by Jamie Knight
So, I knew how big of a deal it was that he had fought to have the time off.
“I'm coming home, dad,” I said. “Will it be just you and I or will Bradley be joining us?”
I winced, hoping that he didn't notice the eager curiosity in my voice that I hadn't done a very good job of hiding.
“No, he says that he's going to be going home to visit his family in Tennessee for the holiday,” he said. “I told him that if he has the chance to visit his family, he should do it. Life is too short.”
“You're so right,” I said, fully agreeing with him.
Hearing that he wasn't going to pop up at our family dinner was a huge relief. This way, I could comfortably tell my dad about the babies without having to deal with Bradley right then and there. I was sure that my dad would tell him, anyway, but it would buy me some time to at least figure out a plan and let my dad adjust to the idea that he was about to become a grandfather.
I had given a little more thought on how I would handle Bradley in the weeks since Thanksgiving. If he did put two and two together and realize that he was the father of my babies, I would just put his mind at ease and let him know that I didn't expect anything from him. I had already decided that I would raise the babies on my own.
I would also tell him that I wasn't going to come between his and my father's friendship. I knew that it meant a lot to both him and my father. I would never want to be the reason why they were no longer close, even if that meant that things would be harder for me.
Part of me wished that, once he knew he was having his children, he would stand up and fight to be with me, that he would admit he really loved me and ask me to be his wife. That would make me so happy, like I could truly have my happy ending. But, I would only want that to happen if he loved me, not out of some sense of doing the right thing.
I didn't want him to feel trapped in any way. That was why I wanted to make it clear that he could walk away without any type of guilt or shame, if that's what he chose to do. But, in my mind, I knew that it was all wishful thinking on my part.
On the last day of the semester, I said my goodbyes to everyone and headed home to start packing. It didn't take me long to throw a few things into two suitcase, load it up in my car, and head toward my old house. I had a few gifts that I found for my dad and brought them along, too. I wrapped them in hopes that they would help me to feel more festive than I had been feeling.
I felt like I should have been happy to be going home because I definitely missed being there and waking up, seeing my dad almost every day. But I couldn't shake this strong feeling that I was heading into a disaster. Instead of feeling like I was going home for the most wonderful time of the year, I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach like I was going to a funeral. I chalked it up to hormones.
As soon I pulled into the driveway, my dad appeared at the door. His smile was so bright, I could see it clearly from my car.
“Here, let me help you with those bags,” he said, jumping down from the porch and running to the car before I could pull out the suitcase. He grabbed both bags and the gifts in his arms and headed toward the house.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, following him into the house. He had barely even looked at me, so he hadn't noticed that I looked different at all. I could feel my body relax as I realized that I wasn't going to have to address things right away.
No, I thought, correcting myself. It's better to get it out of the way and deal with it.
I stood in front of him, making sure that my belly was clearly in view of him. He put the gifts under the tree and turned around, almost running right into me. He stopped and looked me over from head to toe. He didn't say anything. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to keep his eyes away from my protruding belly.
“Hey, are you hungry?” he said, moving toward the kitchen. “Why don't I fix us some lunch?”
I was a little surprised that he didn't even bother making a comment about the obvious change that my body had undergone, but I decided to just go along with it.
“I'm famished,” I admitted. “My appetite has definitely gotten a lot bigger these days.”
He blinked a few times, like he was trying to process what I was saying, but he still didn't say anything. I hoped that my comment would be pointed enough for him to respond, so that we could start the conversation about my belly, but he didn't take the bait.
“What's for lunch?” I ventured.
He smiled, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a bag of lettuce and fresh salmon.
“I was thinking some pan seared salmon and salad,” he said. My dad was very muscular and lean, but it wasn't because of his eating habits. We often joked that my dad could keep his amazing physique even if he ate cake all day. He was one of those people who had been blessed with an incredible metabolism. So, I was surprised that he was eating something that was actually good for him.
“Wow, you? Eating healthy?” I said, putting my hand to his forehead in fake shock. “What happened to bring on this change?”
He playfully pushed my hand away and chuckled.
“I just realized that I need to take better care of myself and eat better,” he said, shrugging. “Eating healthy is really important at any age, though.”
He looked at me uncomfortably, like he was trying to hint at something that I should have picked up on. It was then that it dawned on me: he thought that I had gotten fat from overeating and this was his way of trying to tell me that.
Laughter spilled from my mouth as the realization set in. It grew into loud, uncontrollable laughter with tears pouring from my eyes. I couldn't remember the last time that I had laughed so loudly. My poor father was sitting there, worried that I was going to eat myself out of house and home, not even realizing that I was growing large and round from the babies that were developing inside of me.
“Can you let me in on the joke?” asked my dad, looking at me with comical confusion on his face.
I struggled to stop laughing for a few minutes, watching my dad grow more and more confused.
“I'll tell you over lunch,” I said, clutching my belly. I felt little flutters inside of my belly. I guess my laughing got the babies attention, too.
My dad peeled the plastic wrap off the fish, put some olive oil in a pan, and put the salmon in. It sizzled as it cooked, filling the kitchen with a delightful aroma.
“That smells yummy, Dad,” I said, walking over to the stove and sniffing the air.
“Thanks,” he said, pride on his face as he flipped the salmon. “I've been working on my cooking skills lately.”
“Oh? What brought that on?” I asked.
“Well, I figured maybe if I cooked a little bit more, you might want to come home more often.”
My heart sank.
I looked on at my father as he cooked and for the first time in my whole life, I saw him, needing me. My absence here had really gotten to my dad. I had always seen my dad as so strong. With him always gone, I thought that he would be used to being on his own. But I guess that wasn't the case. I could tell that he really wanted to have me around.
He served the salmon on our plates and brought them over to the table. I grabbed a bowl from under the counter and opened a bag of lettuce, tossing it inside. I put the bowl on the table and sat down across from my dad.
This is as good of a moment as I'll ever get, I thought. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.
“Dad, I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.
There, that was it, I’d done it. No matter what happened now, at least the truth was out.
Chapter 42
Natalia
My father froze, a forkful of salmon suspended in mid-air in front of his mouth. He stared blankly at the table. His eyes slipped up to look into mine.
“What?” he said faintly.
“I, uh, I'm pregnant,” I said, clearing my throat. I could feel my confidence beginning to wane as a look covered my dad's face that I had never seen before. It was almost scary to
watch his face morph into something that I didn't recognize.
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“How long have you known?” he asked.
My heart started racing. I hadn't expected that question, of all the possible ones he could ask.
“Well, for a few months now...”
“Why didn't you tell me sooner?” he asked, his voice almost pleading with me.
“I didn't know how to tell you,” I admitted.
My dad was quiet and stared at the table. He looked like he was trying to put a puzzle together.
“What about the father?”
That question I had expected. And I knew that there was no way that I could be honest about that. So, I told him the lie that I had rehearsed in my head.
“It's just some boy from school,” I said, waving my hand. “I haven't even told him that I was pregnant. He's not important, though. I've already decided that I'm going to keep the babies and raise them whether the father wants to be involved or not.”
“I...I just...I can't believe that this is happening,” he said, covering his face with one hand and staring at my belly in shock. “What's his name?”
I knew that there was no way that I could tell him any name because he would probably hunt down any person with that name and kill them for all I knew.
“That's not important... ” I began, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.
“What do you mean that's not important?” boomed my dad, pounding his fist on the table. “It is damn well important! I want to know the name of the guy who put you in the situation so that I can give him a piece of my mind. Now, what's his name?”
I raised my head, looking my father square in the eyes.
“Dad, I'm not going to tell you that,” I said.
He stood up and started pacing back and forth, fuming with rage.
“Are you kidding me? Why are you protecting this creep? Now that I am looking back on how everything went, you being heartsick and then moving out the house, it all makes sense. You have been enduring so much on your own. Give me a chance to at least have a conversation with this guy. I can't make any promises, but I can try to control myself. Don't you think that this guy should be held responsible for the baby?”
“Babies,” I said, lifting my hands in a peace sign to signal there were two babies in my belly.
“Babies? You're having twins?” he asked incredulously.
I nodded and smiled, rubbing my belly protectively.
“Wow!” he exclaimed, sitting back down in his chair and staring across the room at the wall. He rubbed his forehead, as if to help his brain comprehend it better. “Two babies. I'm going to be a grandfather to two babies?”
He lifted his other hand and started fanning his face. I was tickled watching him, but I held back my laughter. He seemed to have calmed down from being so angry, but I wasn't sure if we were out of the woods quite yet. I had to be careful how I handled things.
“I just don't understand why you wouldn't want the father to help if he's half responsible for... this,” he said, motioning toward my belly and sighing. “But, I'm going to be here for you however I can be. Just let me know what you need.”
There he was, the supportive dad that I knew that he could be.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, reaching over and grasping his hands in mine.
“You're welcome,” he grumbled, his voice riddled with disappointment. “You’re sure that you don't want to tell me who this guy is and drag him, even if by force, to the altar? I can be pretty persuasive, you know.”
He cracked his knuckles and made a motion like he was punching someone. I shuddered at the thought of him bludgeoning his friend, Bradley, if he were to find out the truth.
“No way,” I said, shaking my head. “I would never want to force anyone to do anything that they didn't want to when it came to my baby. This is a decision that I made. And I certainly wouldn't want to get married to someone just because I was pregnant. More lives have been ruined that way. If I were to get married, I would want it to be because that person sincerely loved me, not just in the name of being responsible.”
“So, the father's not involved?” he asked.
“No—” I began.
“—Fuck!” he yelled, cutting me off.
“But, to be fair, he doesn't even know,” I said, words tumbling out of my mouth so fast that I could barely keep them straight. “And, trust me, there are very good reasons why he doesn't know. I can't really get into all of it now, but all of this is very purposeful. He really is a great guy, though.”
My dad got so angry, his face reddening as he pressed his lips together in a tight line.
“No! I will not stand for this! I am trying to just let you live your life, but when it comes to involving babies, I have to put my foot down. I order you to tell the father about the children. That's only fair and only right. I can't very well be upset at this guy if you haven't given him a chance to step up to the plate.”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. In an instant, things had changed. He had gone from being the supportive father that I hoped for, to treating me like one of the soldiers under his command.
“With all due respect, Dad, I would appreciate it if you would just let me handle this the way that I need to,” I said, keeping my tone even. “I still am trying to figure things out myself. And Bra— The father and I haven't really talked since I got pregnant, so I want to process things myself before I reach out to him. I hope that you can understand that.”
My father paused for a moment and just stared at me.
“You will do as your told,” he said firmly.
It was my turn to get upset.
“You know what, Dad? I've tried to handle this with respect, but it seems like you can't give me the same respect. I didn't have to tell you anything at all. I could have just kept you in the dark about all of it. But, if this is going to be too much for you, I can just leave. You need to treat me like an adult and realize that I know what's best in this situation.”
I looked into my father's eyes, hoping that he could understand and, if he couldn't, then at the very least he could find some acceptance.
“Okay,” he said, sounding defeated. I could tell that he didn't like it, but he knew that he really didn't have much of a choice. I had placed my boundaries right where I wanted them and, if he wanted me to stay around, he would have to respect them.
We finished eating and went into the living room to watch our favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story. We had already seen it so many times, but it felt nice to snuggle up next to my dad like old times. He touched my belly a few times, still shocked that I was growing two babies inside of me.
“I really wish that you'd change your mind about telling the father,” he said. Again.
I ignored his comment. I just wanted to keep the peace and enjoy the time that I had with my father without having to make major life decisions in an instant. I just chortled and shushed him.
Over the next few days that I spent at home, he found subtle ways to try to tell me that he still wished that I would tell the father of my babies about them. He told me about when my mother first told him that she was pregnant and how happy he was and how he feels that every father should have the chance to have that experience. I smiled at his not-so-subtle attempt to get me to change my mind.
But, I knew that telling Bradley about the babies would open up a can of worms that I wasn't ready to deal with just yet. For the moment, I comforted myself with the idea that all of our future holidays would be more interesting at the very least once the twins were born and started growing.
Chapter 43
Bradley
“Flight 8742 has been cancelled due to inclement weather,” said the voice over the loud speaker.
A collective groan passed through the airport as people came to terms with the fact that their holiday plans were being ruined due to the snowstorms that were happening all over.
“This is
what happens when we wait to fly until the very last minute,” spat an angry lady at her husband, who just cowered in his chair next to her, looking so pitiful.
I felt sorry for the poor guy. There were four children running in circles around him chanting, “cancelled, cancelled…” He looked like he wanted to grow wings and fly away himself.
I had been on my way home to see my cousin, someone that I hadn't seen in person in many years. She was always the sweet one and I knew that she was going to be disappointed. To be completely honest, so was I.
I craved to be around family for the first time after so long. I had been grateful that James was nice enough to open up his home to me, but it reminded me of just how lonely I had been for so many years. I yearned for family of my own, in a way that I hadn't before.
I retrieved my bag from the conveyor belt and slowly walked back to the parking lot where I had parked my car. There was chaos everywhere, people yelling and angry about the cancelled flights. I was happy to be able to get into my car and shut out the world. I started my car and pulled out of the parking lot. Christmas music played on the radio, serenading my drive home.
“The weather outside really is frightful, folks,” came the deep, sultry voice of the radio DJ. “Be sure to stay warm cuddling up with those you love most in this most wonderful time of the year.”
I smirked at his banter. His playful comment reminded me that I was heading home to my empty apartment. There would be no Christmas cheer or any loved ones to spend time with. It would just be me. The prospect of a lonely holiday made my heart sink a little.
I remembered that James had invited me to his house for Christmas, but I had turned him down since I had already gotten my plane tickets to go back home. I had even called the airline to find out if I could get a refund for them, but they told me that I couldn’t. All sales are final, they said. So, I settled into the idea that I would be going cousin-visiting for Christmas.
But, now that plans had changed, due to no fault of my own, I started to think that maybe I could stop by James’s house after all. I knew that Natalia was going to be there. I was desperate for any reason to see her. What better reason than to come spread holiday cheer? Even if I had no cheer to spread, it would be good to see her, anyway.