshall University. He accepted a scholarship, and I don’t blame him for going for it. He’s upset that I didn’t want to follow him there, but honestly, I never saw us lasting past high school. He wants to try the whole long distance thing, but I know we won’t last. He’s always had a wandering eye and while I like Darin, I know I’m not in love with him. He’ll move on easily enough. Once he gets to his new school there will be plenty of girls to change his mind.
“Hey.” He caresses my cheek after the ceremony. “You seem off today.”
“It’s nothing.” I lean into him. “I’m just emotional. Our childhood is over and we’re adults now. I’m going to miss roaming these halls and seeing you waiting for me by my locker the days you don’t drive me. Talking to you every night until I fall asleep.”
“You’re always going to be my girl, Wylla Mae.”
“Do you remember when you gave me a titty twister?” I laugh.
“That was unfortunate. My father proceeded to give me a purple nurple when I got home that day. Lucky for me, you forgave me.”
“Yeah. I thought East was going to storm the halls to find you. He was so mad.”
“Ah. That’s what’s wrong. He was a no show. You know he’s not your dad. I don’t get why you are so hung up on that dude. He dated your mom for like five minutes. I’m starting to think you’re in love with him or something.”
My mouth drops. Darin has always hinted he thought I might have a crush on East, but he’s never came out and said it before. “Why would you say that?” I push away from him and start down the hallway hoping my mom hasn’t left yet.
“Where are you going?” Darin jogs after me. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. It’s just I wish you’d look half as excited when you say my name as when you say his.”
“Darin.” I look at him as he pushes the door open leading to the back parking lot of our school not knowing what to say to him. I’ve denied my true desires for so long.
“Looks like you got your wish after all.” Darin nods toward the parking lot.
I glance up and I don’t war with my tears, I let them fall freely. “East,” I whisper his name as a smile stretches over my face. I don’t give Darin a second thought as I rush down the concrete slab steps toward him. He’s leaning against his big black Chevy truck looking dangerous and like a dream come true. Wearing a black Harley Davidson tee and dark jeans. His tattoos are on full display. He’s grown a bit of facial hair and it looks ruggedly sexy. My fingers itch to touch it…to touch him to make sure he’s real.
His arms open and I collapse in his embrace throwing my arms around his neck. “You came.” He smells of smoke and I grin even wider. God I’ve missed the smell of him. Tobacco, leather, and the open road. He’s been riding. I can smell it on him. He smells like sunshine and asphalt. Danger and everything forbidden that I crave.
“Told you, kid. I’ll always show up for you.”
“I didn’t think you’d be here.” I swipe my fingers under my eyes hoping I haven’t completely destroyed my makeup.
“I wouldn’t miss your graduation for nothing. I’m damn proud of you, Lil’ Lady.”
“I’m not little,” I mumble.
“No, you aren’t,” he agrees. “I cleared it with your mom that is if you want to, I thought I’d take y
ou to dinner to celebrate. Darin can come too.” His arms drop, and I realize I had completely forgotten about my boyfriend.
“Um, I think he has a thing with his family. I should let him know though that I’m going to get a ride with you.”
“Sure. I’ll be in the cage.”
I shake my head. I always get a tickle hearing him refer to his truck as cage. Like driving it makes him feel like an animal being held in a crate or something.
I rush back to Darin. “Hey, so East is taking my mom and me out to dinner.” I don’t know why I lie to him. I know my mom won’t be there. I guess Darin’s comment has made me paranoid.
“Yeah. Sure. I’ll see ya later for Markie’s party?”
“Mhmm. Of course. I’ll text you when we get home.”
“Okay.” He leans in to kiss me and I don’t know what possesses me to do it, but I turn my cheek into him. I don’t want East to see Darin sticking his tongue down my throat. It just seems weird.
He scoffs. “Wow. Okay. I was right, wasn’t I?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re in love with that old dude,” he accuses, folding his arms over his chest. “Is he why you don’t fuck me? Did you already give him your V-card? Bet he punched that as soon as you were having your period.”
“Shut up. Don’t be saying that, Darin. I don’t know why you’re so jealous of him. He’s been in my life since I was eight years old. There’s something wrong with you. He dated my mom. Just you know what. If that’s what you think about me then…have a nice life.”
“You get in that truck and we’re through,” he threatens.
“I don’t need this from you. We both know this wasn’t going to last. Might as well end it now.”
He grabs my arm and twists it behind me. “You aren’t leaving with him. You came with me. You’re my girlfriend, Wylla Mae. I shouldn’t have to remind you of the fact.”
Lady & The Biker (Royal Bastards MC) Page 6