by Marie Force
Hurt radiated from him like an infection that threatened to destroy them both.
“I just saw you with her, touching her, letting her touch you, and I lost it.”
“I know. I was there.”
“I’ll bet Henry had something to do with it,” Susannah said, remembering the smile she’d seen on his face.
“I’m sure he put her up to confronting me. They both knew I wouldn’t call the cops or make a scene with you there if I could avoid it.”
“Instead I made the scene.”
“And it was a doozy,” he said, but there was no humor in the statement. He reached up to take off his bow tie and release the top button of his shirt.
“You should’ve told me all of this.”
“You’re probably right. If I had, then I could’ve dealt privately with your accusations rather than having to withstand them in front of my teammates and just about everyone else we know.”
She winced. “I’m so sorry for what I said.”
“So am I. When we were at the cabin I swore to you, I swore, I’ve never lied to you and I’ve never cheated on you. Yet, in spite of everything we’ve shared over the last week, you saw me with her and automatically thought the worst. That hurts, Susannah.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do to take it all back.”
“I need you to have faith in me. I need you to believe me when I say I love you, that I’ve been faithful to you, that there’s no one else for me but you. I can’t be fighting these battles for the rest of my life. I just don’t have it in me.”
She stood up and went to him. With her arms around his waist, she said, “I do believe you, and I do have faith in you. I’m sorry I doubted you, even for a second.”
“A second is all it takes to undermine everything we’ve worked so hard to put back together. Not to mention it gives people like Henry and Betsy and your sister such satisfaction to see us brawling.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry, Ry.” She broke down into deep sobs. “I’m sorry.”
He put his arms around her and held her close to him, but his embrace was stiff rather than welcoming. “You must be getting tired, and we have court in the morning.”
“What are we going to tell the judge?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
She rolled her lip between her teeth and wiped at the tears that remained on her face. “After what happened tonight, I’d understand if you wanted to go forward with the divorce.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “I don’t want a divorce, Susannah. That’s the last thing I want. We have a baby on the way. Have you forgotten that?”
“Of course I haven’t. But I don’t want you to stay with me just because of the baby.”
“I’m not,” he said, but she wasn’t convinced. “Go on up to bed. You need to get some rest.”
“Are you coming?”
“In a while.”
She reached up to kiss him. “I love you, and I’m so sorry about what happened tonight. I’d give anything to be able to go back to when you were giving me this beautiful pendant.”
“Me, too.”
Susannah left him and went upstairs where she moved robotically through the motions of getting changed, washing off her makeup, and freeing what was left of the knot in her hair. She took off the pendant and held it in her hand for a long time before she put it away in her jewelry box. When she got in bed, she was hit by a new wave of helpless sobs. The image of Ryan’s wounded face was more than she could bear, and she cried until she thought she’d be sick. She had embarrassed him in front of the most important people in his life and accused him of such terrible things, only to learn he had been victimized by that horrible woman. Susannah shuddered when she recalled the dreadful scene at the ball.
“He’s never going to forgive me for this,” she whispered to the dark, empty room. “And I can’t say I blame him.”
She lay there reliving the evening’s events for a long time until she drifted into a restless sleep. Dreaming of pretty babies and football games, she awoke with a start when the faces of the babies began to disappear. Her heart beat hard as she looked over and found the other side of the bed empty. The bedside clock read three twenty.
Susannah got up, reached for her robe, tied it tightly around her, and went downstairs. Still wearing most of his tuxedo, Ryan was asleep on the sofa with his arm hooked over his head. Her heart hurt at the sight of his handsome face, soft with sleep. She squatted down next to him and caressed his cheek.
“Ry?” she whispered.
He didn’t stir.
She removed several of the onyx studs from his tuxedo shirt. Pressing her lips to his chest, she said, “Ryan.”
“Yeah?”
She looked up at him and saw the exact moment when he remembered what happened earlier. “Come to bed with me.” Clutching his hand, she added, “I need you.”
After an endless moment during which Susannah feared he would say no, he let her help him up from the sofa and lead him upstairs.
She removed the rest of the studs and eased the shirt off his shoulders. When she reached for his pants, he turned away from her, went into the bathroom, and closed the door.
With a deep sigh, Susannah got in bed and waited for him.
Ten minutes had passed when he came out wearing only his boxers and slipped under the covers. He stayed on the far side of the bed, so she moved closer to him.
With her hand on his belly, she kissed his chest.
He trembled ever so slightly.
Encouraged by his reaction, she slid her hand down.
He stopped her. “Don’t, Susie.”
“Let me love you, Ry.”
“Not now.”
Her eyes burned with tears. “It might help.”
“No, it won’t.”
The first thing Susannah noticed when she awoke at eight fifteen the next morning was that she had her pillow all to herself. The discovery was devastating. With his back to her, Ryan slept as far from her as he could get in the big bed. The gulf between them was wide, and she wondered if they would be able to bridge it a second time. She was studying his broad, muscular back trying to figure out what to do when the phone rang. Wondering who would be calling so early, she reached for the extension.
“Hello?”
“Susannah?”
Her heart sank and her stomach clenched. “What do you want, Henry?”
“I was just checking to make sure you’re all right.”
“I’m wonderful. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Her reply seemed to throw him. “But,” he stammered. “Last night, you were so upset... ”
“Oh, that,” she said with a light chuckle. “That was just a silly misunderstanding. Ryan explained everything, and we had a good laugh over it.” She squealed into the phone. “Ryan, quit that!”
“I wonder if that’s what Betsy says, too,” Henry said sharply.
Susannah saw red but kept her tone light and chatty. “Since we both know she can’t come within a thousand feet of Ryan, I doubt she says much of anything to him. I really appreciate your oh-so-concerned phone call, Henry, but my husband and I are still in bed. It really is much too early to be calling here. We don’t get up until we absolutely have to.”
“You’re a bitch, Susannah,” he fumed. “I’m glad I realized that before I shackled myself to you for a lifetime.”
“And you’re a manipulative weasel. Thanks for showing me once again that going back to my husband was the smartest thing I’ve ever done. Don’t call me again.” She turned off the phone and returned it to the cradle on the table. When she looked over at Ryan and found him watching her with amusement in his eyes, her heart lifted with hope.
“An Academy Award-winning performance,” he said.
“He deserved nothing less.”
Ryan extended his hand to her.
Her hand met his halfway across the big bed, and he laced his fingers through hers.
/> They lay there looking at each other for a long moment.
Giving her hand a little tug, he brought her closer to him. “What exactly was I was doing while you were on the phone?”
With a coy shrug, she said, “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you were kissing me right here?” She pointed to her neck.
He replaced her finger with his lips. “Here?”
“Yes,” she sighed. “Right there.”
He caressed her breast through the silky fabric of her nightgown.
“Ry—”
“Don’t say anything.”
“But I want you to know—”
He stopped her with a deep, soulful kiss.
Tearing her lips free, she said, “That I love you.”
“And I love you,” he said as he rolled her under him and eased her nightgown up to her waist.
Her final thought before she ceased to think at all? Thank you so much for calling, Henry.
Chapter 27
Hand-in-hand, Susannah and Ryan scrambled up the courthouse stairs.
“We’re going to be late, and he’s going to let us have it,” she said.
“I tried to tell you that when you wouldn’t get your butt out of bed.”
“You wouldn’t let me out!”
“We’ve got thirty seconds.”
“Move it!”
Breathless, they arrived at the judge’s outer office at exactly eleven o’clock.
“His Honor and your attorneys are waiting for you in chambers, Mr. and Mrs. Sanderson,” the judge’s clerk said with a dour frown. “Go on in.”
Ryan ushered Susannah in ahead of him.
“Mr. and Mrs. Sanderson,” Judge Prescott Tohler said. “How nice of you to join us.”
“Your Honor,” Ryan said with a nod for his attorney.
“You two have given me more gray hairs than anyone has in a long time.”
Ryan held a chair for Susannah as they exchanged perplexed glances.
“First, you get me all excited with this.” The judge referred to the newspaper coverage of Ryan’s retirement. He read, “‘At the press conference, Sanderson also announced the couple recently reconciled.’ Oh, that did my old heart good! To think maybe the six months I’d given you had made a difference...” He shook his head with satisfaction, but his smile quickly faded. “And then, today when I’m looking forward to hearing all about how right I was, I almost choked on my Honey Nut Cheerios when I saw this.” He held up the morning’s society page featuring a huge picture of Ryan hauling a furious Susannah out of the Black & White ball.
Susannah gasped. “Oh, no...”
“Oh, yes, Mrs. Sanderson. Oh, yes.” With a deep sigh he sat back in his chair. “You two disappoint me.”
Ryan got busy brushing some imaginary lint from his suit pants.
“Do you have any idea how many kids in this city look up to you as some sort of hero, Mr. Sanderson?”
“Yes,” Ryan said through gritted teeth. “I’m acutely aware of it.”
“Then how can you justify fighting with your wife in public like this?”
“Your Honor,” Susannah said. “It wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I totally overreacted to something.” She glanced at Ryan who was fixated on the window behind the judge. His face was flushed with anger, which sent a burst of nervous energy through her. “Ryan was just trying to get me out of there before I made it worse.”
“And you’ve gotten to the bottom of this misunderstanding?” the judge asked.
Susannah reached for Ryan’s hand. “Yes, we have.”
Ryan nodded in agreement.
The judged rested his elbows on his desk and leaned forward. “Are you at all curious as to why I’ve handled your divorce somewhat unconventionally?”
At that, both attorneys perked up.
“We have something in common, you and I,” the judge said.
“We do?” Susannah asked, glancing at Ryan.
The judge nodded. “I, too, lost a son.” Pausing for a moment, he added, “My son was sixteen years old when he was hit by a car crossing a street he’d crossed a hundred times before. And as devastating as it was to lose him so suddenly, I can’t imagine how much worse it would’ve been to never have known him at all.”
Overcome with tears, Susannah looked down at her lap.
Ryan squeezed her hand.
“We lost our boy nineteen years ago,” the judge continued. “And for a very long time afterward, I thought I was going to lose my wife, too. We just couldn’t seem to get back on track. It took years—years—for us to laugh together again.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Susannah said in a whisper.
“And I’m sorry for yours.” He shifted his eyes to focus on Ryan. “I’ve followed your career, Mr. Sanderson, from the time you and your pretty young wife landed here in Denver, and I’ve admired your grace under pressure. You two always seemed so happy together—at least that was what you showed the public. So I was saddened to hear of your loss a few years back and even sadder to find your names on my docket a short time after that. Because I know better than most what you’d been through and how long it can take to get a marriage back on track after a loss like the one you’d suffered, I couldn’t help but wonder if you were acting in haste. That’s why I insisted on the six-month waiting period, among other things.”
“You were right, your Honor,” Susannah said. “I acted too hastily.”
“Mr. Sanderson, do you feel the same way?”
Ryan’s expression was impassive when he said, “Yes, I do.”
“Are you sure?” the judge asked him. “I need to be certain. My bag of tricks is empty. I’d already decided if you two came in here today and told me you still wanted the divorce, I was going to grant it.”
“I don’t want a divorce,” Ryan said.
“Neither do I,” Susannah said.
The judge studied them for a long moment before he said, “All right then. The petition is hereby withdrawn. I hope I won’t see your names on my docket again.”
“You won’t,” Susannah assured him.
The judge shook hands with both of them. “Good luck to you.”
“Thank you,” Susannah said. “You stopped us from making a huge mistake.”
“I just had a feeling about you two,” he said. His clerk called him into court a minute later.
While Susannah received a hug from Diane, she watched Ryan shake hands and exchange a few quiet words with his attorney.
“Are you sure everything’s all right, Susannah?” Diane asked.
“I’m positive. I know I made quite a scene last night—”
“Oh, please. That was the most excitement we’ve had in this town in years. I wanted to stand up and cheer when you shoved that rotten bitch Betsy James.”
“I’m still mortified that I acted that way.”
“If that woman had her hands on my husband, I would’ve done the same thing. Most of the women there would agree with me. So don’t worry about it.”
With another hesitant glance at Ryan, Susannah added, “I’m hoping we can put the whole thing behind us.”
“I’ll be wishing for all good things for you both, Susannah. You deserve it.”
“Thank you for that and for everything else over the last year.” Susannah took a deep breath. “So how’d we do last night? My abrupt departure caused me to miss the best part—the grand total.”
“$2.1 million.”
“Wow,” Susannah gasped. “That’s two hundred thousand better than we’ve ever done.”
“Ryan’s ball put us right over the top. We got two hundred ten thousand for it—by far the most we’ve ever gotten for a silent auction item.”
“Oh, boy,” Susannah said with a chuckle. “That’ll go right to his head.”
Diane smiled. “In this case, it’s warranted.”
“Susannah, are you ready?” Ryan asked.
With one last quick hug for Diane, Susannah left with Ryan.
In the parking
lot, he held the car door for her.
Before she got in, she asked, “Where do we go from here, Ry?”
“Um, home?”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I don’t know, Susie. I guess we’ll just do the best we can.”
“I want more than that. I want what we had before I lost my mind last night. I want to go back to before my father cut in on us.”
Ryan looped a hand over the top of the car door and dropped his head. “I do, too.”
Susannah cradled his head against her chest. “I just wish I knew what to do,” she said. “I want to fix this, but I don’t know how.” Somewhere during the course of their meeting with the judge she’d realized the closeness they had shared that morning wasn’t going to be enough on its own to undo the damage she had done to their fragile union.
He brought his eyes up to meet hers. “Let’s just take it one step at a time. First, we go home.”
“What’s second?”
He shrugged. “Since I missed my big chance to unload you in there, I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
She smiled. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“Not unloading me. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”
“Nah, I’m stuck with you. One way or the other, we’ll get through this, darlin’. The way I see it, we’ve been through worse, right?”
“We certainly have. But I hurt you, Ry. I hurt us.”
“Yeah, you did, but I’m a big boy, and I’ll get over it. Eventually.”
“Then I’ll just wait.”
“Fair enough.”
Susannah moved the curtain aside to watch the snow and was startled by how fast it was accumulating. A streetlight illuminated the blustery sheets of snow as her stomach knotted with worry. Where is he? Just a few days ago, he was driving me nuts with his hovering. Now, I have no idea where he is or when he’ll be home.
She sighed and turned to once again inspect the table she had set for them. Dinner was ready, and she had spent the last hour resisting the overwhelming urge to call him. She didn’t want him to think she was checking up on him. God, I hate this. Everything is so stilted and weird between us.
The lights flickered as she wandered into the den to toss another log onto the fire, wanting to keep it going in case they lost power. She turned on the T.V., figuring if he’d been in an accident it would make the news. Thirty minutes and no mention of him later, she heard the garage door open and breathed a deep sigh of relief. She went into the kitchen and was tending to the asparagus when he came in from the garage, bringing a blast of cold air with him.