by Jamie Knight
We were eating some kind of chicken my mother made. I always hated the way she made chicken. After a few minutes, she would ask me how I liked it. Normally, I either told her I didn’t like it or tell her it wasn’t my “cup of tea”, but today I had a different reaction.
“How do you like your chicken?” she asked hopefully.
“I like it. It’s good,” I said flatly.
“You do? See? I told you. Your tastes change after a few years,” she said grinning. “I knew you’d eventually like it.”
I shoveled another piece of the dry, flavorless chicken flesh into my mouth. I chewed it and swallowed it. Maybe I’d get lucky and choke to death on a bone. Then I could at least smile one last time, knowing I wouldn’t have to eat her cruddy chicken any more.
As I sat there eating, completely tuned out, I realized I was beginning to resent my parents. They were really unlikable people when you got right down to it. Their holier-than-thou attitude had twisted them and made them into well-meaning monsters. There was one silver lining though. Someday they’d die before me.
Yes, then I’d be free. I’d finally be free to make my own decisions, maybe run out and sin as much as I wanted and then I could try and find happiness. I’d divorce the church boy who married me and then finally have a life at age 45. It was a long way off. It was going to be a pretty depressing next 25 years or so.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. My parents never had visitors because they barely had any friends, so this was unusual. I started to stand to answer the door, but my father gestured for me to sit. I obeyed.
“Probably just a salesman,” he dismissed.
The knock came again. This time it was more insistent and louder. Dad gave me a nod. I immediately got up and moved like a good little zombie to the door. When I opened it, I was shocked to see Seth on the other side. In a panic, I pushed him outside, stepped out with him and shut the door behind me.
“Seth. What the hell are you doing here? Get out of here. I don’t want my parents to see you,” I whispered.
“I came here to check on you,” he said looking down at me with worried brown eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving and why did you drop out of school?”
I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Don’t pretend to care about me, Seth,” I scoffed. “You took off with Mia. Go be with her.”
“What? You made me leave with Mia. You insisted,” he whispered.
“Yes. Because you left with her at the party and slept with her.” I turned back to my parent’s front door.
Seth grabbed me by the arm and turned me back around. “I didn’t sleep with her,” he insisted. “Go ask her. She was being a good friend and just talked things over with me. She likes you. I was mad, but I wasn’t going to do that, anyway.”
“I couldn’t bear to see you with another woman, Seth,” I hissed, trying to keep my voice down. “Not again. You think this is a game, but it’s not to me.”
“You’re not being fair,” he insisted. “I have feelings for you. That’s why I came here. I was in the middle of my internship meeting, but I couldn’t even get through it. I was so worried about you.”
“Those are just words, Seth. I’ve actually wanted to be with you since high school. Since Sadie Hawkins Dance,” I insisted, not caring what I revealed to him anymore. It hardly mattered anyway.
“High school? Sadie Hawkins Dance? You mean, that dance our junior year?” Seth asked with total bewilderment.
“Yes, asshole,” I hissed. “I was going to ask you. Never told anyone. Because it was a complete fucking disaster!”
“What the hell do you mean?” asked Seth, face screwed up in confusion.
“I climbed out the fire escape to ask you privately if you would be my date. But when I got to your window, I totally saw you fucking some redhead!” cracked my voice.
“…um…” was all he said.
“That’s right,” I growled in triumph. “You’ve always been a dog. There’s never been any chance for us.”
Seth’s voice went smooth and gentle as he said, “Tina. That wasn’t me.”
“Oh? Then who was the guy with black hair in your bedroom on the floor with some random redhead?” I shot back.
“That would be my cousin, Jacob. We were born the same year and he stayed with my family for a month in our junior year of high school. His girlfriend would come to visit and I would give up my room for a couple of hours to they could… visit,” Seth said while starting to smile. “I would have totally gone to Sadie Hawkins Dance with you.”
I stood there, frozen and stunned. It wasn’t him on that floor. The entire reason I hated him was that I felt things that I couldn’t do anything about. And now I learn, I could have been with him this whole time. I could barely breathe.
He grabbed me, pulled me close and kissed me. I couldn’t help it. I just melted into him. I missed him so much. My life was such a boring nothing without him. I had felt rejected by him and so I treated him like he had hurt me, badly. But he was never even there. And so I was punishing him for nothing. I felt horrible but I couldn’t let him go, not for one second. Not now. Not ever again. Why did life do these things to us?
Before I could say anything, the door burst open and there was Dad. He turned red. He was as furious as I have ever seen him.
“What is the meaning of this?” he bellowed. “Tina. You’re acting like a slut! I knew that college would turn you into one.”
“She’s not a slut, Mr. Bailey,” said Seth. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand you’re trespassing,” he shouted, pushing Seth back into the hallway.
Seth staggered backwards, almost falling. Dad marched towards him, rolling up his sleeves and preparing to fight. Seth look cornered, unsure of what to do. I tried to get between them, but suddenly mother was there, holding me back. That was what she always did, hold me back.
“I’m going to teach you some manners, boy,” insisted Dad.
Seth’s back hit the opposite wall of the hallway. He stood up to his full height. “Mr. Bailey, stay back. I don’t want to hurt you. But you’re not seeing things clearly,” said Seth. “Tina is a beautiful person. She and I are in love.”
My breath caught. I couldn’t believe it. Did he actually say that? Oh, God. Finally, one of us said it. It was true. We were in love. Seth had finally broken through the barrier. I wanted to cry. Although maybe Seth was just lying to appease my parents, but I didn’t believe that. I knew in my heart he loved me and I loved him.
“A piece of trash like you and my daughter?” scoffed Dad. “I don’t believe it. This is some kind of trick. My daughter put you up to this to hide her sinful ways.”
“It’s not a trick or a game. I love her, sir,” said Seth holding his head high, but clenching his fists. “We’re going to get married.”
Oh, my God. Was he serious? I can’t believe he’d say it just like that. That should shut my mother up.
“You love her so much, huh? Did you have sex with her? Did you?” Dad demanded.
We weren’t expecting that question. My dad wasn’t normally so direct on these issues. Seth and I both looked away trying to think of a good answer, but then Dad immediately knew.
“Not a slut, huh?” scoffed my father. He pointed at me. “I knew she was a harlot. Get out of here, hussy. No harlot will live under this roof.”
I started to cry. There was so much emotion confronting me all at once. I couldn’t handle it all. But Seth, he held out his hand. He had come to save me.
“Tina,” he said. “Come home with me.”
I took his hand and looked back at my folks, maybe for the last time.
“Okay,” I said through my tears. “Let’s go home.”
“Go ahead. Go!” ranted my father. His face crimson. “Live in sin. That’s what harlots do. You won’t be welcomed back here, Tina. Don’t expect anything from us, ya hear me? Nothing.”
It was hurtful to hear my father talk that way. He screamed
it like a man in pain. He sounded like a man that had been suffering his entire life. But what could I do? I loved Seth and now I knew he loved me. At the end of the day, love was everything. I just wish my parents understood that. Maybe they would be much happier if they did.
Let my mother and father have their church and their friends and their self-righteous attitude. I didn’t care anymore. If they wanted to be a part of my life, they could accept us how we are and accept me for who I am. Maybe I wasn’t perfect. Maybe I was a sinner. But I knew, deep down, I was a good person even with those flaws.
Arm in arm, we got onto the bus and headed back to the Kensington State campus. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I didn’t have any clothes or money. My parents owned or paid for everything.
“Seth,” I said leaning my head against his shoulder. “I don’t have any clothes. I’m completely poor now.”
“Don’t worry,” he said. He took a strand of my hair and ran it through his fingers. “Now that I have the internship, I can cover rent on the apartment.”
“But I literally have only the clothes on my back,” I said. “I guess I could just keep washing them.”
“You left a few things back at the place,” he assured me. “But, ya know what, let’s stop at the discount store. I’ll get a few things. I don’t have much money, but we’ll make it work.”
“I’ll just get the basics,” I assured looking up into his deep brown eyes. “The absolute cheapest things we can afford.”
He smiled down at me. “You should probably buy one nice outfit,” he suggested. “You’re going to need it for job interviews.”
“Good call,” I agreed. I brushed his lips with a quick kiss. “Thanks for coming back for me. You saved me from my parents.”
“Ah, you would’ve done the same for me if I was in that situation,” he said with a smile.
“I’d like to think so, but you know that’s not true,” I said, feeling ashamed. I looked away from him. “I’m just weak and helpless and stupid.”
“No you’re not,” he said, putting a hand under my chin and bringing my face up to his. His eyes looked deep into mine. “Don’t ever talk about yourself that way again, okay? You’re strong and determined and smart. And awesome. Say it.”
“I’m awesome?” I said meekly.
“Louder.”
“I’m awesome.”
“Okay then, awesome girl,” he said as the bus pulled up to the second-hand store’s parking lot. “Let’s go get you some clothes.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Tina
After a few weeks at the basement apartment, things had settled down a bit. I was pretty happy, although I wasn’t really sure if Seth wanted to get married. I didn’t push him, he had already done so much for me. Living like a couple these past few weeks was enough thanks. We fell into a nice comfortable routine.
By the last days of finals, I was getting a little bored. Seth was always studying and since I dropped out, there was nothing for me to do. I had applied everywhere, but still didn’t get a job. I was determined to get one, if only so I could prove to my dad how wrong he was about me.
I had stopped partying and drinking to excess. There was no point to it any more. Although I didn’t totally abandon my friends, I no longer felt the need to numb myself. The suffering that seemed to consume me was much more manageable now. It was like a relief. My parents may not have been in my life, but at least they weren’t driving me into directions where I didn’t want to go.
Resolve was the order of the day. Sure, I still loved my parents, but I had to compartmentalize them to some degree. I could no longer allow them to decide everything for me, especially when it flew in the face of what was best for me. I always thought they knew what was best, but they didn’t. Maybe for when I was growing up they did for most things, but now that I was an adult, they had to step aside. Maybe someday, they’d come to terms with that and we’d be on speaking terms again, but that was mostly on them.
Naturally, I had very little to do at the apartment. When you’re a broke college drop-out with no job, after you’ve spent the morning applying for jobs there wasn’t much to do in the afternoons. The apartment was spotless. I had cleaned everything I possibly could. Every stitch of laundry was done too, and I was getting pretty good at cooking.
I went outside to get the mail, it was one of the highlights of my boring day. Shockingly, there was a package. But even more shocking, it was addressed to me from the dean of the school of business. I immediately concluded that it was probably some leftover paperwork from the college. I hoped it wasn’t a bill. I assumed my parents had immediately cut me off, but they had already paid the college tuition and fees. If they had somehow dumped a bill back on me, that would be a bit of a problem. However, with my newfound confidence, I would face it.
Opening the envelope, I was stunned.
“Hey, Tina,” greeted Jimmy, the landlord, who had been raking leaves at the side of the house. He had turned the corner and saw me reading the letter while sitting on the curb.
“Hey, Jimmy,” I said a little stunned.
He walked up to me. “Is that good news or bad news?” he asked. “I can’t tell from your expression.”
“It’s good,” I said. “I dropped out of college, but Dean Williams sent me a letter of recommendation for a junior college. They teach event planning. He thinks I’d be perfect for that major because of the project I did where I planned a carnival.”
“Well, that’s good, right?” Jimmy asked.
“I’m not sure how I could afford it though,” I wondered.
“You could always apply,” he said, adjusting the straps on his gardening gloves. “Maybe they’ll give you a scholarship.”
“I think I will,” I said cheerfully, jumping up and skipping back to the basement stairs. “Later Jimmy!”
I got online and looked over the junior college. Wanewright Junior college was just a few miles over on the edge of town. The event planning major sounded pretty exciting. I loved parties! I could do this.
When I was looking at colleges, I had described to my dad the kind of major this junior college described. I was sort of vaguely aware of the event planner major, but my father kept pushing me toward the business school. He thought he was helping me, but he was really just pushing his level of ignorance on the subject onto me. This major is what I wanted to do. It sounded perfect.
Later, when Seth came home, I had chicken and pasta ready for both of us for dinner. I had mixed in some garlic and broccoli and it smelled pretty good.
“Ooo, what’s that?” he greeted, giving me a peck on the cheek.
I smiled up at him. “Chicken, broccoli and pasta,” I said proudly. “How was school?”
“Good,” he said sitting down. “Mmm, this is awesome. Thanks for cooking, Tina. How was your day?”
I set a full plate before him and skipped over to my seat. “Amazing. Dean Williams of the business school sent me a letter of recommendation for another college. He thinks I’d be perfect for their event planning major.”
Seth glanced over to me, his deep brown eyes wide. “You know what, that does sound like you,” agreed Seth. “Did you apply?”
“I did. And they not only accepted me, but they said because of the dean’s letter they’d offer me a partial scholarship and help me with financial aid for the rest,” I told him excitedly.
He nodded and took a bite of his chicken. His eyes were far away as he chewed, I could tell his mind was calculating. “Well, would you rather renew the lease here with Jimmy or move to something more central to both colleges? Is it far?” he asked.
“No, just a few miles. I could ride the bus,” I said looking at him. “You still want to let me live here? With you?”
“Of course!” he laughed. He set his fork down on the table. “I always want to live with you. In fact…”
He got down on one knee. Time stopped.
“Let’s make this official and don’t freak out because
I haven’t bought a ring yet,” he explained. “Will you marry me, Maniac?”
I leapt into his arms and I hugged him. Seth made me so happy. Not just because of the proposal, but because he truly supported me and who I was.
“Yes,” I whispered in his ear running my hands through his soft black hair.
I kissed him, and he kissed me. Dinner would have to wait. I couldn’t stop kissing him. My man. My fiancé. My future husband.
We stood up, still kissing. He picked me up easily in his arms and carried me to the bed. I felt like we were married already. He set me onto the bed, still kissing me. He pulled my t-shirt over my head and threw it to the side of the room. Then he took off his own.
I ran a hand along his muscular torso feeling the definition of his pecs and abs. Reaching down, I unbuckled his jeans and pulled them and his boxes off his hips. His long hard cock sprang free, ready and waiting for me. I leaned back so he could take off my shorts. He tossed them in the corner, like my shirt and knelt closer to me on the bed.
Seth cupped my breasts and kissed them. He licked my tender nipples and stimulated me. I reached down and stroked his already rock-hard cock. I was no longer tentative about doing such things. I was no longer torn about whether or not what I was doing was wrong. It was right, and I felt right about doing it. I let my fingers explore every inch of his throbbing tool, even gently caressing his balls.
He kissed down the center of my body and then turned around, so I could put his cock into my mouth. He slurped at my pussy as I moaned in joy. I sucked on his cock. I wanted his delicious cum. He tried to pull away to fuck me, but I held on. I had learned how to suppress my gag reflex and pushed him balls deep into my mouth, feeling his dick hit the back of my throat.
“Tina, I’m going to… Oh, God. Uhnnnn,” he moaned.