“You set Mairi on me?” he demanded.
Sebastian shrugged. “She phoned me. She was shouting before I even said hello, convinced that you were holed up in here, hiding from your date. She wasn’t wrong.” He shook his head in disgust.
“Jonas! Are you there?” the phone screeched.
He unmuted it and put it to his ear. “Yeah, I’m still here. And I’m really sorry, Mairi, but I can’t go on this date. I can’t go on any dates. Your services are no longer needed because I’ve resolved to die a lonely old man.”
“Of for goodness’ sake. That’s it. You have only yourself to blame for what happens next.” With that, the phone went dead.
He stared at it for a minute before tossing it onto the sofa beside Sebastian. “She hung up on me,” he said.
Sebastian’s eyes went wide. “Oh, you’re in trouble now.”
“Probably. But let’s face it, there isn’t a whole lot she can do from Scotland.” He headed for his laptop, which was sitting on the breakfast counter that divided the kitchen from the rest of his open-plan living space. “I need to tell Sadie and tell her the date’s off.”
“You’re an idiot. That girl is cute.”
Sebastian wasn’t wrong. Jonas brought up the photo Sadie had sent him. She’d taken it at work, surrounded by the smiling old folk she helped. She was an art therapist, working for several nursing homes throughout the city, and she loved her job. And, if the smiles of the people she was with were anything to go by, the job loved her too.
He trailed a fingertip over the outline of her face. She had a perfectly oval face, with exactly the same number of freckles each side of her nose. He’d counted. And if that made him even weirder, he could live with it. Her golden hair sat in a messy bun on top of her head, her eyes were a pale green, and her top lip looked significantly thinner than the bottom one. He hadn’t measured to be sure. Although, he’d wanted to.
Sebastian was right; she was cute. She was also outgoing, funny, and full of life—the exact opposite of Jonas. What did he have to offer her? How could they date when he even struggled to talk to his doorman? And he’d known him for years. Crippling shyness and social anxiety. That was the definition of his particular brand of weird. And the older he got, the worse it became. He’d been joking about spending the rest of his life locked in his apartment alone. But he feared it was closer to the truth than he liked to admit.
He opened his email and typed his apologies. There was no point in making excuses. How did you explain you were terrified of meeting someone face to face? When he was done, he shut the laptop and headed for the fridge.
“Want a beer?” he asked Sebastian.
His friend frowned at him. “What I want is for you to put on your shoes and go downstairs to meet the pretty girl.”
“I’ve called it off. She won’t be there even if a miracle happens and I make it out of the apartment.” He grabbed two bottle of beer and headed over to the armchair beside his friend.
Night had fallen over Montreal, and the lights of the city blinked through the floor-to-ceiling windows that made up a wall of his apartment.
“I don’t get it.” Sebastian took the offered beer. “What’s keeping you in here? I mean, look at you. You’re classically handsome, and I say that as an enlightened metro-male and not because I’m into you. You’re rich, you’re smart, you know a ton of useful trivia, and you’re a huge Star Wars fan. You’ve got it going on, man. You could have any woman you wanted. But instead, you’re stuck in here, drinking beer with me, while your date finds a backup. What are you so scared of? What’s keeping you from living it up?”
“If I knew the answer to that, you’d be sitting here alone.”
He’d had therapy. All the therapies—cognitive, group, and exposure. He’d taken medication to relieve anxiety, but all it’d done was make him fall asleep or puke. He’d tried meditation, flotation tanks, acupuncture and about a million other things that he thought might cure him. The truth of the matter was, he was naturally shy to begin with, and having social anxiety on top of that made it even more difficult to face the world. Unless he was hiding—online, or in costume—social situations made him panic or pass out. Although, dressing as a Wookiee helped a bit. At least in his costume, he didn’t have to talk. He just opened his mouth and a warble came out.
His doorbell rang as he took as sip of his beer, making him swallow the wrong way and almost choke to death. Of the three people allowed to come straight up to his door, one of them was already inside his apartment.
“Dude,” Sebastian said with sympathy, “she called your mom.”
The doorbell rang again, reminding Jonas of one of the downsides of living in a hotel. If he’d been in a regular apartment block, and hadn’t given his mother a key, she wouldn’t be able to get in. But in his block, all she had to do was call down to housekeeping and someone would open the door for her. She’d done it before when he’d been working on a game design for days straight and she was worried he’d died.
She’d walked in to find him sitting in his underpants, and nothing else, eating Cheerios from the box on his breakfast bar while tapping at the keyboard on his laptop. He hadn’t showered or combed his hair in days.
“Oh good,” his mother had said. “You’re alive. Although, you smell like a dead body.”
It had gone downhill from there.
“I’d better get it,” he said with a sigh.
“Mairi’s evil.” Sebastian shook his head. “You should have just done as you were told. Now, you’re going to suffer.”
Shooting a glare at his friend, Jonas headed for the door and threw it open.
It wasn’t his mother.
It was an Ewok.
The Ewok looked up at him with human eyes. “Aren’t we doing costumes? I thought you’d be dressed as a Wookiee. Now I feel overdressed.” The Ewok held up a phone. “Mairi said to come on up, that you were too nervous to meet in public. I totally get it. I was a bit nervous about meeting face to face for the first time too. Although, the costume helps. You were right about that.”
“Sadie?” Jonas said.
“Sorry.” The Ewok giggled and stuck out a paw. “Nice to meet you in person.”
Stunned, and more than slightly bewildered, Jonas shook the offered paw.
“Ewoks don’t carry lightsabers,” he said inanely.
“Oh, right.” She held it out to him. “I was hoping you’d take a look at it. The noises are all wrong, and you said you were technical. Is it the wrong type of technical? Did I make a mistake? I should have left it at home.”
“No!” He took the lightsaber. “I can look at it.”
“Great.” She shuffled her furry feet. “I have cupcakes too. It’s kind of dumb, I know, bringing cupcakes to a fancy hotel. But I make great cupcakes. These are caramel. You like caramel, right? I mean, everybody likes caramel. Don’t they?”
A voice shouted from behind him, “Invite her in, dumbass.” Reminding Jonas that Sebastian was still there.
Sadie giggled again, those pale eyes of hers sparkling from behind her fuzzy mask. Jonas couldn’t say another word; he’d been struck dumb by her appearance. He just swung the door wide and motioned her inside. Then watched in bewilderment as she waddled into his home. A cute little fuzzy teddy bear with a massive round belly and a pink shopping bag full of cupcakes.
“I’m Sebastian; I was just leaving,” his friend said as he stood. “And you’re an Ewok. Cool costume. Did I hear you say cupcakes?”
“Would you like one?” the Ewok, no, Sadie, said.
“If there’s enough,” replied the greedy pig, practically drooling.
As Sebastian reached for the bag, his phone rang. He glanced at the display. “It’s for you,” he told Jonas as he tossed the phone at him.
Jonas had followed Sadie into his living room, feeling somewhat dazed as he did so. He snatched the phone out of the air and looked at the screen. Surprise, surprise, it was Mairi.
“Please tell me y
ou’ve let her into the apartment?” she said when he answered the call.
Jonas turned his back on the people in his home. “How did you get her past the front desk?”
“I’m not telling you. Now be nice to that woman.” There was a pause. “You still like her, right?”
The note of uncertainty in Mairi’s voice unnerved him. “She dressed as an Ewok for our date,” he whispered.
“You more than like her,” Mairi said with a smile in her voice. “I’ll call later for a debrief. Just be yourself, Jonas. You’re perfect just the way you are.” And with that, she hung up.
“I’m out of here,” Sebastian said as he passed him, a cupcake in his hand. He took his phone from Jonas. “I like her. And she makes great cupcakes.” With a waggle of his eyebrows and a knowing smile, Sebastian disappeared into the foyer. The sound of the door closing behind him reverberated through the almost empty apartment. Jonas was alone with his blind date.
And, strangely enough, he didn’t feel anxious about it. He was on his home turf, and she’d dressed up, just for him. Slowly, he made his way into the kitchen area and found her trying to unload cupcakes with two furry paws for hands.
“Let me.” He took the bag from her and placed the cakes on a plate.
“Shouldn’t I have come up here?” Sadie said through her mask. “Mairi said it was okay.”
“Mairi was meddling, which is kind of what she’s supposed to do.”
They lapsed into silence, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as it probably should have been.
“I sent you an email.” Jonas felt he had to confess before she read it. “I called off our date.”
“Oh.” The Ewok looked at the floor. “I guess I’d better leave then.”
“No.” He reached out and took her paw in his hand, feeling strangely confident as he did so. “I’m glad you’re here. It’s like I explained online. I get…anxious.”
His face burned at the confession. Aware that, at six-foot tall and with more muscles than your average geek (which, he really should have printed on a T-shirt), he wasn’t exactly the poster child for anxiety disorders. It was embarrassing.
“I understand,” Sadie said. “Really, I do. I have to breathe into a paper bag at the dentist. And that’s just for a checkup. If they have to do any treatments, I need to be knocked out.”
“Yeah, but that’s only at the dentist. I’m like this twenty-four seven.”
“Don’t underestimate how crippling dental fear can be,” she said solemnly. “It got in the way of my career as a dental hygienist.”
His lips quirked as laugher bubbled inside him. “I could see that being a problem.”
She nodded. “All those years spent playing with dental Barbie, and it came to nothing.”
“Dental Barbie?”
“Trust me, it’s a thing.”
Jonas took the first relaxed breath he’d taken in hours as he leaned against the counter. “Do you want to sit outside on the balcony and eat cupcakes?”
She cocked her fuzzy little head at him. “You sure you’re ready for that? It would mean I’d have to take off my Ewok head and paws. I don’t want to rush into the next step in our relationship too soon.”
“And being decostumed is the next step?”
“It is if decostumed is a word.”
He made a show of looking down at himself. “Looks like I’m already a step ahead of you then.”
He was wearing his usual: faded jeans and a black printed T-shirt. This one had a floppy disk and a USB drive on it. The floppy’s speech bubble said, “I am your father.” And the USB’s said, “Nooooo.” He thought it was funny, but he’d have changed into a dress shirt for their date. It was too late now. Their date had already started.
“Since you’re being forward,” she said as she pulled off a paw, “I may as well catch up.”
He watched with fascination as her slender hands appeared. And then, as those hands reached for her full-head mask. It was the geekiest striptease on the planet, and it made his heart race. Slowly, the smooth skin of her throat appeared, then the curve of her chin, followed by her tiny pointed nose, with all those freckles flanking it, and finally, her pale green eyes stared up into his. She placed the head on the counter in front of them. Her hair was in a messy bun, some strands standing on end from the static electricity of the costume. She was stunning.
As they stared at each other, her uneven lips broke into a beautiful wide smile, and she held out a human hand. “Hi, Jonas, I’m Sadie. It’s lovely to meet you in person at last.”
Jonas couldn’t take his eyes from hers as he reached for her hand. When they touched, a shock of pure electricity ran straight up his arm to his heart, and his mouth went dry. He swallowed hard as he smiled back at her.
“Hi, Sadie, I’m Jonas. It’s lovely to meet you in person at last.”
And then, they stood there, holding hands and staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. A perfect, wonderful, calm eternity.
Isobel And Callum Get Married
This story takes place between Rage and Ransom.
“I can’t do it.” Isobel doubled over and wedged her head between her knees in an attempt to ease the spinning in her head. It didn’t work. Instead, all that happened was her dress tried to suffocate her.
“Why did I pick this dress?” She batted at the skirt, but it still remained voluminous. “What was I thinking? There’s so much satin, it’s eating me alive. And it’s white. I can’t wear white. I have two kids, an ex-husband and a teenage pregnancy in my past.”
“I hate to break it to you, honey,” her youngest sister, Mairi, said. “But the two kids aren’t only in your past.”
“Mum!” Her three-year-old shouted from where she was sitting in the corner of the room, drawing pictures. She held up her latest masterpiece and beamed.
“Very nice,” Isobel said absently, and Sophie went back to her art.
The walls of the bedroom she shared with Callum were closing in on Isobel. The air growing thicker by the second. She had to get out. But her three sisters stood between her and the door. She jumped to her feet, gathered up her dress, and paced.
“This is a mistake. I shouldn’t be getting married. I have a crap track record with relationships. What if Callum turns out to be just like Robert? What then? I’ve moved myself and my kids to London to live with him. What was I thinking? If this goes belly-up, we’ll be homeless. I’ve risked the security of my children, just because I can’t keep my pants on around the man. I’m a terrible mother!”
“Calm down,” Agnes snapped. “Callum is nothing like Robert. He’s honorable, and stable, and doesn’t have a gambling habit.”
“Hotter too,” Mairi added.
“Scarier,” Donna muttered from her perch on the arm of the sofa.
A sofa. In her bedroom! “Look at this place.” Isobel waved her arm to indicate the room. “This one room is bigger than my last house.”
“Is that really the most important thing to focus on right now?” Agnes tossed her blonde hair, folded her arms, and tapped her toe with growing frustration.
Isobel ignored her. Agnes had nothing to be irritated about. She wasn’t the one getting married.
Married! What was she doing? He was so out of her league that it wasn’t funny.
“He owns a successful business. He travels the world. He’s got skills and an education.” Isobel stomped across the polished wooden floor until she came to the wall, then she turned and stomped back again. “What do I have? Two kids. No money. No skills. Nothing. He’s going to regret marrying me, and then he’ll leave me.” She pressed a hand to her suddenly roiling stomach. “I cannot have another failed relationship. I’m only thirty-three!”
“Maybe I should call Callum.” Donna dug her phone out of her handbag.
“Don’t you dare.” Isobel glared at her, and Donna froze in place.
The last thing she needed was for Callum to see her in hysterics. He’d think he caused it. That she
was having second thoughts because of his prosthetic legs. But Callum wasn’t the problem. It was her. All her.
“I’m sure Callum would help.” Donna’s eyes grew wide as she held up a placating hand.
“I swear I will hurt you if you call him.” Isobel wasn’t sure how threatening she looked dressed as a meringue, but it didn’t take much to intimidate her middle sister. As expected, Donna backed down.
“Oh for goodness’ sake.” Agnes strode over to Donna and snatched the phone from her hand. “Nobody’s calling anyone. You”—she pointed at Donna—“are going to sit quietly while I deal with this. And you”—she pointed at Isobel—“are going to calm the hell down and remember you love the man you’re marrying.”
“Hell!” Sophie shouted from her corner.
“Great, now she’s cursing.” Isobel glared at Agnes who looked unrepentant.
Sophie, meanwhile, happily went back to coloring.
Isobel glared at her sisters. “This isn’t about love. It’s about marriage. I can’t get married. I thought I could, but I can’t.” She tugged at the bodice of her dress. “I need to get out of this. I’m suffocating.”
“No!” Agnes snapped. “We just got you into it.”
Isobel was past listening. She clawed at the dress, popping the pearl buttons on the back that Donna had painstakingly fastened for her.
“Give me back my phone.” Donna sounded hysterical. “I’m calling Callum.”
“No. You’re not,” Agnes ordered. “She’s just having a wobble.”
Mairi burst out laughing. “Is that what we’re calling it? If she’s wobbling, then the two of you are wobbling right along with her.”
Isobel tugged the dress over her hips, letting it fall to the floor, and stepped out of it. She bent, scooped it up, and threw it into the corner.
“Tent!” Sophie shouted and climbed into the dress.
“Not with your markers!” Agnes dove for her niece.
A Little Something Extra: Short Stories from the Invertary and Benson Security World Page 10