“Can we focus?” Caroline said. “We need to hurry up, or they’ll spot us.” She grabbed Abby’s arm. “You get the other one,” she said to Jena.
And with that, they half-dragged Abby to the bench.
“This is what I miss most when we’re back in Atlantic City,” Helen said. “Our girls’ nights out back home usually involve getting the early bird at the local diner.” She shook her head in disgust. “Those women don’t know how to live.”
“And we do?” Abby said. “We’re sitting on a cold wooden bench, behind a bunch of potted trees, waiting to spy on our husbands.”
“Honey,” Helen drawled, “trust me when I say, if you’d ever eaten the early bird at Jack’s Diner, you’d know you were living it up right now.”
“Jack’s Diner?” Jena said. “I used to eat there after the clubs closed. Their food’s fine if you don’t go early evening. They don’t salt the early bird special on account of all the old people with heart problems. It’s like eating cardboard.”
“See?” Helen pointed at Jena.
The women were just getting settled when the men appeared in the kitchen beyond the conservatory.
“They’re getting snacks,” Helen said. “We should have brought snacks.”
“Which reminds me,” Jena whispered as she opened her oversized leather handbag and pulled out a bottle of wine. “Cheers,” she said with a grin. She unscrewed the cap and took a gulp before handing the bottle to Helen.
Helen stared at it for a moment, shrugged then had a drink too.
“What about me?” Abby whined. “I can’t drink. And neither can Caroline. Not that she usually drinks, but we shouldn’t miss out just because our dumbass husbands knocked us up.”
Jena reached back into her bag and came out with two small tubs of Belgian chocolate ice cream and two spoons. “It’s a bit soft,” she said as she handed one each to Caroline and Abby.
“You carry ice cream in your handbag?” Helen whispered in awe.
“Not all the time,” Jena said, reaching for the wine.
“I don’t understand,” Abby said. “Why are we watching our men watch a game? I was promised a night out. This isn’t a night out. I already do this at home. Every time I walk into the living room, Flynn is talking Katy through yet another football game. I don’t need to hear that crap from other women’s husbands too.”
“Pregnancy really does dull the brain,” Jena said. “They aren’t watching a game. That’s just what they told us. They’re doing secret stuff, and we’re going to find out what.”
“I already know,” Helen said. “That’s why you’re here. You can’t miss this. It’s priceless.”
“Where did that fried chicken come from?” Caroline said. “Josh isn’t supposed to be eating fried anything. He’s got to get in shape for his tour.”
She felt a tug on the back of her dress. “Sit down,” Helen hissed. “Worry about the chicken later.”
As they peeked through the ornamental trees, the men trailed into the conservatory and sat on the well-padded sofas. Mitch, Josh’s best friend and the only single man among them, put a six-pack on the coffee table before sitting.
“Right.” Andrew McInnes, Helen’s husband and Josh’s father, looked around the group. “Have you all got your books with you?”
“Books?” Jena whispered, her eyes wide.
“Sh,” Caroline hissed.
Mitch, Josh, Flynn, and Matt all held up their phones, while Andrew held up a paperback.
“You’re reading on your phones?” Andrew said in disgust.
“It’s the only way to make sure the wife doesn’t know what I’m reading,” Flynn said.
“Or that you can read,” his cousin Matt grinned at him.
“That too, dickhead.” Flynn threw a cushion at Matt. “Remind me, why are you here again?”
“Someone’s got to keep you out of trouble. I’m pretty sure that’s the same reason Mitch is here. As Josh’s keeper.”
“I don’t need a keeper,” Josh said, and everyone burst out laughing. He rolled his eyes at them. “Can we get on with this? The kids could get back up at any minute.”
“Katy will settle everybody down again,” Flynn said with confidence.
“Katy’s five,” Josh said.
“And already a genius,” Flynn said.
“The kids will be fine,” Andrew said. “We’re no’ here to talk about them. We’re here to talk about the book. Now, have you all read it?”
They nodded.
“Good,” Andrew said. “What did you think?”
“I had a problem with the hero,” Mitch said. “He turned into a cat. That’s deeply disturbing. Did anyone else worry about that?”
“I had a look online,” Matt said. “There are millions of these shifter books.”
“Do you think it’s a bestiality thing?” Flynn said. “Because I work with animals, and that’s seriously, disturbingly wrong.”
“They don’t have sex with the men while they’re in animal form,” Andrew said. “Mainly, they just pat them when they’re cats. I think it’s a comfort thing. I think this author is trying to tell us that women want to snuggle.”
“With someone furry,” Josh said. “I don’t do furry.”
“You don’t have to be furry.” His dad scowled at him. “If you’re worried about the soft, furry part, get one of those fuzzy blankets and wrap Caroline in that before you snuggle.”
There was a choking noise from beside Caroline.
Abby grinned wide at her. “I take it back,” she whispered. “This is the best girls’ night out ever.”
“I want to talk about what they did on page one hundred and twenty-seven,” Matt said. “I tried that with Jena, and she punched me.”
Jena gasped, and Caroline quickly smacked a hand over her mouth. She tugged it away, her eyes wide. “So, that’s where he got that idea,” she whispered.
“Aye,” Andrew said, in the tone a college lecturer would use with his first-year students. “That’s an advanced technique. I’ve read hundreds of these romance books now, and I can tell you for a fact that it’s better to start off with some of the easier stuff. You don’t want to freak your woman out. Especially in bed.”
“Are we supposed to bite?” Josh said. “Do women really want us to mark them like that? Or is that just a cat thing? Where does the fiction story stuff end and the female fantasy part begin?”
“That’s a good question.” Andrew leaned back in his seat and tented his fingers in front of him. “Thoughts?”
“I think it’s all real,” Mitch said. “I think women like marks of ownership. Why else would they want wedding rings?”
“Exactly.” Andrew stopped just short of patting Mitch on the head.
“Women want rings,” Matt said, “so they have the gold to sell once they get rid of the guy that came with it.”
“Wow, cynical, cuz,” Flynn said.
“No,” Jena whispered. “Matt’s right. I’m totally stocking a war chest in case things go pear-shaped with him.”
“With your history, I’m not surprised,” Abby said.
“Matt thinks it’s cute. He adds to the chest for me.” She sighed dreamily. “What kind of man would help you save for the day you might need to leave him?”
“You’re both nuts,” Abby said. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” Jena beamed.
“I’m not sure about the biting thing,” Josh said, drawing their attention back to the men. “If I bit Caroline, she’d bite back.”
“No kidding,” Caroline muttered.
“It’s sensual biting,” Mitch said with a roll of his eyes. “You make it sound like you’d walk into the room, say hi, honey, and then take a chunk out of her neck.”
“He’s still not biting me,” Caroline whispered.
“Which brings me to the vampire in the book,” Flynn said. “Anyone else think drinking blood is sexy? Because that just made me want to puke.”
The men shud
dered.
“I don’t know why women think vampires are sexy,” Andrew said. “Maybe it’s the dark, mysterious, bad-boy thing.”
“It’s the penetration,” Josh said.
The men stared blankly at him.
“Fangs into neck. Penetration. It has sexy connotations. I talked to David Boreanaz about this once. Met him at a party, and he said that’s why chicks dig vampires. He should know, he made his name playing one.”
“Josh is team Angel all the way,” Mitch said with a smirk.
“Do we even want to know what that means?” Matt said.
“We’re getting off topic,” Andrew barked. “Focus. Who cares why women find vampires sexy? And the shifter thing has nothing to do with how weirdly attached they are to cats. These books are all about the female fantasy, and that’s what we need to tap into.” He waved his book. “They’ve literally written a manual on relationships; all we need to do is decipher the code. Shifters means they want to snuggle. Vampires means they like a little danger with their snuggling. It’s that simple.”
“Now that I think about it, what’s with all this ‘mine’ stuff?” Flynn said. “Every second page, the guy’s grabbing the girl and growling mine. And now that I think about it, what’s with the growling? When was the last time you growled anything? Other than a growl. Seriously, try it. Can you growl a word?”
“I can burb the alphabet,” Josh said.
“Sexy,” Mitch drawled.
Caroline wiped her eyes as she slumped against her mother-in-law. Her diaphragm hurt from holding in her laughter. On her other side, Jena had her face pressed into her handbag to muffle her laughter. Abby held her belly with one hand, her other hand over her mouth as she silently laughed—the tears streaming down her face. There was a good chance they’d all pass out before the book club meeting was over.
“Seriously, dude, I can do it. It’s like my secret skill.” And then Josh proceeded to burb the alphabet.
By the time he reached H, the women were laughing so hard they could barely stay upright. And it was becoming harder to muffle the sound.
“Can you hear something?” Matt asked.
“Oh no.” Abby sucked in a breath.
“Just stay still and very quiet,” Caroline whispered.
“No. I mean, oh no, my water just broke.”
All eyes turned to her.
“It was the laughing, I think,” she said.
Jena’s head snapped back. “Matt! Flynn! We’re having babies out here!”
Helen smacked her on the back of the head. “You couldn’t wait until we made it to the front door. Now they’ll know we were listening.”
The conservatory door crashed open, and the men ran out.
“What the hell?” Josh said when he rounded the plants.
“Hi, honey, we’re home a bit earlier than I’d planned,” Caroline said.
Abby pointed to the puddle beneath her feet. “I need to go to the hospital,” she told Flynn.
Without even flinching at the weight, Flynn swept his wife up into his arms. “Matt, you’re driving.” He stalked toward Matt’s cop car. “Use the sirens. Josh, watch Katy for us. We’re having our babies.”
Abby snuggled against her husband’s chest. “I love you, Flynn Boyle,” she said.
“Mine,” he told her before kissing her head.
The Breakfast Club
A deleted scene from Caught, Invertary book 7
“I feel so used,” Mitch told his friends at their weekly breakfast club meeting at the pub.
Lake Benson, owner of Benson Security, cocked an eyebrow at him as his lip twitched. In Lake speak, he was laughing at Mitch. Josh wasn’t that subtle, he was laughing so hard he choked on a mouthful of food, and Matt Donaldson, Invertary’s entire police force, had to smack him on the back.
Flynn Boyle, ex-footballer and current veterinary student, rushed over to them. He pulled up a chair and sat at their table. “What’d I miss?”
“Jodie’s still using Mitch for sex, and he isn’t happy about it,” Matt told his cousin.
Flynn gaped at Matt. “I ran over here for that? You said emergency breakfast club meeting. Having no-strings sex isn’t an emergency. It’s a gift from the gods.”
“Dude,” Josh said in disgust. “You told him it was an emergency?”
Matt shrugged and reached for the coffee. “As soon as he answered the phone, he started whining about baby spit. The choice was between telling him to get his backside in gear for an emergency meeting or arrange testosterone injections to cure his hormonal mood swings.”
“Dickhead.” Flynn shot his cousin the finger.
“The spit-up phase doesn’t last,” Josh said with the air of authority that came from being father to a toddler. “Once the twins are on solids, it’ll get better.”
“No more,” Mitch pleaded. “Does this look like a mother and baby group? Keep that crap to yourself. We’re men. Men don’t talk about baby spit.”
“I’m with you,” Matt said. “I feel like I’m trapped in Baby Land and I don’t speak the language. Caroline’s pregnant with baby number two, Abby’s had twins, Claire’s pregnant with her own set of twins. Hell, even Jena’s talking about starting a family.”
The men froze. Food hovering mid-air on forks.
“Is that a good idea?” Josh voiced what everyone else was thinking. “She can’t keep herself in one piece, how will she take care of a kid?”
Matt shook his head in disgust, well aware he was married to the most accident-prone woman in Scotland. A woman who also happened to be a DIY addict. There was a betting pool going in the pub over which power tool she’d use to cause the most damage. So far, the lead bet was on her taking out Matt with a nail gun.
“I said that to her,” Matt said, “and she ranted about my ‘lack of sensitivity’ for half an hour, then kicked me out of the bedroom for the night. Didn’t talk to me for a week after it.”
Josh let out a whistle. “Talk about overreacting.”
“Tell me about it.” The cop reached for his coffee.
“You might as well give in,” Flynn said. “There’s no point arguing. She’s going to get what she wants, anyway. Maybe by the time the kid’s here, you’ll have figured out a way to keep her and the baby alive.”
“Bubble wrap!” Josh slammed down his mug. “I’ll get Caroline to do some research, but there must be safety clothes for kids. Something like bubble wrap. At least that way, if she drops the baby, it’ll just bounce.”
Matt looked grim. “Aye, but that won’t stop her walking into a hole with the baby or setting fire to the house while it naps.”
“Life was so much easier when all we did with the women in our lives was bed them and run,” Flynn said wistfully. “Now they’re out of control.”
“Speaking of control,” Josh said. “Let’s get back to the reason for this week’s meeting—Mitch has lost what little control he had over his craptastic relationship with Jodie. She only wants to use him as a sex toy, while he wants more. He doesn’t know how to address this situation in order to get what he wants.” He waved his arms as though conducting an orchestra. “Discuss.”
Mitch glared at his friend, silently promising retribution in his future. Josh looked unfazed. He forked a mouthful of bacon and smiled smugly while he chewed. Casually, Mitch reached for his phone, sneaked a photo of Josh with his fried breakfast, and sent it to Caroline with the caption: Josh eating bacon.
“Is this a joke?” Flynn was affronted. “We can talk about Mitch’s unrequited love, but we can’t talk about baby spit?”
“Get over the baby spit, already. This is serious,” Josh said around a mouthful of food that was going to get his ass kicked when his wife checked her phone. “Mitch here needs suggestions for what to do with Jodie. Who’s got one? Anybody? Seriously, don’t be shy. Any suggestion, no matter how dumb, is better than the nothing he’s working with right now.”
“Thanks,” Mitch said drolly as he pushed away his half-f
ull plate. Suddenly, fried black pudding and sausage didn’t look so appetizing.
“Anything for you, brother.” Josh thumped his fist over his heart.
“Just move in with her.” Flynn tugged Mitch’s plate toward him and proceeded to polish off the leftovers. “That’s what I did. Abby didn’t even notice it’d happened until it was too late.”
“Can’t. Even if I could sneak it past Jodie, her brother would notice. Deke can’t keep his nose out of anything.”
“Pity she’s English. Otherwise, you could marry her to keep her in the country,” Matt mused. “That worked for me.”
“What about a business arrangement?” Josh pointed a loaded fork at him. “I hooked Caroline with one.”
“No you didn’t. I was there, remember? She married you to get her hands on the castle.”
“That’s how it started, but in the end she couldn’t resist my charms. That woman is gone for me.” He huffed on his nails then buffed them on his Breakfast Club T-shirt.
“What charms?” Matt said. “The whole town is still trying to figure out what she sees in you.”
“He can sing,” Flynn offered helpfully.
“I’m not sure that’s enough to put up with him,” Matt said.
“Good point,” Flynn agreed.
“This is pointless.” The whole conversation was just making Mitch feel more hopeless. “Jodie doesn’t want a relationship, business or otherwise. Every time I broach the subject, she shuts it down and gets a look in her eyes that says she’s about to run for the hills.” He sounded pathetic. Any minute now he’d be dyeing his hair black and writing emo poetry.
“Are you sure you want a relationship?” Flynn speared a sausage from his cousin’s plate, earning himself a glare. “Or is it just that Jodie’s the first woman who doesn’t come running when you snap your fingers? I mean, you spent years telling us how you’re good with being single. Seems a little suspect that you suddenly want Jodie. Maybe the fact she doesn’t want you is what’s attracting you. The interest will fade once you catch her. You sure you want that to happen?”
“Have you been reading Abby’s Cosmo again?” Mitch asked and received the same one fingered salute he’d shared with his cousin.
A Little Something Extra: Short Stories from the Invertary and Benson Security World Page 4