by Piper Rayne
“Okay.”
I hate that I’m doing this to her, but I have to get my head straight before I enter that apartment again. Jolie deserves a man who is going to step up. I refused the role once already. I can’t do it again.
“Text me if you need me,” I say, about to hang up.
“Okay. Jax?”
“Yeah?”
“I hope you get the answers you want. I really do.”
“Thanks, Frankie.”
I hang up and pull up the email from Holder. There’s her name, Margaret Nettlebaum, in black font. I’m not sure I want to speak to her, but I head to the train station and buy a ticket to the old neighborhood.
As the train whizzes by, I can’t get Jolie’s face out of my head. The way she never looked up at me after she said daddy. The smile I’ve become addicted to fading as she said, “Just Jax.” I don’t want to be a stepdad or just Jax, but daddy comes with a level of responsibility I’ve never considered for myself.
The train stops and I get off. She lives on the other side of town in a small apartment complex with a garden next door and a park across the street. I sit on a park bench and stare at the complex. Dead flower beds hang from the windows. Everything is clean and kept up fairly well. Valentine’s stickers decorate the windows of what I think is her apartment.
I sit and stare for a half hour before a woman walks down the street with a man and two boys. The man checks me out, probably thinking I’m a threat, so I pull out my phone as though I have something to do and I’m not a creep with no children, sitting in a park.
The man places his hand on the small of the woman’s back and ushers the two boys up the stairs. I glance up from my phone as they open the apartment door and take the stairs. The lights turn on in the third-floor apartment with the heart stickers on the windows. The woman walks by the window, stops and looks out, but turns away before making eye contact with me.
I stand, not wanting to scare her and figuring I’ll head to Mama Whelan’s to get my head on straight. She’s always been Team Jax, even when I did stupid shit like sleep with Dylan’s girl.
As I round the park, someone calls, “Excuse me?”
I turn to find the woman behind me. She stops and tightens her cardigan sweater around her middle. The man is waiting on the stairs. I don’t say anything and her breath catches.
“Are you him? Jax? Jax Owens?”
I nod.
A huge smile wraps around her mouth and her shoulders fall. She turns around and nods to her husband, but he doesn’t move. “I thought so. I talked with a Mr. Holder earlier today. I was hoping you’d reach out.”
“Really?”
She remains on the corner of the park. Neither of us walks toward the other, as though both of our feet are stuck in cement. She nods. “You have her eyes.”
I nod, unable to find any words. I’ve never heard anything like that in my entire life.
She glances over her shoulder again at her husband. “Would you like to come up? We’re just making Valentines and eating junk food. Kind of a tradition for us.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to impose.”
“Nonsense. Come on.” She nods toward the stairs. I step forward, and she waits to walk with me. “I’m Maggie, by the way.” She looks at me. “You’re tall.”
She’s very petite. I wonder if my mom was too.
We walk across the street. “This is my husband, Pete.”
He puts his hand out with a welcoming smile. “Nice to meet you.”
“Jax,” I say.
He nods as though he knows and opens the apartment door, allowing Maggie and me to go through first. We walk up the stairs. When we reach their door, the whole outside is decorated in red and pink heart garland. A sign on the door says, “Take one,” with a pocket where boxes of conversation heart candies sit.
“You really like Valentine’s Day, huh?”
Pete laughs behind me. “More than you know. I keep telling her that I’ll take her out for the night, get a sitter, but she says all three of us are her Valentines.”
We walk in, and two boys are sitting at a table with glitter, glue, and construction paper.
“Boys, this is Jax. Jax, this is Will and Sam.”
They both say hi, and I say hi back.
Pete slaps me on the back. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Um… a water?”
“Coming right up.” He walks by me and goes to the kitchen, returning with a water for me and a glass of wine for Maggie. “If you need something stronger, just let me know.”
“This is good, thanks.” I hold up the water bottle.
“We’ll be in here if you need us.” He kisses his wife’s cheek and sits at the table with his boys.
Maggie holds her arm out toward the family room. “Want to sit?”
“Sure.” I remove my jacket and sit on the couch. There’s a box of pictures on the coffee table, a few stacks looking like someone’s been going through them.
Maggie sits next to me and picks up a picture. “I’m not sure you’re ready, but I’m a firm believer in taking a sledgehammer to break the ice.” She hands me a picture. “This is your mom, or was.”
I stare at the picture of a woman who, as Maggie said, has the same eyes as me. Not just the color, but the shape and deeper set too.
I hand it back to her, but she holds up her hand. “No, that’s yours to keep. I was looking through these earlier in case you reached out.”
She hands me a stack. I place my water bottle down and flip through them.
“I was a lot younger than Tina, so a lot was kept from me. And until Mr. Holder called, I had no idea she was ever pregnant. She died of an overdose. My parents kicked her out after she finished high school because she was stealing and using and hanging around bad people. I’m not sure my parents ever knew she was pregnant either. I think if they had, they would’ve taken you in. At least I like to think they would.”
“Are they alive?”
She gives me a sad smile. “My mom is alive. She’s in a nursing home. Sadly, Dad passed.”
“What happened to him?”
She picks up a picture and shows me a fairly recent one of a man on a plaid couch. “He just never took care of himself, never went to the doctor. They say it was natural causes.” She shrugs. “I’m really sorry, Jax.” She sips her wine. “Did you have a family who adopted you? Mr. Holder wasn’t very forthcoming with any details about your life.”
I shake my head and place the pictures down. “No. I grew up in the system.”
Her hand touches my arm. “Oh no. I’m so sorry.”
I shrug. “It’s okay. You didn’t leave me there.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “She wouldn’t have been a good mother. I know that’s bad to say as her sister, and probably doesn’t give you much comfort, but it’s true. She couldn’t even take care of herself. She probably thought leaving you was the best choice. It’s the most selfless thing I ever knew her to do.”
I never really thought about that. That maybe she hoped I’d have a better life than I did.
“But I wish we would have known. I really do.”
“Thanks.” I stand.
“You don’t have to leave. I’d love to learn more about you.” She looks me over. “You like tattoos, huh?”
“Holder said something about you thinking you might know who my dad is?”
“I thought I might, but looking at you… you’re so tall and good-looking. I’m not sure the guy I thought of is your dad. He had red hair and was fair-skinned.” I sit again, and she stands. “Let me get something for you to take those pictures with you.”
She leaves and returns with an envelope, then shoves pictures I don’t really want in there. But I guess I should keep them to show my kids one day, if I have any.
“I was hoping you could maybe fill in some blanks for my medical history… at least on my mom’s side. Is there anything that runs in the family? What boxes should I be checking next time I fill out a form at th
e doctor’s?” I give her a half-smile.
She taps her pointer finger on her lips like she’s thinking about it for a moment. “I know high blood pressure was an issue on my dad’s side and a few people on my mom’s side developed diabetes as they got older, but as far as I know there’s no type of cancer or anything that’s been a real issue.”
Well, at least there’s that. “Great, thanks for the info.” I stand, ready to leave, and she walks me to the door. We exchange numbers, although I’m not sure I’ll ever use hers. We say an awkward goodbye, both unsure if we should hug or not.
I’m walking down the stairs, not feeling complete like I thought I would. I thought meeting a blood family member would change me.
I’m on the landing of the second floor when she rushes out of her apartment and leans over the railing. “Jax?”
I look up.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I walk up a few steps to get closer. “Sure.”
“Are you happy? I know how you grew up was probably a nightmare, but now that you’re an adult. Did you find happiness?” A tear slips down her cheek, but she quickly brushes it away with the back of her hand.
I think for a moment. Frankie comes to mind, Jolie right after. Dylan and Rian, Knox, as well as all the true friendships I’ve made since returning to Cliffton Heights. “Yeah. I am.”
She smiles, which I return. I walk down the stairs at peace with my answer. I am happy. I can’t think of a time I’ve ever been happier.
Now it’s time to tell the ones who are responsible for that happiness.
Chapter Thirty
Frankie
* * *
Since Jolie nodded off in her bedroom while reading a book, I use the opportunity to clean up her toys strewn around the apartment. I’m almost done when I hear arguing in the hallway. I open the door and find Jax there with Dylan.
“Where the hell did you go?” Dylan yells.
“It’s none of your business,” Jax says.
“Come on, you two.” Rian pulls Dylan away.
Jax glances over, spotting me in the doorway. He smiles and breezes by Dylan. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I say.
I tried to act strong. I wanted to give Jax the benefit of the doubt. Jolie calling him daddy wasn’t exactly an easy thing to swallow. Especially with his self-doubt about being someone who can be relied on as heavily as a child does a parent.
“Jax, if you fuck this up—” Dylan starts.
Jax raises his hand and turns around. “I love you, man. You’re my brother. And I know I did you wrong once, and I ran away. You think I’m more screwed up in the head than you, but truth is, my head’s screwed on pretty straight—now.” He glances at me over his shoulder. “I know that you being a dick is just your way of preparing yourself for the chance I run again. You’re trying to protect not just Frankie and Jolie, but yourself.” He hugs Dylan and pats him on the back. “But I’m not going anywhere. In fact, thanks. If you wouldn’t have allowed me to rent a chair at Ink Envy, I never would have met Frankie.”
Jax releases Dylan, and Rian looks at them with that look she gets when she loves something. It is kind of funny to see Jax so happy and open with his feelings.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to plan a big event,” Jax says. “It’s not every day you ask someone if you can be their daddy.”
Jax picks up two bags from the floor, kisses me on the lips, and walks into the apartment.
“Do you think he’s high?” Rian asks. “I mean, I’ve never seen him like this.”
Dylan shakes his head at me with a smile. “Come on, Rian, time for us to stay out of their business. Jax is all grown up now.”
I laugh and turn around, walking inside the apartment and shutting the door. “Hey.”
Jax is taking a bunch of Valentine decorations out of the bags, but he stops and comes over to me. “I’m sorry if I scared you. It cut me the way she was so sad when she corrected those girls and said I’m just Jax. I’ve been screwed up, but I’m not anymore. I want this. I want you and Jolie. I want us to be a family.”
He pulls me into a hug, and I stand stiffly, unsure of who this man is. “Okay.”
Then he continues taking the decorations out of the bag. He picks up an envelope and hands it to me. “Maybe keep those safe. We can show our kids one day.”
I open the envelope and see pictures of a woman who has the same eyes as Jax. Then I realize what he said. “Kids?”
He looks up and must realize how thrown off-kilter I am by his new attitude. Taking my hand, he leads me to the couch. “I’m done with all the shit from my past weighing me down. I’m happy. And I’m happy because of you and Jolie. And I know if I fuck up, you’ll straighten me out. But I don’t think I will because I’m doing a good job now, right? Besides the fuckup today with the daddy thing.”
“Jax, are you sure?” I need to make sure he’s not just on some high after finally meeting someone genetically related to him.
He takes my face in his hands like he does when he wants me to really hear him. “Positive. I’ve been ridiculous, thinking that because my mom didn’t want me, no one ever would. That just because I didn’t have a father figure, I didn’t know how to be one. But that’s not true.”
I shake my head, tears welling. He finally sees what I see. “No, it’s not.”
He presses his lips to mine. “I love you, Frankie.”
I blink in surprise.
“I wanted to say it that night in Vegas, but I was chickenshit. And you don’t have to say it back to me. If you don’t love me yet, it’s okay. I’ll make sure you will.” He smiles and kisses me again.
“I do love you. I just didn’t want to scare you.” God, it feels so good to let those words loose into the world.
He smiles. “I’m done being scared.”
“Good.”
“Want to help me?” he asks, standing and pulling more stuff out of the bag.
“What is all this?”
“Valentine’s Day. I’ve never celebrated it, and this year I have two valentines, you and Jolie.” He kisses me again. “The loves of my life.”
His happiness is contagious. I can’t stop smiling as he hangs streamers and heart-shaped garland around the apartment.
“Oh, and just so you know,” Jax says. “I paid Holder your lawyer’s fees.”
I stomp my foot. “I knew something was up. I was scared he was flighty or something. Thank you, but you cannot keep saving me.”
He rounds the counter and pulls me flush against his chest. “Sure, I can. I’m your man.”
“For a second I thought you were going to say prince.”
He laughs. “Nah, you don’t need some prince saving you. You just need someone to stand hand in hand with you as you journey through life. And I couldn’t be happier to be the man you chose.”
More tears well in my eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you.” He seals that promise with a kiss.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jax
* * *
I walk in the door from walking Gumdrop and picking up the last thing I need for this morning. I’m taking off my jacket and unhooking Gumdrop from his leash when Jolie’s bedroom door opens. She’s in her nightgown and flannel pants, one sock missing. She walks past most of the decorations and sits on the couch, grabbing the remote.
“Jolie,” I say, but she lies down on the couch, obviously still tired. I walk over to her and sit down, and she snuggles up on my lap. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Frankie must hear us because she walks out. Jolie peeks up, seeing Frankie coming out of my room.
“Mommy, did you sleep in Jax’s room?” she asks, sounding confused.
She’s way too observant for her own good.
Frankie sits in the chair across from us. We had a long conversation last night about how we hoped this would go.
“I did,” she says.
Jolie sits up and looks at me. “Did you sleep in
Mommy’s bed? I want to switch beds with someone tonight.”
“Not a chance. You’ll be in your own bed until you’re thirty,” I say.
Frankie rolls her eyes, but her smile says she likes me being protective of Jolie. “We need to talk to you about some changes that are happening around here.”
Jolie looks at me. She’s too smart for her own good too. “What?”
“Jax and Mommy are a couple now. And couples sleep in the same bed. Sometimes they kiss. Sometimes they hug. All because they love one another.”
Jolie looks from Frankie to me again. “You love Mommy?”
I nod. “I do.”
“And you love Jax?” she asks Frankie.
Frankie giggles. “I do.”
“Okay.” She crawls off the couch, and it’s as though she sees the decorations for the first time. “Whoa.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I say again.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.” Jolie smiles wide.
“I picked up breakfast.” I stand and grab the box I picked up.
Frankie stays on the couch as Jolie climbs up on the breakfast stool.
“Can I talk to you about yesterday?” I whisper.
Jolie’s excitement fades. “I’m sorry. I was gonna lie because those girls had their dads, but don’t worry. I told them you were just Jax.”
I nod, my heart squeezing. “I have something really serious to talk to you about.”
“What?” She looks as if she might cry. Maybe she thinks she’s in trouble or something. I can’t do this to a little girl.
“Open the box.” I push it toward her, and Frankie comes up behind her.
Inside the box are conversation heart cookies. Thank you, Rian, for making them, but I’ve written on each one.
“On Valentine’s Day, a lot of people ask other people to be their Valentine. I asked Mommy last night and she said yes. So…” I take out the cookies, move the box, and position them in front of Jolie, pointing at the first one. “Will you.
“Be my.
“Valentine?”
She nods and smiles. “Yes.”