I close my eyes. I rub my face with both hands, stretching my cheeks and lower eyelids downward as I look at my mother and prepare to rip open some old wounds.
My father says, "Wow, it must be serious. Whatever it is, honey, you know you can talk to us about anything."
I sure hope so. I wipe my palms on my yoga pants, take a deep breath, and then lock eyes with my mother. The question… We're pretty sure he's not, Talon and I, but it will shake her up, hopefully enough to tell me the truth. If I don't just ask now I know I never will, so I blurt it out.
"Here goes. How could you not tell me Kasik was my father?"
They both freeze, eyes wide and mouths forming little "O" shapes in unison. The moment stretches on for a hundred years, or that's what it feels like. Then, Mom bursts into tears and Dad's face blossoms into an almost crimson red as his jaw snaps shut.
Mom puts both hands over her mouth, eyes widening even more despite the tears streaming down her face. "Oh, baby, that's not… You don't need to worry about—"
"Mother," I snap, silencing her, "I told you this was a life-and-death matter. If I don't know what I'm dealing with in another very complicated problem, I have zero doubt in my mind that it'll get me killed. Understand this: your daughter's life is at stake. So, spill it. Tell me what I need to know, however painful."
Before she can answer, my father hisses at me, "Now I need you to understand something. We didn't stop loving our daughter just because we haven't seen you in a while. You're our daughter, and nothing will change that."
"No, I meant—"
"Even if he did donate half your genes—which he didn't—that sonuvabitch would never be your father."
"I know, Dad. I just—"
"A dad is the one who raised you, who you grew up with. The one who skipped work to see his daughter's music recitals. Who picked her up when she fell off her bike? I am your father. Don't you ever say that to us again, do you understand?"
"Honey," says my teary-eyed, sniffling mother in a voice cracking with emotion. "Kasik is not your father. I know what he thought, but it wasn't true then and it isn't so now."
I stare into her eyes for a couple of seconds, judging her response, but I believe her. Talon's ninety-percent certainty just became my one-hundred percent. The doubt removed, my head swims suddenly and I have to rest my head on my arms atop the table and let out some tears of my own. Tears of relief.
They both get out of their chairs and come to stand behind me. Mom's soft hand strokes my hair while Dad's grips my shoulder lightly at the neck. Out of nowhere, a sob wracks me, sending my shoulders shaking.
Oh, thank heavens.
I sit up again, wiping my eyes. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that. But how did he end up on my birth certificate? Please, it's important, like I said."
Mom starts to shake her head, but Dad cuts in, saying, "No, honey. Let it go, and tell her. Besides, you'll feel better saying it. That's been our burden to bear for so many years now, but if Mirela says she needs to know, then we have to tell her anything and everything. She's old enough, and besides, he's dead and gone. The universe is a better place without him in it."
Mom sniffles and wipes at her eyes with her corduroy coat sleeve. With a faraway look in her eyes, she stares at nothing specific and nods slowly, like she's making up her mind.
If she decides not to, I don't know what I'll do. Probably, lose my mind.
Chapter Thirteen
My mother faces me head-on, and her reply is just as direct. "Now you know why we were always moving, always on the run. You must have figured that part out as soon as you saw your birth certificate."
I nod, but don't dare say anything. I was ready to judge her before I knew the facts, and in reality, she gave up everything to save me from a life like Luna's. I was so caught up in how I felt that I didn't stop to think about her, about Dad, about what they gave up for me. I should have been grateful, not… Not this.
She pauses a moment, waiting for me, but after a few seconds she continues, "I don't know how you got your birth certificates, so I have to guess Birka arranged to get them somehow, for some reason." Her expression sours and she says, "Birka was always a bit of a—"
"Careful," Talon growls. "Watch how you talk about my mother in front of me."
Mom's eyes go wide and she whips around to face me. "You came to ask these questions with him here? His own son?"
She turns to him and, although she looks afraid, she holds her chin high as she says, "Perhaps you didn't know that Kasik is your father, young man. Knowing her as I do, I'm absolutely certain she would have hidden something like that from you."
Talon frowns. "I grew up with that man. Even called him father for many years. I know about how my mother had to run for her life to get away from that monster, how she sacrificed everything for me, and how she came here with nothing and built a life here that led to her earning the Wraith throne and eventually reuniting with me." His voice gets louder with each word. "Perhaps you knew her once, but that was long ago. Ask your own daughter how much a person can change after life slams them with huge, life-altering events that come out of nowhere without warning. Hell, just look at yourself. You want to talk about Birka? I hate to break it to you, but you aren't the mother Ela always talks about, either."
My father takes an angry step forward and says, very quietly, "Don't talk to my wife like that, boy. You don't know a damn thing about her."
"Stop!" I shout, slamming my fists onto the table. All heads turn toward me, but I don't care. "I didn't bring you here to fight over stupid trash from the past. We've all done things we regret, even things we're ashamed of."
I take a deep breath and, looking at Talon, I say, "All three of you better remember this, and remember it well. I decide who's in my life now, not you." I turn to my parents. "And not you. If any of you want to stay in it, you'd better play nice with each other. You're all important to me, and I'd hate to lose that, but I will."
There is stunned silence, but my mother is the first to talk. "I understand, dear, and I'm sure we will all," she says with a quick glare at my father, "respect your wishes."
That's good enough for me. But this conversation got derailed, and I still need answers. "So, am I Kasik's daughter, or not?"
There's more silence, now, but it's the awkward kind, not from surprise.
"Mom?"
She lets out a long breath and looks at Dad, raising one eyebrow.
He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw, but after a couple seconds, he nods back at her once, curtly. "It's a bandage. Now, rip it off and move on."
"At last," my mother says, nodding.
She turns back to me, considering me. Or, maybe she's considering what to say and how. Then, she carefully places both hands in her lap, clasping them together, and stares at the table as she says, "Yes, I was a Shade. Our kind often have the gift, and I was unlucky enough to get it. Usually, it skips generations, but not always."
She looks up at me for a moment, her shoulders hunched forward, and she seems almost to shrink into herself as she closes her eyes and says, "Early on, Kasik took an interest in me. He was so charming, so heroic, that alittle girl might be forgiven for developing a crush on him. Driven, handsome, and on a rise to power, he was perfect. I was a Roma girl, but the king of Shades wanted me, not those other girls. I was excited enough that I didn't notice the warning signs. Didn't notice, or… didn't want to see."
I can feel the pain radiating from her as she sifts through past memories, reliving moments from over two decades ago. The only thing I want more than to reach out to comfort her is the truth about my parents.
Dad steps to her and puts his hand on her cheek.
She takes his hand and holds to it tightly.
Talon says, "No offense, but how did you go from that to feeling like you had to run for your life?"
Dad glares at him, but keeps his mouth closed. Just as his hand is soft against her cheek, his jaw muscles stand out as he clenches
his teeth in silence.
This hurts, knowing I'm the reason she has to relive this. But, she does have to. I stop myself from comforting her. I'll do it later. There's always later. "I need to know that, as well. It was going to be my next question."
"That walking coc—"
"Dad!"
"Sorry," he mumbles.
Mom says, "No, it's okay. I do know how you feel about it, my love. I feel the same."
She looks at me again and sighs. "My first time making love to anyone was with him. I thought what we had was special, and my spirit couldn't have soared any higher, until… Damn him. Until he sent me home ten minutes after the first time we had sex. It wasn't making love, not for him. But worst of all, he told me why I had to leave."
"The bastard had another date," Dad says. "I was one of the mortal guards Kasik used to employ, and he ordered me and a couple others to escort her home. He owned the house, and that's when she discovered that he could lock it remotely. Cameras in every room. Fingerprint scanners on every door, inside and out, and that was before biometrics was even a thing."
I flinch away from the ice-cold rage I see in his stance and hear in his voice. I never knew Dad was capable of it, but from the hatred in his soul, I genuinely believe he would have murdered Kasik in cold blood if it hadn't already been too late for it.
But I already beat him to it.
I became the killer instead of him.
Chapter Fourteen
"So, Kasik tossed you aside ten minutes after you'd given him your love in every way a woman can. That's not your fault, Mom." My faint guilt at killing him fades even farther into the background. He deserved it and more for what he'd done to my strong, beautiful mother.
"Yes," she replies in a single word, looking down into her lap and the fidgeting hands it holds.
"The same night, Dad escorted you back to what you'd thought was your dream home. The same home that became your prison."
"Yes. Once he'd… had me… I became his property in everything but name. The charming Kasik was gone, replaced by something evil I'd never seen before."
"How did you and Dad get started if he was your prison guard? I started this to find out which birth certificate was likely the true one, but I'm suddenly very interested in the story."
Talon says, "And the one tale might affect the other, anyway."
"Perhaps," my mother nods.
"I really liked your mom,” Dad answers. “Ever since she and Kasik first met, which was also my introduction to her. But when Kasik did that, even though he had a bevy of women he regularly 'courted,' and then tossed her aside… You mother is as beautiful now as she was then, but she was even prettier on the inside. She seemed to shine, at least to me. I decided on that walk to her prison house that I was done being Kasik's lackey, and that I would someday find a way to save her from him."
Mom smiles wanly up at him and puts her cheek against his palm as he touches her face and neck with his fingertips. "He brought me things I wasn't allowed, like books and a phone. Smuggled them right in and never asked for anything in return. Every time Kasik had me dragged to his bedroom—"
"Almost daily," Dad says, nearly spitting.
"Yes. Every time, your dad gave me something kind on the way back to my cell, the beautiful house. We talked. I realized that in him was a quiet strength and dignity that had no use for charms and witty conversations, but also not for lies, or for selfish motives. When the beatings started, he was there. He once carried me home after Kasik sprained my knee, and got a healer to come fix it. Kasik hadn't even bothered to do that much, since it didn't affect him in any way. He wanted heirs, not wives."
Dad grimaces. Then, he looks down at her, and his eyes suddenly seem to sparkle and his whole face lights up. "That was the night I first kissed her. She was hurting so badly, on the inside more than from her jacked-up knee, and I just had to make her feel better. I needed to show her there was light in the world, still, even if she was in a dark place."
Mom twists her lips to one side, smirking. "All it took to get you to kiss me was one jacked-up knee and being someone's prisoner."
"I was playing hard to get."
They look at each other, grinning.
I clear my throat and, as they both turn to look at me, I say, "This is important, Mom. Did you find out you were pregnant before you and dad started… sleeping together… or did that happen after?"
"After," they both say in unison, then smirk at each other.
Do I believe them? I raise an eyebrow at my mom and pointedly look into her eyes.
She rolls her eyes at me. "Stop that. You look silly and your face might freeze that way. But to answer the question you really want to know, your dad brought a biomagical Shade to read me and the fetus. You, that is. She said your energy harmonized with both mine and your dad's."
Talon, whom I'd almost forgotten about during the conversation, says, "Well, that's pretty compelling. DNA has an error margin of a couple hundredths of a percent, but bioharmony is at least ten times more accurate. People simply don't have energy harmonization with others who are not their parents or children."
I hadn't known that, but it makes sense. I think. But that presumes the Shade was honest. She might very well have known who all Kasik was sleeping with, after all, or she could have just told her clients what they wanted to hear.
"How well did you know the bio-whatever?" I ask.
"Only by reputation," my dad says. "Why do you ask?"
"So, she might have lied for any number of reasons, and you'd never know?"
Mom and Dad frown, and she says, "I'll tell you the same as your dad. Your father is more than simply a matter of genetics, dear. You only have one ’dad,’ even if that's not the same person as your genetic contributor."
I kind of feel angry at that. "I already know. You both already said that, and I know who my father is. But the issue is, who's my biological parent? Dad, or Kasik?"
Dad frowns, but nods. He says, "Why is this so important all of a sudden? Does it change who Dad is, if the genetics are different? Which, they aren't. I trust the biomage. She had a solid reputation."
Mom, however, suddenly opens her eyes wider by a fraction and her eyes click back and forth between me and Talon. She says, "Gentlemen, can I talk to my daughter alone for a minute?" and smiles at them both. Nothing to see here, nothing wrong, move along…
Talon and my dad agree and leave, though Dad has to stay right outside the door and Talon, who isn't a prisoner, keeps walking, heading toward the snack machines across from the visiting rooms.
I'm still watching Talon walk when Mom says, "Tell it true, dear. Are you and Talon…"
I blush, but I'm not ashamed of him or of us. I look her in the eyes. "Yes."
Chapter Fifteen
My mom nods faintly. I expected more reaction from essentially telling her Talon and I were together, and I begin to think she disapproves. It won't change anything, but I'd rather have her approval.
But then, she says, "I thought as much, just from the chemistry. You know, it's funny, but he defends you, looks at you, and comes to your rescue in conversations just like your dad does for me. Even when he shouldn't. That's just a random observation, sweetie."
I try not to break into a grin at her words and how they make me feel, but fail. "Really? Do you think so?"
"Yeah. I hope that's not a disappointment," she says. "You could do worse than to have a man who looks at you the way he does."
Okay, I lied. I am embarrassed. I'm not even a teenager anymore, but it's still awkward to talk to my mother about this sort of thing. "So, uh, why do you ask?"
"Oh, it just explains all this interest in your genetics. Congratulations, pumpkin. I'm happy for you." She leans across the table to wrap her arms around me. The movement is made awkward by the big honkin' table standing between us, but we manage.
Then, I blurt the only thing that came to mind when she said how Talon and Dad look at us: "When did you know you loved him? Before
or after you… You know."
"Engaged in a physical connection? The emotional one came before we made love, of course. He wasn't just an emotional bandage. He proved his worth a hundred times over before he ever kissed me."
"How? I mean, how did he prove it to you?"
"By how he treats me, of course, silly," Mom replies. "It's not just the words he says. Kasik's words were golden, but his actions never lived up to them. Your father was the opposite. Don't make a mistake. Take the man with a strong heart, sweetie, not the one with a strong pickup line. You can only be sure of that after you have known them for a while and been through some real difficulties together. Until you have been through all that, you can't safely decide on one or the other."
I have nothing to decide anymore in that regard, so I nod and thank her. Then I ask, "Was I born in the outside world, or in Hollows Ground? Or Mortals Landing, even?"
"Born under Kasik's thumb, dear. But, even as afraid of him as I was, I knew he'd have a biomage in soon to confirm you were his daughter. Dictators are weirdly paranoid about that sort of thing."
"But you'd already done that before I was born, and knew how it would turn out." I begin to get the bigger picture.
"Right. Once he found that out, he'd have killed you and me both, and I have no doubt your dad, too. Who else would it have been, after all?"
I nod, thinking on it. He'd have picked up on that in an instant, probably. Once again, I wonder if he knew who I was the first time he used his power to touch my mind, and had decided to go after my caravan with such strength purely to get her back.
I shake the thought loose. This isn't the time or place for that issue.
"So," I say, putting the other thoughts aside, "when I was born, you were finally afraid of him enough to risk escaping."
She nods. "It's a long story, but all that's relevant right now is that we got away and joined the caravan your dad was born into. When we tried to register your birth with him as your father, that's when I found out Kasik had already had some powerful mortals create your official records… with his name listed as your father. Ultimately, we had to have a new birth certificate made up. We couldn't take any chances on him finding you, so it was both expensive and costly. As to which one the government has you listed by, I don't know. It's not like we ever let you go to public school, and with Roma around, who needs doctors? It just never came up, so I can't answer that."
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