by Jamie Knight
“I gave her some money to go to Saks. She’d been talking about the shoes she wanted last time we picked up Kylie and, well, her birthday is only next month. I figured I’d let her go shopping early.”
“Dad! You don’t have to buy my nanny shoes.”
“Oh, son, that is where you are sadly mistaken. As you said yourself, if she’s supposed to be on the clock, she expects to get paid. I figured I’d give her a bonus and try to avoid her annoying rants. But anyway, I am not here for her. I want to talk to you. That nanny of yours is bad news, anyway.”
“Look, I get it. You want to make up for being a terrible dad by being a terrific grandad to Kylie. Go for it. But as far as our thing, Dad, it’s too late. I don’t need you, old man, so stop interfering.”
“Marvin, you can pin me to the cross into the next century because I wasn’t the dad you wanted, or I was terrible to your mom from your perspective. I’ve let you do it all these years. But the truth is, son, I was absent so I could work two jobs to get you where you are today. You would have been at a shitty school, with a crap-ass sports program if I didn’t kill myself to make it happen for you. I don’t need your gratitude but, son, someone needs to be straight with you.”
I wanted him to stop, but he kept going, hammering home his point like he always felt the need to do.
“I’m ashamed of you. You’re not stepping up to be a better man. You have the means, son. Money isn’t an issue. You have the time even to spend with that beautiful angel. You are wrong, son. I was a better father than you ever were because despite what you think, I always put you first. Can you say the same about you and Kylie?”
I looked over at Sandra, who was obviously trying not to show emotion, but I could see it anyway in her eyes. They were pleading with me.
“Fine. I’ll go.”
Sandra followed us out, but not before gripping my shoulder as if to say, good going. She was a solid force in my dad’s life and I was beginning to appreciate the role she played in mine, more and more every day. She was a good woman and I don’t know how she ended up with a guy like my dad, but I was grateful that she had.
We arrived at the open house and while I would have never admitted it to my dad or anyone, really, I was taken aback by all the parents that showed up. I don’t know why – it simply hit me for a minute, that feeling of, Hey, yeah, I’m Kylie’s dad and this is what dads and moms do.
It seemed harsh to admit, even to myself, but Kylie’s mom was never part of our team. She and I had never managed to work together in Kyle’s best interest. The thought of how to “parent” Kylie was more like who schedules the babysitting and who watches her today.
So, I looked at all these proud parents, I felt a ping of guilt. I realized I could hardly criticize my dad for not being there enough for me when it was the same way with Kylie and me. What a fucking hypocrite I could be sometimes.
We had arrived a bit early. Parents were milling about still as the open house hadn’t officially started. I walked in and sat my aching body in the small chairs.
My dad watched as I folded my sore muscles into the chair. He looked over and smiled at me. I wasn’t ready for that bonding moment.
I was hoping that this open house would go as smoothly as possible. But nothing ever seemed to go that way for me.
Chapter 24
Marvin
After a little while, Olivia noticed we were there, and nodded at me in acknowledgement. I half-smiled. There was still such tension between us.
But God, she was fucking beautiful. She was wearing a sassy little burgundy skirt with a cream-colored blouse and for a second, I was undressing her in my mind.
But just then Kylie looked over and spotted me and you would think I was Santa Claus. Toothless little goblin that she was, it took so little to make her happy. She ran over and with a big grin, exclaimed, “Daddy! Granpy! Sandy!”
She jumped up on me harder than any linebacker I’d ever been pummeled by and I grunted as I braced myself for the force. The other parents looked over to see what the ruckus was about but then went back to attending to their own children.
“Hey, sweet girl!”
My dad chimed in, “Who is the sweetest granddaughter in the world?”
“Daddy! Granpy, Sandy. Thank you for coming to my class day. Sophie look, it’s my daddy! Look Sophie, come say ‘hi’ to my daddy!”
Olivia smiled at Sophie and said, “It’s okay, you can go over and greet Kylie’s family. Oh, Kylie, I’m so happy to see your family.”
With that, Ms. Olivia shot me a bit of stern look.
Sophie skipped over and said, “Hi Mr. Granpy and Kylie’s daddy. Kylie is my best friend.”
Kylie was so sweet in that moment. As I watched all the other kids climbing up onto their parents’ laps, beaming with pride, it occurred to me that she wouldn’t always be this happy to see me. There would be boys and dances and first dates and Daddy would be a nuisance.
But at the same time, it also occurred to me that this was unusual for Kylie. I had not seen her this thrilled in a long time and it began to bring some perspective.
Could my dad be right?
Could Olivia be right, that Kylie just needed the reassurance and stability with the knowledge that I was going to be there for her?
Candy wasn’t present. Part of me was still angry but the other part of me, the suspended, perhaps soon to out of work football player, reluctant dad part, was thinking, Wow, I really didn’t get that kids her age are usually this happy to see Mom and Dad.
After all, Kylie was my only little one and what with her mood swings and tantrums, well, I just thought that this is the kid I got. Was I wrong?
I looked at Olivia and lost myself in thought. Suddenly I realized I was staring at her when she uncomfortably shook off my glance.
I changed my focus. The open house was about to begin. After seeing my daughter warming up to me, I had to admit to myself that maybe I had been too harsh.
We spent all day watching Kylie participate in reading exercises and learning addition memorization. She even made puppet faces out of construction paper with Sophie and gave one to me. But not before she said, “I love you so much, Daddy.”
Olivia liked that, and I reluctantly loved it. Kylie learned so much just in that little class day. I kind of couldn’t believe how excellent of a teacher Olivia was and how well the children responded to her. All the previous consternation I had about her was dissipating.
I was ready to take my little girl home with a new-found perspective. I was also ready for a nap. We had played four-square with the children at recess, had cookies and milk, went to lunch with all the parents and even got into a lengthy conversation with one parent who was also the only other single dad there. Only he was a widower. Still, he gave me some amazing insight and I felt mostly that I had a purpose for the first time.
Olivia asked us to stay and talk to her for a brief five-minute round up. I was happy to do it as was my dad and Sandy. Kylie obediently hung out in the classroom’s life-size dollhouse while we stepped up to talk to Olivia. I had decided silently that I was going to be a lot less harsh in this exchange.
“First, Olivia, I just want to thank you – this was truly wonderful for all of us to get to see Kylie interact in class,” I told her.
She looked stunned. She simply smiled and looked at my dad knowingly.
Then she answered, “Well, good, Marvin. Honestly, I wanted you to see that Kylie is quite capable and loves school and her friends. I think some of the stumbling blocks we had at the start of the year, yes certainly, were based on things going on her home life—”
She put her hand out automatically, as if to stop me from objecting, although I hadn’t planned on it.
“Understandable things that were affecting a child, no one’s fault, no blame. But as she has adjusted and as you have showed consistent involvement, I have seen such growth. So, you are all to be commended.”
My dad and Sandy nodded.
�
��I noticed Candy is not here. I may reach out to her at some point as I would hate to see Kylie back slide but so far – great job. One last thing, Marvin, will you be going back out on the road? I only ask, not to pry but to anticipate any juggling of pick-ups or any acting out by Kylie as she goes from home to home. Again, she is not verbal in the way that a teenager might be, so I depend on you all to keep me posted with updates on what is going on in her life and at home.”
My dad said, “And we appreciate that. Marvin?”
“No, I don’t really know the status of things right this minute. Uh, I’ve been… I’ve been suspended from the team.”
Olivia opened her mouth and then closed it, as if she was shocked but didn’t know what to say.
Finally, she said, “Oh, um, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not what you think — I mean, if you hear things in the press. Anyway, I’m working on an appeal.”
“Okay, so then I can anticipate that mostly you will be the primary person in Kylie’s life?”
“I have joint custody, currently primary physical custody but joint legal custody, so, yes, joint pick up as per the legal agreement. But, honestly, that is kind of in flux right now and there was just a hearing set to determine it further. You might be getting something in the mail about it, by the way, as an interested party, being that you are Kylie’s teacher. But anyway, for now, it will be me. So yes, Olivia, you are right, legally the joint arrangement has not changed.”
I looked at my dad with disdain. Dragging me to this open house was his way of saying, “You have to do something.”
“Hey baby girl? Kylie?”
Kylie stuck her head out from the dollhouse, and said, “Yes, Daddy?”
“Should we go get some ice cream because you have been doing such hard work? You, me, Pops and Sandy? Does that sound good? You can even get a giant sundae.”
“Yeah! Hey, Ms. Olivia, can you come with us for ice cream?” she asked. “With me and my daddy?”
Olivia blushed.
“Awe we gotta run, cutie. We are gonna go, son,” my dad said. “Nice going, Marvin. Good job today. Thank you, Ms. Olivia, pleasure seeing you again.”
And with that Sandy and my Dad walked out, leaving me awkwardly standing there with Olivia. It was as if he was trying to set us up.
Chapter 25
Marvin
“Um, darlin’, Ms. Olivia probably has things to do,” I told Kylie. “And we have to hurry up to get you home for cooking and dinner after ice cream. So, you can’t have too much. We have to have… something substantial to eat as a meal afterwards.”
I realized that I had made no dinner plans; I was prone to eat out rather than cooking.
What could I say? I was a lifelong bachelor through and through. Yes, I had a daughter, but that was why I had always paid handsomely for a nanny. And I figured it was why take out food existed.
As if reading my mind, Olivia said, “Marvin, does Sasha cook?”
“A little. Nothing fancy. The last nanny left because there was too much responsibility,” I told her. “I kind of put a lot of expectations on her to do pretty much everything. I guess that was a bit much, so she left. I didn’t want to see the same fate repeat itself with Sasha. At a certain point, I was glad to just have a nanny. But she does some light cooking, and I’m always giving her money to pick up food. So, it’s not like Kylie starves. No worries about that.”
“Of course not,” Olivia said, in a tone that suggested she was offended that I would even be thinking she’d be thinking that.
Shit.
Time to put my foot in my mouth again. It seemed as if I was always saying the wrong thing. But I was fucking nervous around Olivia – the one girl I had never been able to get over or even get out of my head, no matter how hard I tried.
“Daddy, can’t Ms. Olivia please come with us for ice cream?” Kylie begged, tugging on my arm.
“You know what, I’d really like some ice cream,” Olivia said, smiling down at Kylie. “Is it okay if I join?”
Now she looked up at me, her eyebrows raised as if it was an invitation. Oooh. I always loved a good challenge. And she knew it.
Kylie perked up.
“Yes, oh yes, Ms. Olivia. We go to Ginny’s, where they let you make faces on the scoops with juj-ju beans and M&Ms. It’s really funny.”
“Oh, that sounds amazing.”
I blushed because this was far from the scenario I’d envisioned but as I disciplined my eyes not to look at the key hole in Olivia’s blouse just below the bow, I thought, Oh Marv, you are in a lot of fucking trouble now.
If she was already always in my head, how the fuck would I be able to get her out now? Instead, all I wanted to do was get her into my bed!
Olivia grabbed her green sweater and took Kylie’s hand. She sashayed in front of me in that tight burgundy pencil skirt and I pretended not to notice any of it as I followed behind. I guessed we were going to ice cream.
What the fuck?
Olivia, Kylie and I were going to ice cream. If I had planned this day with a crystal ball or if I was a betting man, I would have never scored it quite this way.
I reminded myself silently, Marvin, she is trouble. She is your daughter’s teacher. And, plus, this Olivia is trouble because of your draw to her based on your history. Keep your emotions in check.
Ice cream was a bit non-plus at first. I don’t know if I had expectations of Olivia falling all over me or for her to drop some bombshell on me that she had harbored feelings all this time, but there was none of that.
Quite frankly, I was a tad disappointed. But I didn’t know what I was expecting, since it wasn’t like I was revealing my feelings for her, and it would be quite out of the blue for her to just blurt them out for me. Olivia was a strong woman, which was always part of the appeal. She was not going to turn into a blubbering fool admitting her long-harbored feelings for me out of nowhere.
Still. I hadn’t expected that, but I also hadn’t expected how reserved she could be around me. She was strictly professional, one hundred percent polite and respectful and fully, Kylie’s teacher out for a sundae. That was it.
Maybe my ego was a bit deflated, but it didn’t seem like she thought anything about me except that I was a father to one of the students in her class. Maybe that was it. Maybe the fact I was at the end of a dying football career killed any lingering feelings she may have had for me, if there were any at all – perhaps she just wasn’t impressed by me at all.
But the truth was, it made no sense that she wouldn’t be into me. I didn’t want to sound egotistical, but I knew what my strengths and weaknesses were.
I was in shape, still extremely good looking and obviously responsible as was evidenced by my appearance at the open house. And I was her ex – I had taken her virginity and done things to her that rocked her world.
I still remembered how her pussy quivered when I sucked it dry. In fact, it was one of my all-time favorite things to think about.
I loved the taste of her cum in my mouth. And I knew she had to remember the taste of my cum in hers, because she used to get down on her knees and suck my cock like it was the only thing she wanted in life.
How could her feelings for me vanish just like that, now that we were seeing each other again even in this professional context? I knew that mine had certainly not vanished for her.
Damn it.
I did ask her briefly about her love life when Kylie went to get sprinkles. That might have been taking things too far, but I was curious, and she knew that I would always speak what was on my mind, so I did.
She merely answered very professionally and in a reserved manner, “I’m doing fine on my own; thank you for asking. And I’m glad to see you are doing so well. It’s nice to be on the same page where Kylie is concerned. She is obviously a great kid.”
And she excused herself to go the lady’s room. Clearly, she had set the boundaries and there was going to be no delving beyond the professional parent-teacher pa
rameters. I guess that was good.
I mean, what was I even thinking? There was no way I should have even been thinking about getting back with Olivia.
But still, I was happy to hear her say she was doing fine “on her own.” I was glad she wasn’t married or committed to anyone. I was still foolishly holding out hope for us, I guessed. So much for being over her!
I decided I needed to start making myself busy while on this involuntary suspension, because clearly the inactivity was affecting my better senses. Then I exhaled at the idea of getting my head together. Just as quickly as I came to from this big sack called the Olivia Formation, though, there it was again, all over again – it was back.
Olivia walked towards me, back from the lady’s room, and slid her beautiful body into the seat across from me. I got a whiff of her lavender perfume and I just fell apart all over again.
But who was I kidding?
I was nobody to her.
And I painted myself into a corner when I acted like a real asshole once I first got to talk to her again.
I dug my spoon into the melting coffee ice cream that was left in my bowl and smiled at Olivia politely.
Awkward was an understatement.
Chapter 26
Olivia
I looked at Marvin as he wiped a bit of ice cream off his lip. It was definitely awkward when he asked if I was seeing anyone but truly, I was feeling so comfortable, like not much time had passed since we had been together. Sure, that was not true at all — in fact, a lot of time had passed and we’d both moved on, with no hope for anything new.
But part of me wondered what it would look like if there was hope for something new between us. Marvin was still so handsome and adorable. He was still that boy I knew, maybe a bit more jaded, beat up by life, but also a bit wiser. And I had changed too, so who was I to judge?
When he knew me, I was innocent and virginal, until he changed all of that and turned me into a whimpering pile of need and satisfaction as he played with my body and my mind. Back then, though, I was still a lot more innocent than I am now. I still had a mother and a newness about all the possibilities that were ahead potentially, including a life with him.