As if hearing his wish, Miss Davies’s eyes happened to meet Owen’s once again as she chanced to look up from her plate in his direction. Owen’s heart jolted at the connection and he offered a small smile in the hopes of putting her more at ease. The morning sunlight turned her eyes into a shimmering emerald. Owen’s smile grew wider.
But before she could look away of her own volition, a clattering sound coming from the direction of Lady Neil, seated next to Miss Davies, distracted them both.
“Goodness, there goes another fork. Have my fingers swollen so much they can no longer grip cutlery, or have the footmen been polishing our silverware a little too thoroughly?” The lady sighed and chuckled in good humor, looking ruefully to her fellow diners.
She began to reach down for the fork, grimacing briefly with the effort, when both Lord Neil and Miss Davies jumped up to assist.
“Allow me, my lady!” Miss Davies’s voice rang out clear and firm through the breakfast room. Faster than Owen thought possible, she was out of her chair and at her mistress’s side, collecting the fallen fork and removing it to the cabinet with spare silverware. Even Lord Neil could not match her speed, still half out of his own chair. He sat back down and took his wife’s hand in his, his deep brown eyes searching for any sign of discomfort.
The display tugged at a bittersweet chord in Owen’s heart. From his brief time in their presence, he could see that the baron and baroness clearly adored each other. Though they seemed quite different in temperament, the difference seemed to balance them both out. But Owen knew he had no chance of experiencing such a bond. At least, not if he could help it.
When Miss Davies returned with a clean fork for her mistress, she lingered by the lady’s side and asked her several times if she needed anything else and if she felt quite well. Before resuming her seat, she also asked Lord Neil if he was in need of anything.
Owen knew such attentiveness was a maid’s duty, but, watching their interactions, he could see that Miss Davies genuinely cared for and worried after her master and mistress. He knew instantly that Miss Davies would go to any lengths for the people who mattered most to her. Such a quality was of the utmost importance to Owen, and he greatly respected anyone who possessed it with humility and sincerity.
To Owen’s surprising regret, breakfast finally came to an end. Lady Neil summoned the butler, Mr. Taylor, to return Davies and his sister to the drawing room and show Owen to the morning room while the reunited siblings spoke privately.
Somehow Owen found himself wishing that he could join them. He did not want to leave Miss Davies’s presence so soon. He wanted to learn more of her.
Instead he followed behind the butler. He knew his part in this quest was over. The rest was up to Davies and the two did deserve time to reacquaint themselves with each other and determine if they could start their relationship anew.
Owen could only hope that he might catch a glimpse of Miss Davies before they left Gatherford Park, possibly forever.
Chapter 3
Mr. Taylor showed Captain Jessup into the cozy morning room with a flourish of his wizened hand. Violet noticed his discerning eyes narrow just slightly as the man turned back to the rest of the group and bowed his head.
Violet also noticed the way the captain’s brown eyes darted to hers as Mr. Taylor continued down the hall, calling for Violet and Frank to follow him.
The time had finally come to find out what all this business was about—why Frank would come after her all the way at Gatherford Park after all these years.
Though Violet could have easily led Frank to the drawing room herself, she was glad to have Mr. Taylor’s quiet strength nearby for a few moments before truly being left alone to face her brother. But she did not enjoy feeling as though she were being treated almost like a guest as well. She was not a guest in this house. She would never be a guest in any house.
Recollections of Captain Jessup’s eyes upon her, just now at the morning room and all through breakfast, kept Violet somewhat distracted as they made their way to the drawing room. He was just as foreign to her and she could not guess why he’d accompanied her brother on this mission, but she found something about the crinkles near the corners of his eyes when he smiled and their warm brown color to be comforting.
With almost no information to justify her assessment, Violet felt sure that the captain’s eyes conveyed a kindness in his character.
“Here we are,” Mr. Taylor announced. Violet blanched as she realized that they stood before the drawing room door.
“Thank you, sir.” Frank nodded as he stepped into the room.
Violet paused at the threshold, her heart thundering and her breath faltering. She felt a gentle nudge in her side and she glanced up to see Mr. Taylor peering down at her with a raised eyebrow.
“I’ll be fine.” She answered his unspoken question with a weak smile. She stepped into the room and turned back to Mr. Taylor, still lingering at the door.
“Do ring if you need anything,” he announced, looking between both of them but holding Violet’s gaze for a touch longer before leaving the room.
Finally, Violet was alone with her older brother for the first time in over a decade. She still faced the door, hoping that Mr. Taylor would return and whisk her away from this unpleasant situation.
Instead, she felt her brother stand next to her. His presence by her side felt almost like that of a stranger. She had lost contact with her remaining family years before. Though they may have been bonded by blood, Violet did not know this man standing next to her.
She only knew her memories of him, of the terrible things he’d done.
“Violet...” Frank’s voice came out nervous and tentative. Perhaps he really had changed. Violet had never heard such a tone in his voice during her childhood. Or perhaps he simply acted the part of a regretful big brother, trying to trick her into some scheme. “Why don’t we have a seat? Then I promise to explain as much as I can in five minutes.”
She turned to him but still could not look at his face. She did not wish to see the deceit behind his eyes. Some very small part of her, Violet had to admit, longed to understand and perhaps even forgive. But the larger part could not trust him enough. Not yet. Not after everything he’d put her through.
But she nodded and followed him to a pair of comfortable chairs near the warm fire. As Violet sat, she finally mustered her courage up to look at her brother. The proud defiance she’d felt earlier seemed to diminish with every second leading up to this moment.
He looked quite similar to what she remembered, but her childhood memories had distorted his features over the years. The Frank she remembered was a hulking giant, coming into his adult form with all the excitement of youth. His face had seemed cold and harsh, sometimes even villainous.
But today, sitting next to her and peering anxiously at her face, her brother did not seem so tall and threatening. Of course, she too had grown since the last time she’d seen him when she was just ten years old. She was taller herself, and her heart had been strengthened by the struggles she’d endured in the past twelve years.
Frank no longer looked like one of the monsters who haunted her dreams. He was just a man.
“You may speak and I will hear you. But I cannot promise anything more than that,” she said, hoping that she sounded calm and collected but firm. She forced herself to hold his gaze, to read into the regret and miniscule hope she saw in his eyes and return it with cold strength.
Frank gave a small smile, his shoulders sinking slightly with relief. “Thank you, Violet. I hope what you hear will soften your opinion of me, even just a bit. But again, I understand if you hold me in the same contempt. Where to begin...
“I suppose you might like to know what I’ve been doing since we last saw each other, which will also help me explain my radical change of heart. You see, after the downfall of our family I spent a few aimless years barely surviving, still drinking my way deeper into debt. I’m not sure how it happened, but I eventually c
ame to the realization that I was becoming more and more like our father and our two oldest brothers.
“Something in me revolted against that idea. Perhaps I had grown tired of living such a pathetic life. I couldn’t imagine spending all the rest of my days in the same fashion—begging for a hot meal from kind innocent strangers, drinking myself into a stupor every night, being kicked out of inns and sleeping in alleyways.”
Frank paused and swallowed, the discussion of his horrid past looking as though it left a bad taste in his mouth. He looked down at his hands clasped together in his lap, his brows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut against the memories. For a fraction of a second, Violet’s imagination played out the scene her brother described and she almost felt sorry for that pitiful man.
“I felt I needed to change lest I end up in an early grave like Father, or doing God knows what Samuel and Charles ended up doing. As you must have guessed by the way Lord and Lady Neil referred to me, I had a lucky night at the tables and won a sizeable amount of money—enough to allow me to purchase a commission. I knew the instant I won the money that I had been blessed with an opportunity to change my life. I entered the army as the vile man you remember, and came out a lieutenant—and, I think, a much-improved man.
“In fact, that is where I met my friend Captain Jessup. With his help, and the harsh realities of life in the army, I grew out of my old awful ways which had been practically bred into me, bred into all us Davies boys, by Father. Violet, I cannot express to you how shocking are those horrors of war that I lived through for years. I saw countless families destroyed as I watched sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers fall all around me, from both sides.
“I have long known that the part I played in our family’s destruction, and the horrible disregard with which I treated you, are near unforgiveable, regardless of who I am now. Nothing can change the days I spent at the club with Father and our brothers, drinking and gambling away our fortune. Nothing can change the fact that we all blamed you for our rapid decline in wealth and the loss of our mother. Nothing can change or excuse the fact that I abandoned you when our estate was lost and fled to live a life of debauchery, away from the responsibilities I should have claimed if neither Sam nor Charlie saw fit to step up.”
Violet grimaced as she listened to Frank enumerate the many faults of their family, the many ways they’d harmed her though she was just an innocent child. It had taken her years to realize that she could hold no blame for their father’s inability to cope with their mother’s death and his insistence on dragging his sons down with him while treating his only daughter like some vermin to be disposed of.
Frank looked up from his hands, a tear glistening at the corner of his eye. “I should have protected you. I should have stood up for you when Father screamed at you for killing Mother and for driving him to drink and waste his life away on bets. I should have taken you with me and found somewhere for both of us to grow up and be happy. I have regretted my actions, the pain I’ve caused you, every moment of every day for the past decade.
“I know it is far too little and far too late to be saying these things now. You’ve done a remarkable job making a life out of the wreckage we left you in. Clearly you do not need me. You never have. I know my time must be up but if I may be so bold.... Violet, I so desperately wish that you and I can be a family again. Will you forgive me?”
Frank bit his lip, a tortured expression stretched across his face, pulling his skin taught. His hazel eyes watered, pleading with Violet.
It was Violet’s turn to look down at her hands in her lap, her fingers unconsciously twisting in the fabric of her skirt. She could feel her own tears poking at the corners of her eyes, threatening to break free, but she willed them away.
She could not deny that her heart had been moved by Frank’s speech, but her tears originated primarily from the sudden rush of memories from the darkest years of her life, her childhood spent in fear and anguish knowing she was hated by those who were meant to cherish her.
She had locked up these memories in a deep corner of her mind, keeping herself so busy with work that she had no time to reflect on them. But now they were dragged out of their vault as her brother laid his heart bare.
Despite her many misgivings about this situation, something deep in Violet’s heart felt that Frank was indeed sincere. She could not yet rule out the possibility of a well-rehearsed act, but she also could not stop herself from longing to reach out and believe him.
“What you say is all very nice, Frank...but why did you wait until a year after the war to meet with me? Why bother finding me now after abandoning me twelve years ago?” Violet dared to lift her gaze, to meet her brother’s eyes and discover what might be hiding there.
But when she did, she saw that her words must have injured him. He frowned and shook his head, not at her but at himself.
“In truth, I did not originally plan on seeking you out. I selfishly thought that it was better if I knew nothing of you and completely buried my past. But I thought of perhaps trying to trace your whereabouts to at least know that you were doing well. I thought it extremely unlikely that you would want anything to do with me even if I tried to atone for my actions.” He glanced up at her nervously, his face still contorted with shame.
“My friend Captain Jessup is the one who encouraged me not just to find you and gather news as to your health and happiness, but to reach out and attempt to make amends. You see, he reminded me of the many men both familiar and foreign to us that would never be with their families again. If the chance is there to right a wrong and offer an apology it should be taken, even if the other person does not accept. That is what he told me.”
Frank’s face softened slightly as he spoke of his friend. His words sparked an unexpected curiosity in Violet. Just who was this captain and how had he managed to have such a profound effect on her brother? If he could help turn Frank around from the unsavory young man he’d been, he must surely be a miracle.
Violet squeezed her eyes shut to banish these unwelcome thoughts of Captain Jessup out of her mind. This was not the time to think about him. This was between Violet and Frank and their future as a family. Perhaps later, after all this business was done and over with and Violet could resume her normal life, she could spare a moment or two to think about the handsome captain who’d stared at her with his kind, warm eyes.
“What do you say, sister? May I call you that again?” Frank shifted forward to the edge of his chair, anticipating Violet’s answer with wide, almost innocent looking eyes.
“You wish to call me sister again and surely you wish that I will call you brother. And while I do sense sincerity in your words.... Frank, you left me behind to make my own way in the world when I was just a child of ten years old. That was over twelve years ago now. You’ve been a stranger to me longer than you’ve been my brother. How can we possibly hope to mend these wounds in our family history?”
Violet flushed as her voice cracked with tears that strained against her crumbling resolve.
She used to be terrified that her brothers would come looking for her and steal her away from the secure position she’d found with the Richards family.
After their father had been laid to rest in a pauper’s funeral, Violet’s brothers fled the estate as quickly as possible. Mr. Davies had gambled it off to the man who’d killed him in a duel when he’d tried to worm his way out of the bet he’d lost—and it would not do well for his sons to be nearby when the winner came to collect what was owed.
Young Violet had wandered about the town near their home, forgotten about in the mad rush, until some passersby travelling through on their way to London took notice of her.
Those passersby had been the young Miss Richards’s family and she had begged her parents to stop the carriage and give shelter to Violet. But they’d had no interest in accepting an orphan until Violet urgently offered to earn her keep.
And so she had been with the family ever since, eventually becoming Miss Richar
ds’s maid. And when Miss Richards became Lady Neil, she had followed her then, too.
Violet had lain awake through the night in those early years, her heart pounding as painful memories flooded her young mind. Every creak of footsteps in the hall made her jump, fearing that her brothers had returned to now blame her for their father’s death.
And here one of them sat, begging her to allow him back into her life.
She knew from the moment Lord Neil had said the visitor was for her that it must be someone from those old days looking for her. Her past come to haunt her present.
Could she accept Frank’s words as they were? Or was she opening herself up to another chapter of pain after working so hard to put that life behind her?
She must have been silent for too long for Frank stood and walked a few paces away, turning to face Violet.
“I understand your concerns and you have every right to feel as you do. I myself do not have an answer for that question. Our history is dark, perhaps too dark to be overcome. But I thank you for taking the time to hear me out. I hope you will be happy and healthy all your days.”
Frank’s voice was solemn as he bowed low to Violet and made his way to the door. A surge of panic shot through Violet.
“Wait!” she found herself crying out.
Frank started from the sudden exclamation and turned back to face Violet once more. His eyes were wide again, with surprise and hope.
Violet stood from her chair, her hands trembling as she walked across the room to stand before her brother.
“Perhaps you should not go yet,” she mumbled, glancing down to her feet in sudden embarrassment. Her fingers continued to worry away at the folds of her skirt.
“I cannot promise that I will ever feel a deep sisterly connection for you, or even a general fondness. But...I would like to try and work towards it. I wish to know more of you—who you are now. But you must understand that my trust in you has been nearly damaged beyond repair. I cannot say that it will be easy to mend.”
Healing the Captain's Heart: A Clean Regency Romance (Resolved In Love Book 2) Page 3