“Cook said to wear your hair nice,” Daisy answered, a definite smirk on her lips. “I told you cooking dinner for him would work.”
Rose narrowed her gaze. “I don’t think what happened was what you intended.” Her sister had clearly meant Rose should impress him with her cooking, not spill food all over him and end up in the storage hull.
Daisy sniffed. “You don’t know that. It might have been.” Then she pulled the hair again. “Your dress should dry soon enough and your hair is almost done.”
Lily gave a yawn from her bed, clearly waking from her nap. “Why is Rose’s dress wet?”
Rose shook her head as Daisy recounted the adventure.
“Family meeting? Does that mean he intends to become part of our family?” Lily got up from the bed, stretching. “That would be glorious.”
Rose twisted her hands together. “I do hope so.” She had told Daisy most of the details but not all. She’d left out the intimacy of their embrace, only mentioning the kisses, and she’d also left out the depths of feeling she’d discovered. Somehow, if he didn’t propose tonight, his rejection would be easier if her sisters didn’t know her heart was involved.
Lily crossed the tiny room, gently stroking her sister’s hair. “Of course he’ll ask you.” Then Lily smiled. “The worst part is that you’ll owe Fiona a favor. A rather large one and Captain MacFarland is right. Fiona’s favors can be quite dangerous.”
That made Rose laugh. “How I would love to be in a position to bestow kindness rather than needing it.”
Lily patted her shoulder. “You should wear my blue dress this evening. We’re nearly the same size and it brings out the color of your eyes.”
Rose turned to look at her younger sister, gratitude making her gaze a bit misty. “It also matches your eyes.”
Lily squeezed her shoulders. “I am not the one who needs it tonight.”
Daisy gave a sniff. “Well, we all know I’m not one to share my things, but I do happen to have a piece of lovely ribbon that goes with that dress.”
Rose held up her hands. “You don’t have to do that. I appreciate it but I think Captain MacFarland is worried that my status as a lady means he isn’t suited to be my husband.”
Daisy rolled her eyes. “Please. We didn’t have food in our stomachs until we met him.”
“That’s what I keep saying.” Rose turned back around to allow Daisy to finish her hair.
“And you won’t look like a fancy lady in my wool dress with a ribbon in your hair. You’ll look like a ship captain’s wife. Pretty as a picture and ready for a wedding by the sea.” Lily answered.
Rose drew in a deep breath, she hoped that were true.
But as they readied and waited for the Captain to retrieve them from her room, Rose pinged back and forth between great anticipation and deep dread.
When, at six sharp, a knock finally sounded on the door, she jumped from her chair letting out a long breath of relief. She’d finally know the fate of her future.
Colin shifted on his feet as he stood outside her door. He was no better than a pirate. Sure, some liked to call themselves privateers, sanctioned by the crown, but that didn’t mean they weren’t still stealing. They were.
And he was too. He’d taken this woman who wasn’t meant to be his and he’d stolen her from her real future. Someday she’d realize that and even if she didn’t, she’d understand what being a sailor’s wife really meant. Loneliness.
He’d never intended to do to another woman what his father had done to his mother.
He closed his eyes, his fists clenching at his sides. Privateers justified their theft because they were helping their country and he was doing the very same. By providing Rose with a stable present, he was sweeping her future away.
The difficulty was that she came so willingly into his arms. She and her sisters would thank him for his proposal. Squeezing his eyes tighter, he pressed his fists into them. The worst part was, he thought he might be falling in love with her, which only clouded the issue further. He couldn’t make good decisions if his heart were involved. He’d learned that already. Images of his mother and Abigail flashed in his mind and he let out a long breath. He’d changed his mind again, he couldn’t go through with the proposal. In the end, it wasn’t fair to Rose. He ran his hands through his hair scrubbing his scalp.
Instead, he’d take her to her aunt’s in Glasgow. If Rose’s aunt took them in, then he’d leave Rose to find the man she was meant to marry. If the aunt turned them away, then he could wed Rose with a clear heart, knowing whatever life he gave was the best option for the circumstance.
The sound of feminine laughter drifted from the other side of the door. Light and happy, it washed over him like a balm. Unlike Abigail, Rose needed him. She had no means to support herself. And Rose had her sisters for companionship and emotional support.
But he knew he was justifying his actions. Even the sound of her voice weakened him. And being near her…
He drew in a long breath and then raised his hand, knocking on the door. He had some savings. He could give it to the sisters. They could use the funds to support themselves and he could…
Continue being a captain forever? Never have a family, even one from which he spent time away?
The door opened, Daisy standing in front of him. The smile slipped from her face as she studied his. “Rose, we’ll be right back,” she called and then slipped out the door before he had a chance to say a word.
“Be right back?” he asked.
Daisy looped her arm through his. “That’s right. You and I need to talk.”
“I beg yer—” But she was already pulling him along.
“Why are you hesitating?”
He helped her up the ship ladder. “I don’t ken what ye’re talking—”
“We’re not playing that game. Why?” Daisy stood on the deck, looking down at him, her arms crossed and her stance wide.
He climbed up onto the deck and looked down at the slip of a woman who had a spine of iron. “She’ll hate me fer it when she’s had a wee bairn all on her own and I’m away at sea.” He looked away. “I’ve loved another, and in the end, she couldn’t tolerate the time apart. Even my mother…”
Daisy nodded, her arms relaxing to her sides. “You’re worried about Rose.”
“Aye, I am.” He rubbed his hands through his hair once again.
“And you’ve told her all of this?” Daisy asked.
“I have,” he answered, standing a bit straighter.
Daisy shrugged. “I know that she’s an earl’s daughter, but she’s also experienced some of the worst the world can throw at a person. She understands consequences and real suffering. I don’t know anything about your first lady friend but I’m guessing she didn’t know about either.” Daisy stepped a bit closer. “Rose is a fully bloomed flower, not some bud and capable of making the best decisions for herself.” Her eyebrows went up. “That’s the thing about a wife who might have to face some of the good and bad of life alone, while her husband is at sea. She’ll have to be smart and strong.”
Her words hit him in the chest like an actual blow. Rose was far better equipped for life as a ship captain’s wife than Abigail had ever been. He nearly stepped back, which would have been a mistake, the hatch was behind him. “It’s just that I’ve watched two women suffer because they loved a man of the sea.”
“And some are just fine, I’d reckon.” Her chin notched up. “Perhaps you should let Rose decide which category she’s in. She’s more than capable of the choice.” Daisy touched his arm. “Is it possible it’s you who doesn’t like being away? You seem to want to protect Rose and you can’t do that if you’re at sea.”
Was the problem him? He’d guess that it was. “I don’t ken how I’d ever build another life besides this one, much as I’d like to.”
She nodded. “Perhaps you should start by making a single change. My first one was knocking a man upside the head with a chamber pot. I decided I wasn’t going to
be scared anymore. I wasn’t sure it was working out so well, but it turns out, I might have been right after all. Your first can be asking a woman to marry you, see where it leads. You might be surprised.” Then Daisy stepped around him. “Shall we go have dinner? I’ve heard meat pies are on the menu and I am famished.”
Then she climbed back down, leaving him standing on his own deck. Was Daisy correct? Was it time to make a change?
Chapter Ten
Rose gave Colin a sidelong glance as she rested her hand in the crook of his elbow. What had he and Daisy discussed? And why was he so quiet? He’d hardly said a word as he’d led her to his cabin.
After their kisses and his comment about family she’d been…hopeful. Now? Not so much.
They entered his cabin to find the meal already spread out before them. Neither Daisy nor Lily wasted any time, picking at the cheese and bread set out on the desk. Rose held back, staying at Colin’s side. “Is everything all right?” she finally whispered, the silence between them becoming more than she could bear.
He gave a single jerk of his chin. “Fine.” Then he turned to her, his eyes unreadable. “And ye?”
She paused, trying to decide what to say and then opted for the truth. “Nervous.”
“Why?”
Leaning closer, she dropped her voice even lower. “By allowing you the liberties I have, I’ve opened myself up for rejection. I—”
“I’m not rejecting ye.” He turned toward her, his other hand grasping her waist. “I am protecting ye. Or I’m trying. I’ve already explained what it means to be a captain’s wife.” He drew in a long breath. “I spent much of the night tallying numbers and the problem is that I am stuck with this company fer some time yet. I can’t purchase a farm without more funds, which means I can’t be the husband and father I’d always hoped to be.”
Rose filled her lungs with air as she decided how best to approach this. She wasn’t ready to share her feelings. Knowing a bit of his past, he might reject them outright. It seemed best to go with reason. “If protection was truly your goal, perhaps the storeroom this morning was not the best choice. Several people on this ship are aware we’ve been alone.”
His face spasmed and a stab of guilt pricked her stomach. She was using his good nature against him but she didn’t want to part with him in a misguided attempt to protect her. Being with him was the best option for many reasons. “Ye’re right, of course. I just want ye to understand what ye might be choosing. I hate the idea of leaving ye fer long stretches to fend fer yerself. How can I do that to ye?”
“I understand.” Her hand tightened in his arm. “Despite any concerns you might have, I’m content to choose this life, with you, over my other options, if you are content to have me.”
He paused for a moment, the muscles in his face tightening. “I am.”
Somehow, those words didn’t quite sink in and her lips parted. “So that means?”
“It means, Rose Morningstar, that I am asking ye to become Mrs. Rose MacFarland.” He straightened up to his full height, his voice dropping low.
He didn’t sound happy or enthusiastic and she regretted her choice of arguments even more than she had a few minutes prior. She pressed her lips together as she answered, “I consent.” But she didn’t smile either. Perhaps she should have confessed her love. But that didn’t feel right…not yet. Love had failed him and his parents. Maybe if she confessed now, she’d only drive him away—and make it impossible to ever tell him how she really felt.
She didn’t have time to ask or explain anything further as Lily gasped, covering her mouth to hold in the cheese.
Daisy laughed. “Madame Beaumont would be appalled with your manners.”
Rose inwardly cringed. Somehow, the mention of her finishing school instructor added more tension to the moment. “Those days are behind us.”
“I suppose they are,” Colin rumbled next to her. “I’m sure ye ladies heard. Rose has consented to be my wife.”
Lily swallowed her cheese as Daisy frowned. “Wonderful news.” She looked back and forth between the couple.
Rose clearly understood that somehow, consenting to marry had driven them further apart rather than pulling them together.
A piece of Colin’s heart sang with victory. Rose would be his wife. But the better part of him cringed. He’d sentenced her to a life of misery for however long it took him to purchase a new occupation.
They sat down to eat, the room tense rather than celebratory and he did little to change the mood.
Lily gave everyone a big smile, her teeth showing in what was a clear attempt to fake happiness. “So, what are your plans for the wedding?”
Rose didn’t answer, her mouth pinching as she looked him. He cleared his throat. “I thought we’d marry when we docked. It’s much easier in Scotland than England.”
Rose nodded, looking back at her food. She’d only picked at it since they’d sat. Her appetite had evaporated after his half-hearted proposal and she hadn’t eaten any of the bread or cheese. “That’s fine with me.”
He wished he could be different, but somehow, their current mood only emphasized his belief that he wasn’t the man to actually make her happy.
They finished their meal and Colin stood, ready to take the women back to their cabin but Rose had other plans. “I fancy a walk about the deck. Would you be kind enough to escort me?”
His mouth tightened. Alone with her was the last thing he wanted to be. But he nodded. “I’ll bring your sisters back to your room first.”
Daisy tsked. “We’re tired of that room.”
“Daisy,” Rose said next to him, her tone sharper than normal. “We’ll be at our destination soon enough.”
Daisy wrinkled her nose. “We’ll see ourselves down.” Then she turned and grabbed Lily’s hand, pulling her from the room.
Colin couldn’t help but smile a bit. He didn’t have sisters, just cousins, and he always found relationships between women fascinating.
“Shall we?” Rose asked. “Or would you rather stay here to talk?”
“Talk?” Colin turned to study her face. “I thought we were walking.”
“They are one and the same.” She wrapped her arm around his elbow. “It is a lesson you can take with you through your life.”
He paused. Did it mean something that she hadn’t said our life? “I think I’d prefer to stay here. What are we discussing?”
Rose turned to face him. “I owe you an apology. I was as much a part of those kisses as you were and I used your honor to force a match between us.”
“As ye should.” He put his hand on her waist. “It’s my duty.”
She shook her head. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want a husband who considers me his duty.” Her voice was tight and she swallowed. “If you’d like to erase our arrangement, I consent. My sisters will keep our secret so no one ever need find out.”
He stared at her, rocking back on his heels. “Dissolve the engagement we just agreed to?”
She shook her head. “The one I pushed you into. The one I clearly want far more than you.” She took a ragged breath. “I’m in danger of you hating me for the rest of my life.”
His chest constricted. He didn’t want to worry her. That was the last thing he’d intended. He was attempting to protect her. “I could never hate ye. I already told ye, ye are in danger of resenting me. Ye don’t understand the extent of the arrangement ye make.”
“No one does.” She shook her head. “But I will take a husband who is honorable and good some of the time over one who is there and awful. You forget, I was also nearly married. And he…he would have made me miserable.” She shook her head. “But I won’t take one who doesn’t want me.” She slipped her hand from his arm. “I wanted this and I pushed you into it. I know that. So I am releasing you now.”
She started to walk away across the room, but whatever had shocked him into stillness snapped and his lead feet unstuck. In two long strides he reached her and put his hand on
her shoulder. “Ye misunderstand still.”
She spun back to him. “What does that mean?”
“I could never resent ye. I want ye so much I ache…. I…” He was saying too much. Or not enough. “I can’t watch another woman driven away by the sea.” That wasn’t entirely true. It was part of it, but the other piece of him knew that she could have so much better than the likes of him.
But she softened. “I want you too.”
He reached for her then and pulled her into his arms, pressing her torso against his. She molded to him, her face turning up to his. “Rose,” he gritted out and then he captured her lips with his own.
She melted into him, so soft and yielding that he ached from the feel of her. Clenching his teeth again, he pulled back. “We should wait until our wedding.”
But she gave her head a little shake. “We’re still getting married?”
“Of course we are.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “I can’t let ye go.”
“Me either.” Then her lips pressed to his again. “Kiss me again.”
He couldn’t hold back and cradling the base of her head in the palm of his hand, he slanted his mouth across hers, drinking her in. The kiss went on and on until her hands slid from his shoulders, down his chest, to his waist. Every muscle tightened as he imagined them going even lower.
As if she’d read his thoughts, her fingertips slid along the top of his breeches, resting on the ties. In response, his fingers began working the delicate buttons down her back.
In response, she began to loosen the laces of his pants. When he’d reached the last button, rather than take off her dress, he shrugged off his coat, tossing it on his desk.
She raked her fingers over the linen of his shirt. “So strong,” she murmured against his mouth.
Colin smiled a bit, easing back to cup her face. “So lovely.”
She pulled the tail of his shirt from his pants. “We do so much better when we keep our communication simple.”
He laughed lightly. “I’ve certainly allowed my thoughts to get in the way.”
A Highlander to Have and to Hold: Scottish Historical Romance (Brides of Scotland Book 2) Page 6