by Marie Force
She smiled. “I think it started with me saying you get everything you want.”
“Ah, yes,” he said, returning her smile. “And something about me not understanding the word no, if I recall correctly.”
Amusement faded into desire when their eyes met in the milky darkness.
He combed his fingers through her hair and tugged lightly, tipping her face up. “Kiss me,” he whispered.
“No,” she said, even though she burned for him.
A long, breathless moment passed before he removed his hand from her hair and eased her back down to her pillow. He kissed her forehead, whispering, “See? I can take no for answer.”
Susannah lay awake for a long time after he left wishing he had stayed and worrying about what she might have done if he hadn’t taken no for an answer.
Ryan delivered breakfast in bed the next morning: coffee, toast, scrambled eggs, juice, and a sprig of evergreen in a vase. “I couldn’t find a rose,” he said with a shy and uncertain smile.
“Roses aren’t big fans of snow,” she said, impressed and touched by his effort. She sat up and combed her fingers through her hair, worried that she looked like a wreck.
He rested the tray on her lap and kissed her cheek. “You look beautiful in the morning. You never believed me when I told you that.”
That he read her thoughts so easily was more than a little unnerving. That he was so different from the Ryan she had come to expect was terrifying. She had no idea how to protect herself from this new sensitive, attentive version of Ryan. Reaching for the mug of coffee on the tray, she took a long sip, hoping it would wake up her defenses, because right now they were missing in action.
“Do you think maybe you could take that off while we’re here?” he asked.
“What?”
He nodded at her engagement ring.
“No.”
Sitting down on the bed, he reached for her hand and ran his thumb over the ring. “What did you do with the rings I gave you?”
“They’re in the safe at home.”
“I thought you’d hock them or something.”
“Why? I don’t need the money. You saw to that.”
He shrugged. “I figured they’d be a bad memory, like me.”
“You aren’t a bad memory. Well, not entirely...”
His laughter filled the room, but his smile faded when Susannah’s cell phone rang. He got up and retrieved her purse, dropping it on the bed next to her.
“Sorry,” she said with a weak smile. They had a rule about no phones at the cabin. They’d never had a phone installed there and used to make a big show of turning off their cell phones the minute they entered the town of Breckenridge. Susannah had been so annoyed at him when they arrived the day before she hadn’t thought of it.
“Hello?” she said as Ryan stalked from the room.
“Susannah,” her sister said. “What the hell is going on out there?”
“Hello to you, too, Missy,” she said with a sigh.
“I just got off the phone with Henry. He’s going out of his mind. Tell me he’s not serious about you being in Breckenridge with Ryan.”
“I wish I could.”
“Oh, that rotten son of a bitch!” The curse sounded almost comical in Missy’s lilting accent. Missy, who lived in Savannah, was the ultimate southern belle. “Did he really threaten to stop the divorce if you didn’t go with him?”
“Yes.”
“That’s outrageous! Have you talked to your lawyer? He can’t do this.”
“He has all the power, Miss. He’s not the one who’s engaged to someone else.”
“He’s only doing this because you’re engaged to Henry. His rampant ego can’t handle the idea of you with another man.”
“I don’t know if it’s only that.” Susannah nibbled on the breakfast he had made for her as she talked to her sister. “He seems different somehow. I can’t really put my finger on what it is, but he’s changed.”
“Oh, Susannah, please. Tell me you’re kidding me! Ryan Sanderson will never change. The universe revolves around him, and it always has. You can’t have forgotten what your life with him was like, especially the last few years.”
“I haven’t,” she said with another deep sigh. “He said he’s retiring from football.”
Melissa laughed long and hard. “And you’re buying that? What the hell happens to you when you’re around him? It’s like you’ve been abducted by aliens or something.”
No, just my ex-husband. “He seems to mean it,” Susannah said meekly, worried now that Ryan had taken her for a ride. It wouldn’t be the first time.
“Listen to me, Susannah. Are you listening?”
“Yes,” Susannah said in a small voice.
“That man is poison. Your life was all about him. You were like an accessory, not a wife. I can’t watch you be sucked back into that. You’ve worked so hard to break free of him. How can you forget about that after just a few days with him? And what about Henry?”
“I know, I know,” Susannah said.
“That poor man has waited his entire adult life for you to come to your senses and get over this obsession you have with Ryan.”
“It’s not an obsession, Missy. I love him. I’ll always love him.”
“And he’ll always hurt you because he doesn’t know how to love anyone but Ryan Sanderson.”
“That’s not true,” Susannah protested. “He loves me. He does.”
Melissa was silent, which was never a good thing.
“Say something.”
“You’re going back to him, aren’t you?”
“No! I never said that.”
“But you’re thinking about it.”
“I didn’t say that, either.”
“It’s because of what he did for Daddy, isn’t it? That’s why you won’t tell him to go screw himself the way any rational person would. You feel obligated to him.”
“No, I don’t. There were no strings attached to what he did.”
Missy snorted. “That’s what you think.”
“He kept Daddy from going to jail and our parents from ending up homeless,” Susannah reminded her sister. “You should feel obligated to him, too.”
“It’s very heroic to throw money at a situation, especially when you have tons of it to throw.”
“He didn’t have to do it,” Susannah said. “He did it because he loves me and cares about my family.” She wondered for a moment why she felt so compelled to defend Ryan to her sister. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
“He’s got your head all twisted around again,” Missy said with a sigh. “I can’t bear it.”
“You’re leaping to all kinds of conclusions just because I’m spending a couple of days with him.”
“I’m not the only one jumping to conclusions, Susannah. Have you spoken to your fiancé today? Remember him? He’s reached a few conclusions of his own.”
Susannah’s stomach twisted into knots as she thought about Henry.
“Well, I’ve got to go,” Missy said. “George and I are planning to come out with Daddy and Mama for the wedding—if there is a wedding.”
“There will be,” Susannah insisted.
“If that’s what you want, then take a piece of advice from your big sister—end whatever this is with Ryan and go back to your fiancé. Weddings tend to go better when the bride isn’t shacking up with her ex-husband.”
“Gee, thanks, Missy. I don’t know what I would’ve done without that advice.”
“You could do with less sarcasm and more common sense.”
“Don’t go blabbing all of this to Daddy and Mama.”
“I wouldn’t dream of upsetting them by telling them you’re back with him.”
“I’m not back with him,” Susannah insisted.
“Who are you trying to convince, Susannah? Me or yourself? I’ve got to go. George and I have a tee time. Call me in a couple of days, and be careful. I love you. I don’t want to see you hurt again.
”
“I love you, too. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Susannah ended the call, turned off the phone, and tossed it into her purse. She flopped back against the pillows and exhaled a long deep breath. Everything her sister had said was true, and Susannah knew it. But no one—not her parents, her sister, or especially Henry—had ever understood the special bond she shared with Ryan. While other women envied her handsome, sexy, successful, famous husband the people closest to her had questioned the match from the very beginning.
Even when Ryan hired the best lawyer in Florida to keep her father out of jail after his business partner embezzled from their clients—even then—her family withheld their approval of her marriage to a professional athlete. Despite his obvious devotion to Susannah, they were convinced he would eventually stray. Oh, they were always friendly and civil to him, but they never made Ryan feel like a member of their family, which was something he desperately wanted after growing up as the only child of a single mother who had worked two jobs to support them.
Susannah’s head spun as she took a shower and got dressed. Carrying her breakfast tray, she went into the living room where Ryan was stretched out on the sofa with the remote control aimed at the T.V.
“Thanks again for breakfast,” Susannah said.
Without looking away from the television, he said, “No problem.”
She expected a mess when she went into the spotless kitchen, but once again he surprised her. The Ryan she used to live with might have made breakfast, but he would’ve left the mess for her to deal with.
They had argued about hiring household help. Susannah felt that because she didn’t work she could take care of her own home. He hadn’t wanted her to have to deal with it, saying her volunteer commitments were equivalent to a full-time job and they could well afford help. In truth, she hadn’t wanted a stranger in their home. Their lives were so public there had to be somewhere they could be completely alone.
She put her dishes in the dishwasher and wiped off the tray. The sprig of evergreen caught her eye. Susannah picked it up and breathed in the fragrant scent that brought back memories of Christmas trees and cozy holidays—some of them right here in this house. When there was nothing more to keep her in the kitchen, she took a deep breath to prepare herself to face him, wondering how she would ever stand eight more days alone with him.
He came into the kitchen and refilled his coffee cup. “What did non-lover lover boy want?”
She shot him a withering look. “It was Missy.”
“Oh, another of my biggest fans. How is my sister-in-law?” he asked, leaning back against the counter.
She noticed the bruises on his face were beginning to yellow and fade a bit. “She’s not happy I’m here with you.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
Susannah shrugged.
“I’m sure she gave you an earful.”
“And a half.”
He raised an amused eyebrow. “Do you remember what we used to say when we’d get that disapproving vibe from your family?”
Susannah felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. “Don’t say it.”
“Why not?” he asked, enjoying her discomfort. “If they could see us in bed, they’d never wonder what kept us together.”
She rolled her eyes. “It takes more than good sex to keep a marriage together. We found that out, didn’t we?”
Putting his mug on the counter, he crossed the room and rested his hands on her shoulders. “What we had was not good sex. It was great sex.” He kissed her cheek and then her neck. “Need me to refresh your memory?”
“No, thank you.” She pushed gently on his chest. “I appreciate the offer, though.”
He chuckled but didn’t remove his lips from her neck. “Want to get out of here for a while?”
Thrown off balance by the question and trying not to be breathless from what he was doing to her neck, she asked, “And do what?”
“We could take the snowmobile for a ride.”
“Should you be doing that?”
“I feel a lot better today, and if I don’t get some air, I’m going to lose it.”
She pushed him away with more insistence as her sister’s warning echoed through her mind. “You always were a terrible patient.”
“I won’t deny that.”
“I’ll agree to the air, but not the snowmobile. How about we start with a walk?”
He made a face of distaste.
“I know a walk won’t pacify your need for speed, but one wrong move on the snowmobile and you’re back in the hospital.”
“Why do you always have to be such a grown up?” he asked, his lips forming a pout that reduced him to a twelve-year-old. He’d asked the question often during their life together.
“One of us has to be,” she said, and the familiar retort made her ache for what used to be. From the look on his face, he felt it, too.
“Susie,” he whispered, cradling her face in his hands. “Kiss me like you did last night. Just once.”
This time she didn’t say no. She kissed him because she wanted to. It was a simple as that. Besides, the lump in her throat made it impossible for her to do anything but hold on for the ride as he crushed his lips to hers. Her arms slipped around his neck, his hands on her hips molded her to him, and her breasts pressed against his chest. Heat, the one thing she could always count on from him, blazed through her, making her feel weak and empowered at the same time.
He had asked for just one kiss, so he made sure he got his money’s worth. By the time he pulled back from her, Susannah was clinging to him.
“Let me make love to you,” he whispered in her ear, sending a tremble through her. “I was awake all night thinking about what might’ve happened if you hadn’t said no. I want you so much, Susie.” He inched her back against the counter to make sure she could feel just how much.
“I can’t.” She sidestepped out of his embrace and moved as far from him as she could get without leaving the room. “I can’t do this to Henry.”
Ryan exploded. “I don’t want to hear another word about him! How can you stand being with that seventy-year-old trapped in a thirty-year-old’s body?”
“I love him!” Susannah cried.
“If you loved him, you wouldn’t have kissed me the way you just did, the way you did last night. You love me! You said so!”
Susannah burst into tears.
He went to her and brought her into his arms. “You love me,” he said in a softer but no less urgent tone. “You don’t want him. That’s why you’re not sleeping with him. You want me.”
“I don’t want to want you,” she said, pummeling his chest with her fists.
Before she could connect with his ribs, he tightened his hold on her.
“I just can’t do this again, Ryan. I barely survived it the first time, and the only reason I did was because Henry was there for me.”
“He was always there for you,” Ryan fumed. “He’s been the third person in our marriage from the very beginning. I tolerated your friendship with him, but I always knew he was in love with you. He couldn’t wait for us to break up so he could swoop in and rescue you.”
“That’s not true.”
“The hell it isn’t! He’s been poisoning your mind against me for years.”
“No, he hasn’t,” Susannah protested, even as something about what Ryan said rang true. She couldn’t remember Henry ever having anything nice to say about Ryan, but she had always thought it was because she had left him for Ryan. Had Henry deliberately tried to sabotage her marriage?
“He hates me because you love me, and he knows it,” Ryan said quietly. “He’s willing to marry a woman who’s in love with another man. Who does that, Susie?”
“He loves me!”
“Yes, he does. But you don’t love him. He knows it, I know it, and you know it. You know it, Susie.”
Trapped by the truth and overwhelmed by her feelings for Ryan, Susannah pulled herself free of him and left
the room before she could humiliate herself by crying again.
Chapter 8
Ryan watched her go and then kicked one of the kitchen chairs in frustration. He winced when pain cut through his midsection. “Goddamn it!”
Nothing was going according to plan. He hadn’t expected it to take this long to bring her around.
He’d had more than enough time over the last year to think about what had gone wrong between him and Susie and to take responsibility for his share of it, which was most of it if he were being honest. He was trying to show her he’d changed, but he was finding she had changed, too. She was no longer the wide-eyed girl who loved him unconditionally, who stood by him through all the highs and lows of his illustrious career, and who made him feel adored even in the most trying of times. That girl was gone, and in her place was an older, wiser woman who wouldn’t be so easily led this time.
But he couldn’t give up, especially now that he knew she still loved him. They needed more time, except they didn’t have much time. In just over a week they were due back in court, and unless he was somehow able to convince her to give their marriage another chance, he was going to be handed a divorce he didn’t want. If that happened, how was he supposed to live the rest of his life without her? Since she was no longer susceptible to what he’d often been told was his formidable charm, he was going to have to take his game up a notch. But how? He had no idea, but he had to think of something—and fast.
Desperate and panicky, Ryan went on a futile search for her in the house. In the front hall, he noticed her coat was gone. Grabbing his coat, he shrugged it on and went outside.
“Susie?” he called but was greeted by silence. The sky was thick with stormy-looking clouds, and the air heavy with moisture. We’re going to get pounded with more snow, he thought, studying the sky for a moment before he looked down to find her footprints in the old snow. “Susie!” he called, breaking into a jog that made him painfully aware of his weakened state. He hadn’t even traveled the length of a football field when he had to stop to catch his breath.
He found her perched on a ridge that overlooked the town. They had whiled away many an hour in that spot but not when the slope leading to the ridge was slick with ice like it was now. “Susie,” he said, weak from exertion and relief. “Susie, come down from there. Come on.”