by Erin M. Leaf
“Ah.” Kyra disingenuously propped her chin on her hand. “You’ve entered the world of Contradictory Hopes and Expectations. It’s a fine place to wallow. Ask me how I know.” She drank more of her smoothie through her straw, making an obnoxious sucking sound.
“You’re disgusting, you know that?” Eva told her.
Kyra shrugged. “I’m not the one avoiding reality.”
Eva rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but it won’t be an abortion, and you know that. You’re just trying to get a rise out of me.”
“I’m trying to make you stop wallowing and start thinking about your situation,” Kyra said succinctly.
Eva scowled. Kyra was right. “I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Are you sure about that?” Eva used her fork to push a crouton around her plate. She really didn’t feel like eating today. Or yesterday. Or tomorrow. She eyed Kyra sourly. If she stabbed her friend, she wouldn’t have to continue this conversation.
“Your options are to, A. tell him, B. tell him,” Kyra said, ticking off points on her fingers. “And C. tell him.” Her smile slipped from her face, and for a moment Eva could see her friend’s seriousness poking through. Kyra always had a smart remark, but behind that facade, her heart was true. “It’s his baby, too, you realize.”
“I could move to Oregon,” Eva said, poking at her salad again. She hated salad. Why did she order a salad? She especially hated raw onions, and they were all over this dismal plate of limp spinach and romaine. She missed bread. And cheese.
“Also, you need to eat again, sometime,” Kyra pointed out, looking at Eva’s plate. “Stop with the bunny food, Eva. You’re eating for two, now. Get a damn burger, or something.”
Eva’s stomach growled. “Ugh.” She thunked her head down on the table, annoyed with Kyra all over again. She knew that the other people in the little deli were staring, but she didn’t care.
“Oh my God, this is ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous,” Kyra told her, snatching Eva’s salad and tossing it in the trashcan behind her.
“Hey!” Eva crossed her arms over her chest. “I was eating that.” She refused to admit she was relieved to see her sad little salad disappear.
“No, you weren’t. You were playing with it like a ten-year-old trapped in a middle school cafeteria.” Kyra stood up and gestured imperiously to the guy behind the deli counter. When he looked at her, she ordered a burger and fries.
“I thought you were a vegetarian,” Eva said as her stomach growled again. She could totally eat a burger. Her midsection growled louder. Yeah. A burger with cheese and a tomato, she thought, suddenly ravenous. And then she remembered how much Charlie had enjoyed the burgers she’d made a few weeks ago and her growling stomach flipped directly to nausea. Again.
“I’m only a vegetarian when my mother is around so I don’t have to argue with her, but that doesn’t matter. This is for you,” Kyra said, handing over money to the guy behind the counter. She grabbed the plate he handed her and plopped it down in front of Eva. “Here. Eat.” Then, she sat down and picked up her smoothie again, arching a superior eyebrow at Eva. “Don’t make me get the mustard.”
I hate mustard. Eva stared at the burger. She really was hungry. “Shit, Kyra.” She picked it up and started eating. “He’s going to freak.”
Kyra shrugged. “So what? What’s the worst that could happen?”
Eva shook her head. Her mouth was full of delicious, amazing beef. Besides, Kyra knew everything she could say anyway. That was how best friends worked, even if Kyra was a pushy bitch sometimes.
“I mean, he’s not the kind of guy that smacks you around, is he?” Kyra slid her empty cup to the center of the table.
Eva almost choked. “No! Never. He would never hit me. God, Kyra. He’s not that kind of man.” She determinedly took another bite of her meal.
Kyra pointed at her, dark eyes snapping. “I didn’t think so. And that means you’ve gotta tell him. You’re being stupid.” She stood up.
Eva swallowed hurriedly. “Wait, where are you going?” She dabbed at her mouth with her napkin.
“I’m going to hang out with my friends who aren’t dumb,” Kyra said, and then she sauntered out of the deli.
Eva stared after her, and then looked down at her half-eaten burger. “Well, shit.”
****
Later that evening, Eva slid into her bathtub, sighing as the hot water seeped into her sore muscles. She’d read something about pregnancy hormones loosening tendons or something, and she believed it. She’d been tired and cranky and sore for the last few weeks, and it wasn’t like she was hitting the gym or anything, because when she wasn’t tired and cranky and sore, she was barfing. So far, everything about being pregnant sucked. She tipped her head back and sighed, not surprised when her phone rang. Again. She leaned over and grabbed it, then bit her lip before tapping “Accept”. She had to stop this. Charlie had to know something was wrong. He might be commitment-phobic, but he wasn’t an idiot.
“Hey, Charlie,” she said trying to sound upbeat and failing. She winced. If she could hear the exhaustion in her voice, there was no way Charlie was going to miss it.
“Hey, sweetheart. You sound tired,” he said. “Are you getting enough sleep?”
Eva smiled wryly. “Yeah. Sort of.” She didn’t elaborate. For a moment Charlie didn’t speak, but just as the silence edged into awkward, he sighed.
“I have a feeling you’ve been avoiding my calls since I’ve been on this trip, Eva,” he said quietly.
That’s not a question, so I don’t have to answer him, Eva told herself. Right?
Charlie continued. “I know I’ve had to stay away longer than I expected. We’re having trouble with our main lumber supplier, so we’ve had to go further out to find new ones.”
“I know. You told me.” Eva closed her eyes, feeling tears well up again. She blinked them away. She refused to cry again. She’d been blubbering all this past week, and she was sick of herself. “It’s okay,” she said, then bit her lip. Charlie was sure to hear the anxiety behind her words. She could pretend that she didn’t really hear the question hiding behind his explanation, but it prodded at her anyway. Oh, Charlie. What are we doing? she wondered, flexing her foot just at the surface of the water. Bubbles slid across the tub. She really didn’t want to have this conversation.
Charlie paused, and when Eva didn’t say anything more, he finally asked outright. “Have you been avoiding my calls, Eva?”
What could she say? Yes, I’ve been avoiding your calls because I’m totally preggers and you’re going to hate me for the rest of our lives and I completely dread it? She gritted her teeth. Water sloshed at the edges of the tub as she involuntarily tensed up. “I haven’t been feeling well. I’m just really tired lately.” There. That wasn’t a lie. Not exactly. Guilt pricked her. The burger she’d eaten earlier sat like a stone in her stomach.
“You work too hard, and I know how tiring that long commute in and out of the city is. Maybe you should take a few days off,” Charlie said, voice low and steady. “I hate the thought of you working so much, baby.”
Eva frowned as she heard rustling over the line. What is he doing? she wondered, trying not to let the sound of his voice lull her into comfort. She didn’t deserve it. She was keeping one of the most important things you could tell a guy from Charlie because she was … what? Scared? Selfish? She shook her head. Those were terrible reasons. You have to tell him.
Charlie continued, clearly oblivious to her tortured thoughts. “I’ll be home soon. Friday at the latest.”
Eva let herself slide further down into the water. It was Wednesday night. She had less than two days to figure out what to do. She kicked a foot up, splashing her tile wall. Water and suds dripped down. She did it again. It was easier than making conversation while a giant fucking problem lodged itself up against her teeth like a damned barnacle. She didn’t trust herself to not just blurt out “I’m having
a baby,” so she kept quiet.
“Are you taking a bath?” Charlie asked, a hint of amusement in his voice. “I hear water.”
Eva flushed. “Uh. Yeah.” What did that matter? Although she had to admit, she wasn’t really used to talking to a man while naked. Yeah, sure, she and Charlie had been shagging like crazy, and he’d been acting the part of a doting boyfriend for the past few months, but it still felt weird. Did anyone ever get used to being part of a couple? I don’t suppose I’ll ever know, she thought sadly.
“That’s … hmm. Unexpectedly sexy.” Charlie’s voice dropped into a lower register. “Bubble bath?”
More of the same rustling sound as before came through the line as Eva flushed again. Out of nowhere, her quiescent libido woke up and informed her that the sound of her man talking over the phone in that particular tone of voice was extremely arousing. Okay, what the hell? She shifted in the water, biting her lip as the liquid swished around her body. Whoa. Pregnancy hormones? she wondered, even as she struggled to answer Charlie. “Uh, yes. It’s a bubble bath. Vanilla scented, actually.”
“Oh, baby,” Charlie said softly. “You’re naked, in a bubble bath, and I’m hundreds of miles away. This is a tragedy.”
Eva giggle, despite her misery. How did he do that? How could he make her laugh, especially now, of all times, when she was stressing over things he had no idea about? “You’re not missing much. I’m basically just soaking here.” She smiled, despite herself. “I’m turning into a raisin. A wrinkly, ugly raisin.”
“Honey, the thought of your magnificent breasts floating in a sea of vanilla foam is definitely not an ugly one, and if I were there, I’d make sure you realized that,” Charlie said emphatically. “Put your phone on speaker and set it down somewhere safe.”
“What?” Eva frowned through her blush. Magnificent breasts? She peered down at her boobs, then snorted. Her nipples had tightened with her arousal, and they really did look a bit like raisins, but she couldn’t deny that Charlie sure as hell had a way with words. “Why?”
“Just do it.”
She pursed her lips, then balanced her phone on the lip of the tub. If she was careful not to bump it, it would be fine. Over the line, she heard more rustling. What was he doing? It sounded like he was getting into bed. Or undressing. Or maybe both? A frisson of heat swept through her unexpectedly. Was he naked? Was he erect? She imagined Charlie’s cock, hard and rosy at the tip, and maybe a little bit wet from wanting her.
“You there, baby?”
Eva startled, and then nodded, before remembering she had to speak. He can’t see you, dummy, she reminded herself, biting her lip. “Of course I’m here. Where would I go?” She stuck a toe out of the water again. The bubbles tickled her skin.
Charlie chuckled. “Where indeed. Okay, Eva, I want you to touch yourself. Touch your nipples.”
Eva’s breath caught. “What?” Her fingers twitched. She wanted to touch herself. She really, really did.
“You heard me,” Charlie said, a hint of command in his tone. “Are your breasts soft and warm? Have your nipples pebbled up for me?” He mmm’d over the line. “I wish I was there. I’d put my mouth on them and suck them. Maybe bite them until you cry out. I know how much you like that.” His voice firmed. “Touch yourself, Eva. Tell me how it feels.”
Oh my God. He’s phone sexting me, she thought, incredulous, but unbelievably turned on. Do I dare? Eva swallowed, then tentatively put a finger to her left nipple. “It feels smooth. Silky.” She shivered. Her nipple had contracted into a tight, hard nub. She brushed her finger over it again.
“Pinch it.” Charlie’s voice was implacable. “Just the way I know you like.”
“Charlie—” Eva began, voice rough, but he cut her off.
“Darling, I’m on my hotel bed, naked, imagining how sweet and soft you feel,” he said in a heated voice. “I’m naked, and aroused. I have my hand on my cock, and I wish it was your hand. Or even better, your mouth.” He inhaled, and Eva felt every iota of frustration evident in the sound. “Pinch your nipple for me.”
Eva sucked in a breath and held it. Under her fingers, her nipple almost hurt. When she rolled it between her fingers, it sent sparks to her clit. She breathed out, shivering in the warm bathwater.
“You’re touching yourself, aren’t you?” Charlie asked. “So am I. My hand is so tight around my cock it hurts, and I wish it were your sweet cunny instead of my fingers.”
Oh my God. Eva fumbled with the phone, pushing it further from the edge of the tub. With her luck, she’d kick it and it would fall into the water. She touched her nipple again. Was she really going to do this? Now? After being so scared and worried and stressed? Hell, yes.
“Eva?”
“Yes,” she said, hearing the desire in her voice. I’m having phone sex with Charlie, she thought, almost desperate. “I’m touching my nipple,” she said, breathless. She wanted this little diversion from real life. She needed it. And if I lose him, at least I’ll have this memory to hold onto.
“Oh, baby. I’ve got my hand on my cock, but it doesn’t feel like you. I’m not soft and hot and wet like you are,” Charlie said roughly. “I’m not sweet.”
Nothing about him is sweet. A thrill shot through Eva as she rolled her nipple between her fingers. “It doesn’t feel the same without you here, either,” she whispered. She could hear the need in her voice, and it made her blush.
“Touch your other breast,” he said, and over the phone she could hear him clear his throat. “I’m imaging how rosy and perfect your nipples look. I can remember exactly how they feel on my tongue.” He exhaled.
Eva gasped, pinching both nipples now. “Charlie—”
“I’m cupping my balls, Eva. I’m pretending that you’re touching me, and my cock is so fucking hard right now.” Charlie’s voice had dropped completely into the lower register he used when balls-deep inside her.
That just did things to Eva. Sexy things. Dirty things.
“Touch your clit, honey,” he said, almost growling. More rustling accompanied his order. “Tap it. Play with it the way I would if I were there.”
Eva shuddered, but did as he asked, sliding her fingers down her body to her pussy. When her finger met the swollen bud, she swallowed. “Oh God,” she said, circling the tip with a finger. She imagined what Charlie would do and slotted her clit between her fingers. The bubbles in the bathtub swirled around her arm. “It feels so good,” she said, breathless.
“Does it?” Charlie asked softly. “As good as my mouth on you? As good as my teeth?”
Fuck, he’s killing me. Eva so desperately wanted his mouth suckling her right now. Her finger moved faster as she shook her head. “No,” she managed to say, still working at her clit. She couldn’t stop now. Her orgasm fluttered just out of reach. Water sloshed at the edge of the tub, perilously close to her phone, but she didn’t care.
“Good. I’m glad it doesn’t feel the same,” Charlie said, voice nothing but gravel and command. “Because I want you to miss me. I want you to miss the way it feels when I kiss you. When I give you my cock.”
“I do,” she said, voice trembling. She pinched her right nipple harder, and then dipped her finger deep into her cunny. “I wish you were here,” she said, surprising herself, because she meant it. Even with the baby, and the doubt, she missed him desperately. She needed Charlie, much as it hurt to admit it. She didn’t want to do this alone.
“Oh, me too, honey. I wish I was there to kiss you and suck on your beautiful, curvy tits, and fuck you until we both forget our names.” Charlie’s voice had gone quiet. “I’d fuck you with my cock until you screamed, and then I’d fuck you again. And then a third time, until we were both sore and exhausted.”
Eva moaned out loud. She was close to orgasm, and that made no sense. She’d never been able to masturbate herself so easily.
“Are you still fucking yourself with your fingers, sweetheart?” Charlie asked her. He sounded out of breath.
Eva
nodded as she imagined him jacking himself in a dark hotel room. “Yes. I’m still touching myself.” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word “fuck” to him, but he seemed to have no such problem. But then, he’s always been the one to say it during sex, she thought, fingers moving faster. She pictured him looming above her: hard cock and body and laughing eyes as he slid into her. She moaned.
“Oh, baby, you sound so fucking hot,” Charlie told her.
Eva moaned again. She couldn’t help it. “Charlie, I wish you were here.”
“Good,” he said, voice ragged. “Because I’m fucking my hand, and pretending that it’s you. I’m pretending that you have your pretty lips wrapped around my cock, and God!” He broke off. “God, I want you so bad. I always fucking want you.”
Eva threw her head back as she played with her clit. She was swollen and so wet the water couldn’t wash it away anymore. “So close,” she gasped, and Charlie groaned.
“Me, too. I’m so fucking hard for you, baby, but I don’t want to come too soon,” he said, almost growling. “I want to savor it. I want to savor you.”
That was it. The sound of him struggling to keep from going over pushed Eva into her climax. She cried out and arched her back as water sloshed against the sides of the tub. Dimly, she could hear Charlie groaning over the phone, and she knew he’d just come, too. She could feel it in her bones. Her fingers twitched, sending more shocks of pleasure through her.
“Oh, God,” she said, breathing heavily. “Charlie.”
“I’m here,” he said, obviously breathless. “You came, didn’t you? You came all over your sweet little fingers, like a dirty little girl.”
Eva closed her eyes as his words sent a last spark of pleasure through her. “Yes,” she said, smoothing her hands down her body. Her pussy ached. The orgasm had been lovely, but nothing like when Charlie made love to her. When Charlie was with her, her body knew it. Her pussy felt used after a bout of sex with him. Sometimes it felt abused, and she loved it. She loved the way he made her feel. She loved him, God help her. “I wish you were here, though.”