by Marie Force
Ted pulled free of her embrace. “I need some air.”
“Want me to come with you?”
“No,” he said with an absent kiss to her forehead. “I need a minute, okay?”
“Sure.”
His shoulders were stooped as Caroline watched him go.
“I take it his visit with the boys didn’t go too well.”
Caroline turned to find Theo behind her. “No, not so well.”
“He’s going to need you in the next few days, Caroline. Maybe more than he’ll ever need you again.”
“He’s got me. I’m just afraid he’s not going to let me in. After all, I’m the cause of this. I’ve come between him and his friends.”
“You’re his wife now. How that came to be is almost secondary at this point, wouldn’t you say?”
Caroline thought about that for a minute. “Yes, I guess it is.”
“My Lil knew what she was doing,” Theo said with a proud smile. “Yes, she did.”
“What do you mean?”
“She figured if you were married it would be a lot harder to walk away from each other when the going got tough. And it’s going to get tough, Caroline. Really, really tough and maybe for quite some time. So Lil made sure you two got half a chance. The other half is going to be up to you and your husband.”
Caroline smiled. “Crafty.”
“Yes, she sure is. I’ve always loved that about her.” His eyes filled when he glanced into Lillian’s room.
She rested a hand on the old man’s arm. “Are you all right?”
“Sixty-five years,” he sighed. “How do you say goodbye after sixty-five years?”
“I don’t know.” Caroline brushed at the tears that suddenly wet her cheeks. “I can’t imagine how you do that.”
“It doesn’t just happen, you know.” He shifted his eyes back to Caroline. “Finding someone you love is only the start. The rest takes hard work. Every single day. Even the first day. Go find him. Make sure he knows he’s not alone anymore.”
Caroline hugged him. “I feel very lucky to have a grandfather-in-law who’s so wise and a grandmother-in-law who’s so crafty.”
Theo grinned as he kissed her cheek. “We’re happy to have you, honey. Now, go find your husband.”
Caroline worked to compose herself in the elevator but couldn’t seem to stop the flood of tears as the past few emotional days caught up to her all at once. Theo’s grief had made her see how trivial her problems were in comparison, and she summoned the strength to support Ted. Theo was right. Her husband needed her.
She found him on a bench outside the hospital’s main door. Bent over, leaning on his knees, he looked so sad and alone that Caroline ached for him. Sitting down next to him she laid her arm on his back.
He seemed almost startled to see her.
She eased him over to rest against her. “It’s all right, baby,” she whispered. “I’ve got you.”
After a somber second night at the Ritz during which Ted didn’t sleep at all, they packed their bags so they could get back to the hospital.
When she found him staring into space in the middle of the elegant parlor, Caroline put her arms around him. She was alarmed at the distance he had put between them since his friends had visited the hospital the day before. Reaching up to smooth the blond hair off his forehead, she couldn’t miss the far-away look in his blue eyes. “Honey?”
He looked down at her, his distraction apparent.
“Hey.” She gave him a little shake. “Are you with me?”
“Yeah.”
“I know you’re worried about seeing Smitty and about your grandmother, but no matter what this day brings, I’m right here with you, okay?”
He nodded.
“Do you remember what you said to me the other night about sticking together and fighting our way through this?”
“Yes.”
“It’s time to fight.”
“Okay.”
“I love you with my whole heart, Ted Duffy.”
He clutched her hands and kissed her. “I love you, too.”
“Stay focused on that today.”
“I’ll try.”
They were in the hallway heading for the elevator when Caroline gasped. “Oh my God! We left our list in the room!”
He withdrew the key from his pocket and handed it to her.
She came back a minute later holding the piece of paper to her chest. “I would’ve been heartbroken if we had forgotten this.”
“We could’ve made another one.”
“It wouldn’t have been the same,” she said, adding with a teasing smile, “We never got to number nine last night.”
“I’m sorry. I just wasn’t in the mood.”
“I know. I was only kidding.” When she realized she wasn’t going to be able to cajole him out of his funk, she decided to stop trying.
Parker missed Gina when he woke up without her after having her next to him the last two mornings. He was going to have to convince her to marry him so he could wake up with her every day. Before they could take the next step, though, he had to meet her sons. He hoped that could happen soon so they could get busy becoming a family. A family. Parker wondered why the idea didn’t horrify him nearly as much as it should have. You’re a mess, man.
He moved quietly through the house so he wouldn’t disturb Chip and Elise, who were sleeping in one of his extra bedrooms. He had prepared another room for Smitty the night before. Parker downed a quick cup of coffee before he left for Logan Airport to meet Smitty’s flight. His stomach clenched with nerves over what he had to tell his friend. Lucky me. I really got stuck with the short straw in this situation. Thanks a lot, Duff.
The traffic was light on that Sunday morning, and Parker made it to the airport in fifteen minutes, just before the red-eye from Los Angeles was due to arrive. He parked and walked into the terminal to wait. Smitty called twenty minutes later to let Parker know he was on his way down to baggage claim.
Parker honestly felt like he could puke as he waited for Smitty. If it hadn’t been so early he would’ve called Gina for moral support. A few more minutes passed and desperation had him reaching for his phone to call her when he looked up and saw Smitty on the escalator. Here goes nothing.
With a two-day beard and bleary eyes Smitty greeted Parker with one of his signature bear hugs.
“You look like hell,” Parker said.
“I feel like I’ve been on a plane for a month over the last week. How’s Lillian? Please tell me she’s still alive.”
“She’s holding her own.”
A sigh of relief rattled through Smitty’s big frame.
While they waited for his bag, Parker tried to work up the courage to tell Smitty what he needed to know before he went to the hospital.
“Spit it out, Parker. Whatever it is, just tell me.”
Parker glanced up at him but couldn’t get the words out.
Smitty kept his eyes on Parker. “Tell me.”
“They got married.”
Smitty’s eyebrows knitted with confusion. “Who did?”
“Ahhh, Duff and Caroline. They’re married.”
“Married.”
Parker nodded. “Smitty, listen—”
“I don’t want to hear another word. Not one more word.” He grabbed his bag off the carrousel. “Let’s go. I need to see Lillian.”
Smitty and Parker came in through the ICU door thirty minutes later, and Smitty made a beeline for Mitzi without so much as a glance at Ted or Caroline.
Mitzi enveloped him in a tight hug. “Come on, darling,” she said, leading him down the hallway.
At the door to Lillian’s room, Mitzi stopped and turned to him. “I know this is going to be upsetting for you, but she’s not in any pain, and she’s saying she’s ready. She’ll be very happy to see you.”
Smitty kept a tight grip on Mitzi’s hand as tears tumbled from his raw eyes.
“Come here, honey.” Mitzi reached for him and wiped th
e tears off his face. “Go ahead.”
Smitty stepped into the room.
Theo got up to greet him with a hug. “Thank you so much for coming.” He leaned over to gently nudge Lillian awake. “Sweetheart, Smitty’s here to see you. He’s come all the way from Australia.”
“Smitty,” Lillian whispered. “Theo help me sit up a little.” After he had raised the bed she said, “Will you give us a few minutes, my love?”
Theo kissed her forehead. “Of course. I’ll be right outside if you need me.”
When they were alone, Lillian turned to Smitty. “You look exhausted, honey.”
Smitty broke down. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t get here in time.”
“I told you I’d wait for you,” she said weakly.
“I should’ve had more faith in you,” he teased through his tears.
“That’s right.” She squeezed his hand as she studied him. “Your heart is heavy and not just because your favorite old girl is about to check out.”
“I don’t want to waste the time we have together talking about that.”
“Honey, why do you think I asked you to come? I never would’ve put you through such an emotional journey if I didn’t have something important I needed to say to you.”
Smitty took a deep breath hoping to somehow manage the riot of emotions.
“I want you to do something for me, but mostly I want you to do it for yourself.” She kept her eyes trained on him. “I want you to forgive him.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“If you don’t, the bitterness will poison you. Your friendship may never be the same, but if you carry this around with you it’ll eat away at you and keep you from finding happiness of your own.”
“Lill—”
“You have to find a way.”
“I only just found out they’re married half an hour ago. I’m not feeling very forgiving at the moment.”
“They got married because I asked them to. They were going to anyway. I just pushed things along a little.” She paused to take a deep, wracking breath. “I know it was terribly selfish of me, but I wanted to see my Ted married before I left him. I wish I was going to live long enough to see the same thing for you.”
“I don’t think it’s going to happen for me.”
“It will. I know it will, but you have to make room for it. If your heart is going to be open to receiving love, it can’t be full of anger and bitterness.”
“I know you love him, Lillian, but he’s done a terrible thing to me. You’re asking a lot of me.”
“I’m not saying you have to forgive him today. But eventually.” Her face lit up with a coy smile. “I’m on my deathbed, so I could make you promise me . . .”
“You wouldn’t do that to me.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” she said with a fading twinkle in her eye. “You’re a wonderful, kind, generous man, Smitty. You deserve a woman who has eyes only for you. Caroline wasn’t that woman, and while I’m sorry you had to find that out the way you did, it’s better now than later. There’s someone out there just for you, and she’ll see everything I see when I look at you.”
He attempted a smile. “I met a woman in Sydney this week who seems to think I’m pretty cool.”
“Then she must be a smart girl.”
“She is.”
“I’ll be watching over you.”
New tears coursed down his face as he kissed her hand. “Thank you for showing me what a real family is and for being my family. I love you.”
“And I love you. Be good to yourself.”
He leaned over the bedrail to hug her and dissolved into sobs.
Mitzi finally came in and eased him up. With her arms around him, she led him from the room and held him until he had collected himself.
He swiped impatiently at tears that refused to quit. “Will you understand if I can’t stay here and wait with you?”
“Of course,” Mitzi said.
“We’re all at Parker’s.”
“I’ll call you,” she said. “It was very, very good of you to come. It seemed important to her that she see you.”
“It was.”
She escorted him back to where Parker waited for him.
Ted stood up and came to the door of the waiting room. “Smitty—”
“Are you ready to go, Parker?” Smitty asked.
“Sure.” Parker kissed Mitzi’s cheek. “Call us if there’s anything you need.”
“I will.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lillian died in Theo’s arms at three thirty that afternoon. While Mitzi and Ed tended to his grandfather, Ted called the funeral home and Lillian’s parish priest, who had been by earlier in the day to administer last rites.
As he was swept into the details that came with planning a funeral, Caroline watched Ted struggle to put his own troubles aside for the time being so he could focus on making sure his grandmother got the send off she deserved. Not that he seemed to notice, but Caroline was by his side every minute except for a couple of hours on Monday afternoon when Tish took her to buy something to wear to the wake and funeral.
Late on Tuesday afternoon, she watched from across their bedroom as he knotted his tie in front of the mirror. He had put a million miles between them since Smitty’s snub on Sunday, and she had no idea how to reach him. She hoped that once they got past the funeral they could somehow get back on track.
“Ted?”
He turned to her.
“I was thinking, you know, about the wake and everything.”
“What about it?”
“I know you’re going to have to be in the receiving line with your family, and it might be better if I’m not with you, so you don’t have to explain to hundreds of people that you’ve gotten married. It doesn’t seem like the time or place for that.”
He shrugged with nonchalance that hurt her. “If that’s what you want.”
“I want to keep the focus where it belongs—on your grandmother—and not have the whole place buzzing about us.”
“That’s fine.”
Caroline wanted to scream. Fine! Nothing is fine! But this wasn’t the time. There would be time for screaming—if it came to that—after they had gotten through the next few days.
The wake was mobbed with people wanting to pay their respects to a pillar of the community, a beloved friend, and a generous patron of the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, among other local charities. The family photographs Elise had taken before the anniversary party sat on easels around the room.
Caroline found a seat in the back where she could see Ted but remain out of the way.
Chip, Elise, Parker, and Smitty came in about an hour after the wake began. Each of them hugged all the Duffys, including Ted, as they moved through the line and then stopped to pay their respects to Lillian. They were wiping at tears as they went past her open casket and merged into the crowded room.
“Caroline?”
Caroline looked up. “Oh, hi, Elise. The photos are beautiful.”
“Thanks. Why are you hiding back here? Shouldn’t you be up there with your husband?”
“I didn’t want him to have to explain me to everyone. It didn’t seem like the right time for that.”
“How’s he doing? Really?”
“He’s having a hard time with a lot of things right now, but I’m sure he’ll be fine.” If he could use that word, so could she.
“How about you?” Elise asked with concern as she took the seat next to Caroline.
“I’m doing my best to support him. That’s all I can do.” She glanced up and unwittingly caught Smitty’s eye. For a long moment, she couldn’t make herself look away. Finally, he did. “How’s Smitty, Elise?”
“I don’t know. He won’t talk to us about it. Parker and Chip have both tried, but he refuses to discuss it.”
“That’s not healthy. I’d rather hear he’s ranting and raving than keeping it all inside. Do you think they’re ever going to forgive Ted?”
“If you think it’ll matter, please tell them how sorry I am to have put them in this position. They mean the world to Ted, and I know he would do just about anything to make this right with them.”
“I’ll tell them if I get the chance. Can I ask you just one thing that’s been driving me mad?”
“Of course.”
“When did this happen?”
“The first night we met. Remember how Smitty crashed early and the rest of you went out?”
Elise nodded.
“I was on the deck upstairs when he arrived. He was a mess over losing his patient, Joey. We talked for a long time, and there was just this connection between us. And then the next day, when I broke my ankle, he was so awesome.”
“But nothing happened between you then? Right?”
“No,” Caroline said. “Not until Block Island when we acknowledged we had fallen in love that first weekend.” She reached for Elise’s hand. “Please try to understand. Neither of us would’ve ever wanted to hurt Smitty like this if we could’ve avoided it. But it was so big and so immediate and so overwhelming.”
“Elise,” Chip said. “We’re going to go.”
She looked up at him. “Okay.” Hugging Caroline, she said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
After they got home from the wake, Ted spent the rest of the evening in his office working on what he was going to say at the funeral. Caroline wandered in to check on him before she went up to bed. Draping her arms over his shoulders, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine.”
Fine. Caroline was starting to hate that word. “You need to get some sleep, honey.”
He shook her off. “When I finish this.”
Stung, Caroline stepped back from him. “Okay.” She went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and saw their list on the refrigerator. She ran a loving hand over the creamy paper. Their wedding night already seemed like a lifetime ago, and she wondered if they had any chance at all of getting to number ten.