by Marie Force
Stunned to see her mother up, dressed, and sitting at the table eating an early dinner, Juliana noticed that both her mother and the house were immaculate. There were even fresh flowers on the table.
“You must be Juliana.” A young blonde woman extended her hand. “I’m Allison, the home health aide.”
“No, you’re Allison, the miracle worker,” Juliana said with amazement.
“I told you she was a brat,” Paullina said to Allison but without the usual edge to her voice.
Juliana was startled to realize her mother was also sober. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw her that way.
“I’m sorry it’s been so long since I was here, Ma. You look wonderful.”
“Well, Florence Nightingale over there is on my ass day and night,” she said, but Juliana noticed the affection in her mother’s eyes.
Paullina took a close look at her daughter. “The bruise is just about gone, huh?”
“Yes, finally. Juliana’s Salon has shut down. It’s back to Panache on Tuesday.”
“It’ll be good for you to get back to normal.”
Normal, Juliana thought, not sure what that was anymore. She sat down at the table. “So, Ma, Jeremy and I got engaged last night.”
Paullina seemed stunned as she put down her fork and wiped her mouth. “Did you now? Where’s the ring?”
“It was too big, so we’re having it sized. It’s gorgeous though.”
“Congratulations, Juliana. You’ve certainly waited long enough for that.”
“We’re going to St. John in three weeks, just Jeremy and me.” Juliana told the tiniest of lies to protect her mother’s feelings since she had been unprepared to find her sober and rational. “We don’t want a big wedding.”
“It sounds lovely. I hope you’ll be very happy.”
Juliana’s chest tightened with emotion as she caught a glimpse of the mother she remembered from before life and alcohol took their toll on her. She leaned in to hug her mother. “Thank you. Well, I need to keep moving. I’ve got a million things to do.” She couldn’t even think about the unimaginable thing she had to do next.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Paullina said.
“I won’t. Nice to meet you, Allison.”
“You, too,” the aide called from the living room.
Juliana drove down Eastern Avenue still amazed by what she had just witnessed at her mother’s house. Now that Jeremy had paid off the mortgage, Juliana would put her money toward keeping Allison around. That would certainly lift a big weight off her shoulders.
Turning onto Chester Street, her heart began to pound with anxiety and dread. She had come early, so she could get her stuff out of there before Michael got home from Florida. The palms of her hands were damp, and her mouth went dry as she used her key to let herself in. She deactivated the alarm and was assaulted by a flood of memories and emotions and despair—utter despair over what she was about to do to this man who so totally didn’t deserve it.
Forcing herself to move fast, she went upstairs to his bedroom to pack her remaining clothes and personal items. She tried not to think about the last passionate night they spent in his bed or making love with him in the shower before she left to meet Jeremy. Was that really only yesterday? Brushing away a tear that escaped despite her iron will to get through this without them, she zipped the last of her bags and carried them downstairs and out to her car.
When there was nothing left to do, she sat on the sofa to wait for him. The room soon grew dark, but Juliana couldn’t seem to move, even to turn on a light. She had no idea how much time passed before she heard his key in the door.
“Juliana?” He flipped on a light. “Hey, baby, I was so happy to see your car out there. What’re you doing in the dark?” A smile lit up his face as he dropped his overnight bag inside the door and crossed the room to her. But when he noticed the tears in her eyes, he froze and his smile faded to an expression of agony that would remain etched upon her heart forever. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head. “No, you’re not going back to him. You can’t.”
His devastation rendered her helpless against the flood of tears she had managed to contain until that moment.
“Do you love him the same way you love me?”
“No,” she said, wiping her face.
“Then why are you doing this? I don’t understand.”
“Because I don’t love you the same way I love him.”
He grimaced in unabashed pain.
Wincing, Juliana stood up to go to him. “That came out wrong.” She buried her hands in her hair in frustration. “Oh, I never should’ve let this happen between us!”
He took her by the arm. “Don’t insult me by pretending you had any more power over it than I did.”
“Michael,” she said softly, “I love you so much. You know I do, but I’ve been with him my whole adult life. He made one mistake, and he regrets it terribly. I just couldn’t bring myself to walk away from him after he was there for me during all the years when no one else was. I’m so sorry.”
The anger seemed to leave him as fast as it had come. “I don’t want you to be sorry. You had a decision to make, and you’ve made it. I’ve always known this could happen.”
“I’ll never forget any of it.” Tears streamed down her face. “I’ll never forget you. I promise you that.”
“I want you to promise me something else—something much more important.”
She brushed at her tears. “What?”
“That when it blows up with him, you’ll come find me.”
“No, Michael—”
“I’m only asking you for one thing, Juliana. Come find me. I’ll either be here or in Newport—you know where—and I’ll be waiting for you. I don’t care if it’s a week, a year, five years, twenty years. Find me.”
“But surely you’ll be married with a family—”
He shook his head. “Never. It’s you or no one. So don’t think for one minute I won’t still want you or that my pride is too wounded to forgive you. I’ve already forgiven you. That’s how much I love you.”
“You can’t mean that,” Juliana said, choking on a sob. “You’ll meet someone else. You’ll fall in love again.”
With his index finger to her chin, he forced her to look at him. “Have I ever said anything to you that I didn’t mean?”
“No,” she whispered.
“Do you promise, Juliana? I need to hear you say it.”
“Okay, I promise, but I don’t want you to wait for me. I want you to find someone else—”
He laid a finger over her lips to stop her. “It’s not going to happen.”
“I’m so sorry, Michael.” She handed him her house key.
He put it in his pocket and reached for her left hand. “He didn’t even give you a ring?”
“It was too big.”
Michael made a sound that might have been a chuckle if he was amused rather than devastated. “And mine fit perfectly. Ironic, huh?”
Juliana couldn’t dispute that point so she didn’t try. “What happened with Paige?”
“Turns out she was pregnant.”
Juliana gasped.
“She lost it. She was in the hospital when I got there.”
“Oh, Michael. I’m sorry. Is she all right?”
“She will be.”
“Will you be?”
Resting his hands on her face, he ran his thumbs gently along her jaw in a gesture so familiar, so uniquely his, it took her breath away. “You’d better go while I’m still able to let you.” He brought her into his arms one last time, as if to prepare himself for all the days he would have to live without her. “Remember what I said, Juliana. Come find me.”
“I don’t ever want you to think, for even one second, that I don’t love you as much as I said I did.”
“I know you do.” He touched his lips to hers. “That’s why I’ll be waiting.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Juliana went back to work two
days after the emotional scene at Michael’s house. Her co-workers were full of questions about her involvement in the trial, but she kept the details vague because it was too painful to think about Michael.
She was so sad about what she had done to him that it took tremendous effort just to get out of bed, let alone function. Their time together had been brief but intense, and she couldn’t deny that she left a big part of her heart with him. Despite what he had said, though, she hoped he would eventually find someone else who could give him the happiness he so deserved.
The next three weeks were a whirlwind. Jeremy and Juliana put their rowhouse on the market and sold it four days later, scheduling the closing for the end of January. Pam helped her find the perfect white silk sundress for the beachfront wedding. During their shopping outing, Pam asked what became of Juliana’s relationship with the prosecutor.
Cut to the quick by the question and the reminder of Michael, Juliana forced herself to say, “Nothing. Nothing became of it.”
Jeremy was thoughtful, attentive, and considerate. He seemed to understand that she needed space to work through some things before the wedding. At the same time, he went out of his way to keep his promise to bring the romance back into their relationship. As their wedding day drew near, Juliana loved him more than ever and felt confident that she had made the right decision to marry him.
On the thirtieth of December, they took an early morning flight with Pam and David to St. Thomas. They caught a ferry for the brief trip across the sound to the remote island of St. John. The four of them were in high spirits as a taxi deposited them at the oceanfront resort. Juliana and Jeremy checked into a two-bedroom suite and then joined Pam and David to explore the lush resort.
They were enjoying elaborate tropical drinks at the bar when Jeremy’s mother Barbara and her husband Gary arrived. She whispered, “It’s about time, huh?” into Juliana’s ear as she hugged her.
Gary shook his stepson’s hand and kissed Juliana’s cheek. “I sure do hope you kids will be as happy as your mom and I are.”
Barbara, a petite blonde who was dwarfed by her husband and son, blushed.
Jeremy ordered drinks for his mother and Gary before they all walked over to check out the pavilion where the wedding would take place at sunset the next day.
“It’s beautiful, son,” Barbara said, dabbing at her eyes.
“Oh, jeez, Mom!” Jeremy said with a grin. “You’re already blubbering! What will you be like tomorrow?”
“Leave me alone. My only child is getting married. I can blubber if I want to.”
“That’s right, darlin’.” Gary put his arm around his wife. “You just go right ahead and cry if you want to.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes at his mother and took Juliana’s hand to lead her up the stairs to the pavilion. At the center of the big open area, he put his arm around her and turned her to face the ocean. “What do you think, babe? Will this do the trick?”
“Definitely. It’s just right, Jer, isn’t it?”
He kissed her left hand where the resized engagement ring now resided. “Everything’s just right as long as I have you.”
With their guests whistling, he leaned in for a passionate kiss that had Juliana blushing by the time she finally managed to extricate herself.
“Get a room!” David hollered.
“We’ve got a room,” Jeremy replied, adding just for Juliana, “two of them, in fact.”
She smiled up at him. “One more night. You’re almost there.”
“And hanging by a thread,” he whispered. They went down the stairs to join the others. “Who’s ready for some lunch?”
That afternoon, David announced that he and Gary would be throwing an impromptu bachelor party for Jeremy at the poolside bar while the ladies went to the spa.
“I don’t know about that,” Juliana said with a wary look at Jeremy.
“What do you mean?” David asked with indignation. “It’s a right of passage you can’t deny him. Now go get your nails done, and leave the groom to me.”
“I don’t want you hung over tomorrow,” Juliana said to Jeremy.
He leaned down to kiss her. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll behave.” Into her ear, he whispered, “There’s no way I’m going to be sick for our wedding night.”
Juliana smiled at him, and he kissed her again. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
“Behave, David,” Pam warned her husband. “I mean it.”
“It’s all right, girls.” Barbara put her arms around Juliana and Pam. “Gary will keep an eye on them.”
With a reluctant last look back at Jeremy, Juliana let Barbara lead her away to the spa where they were pampered for the next three hours. Barbara surprised them by springing for massages on top of the manicure and pedicure.
“Oh my God, this is heavenly,” Juliana groaned as the masseuse worked out all her kinks.
“I thought you might enjoy it,” Barbara said from the next table. Pam had opted for a private room.
“I’m so glad you and Gary could be here for the wedding,” Juliana said.
“We’re delighted to be included, honey. I’m sure it’s no secret that I’ve been urging Jeremy to take this step with you for years. He’s very lucky to have you, and I think he knows now just how lucky he is.”
“So you know about what happened? About the time we spent apart?”
“Yes, he told me. I think it says an awful lot about the love you have between you that you were able to find your way back to each other.”
“I do love him, Barbara, and I’m going to do everything I can to make this marriage work.”
“I have no doubt you’ll make it work, honey. None at all.”
They met Pam in the lobby of the spa.
“I don’t know about you girls, but I’m like a new woman,” Juliana said. She rolled her loose shoulders, feeling rested, refreshed, and ready to take the next step in her life with Jeremy.
“What do you say we crash the bachelor party?” Barbara asked with a twinkle in her eye.
“Sign me up,” Pam said.
They strolled through fragrant gardens on their way to the pool to find the guys. Approaching the bar, Juliana gasped when she heard Jeremy and David singing at the top of their lungs. A row of overturned shot glasses lined the bar in front of them.
Gary greeted the women with a sheepish shrug. “I tried to stop them, but they’re on a roll.”
“There she is!” Jeremy hollered. “There’s my bride! Come on over here, babe, and give me some love.”
Juliana took a step toward him, intending to tell him to pipe down.
He almost knocked her over when he put his arm around her and hauled her to him.
“Jeremy, cut it out. You’re embarrassing yourself.”
“Do you hear that? She says I’m embarrassing myself!”
Juliana pushed at him in an attempt to break free of his tight embrace.
“You know what’s embarrassing?” he asked in a loud voice that had everyone in the poolside bar listening to him. “I’ll tell you what’s embarrassing. My good buddy Dave here has been telling me quite a story about my bride. Something about her hanging all over a guy she told me was just a friend.”
“David!” Pam gasped. “You did not!”
David took a sudden interest in the floor as his wife glared at him.
“Oh, ho!” Jeremy bellowed. “What do you know? You saw it, too, did you, Pam? What am I? The last asshole on earth to find out what my bride’s been up to?”
“Jeremy, stop this right now,” Barbara hissed.
Everything in the bar came to a halt, and all eyes were on Jeremy and Juliana.
“Come on, son, let’s get you out of here,” Gary said, reaching for Jeremy’s arm.
He shook off his stepfather and tightened his grip on Juliana.
Juliana pushed him as hard as she could, and he stumbled backward into David. She worked the engagement ring off her finger and threw it at him. “We’
re done. Don’t call me, don’t write to me, and don’t come back to me begging. I’m through with you. I was a fool to think you deserved another chance.” She turned to walk away. If she allowed herself to think for even one second about what she had given up for him…
“Did you fuck him?” Jeremy screamed at her back.
The others gasped.
Juliana stopped short and spun around to face him. “What did you say to me?”
He took a lurching step toward her. “Did. You. Fuck. Him? It’s a simple yes or no question.”
“Jeremy, I’m telling you to stop this immediately,” his mother said, wiping tears from her cheeks.
“Not until she answers the question.”
Juliana leaned into his face. “You want me to answer the question? Fine, here you go: No, Jer, I didn’t fuck him.” Gratified by the expression of relief that flashed across his face, she added, “But I did make love with him—over and over and over again. And you know what? Not once, in all the nights I spent in his arms, did he ever make me feel like I wasn’t enough for him. Happy now?”
“Jule,” he whispered, the magnitude seeming to register all at once.
“Go to hell, Jeremy.” She turned and left the bar where not a pin drop could be heard except for the sobs Jeremy dissolved into the moment she walked away from him.
“Juliana!” Pam called from behind her. “Wait.” Pam ran to catch up with her. “I’m so sorry. Oh my God, I’m going to kill David for this.”
“Don’t. He did me a favor.”
“Will you be all right?”
“I’m going to be just fine.” Juliana embraced her friend in a quick hug. “Tell Barbara I’ll call her when I can. Go on back there with him. He’s going to need his friends when he sobers up and realizes what he’s done.”
“Are you leaving?”
“As fast as I can.”
“Call me?”
Juliana nodded, and with a last squeeze of Pam’s hand she ran for the lobby to hail a taxi. There was nothing in her room but clothes she bought for a wedding that wasn’t going to happen.
Chapter Thirty-Five