Thinking about leaving Sherin here on Electra dulled her enthusiasm. She buried her fingers in her medusas with a groan, and felt them twisting around her hands, trying to bring comfort. After what Moest had said about the risks, she didn’t want Sherin to get wired again, not any more. But it wasn’t her decision to make, much as she wanted it to be. And, much as she wanted to find the other woman and talk her out of it, she wasn’t going to do that either.
She pulled her fingers free of her implants with a sigh, and went through the list of contacts on her handhelds, sending messages to several. Her efforts yielded some tell about a shadow trade corps run a few systems over, not long after she sent the first message. The creds on offer were nowhere near what Vahn had offered originally, but they would be enough to keep them eating and flying for a while.
And the run’s destination put them near Kraybourne. She drew a trembling breath, like a sob. They could bring Erol’s body back to Arnelle, tell zir a version of what happened. TiCara sighed heavily; she owed her Second that much and more, wishing that he had finished the tell he started, had let her help him find a way out that would have kept him alive.
But it was too late for that. Now, she had decisions to make. She needed to accept this job within the next two cycles or lose it. TiCara found herself at war with her instincts, her training, her experience. If she turned this down, how soon would another job take its place? They were going to need to hire her a new Second, and cover their next trip if she used what she had left to pay the ship’s debt.
She closed her eyes and focused on modulating her breathing, finding in that something that she could control. It reminded her of Aliandra and how she had always promised herself that she would go back there eventually and finish working with the masters. She wondered if she would be more successful now that Zig was finally out of her life.
Her handheld chimed and she picked it up. Sherin, at last. But with what tell?
Her lover asked her for a meeting in the observation lounge a few levels up, and once TiCara agreed, she clicked off, her tone formal. TiCara stared at her handheld, as if she could get it to reveal whatever Sherin was going to do just by looking at it. But not for long. They didn’t have that much time left.
She got up, leaving her drink container on the table and walked out of the cantina, ignoring the annoyed-sounded chittering of the canteen bot scurrying to clean up after her. She tried to clear her mind of all her thoughts, all her hopes. To remember that whatever Sherin decided to do, it was Sherin’s choice to make. Wasn’t that what she herself had wanted when she first got wired, why she had been so eager to embrace her implants with all they brought with them, good and bad?
She hung on to that memory as she climbed up to the elevated observation deck, ignoring the gravilift next to it in favor of the stairs. The exertion hurt several of her still healing wounds, but the pain was bearable and it
helped her clarify her thoughts. By the time she reached the top, the turmoil in her head had calmed and she paused both to catch her breath and to admire Sherin.
Sherin was looking up at the stars again, just as she had been the first time that they were together on the Astra. But this time, there were no tears and she looked serene. Whatever she had decided, she was sure about it.
TiCara swallowed hard and walked to her side, noting with relief that the few other beings who shared the deck with them were far enough away to be out of listening range. She didn’t want anyone else hearing this, whatever this was. She pulled up a soft chair next to Sherin and sat down to wait.
Her medusas swirled around her in a cloud but she made no effort to control them this time. Sherin had to know that this decision affected them both if they were to be anything to each other, had to know that she was worried, that she cared.
Sherin looked down at her. I stopped singing and became a pilot because it was what my crèche expected of me. We were all intended to succeed, to be the genetic combination that New Chindai could replicate for other crèches. What I wanted had never mattered before I lost my medusas. I wanted what they wanted because why would I want something else? Their success was my success, She paused and sat gingerly on the seat next to TiCara. Her eyes were wide and far away when she met TiCara’s gaze.
TiCara almost reached for her, but stopped herself and instead twined her fingers together, trying not to fidget. Sherin continued after a brief pause, I loved being wired. I loved being a pilot. But I loved that it fulfilled my duties to my crèche as much as I loved piloting the actual ships. Then I...lost that. Sherin turned her face away and closed her eyes.
She continued, her voice soft, And worse, I didn’t want to sing any more. I didn’t want to do anything any more. Vahn found me when I had nothing else left and he hired me. That meant so much to me. Still does. But I thought that my crèche wanted more from me than just becoming a corp rep, even though nobody said anything. I just knew...or thought that I knew what I needed to be for them. She grimaced and drew in a deep breath. And every time I talked to Elia, I started to blackhole, getting deeper and deeper. I didn’t know what to do. Until all this happened. Sherin gestured around her and gave TiCara a tremulous smile.
TiCara felt her heart begin to race and tried to calm her breathing. What if she was wrong, what if Sherin had chosen to forget her? To give her up? Her hands started to tremble despite her efforts to keep them still.
I thought about taking Moest’s offer, but I knew that I would lose everything I’ve known for the past few revolutions. Even if she was able to wire me again, I wouldn’t know if I’d be too damaged to pilot, not until it was too late. And I’d lose my memories of you, of us. Sherin looked away, her expression making it clear that she wasn’t looking for excuses or explanations.
TiCara gave her one anyway. I want to stay with you, whatever happens next. Even if you don’t remember me, I want to try and give you new memories. We could start over without any of what happened with Elia and Zig. It could be-- she recognized that she was babbling and stopped abruptly and gestured to Sherin to continue.
I don’t want to lose you either. Or have to relearn who you are. Not for something I think I can live without. That I’ve been living with for awhile. Sherin turned to her and reached for her, catching her hands in her own.
There’s something else that Moest and I talked about after you left. She thinks she can gradually increase bone density in your skull. It still might not be enough to withstand having your medusas reimplanted, but it’s a chance, not so invasive. TiCara stopped and choked. But she had to ask the question uppermost in her mind. There could be no avoiding it. Can you be with me if I’m wired and you’re not?
Sherin paused, then nodded, as if she didn’t trust herself to speak. Her eyes were full of tears, but her face shone like a glowlight in the darkened deck. She stood up, pulling TiCara with her and into her arms. They held each other under the stars, drawing comfort and strength from the warmth of each other’s bodies. TiCara could feel every nerve ending in her body simmer into a slow burn.
Her breath caught at its intensity. Let’s go talk to Moest then. She whispered in Sherin’s ear. "I want to get you back on the Astra soon." They left the deck together, fingers entwined.
Moest didn’t seem surprised to hear Sherin’s decision, simply nodding and explaining the bone density procedure and its side effects. She administered the first of the injections at Sherin’s request, had them authorize some agreements and sent them on their way after they agreed to return in a standard revolution.
After everything that had happened so far, it was very anticlimactic. TiCara wasted several minutes trying to understand why she felt disappointed. They needed to leave Electra immediately now and it felt like they had
gotten only part of what they came for. Her handheld’s alarm chimed, reminding her of the shadow trade job and without thinking, she answered and keyed in her agreement.
Belatedly, she met Sherin’s eyes when she looked up from her handheld. Should she have ask
ed before assuming that Sherin was willing to be dragged along on a new run? Ji-min and Vijay would be all right with it, creds were creds and they still trusted her or so she hoped, but Sherin wasn’t crew and didn’t answer to her. Not like Erol and she grimaced against the aching loss that thought brought with it.
Another job? Sherin asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. She smiled a little at TiCara’s head jerk of agreement and her apologetic shrug. I guess I have to get used to this if I’m going to fly with you. Could you use a good rep? She smiled wryly at TiCara.
Yes! I need a Second too, but then we’d be piloting in opposite shifts too much of the time if you took that berth. I’m not giving up my time with you that easily, so we’ll need to hire on when we get into a bigger port. TiCara smiled at her as they made their way down to the suits.
I can make some changes to the autopilot to fix that, if you’ll let me. And I’ve got some ideas for new trade. Sherin’s mind was off and running and TiCara followed along, basking in the flow of the other woman’s words and ideas. It felt like hope and possibility and so many other things that she’d only dreamt about.
For the first time, it felt like she was free, of Zig, of the corps, of the fears that had been crushing her. That feeling only increased when she put on her suit, pleased at how quickly she was healing. The tech had done a good job, despite her obvious distaste for medusa pilots and TiCara felt a brief wave of tenuous gratitude.
The trip back to the Astra was over almost before she realized it and then it only remained for them to meet with Vijay and Ji-min and look over the ship. A part of her was dreading this, dreading seeing the ship without Erol, seeing the damage, seeing Erol’s body. Somehow, she expected to see it on the Bridge again, but when they got there, his body had been podded and much of the damage was cleared out and fixed.
It wasn’t the same, though, and she had to recognize that it might never be.
Ji-min was still distant, still observing military protocols, though not as icy as they had been. Vijay was being cautious, hard to read. I owe you tell, TiCara began, and gave an abbreviated explanation of everything that had happened. Getting them to believe that explanation took a bit longer, and she wasn’t sure that they did believe her when the station gave them the all-clear to leave. She wondered if she would lose her entire crew at the next port before her tell was done.
Need to give tell to Erol’s primary, Ji-min said at last.
Vijay nodded, his eyes tired and hooded. And you, rep? Staying aboard?
Sherin straightened up. If it’s starshine with…all of you. There was an unspoken question in her voice. She glanced from one to the other of them, looking for permission, for assent. For belonging.
But you belong with me, TiCara wanted to say, recognizing that it might not be enough. That she might need more than that. And she wondered if she’d made that impossible.
Ji-min and Vijay looked at each other, then back at Sherin. After a long moment, Ji-min gave her the corps military salute, the one that they used to welcome new crew on board. Vijay followed, a bit slower because of his injuries, but he added a smile and an outstretched hand. Sherin clasped it in hers and gave them all a radiant smile. They all turned to TiCara, their faces expectant and wary.
TiCara answered with, We have a new job, one that goes near Kraybourne. We need to take him back to Arnelle, tell zir what happened. Sound all nebula? For now? They each gave her their assent in their different ways and she nearly sighed with relief.
She still felt as if she was sleep walking until she plugged into the ship and let the soothing rush of the nav computer fill her mind. Part of her wanted to reach out and joyously caress the navigational array when it popped up. Her ship, her crew and her shadow trade job, almost everything in her life back where it should be. Sherin’s face rose on the small screen when she scanned the ship and she grinned at the image. Their job. Their ship, maybe.
She had piloted them away from Electra and into the asteroids by the end of her shift. After conferring with her crew, she decided to stop for a few cycles on the same asteroid that had sheltered them before. They could hide from the pirates until TiCara was fully healed and Sherin was ready to fly the ship on her own.
A quick scan of the belt showed no pirates in the vicinity and, even better, no corporate ships. TiCara set up the alarms and gave the crew leave to sleep or otherwise entertain themselves. Then she climbed down the Bridge
ladder and walked to her own quarters, bouncing a little in the ship’s grav. As the door opened, she revised that thought to our quarters.
Sherin had cleared out all trace of Vahn and Sammo and set up her meager possessions. She had put them away as unobtrusively as possible, but the small room seemed more homelike, if a bit crowded.
She was also sleeping in the bed, her face glowing golden in the dim light from the hall. TiCara slipped quietly out of her damaged blacksuit and tossed it into the alcove for cleaning and repair as the door closed behind her. Then she lay down next to Sherin, trying not to wake her.
But Sherin’s eyes opened slowly as soon as she lay down and she pressed against TiCara with a fierce kiss. Tired as she was from her shift, the heat of Sherin’s warm skin against hers was enough to help her wake back up. Soon, she was exploring Sherin’s body with her mouth and hands and Sherin responded in kind.
TiCara still held her medusas back, flat against her skull and unmoving, vowing not to use them unless Sherin told her to. Instead, she relied on the rest of her body to arouse her lover It seemed to be working. Sherin’s hips rocked against hers and the scent of her desire filled TiCara with a desperate longing of her own as she slipped her leg between Sherin’s. She ran her hand up Sherin’s bare thigh, reveling in the goose bumps that followed, but stopping just short of her sex.
Instead, she licked her way down to Sherin’s breast, nibbling on her collarbone, then tonguing one hardened nipple against her teeth, then the other, sucking until Sherin writhed against her, moaning. TiCara lost herself in Sherin’s body, tasting, biting, licking, stroking. She wanted to find every nerve ending that would pleasure the other woman before she was ready to climax.
It was several moments before she felt Sherin’s hands in her medusas, tentative at first, then caressing. She let them twine themselves in between Sherin’s fingers, stroking her skin very gently. For an instant, she nearly let them release their pheromones, but that felt like cheating. This might be all that Sherin was ready for and they had plenty of unaided chemistry between them already.
Sherin pulled her hand gently away and ran her fingers slowly down to her breasts. The medusas echoed her own pleasure and Sherin’s, amplifying it and feeding it directly into TiCara’s brain until she thought she would explode from the sensations. Then they led her mouth down Sherin’s body to her slit, sending gentle warm sparks into the sensitive skin of her belly and thighs.
Once TiCara was between Sherin’s thighs, with her mouth on the other woman’s clit, her medusas caressed her skin, sending a torrent of sensations through both of them as Sherin bucked and moaned. She went rigid and TiCara worried for a horrible instant that Sherin might want her to stop, might want all of this to stop. She held her breath waiting for her lover to speak or give her another sign.
Then Sherin’s hips shot upward, rocking against her mouth, pulling TiCara’s fingers further inside her. She moaned, clutching the sleeping pad on either side of her thighs. A wave of pure desire washed over TiCara as her medusas amplified what both of them were feeling and together they both howled out their mutual release.
TiCara rolled off Sherin to lie beside her as they gasped and quivered in the aftermath. She grinned at Sherin and her lover grinned back at her. Was that…are you…? I mean... she fumbled, looking for a less silly way to ask the question. Using these? She ran a hand over her damp implants and her whole body quivered from the contact.
Sherin laughed and reached down to pull TiCara back on top of her. They embraced and TiCara kissed her. Then they we
re a tangle of arms and limbs and implants, a symphony of sounds as their damp bodies slid together, craving more.
TiCara found her way back between Sherin’s legs, this time twisting her finger up Sherin’s ass while her mouth found her clit and her medusas sent tiny shocks into the trembling flesh of her thighs. Sherin’s fingers dug into the bed and her body convulsed under TiCara’s and the pilot paused, wondering once again if she had moved too quickly. Then, between gasps, she heard, More. And she complied with everything she had.
Sherin had barely stopped quivering when she twisted around to slip her hand between TiCara’s thighs. She used that leverage to pull TiCara up, tugging the pilot into position so that she knelt on either side of Sherin’s face, Sherin’s parted lips. Sherin’s hand thrust into her while she licked her until the motion of her hand and mouth made TiCara howl her own release soon afterward.
They collapsed side by side, exchanging eager kisses until they both slipped into exhausted, sated sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms. Waking brought another round of lovemaking, their exploration of each other’s
bodies continuing until hunger drove them to the nutrient dispensor.
Sherin spooned a warm spicy mixture into TiCara’s mouth, laughing when she missed and put a dab on her cheek instead. I need to work on the autopilot, you know. I don’t want to leave the belt until we get that done, the words came with a caress, A few adjustments to the nav controls and you’ll think you have a new ship.
TiCara grinned and stretched, before they got up to spend a last few precious moments showering. Then she escorted Sherin up to the Bridge and left her there with a hearty kiss. It was time to go back to being the captain again.
The Astra was overdue for a thorough inspection before they left the system and she’d want Ji-min and Vijay to double-check Sherin’s work on the computer. Not because she had any doubts about the other woman’s intentions, not now, but because her crew knew the ship and what she needed. Sherin would learn that too, with practice, and once she did, they were going to be the best crew she’d ever worked with, on the best ship, flying free through the known systems. And perhaps, on to some new ones someday.
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