“That doesn’t make any sense to me.”
It didn’t make sense to her, either, but it was what it was. “I know.”
“Angel misses me,” Sophia said. “She needs me to brush her and tell her stories.”
“I’m sure someone is brushing her and caring for her like they were before we came.”
“But I bet they aren’t telling her stories,” Sophia said. “They don’t know my stories.”
“You’re right.”
“Don’t you think our horses miss us?” Justin asked, surprising her. Justin wasn’t normally sentimental. But then, since he missed riding his horse—and missed Carson, too—it was probably natural for him to want to be missed in return.
“Of course. But right now we need to give Carson his space.”
“We could just go to the corral and say hello to the horses without bothering Carson,” Sophia said, flashing her most charming smile.
“No, you cannot,” Gabriella said firmly. “We don’t just go trespassing on other people’s property.”
“But Carson said we could come over anytime when we were swimming that day. He said we have an open invitation,” Justin said. “Remember?”
Of course she remembered. She remembered everything that had happened between them. Every word that had been spoken. Every touch. Every kiss. Her heart ached at the thought that those were the last memories she and Carson would create together.
“Yes, but that was before. Now he needs some space.” The kids opened their mouths, clearly not giving up the fight, so she cut them off. Talking wasn’t getting her anywhere and her loneliness grew with every word. “Listen, nothing you say is going to change things. Carson wants to be alone for a while, so we’re going to leave him alone. Now there’s a carnival in Willow Creek. How about we go check that out today?”
They looked at each other, nodded and trudged away. Gabriella hadn’t expected cheers, but she had hoped for a more enthusiastic response. Clearly they missed Carson as much as she did, which was more than anything in the world. Her heart ached with every breath she took. Her feelings hadn’t diminished one bit in the time they’d been apart. But there was nothing she could do to fix things. She’d already told Carson how she felt. Now she had to wait and hope that he would come to his senses soon and realize they belonged together.
* * *
Carson pulled his truck into the driveway and shut off the engine. He’d spent the past day and a half on the road, but the feeling of happiness that normally filled him when he returned home was missing. Instead, the loneliness he’d tried to avoid by staying away was waiting to greet him, pouncing on his shoulders the minute he pulled onto the Rivers Ranch.
Though he was reluctant to admit it, he really missed Gabriella. He really missed Justin and Sophia and their constant conversation. They’d carved a place in his heart that only they could fill. But what choice did he have? He couldn’t put them in a position where they were subjected to harassment.
After putting the horse trailer away, he crossed the lawn to the patio. He caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure lying on a lawn chair and he stopped. Even from ten feet away, he recognized Justin. The little boy was dressed in his blue pajamas and sound asleep. He must have sneaked out of his house and come to see him. Carson was immediately consumed with guilt at the way he’d cut Gabriella and her kids from his life. Justin had already had his father turn his back on him. Carson didn’t need to be one more man who let him down. And yet he had.
He shook Justin’s shoulder, waking him. Justin’s eyes fluttered and then opened. He blinked and then looked around before focusing on Carson. Then he smiled. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Carson pulled a chair closer and sat down.
“I guess I fell asleep.”
“Looks like.”
“I came over to see my horse, but the stable door was locked.”
“Yes.” Carson felt marginally better that he wasn’t the reason the boy had left his house obviously without his mother’s permission. “I do that to protect the horses. They’re probably asleep this time of night anyway.”
“Yeah. I figured that out. But I knocked on your door and you weren’t here. I figured that you were taking a horse home, so I decided to wait until you got back.”
“Was there something you wanted to talk about?”
Justin nodded and the smile disappeared from his face. He stared into Carson’s eyes. “Why don’t you like me anymore?”
Although he should have expected to hear them, the words still cut deep. “Who said I don’t like you?”
“Nobody.”
“Good. Because I do like you.”
Justin looked down at his hands. “You don’t have to say that.”
“I know I don’t. I only said it because it’s true.”
“Then why don’t you want me around? What did I do to make you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“You don’t want me around.”
Carson huffed out a breath. That was the thing about kids. They said exactly what they thought without sugarcoating it or beating around the bush. And Justin deserved to have Carson be just as direct with him, without getting into the gritty details. “I need some time to work things out.”
“I can help you,” Justin said eagerly. “I’m good at that. I help Sophia with her homework all the time.”
“That’s because you’re a good brother.”
Justin nodded. “And I help my mom, too, because I’m a good son.”
“You certainly are. But sometimes a person needs to do things on his own. And this is one of those times.”
Justin lowered his head and his little body deflated. In that moment, Carson was angrier with his father than he’d been in a long time. Maybe ever. Even from the grave Karl Rivers was still causing pain. Because of his actions, Carson had at least one committed enemy, one he would never allow to hurt Justin. So he had to keep the child at a distance, no matter how much it hurt both of them.
“Come on. Let’s take you home. I bet your mother doesn’t even know you’re here.”
“No. I was really quiet walking down the stairs. I didn’t put on my boots until I was outside. And I closed the door really soft.”
Justin seemed very proud of himself, and Carson didn’t tell him that his mother would be worried if she knew he’d left home, crossed the street in the dark and then waited outside for Carson to come home. It was a good thing Justin hadn’t come yesterday when he would have spent the entire night alone. Carson had slept outside many times as a child, but his parents had been home to keep an eye on him. He shuddered at the thought of Justin spending the entire night alone on the patio.
Justin tucked his hand into Carson’s and his heart squeezed. He loved this little boy as much as any father ever loved his son.
“Hey, Carson,” the boy said hesitantly as they walked down the path. It was nearly ten o’clock and the moon and stars illuminated the way.
“Yeah.”
“Can you help me with something?”
“If I can.”
“Can you tell my mom that I know my dad doesn’t want to be my dad anymore and that she doesn’t have to pretend that he does. Me and Sophia already talked about it and we’re okay.”
Carson froze. “What?”
“My dad has a new baby. He likes to be with him. It’s okay if he doesn’t want to be with us anymore. We still love him because he’s our dad, but now we have you. You’re the best.”
Talk about reaching inside his chest and squeezing his heart. Carson just stood there gaping, unable to think of a word to say. Luckily for him Justin wasn’t done.
“When you finish doing what you need to do all by yourself, we can start coming around again. And riding our horses. Right? It can be just like it was before when we were all happy.”
Carson c
ouldn’t squash the boy’s hope so he only nodded. The picture Justin painted was appealing. If only it were that simple.
“Good. So how much longer do you have to think? Will you be done tomorrow? Because Sophia and I miss our horses. We want to ride to the watering hole again. And this time we want to take lunch so we can eat there and go swimming.”
“You do, huh?”
“Yeah. We talked about it.”
“Okay.” As they started walking again, Justin talked about the things he wanted to do. His plans, which would take years to complete, all included Carson. He was now a part of Gabriella’s kids’ lives, whether he wanted to be or not. But he wanted to be. More than anything. That wasn’t the problem. But he wasn’t good for them.
They were climbing the stairs when the front door swung open. Gabriella flew down the stairs and pulled Justin into her arms. “I was so worried about you.”
“Sorry, Mom. I didn’t know you knew I was gone.”
“I didn’t until ten minutes ago when I went to your room to check on you.”
“I would have been back sooner, but it took Carson a long time to come home.”
Though it was subtle, Carson heard the accusation in the boy’s voice and he laughed. Carson glanced at Gabriella, who clearly didn’t see the humor in the situation. “Sorry.”
“Let’s get inside so Carson can go home.” Gabriella kissed her son’s cheek before standing and finally looking at Carson. “Thanks for bringing him home.”
“No problem. I should have called the minute I found him, but we had some things to discuss.”
“That’s okay. And really, I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. I’ll keep a closer eye on him so he doesn’t bother you again.”
She turned and with a hand on Justin’s shoulder began to walk away. He wanted to call her back, but what would be the point? Nothing had changed for him. Unless you counted the ever-growing pain in his heart.
* * *
Two days later, Carson walked into the feed store. He generally sent one of his employees, but today the ranch had felt claustrophobic and he’d needed to get away. It didn’t make sense to him, but then nothing had for a while. Perhaps being in town would help him think clearly.
“Be right with you,” Gerald McCarthy said when he spotted Carson. “I just have to grab something from the back.”
“Take your time,” Carson said as the man hurried from the room.
“Well, it if isn’t the killer’s son. Coming to find another victim?”
Carson spun around and faced Rusty, who was standing with his arms folded over his chest. He was with a friend, of course. Rusty was only brave when he had backup.
“Come on, man. Not today,” his friend urged.
“Why not today?” Rusty said. “He walks around town like he owns the place. Everybody knows his dad stole what he had. And then he killed that man to cover it up. And as you know, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Carson looked at Rusty’s red and bloated face. He’d been trying to avoid confrontation, hoping the whole thing with his father would eventually die down. And for the most part it had. When the majority of people looked at him, they saw Carson. They saw a friend. A rancher. A mentor. What they didn’t see was a killer’s son. Only Rusty saw that and made a point to remind Carson of what his father had done every time he saw him.
Then Carson remembered what Justin had said to him. He’d said Carson was the best. He thought of Sophia’s trusting smile. And of Gabriella’s unconditional love. Was he going to let Rusty take that from him? No.
Carson was fed up with the taunts. He didn’t believe in violence, but maybe that was the only language Rusty understood. He had backed away when the teens confronted him the other night. There had been fear on his face. Maybe it was time for Carson to scare him away. After all, nothing else had worked. He looked at Rusty. “You don’t really believe that.”
“That you’re just like your father. Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Then you’re a bigger fool than I thought.”
“What did you say?” Rusty stepped closer until his face was mere inches away from Carson’s. His chest heaved and he breathed his rancid breath into Carson’s face, trying to intimidate him. Instead of backing away, Carson moved closer, then spoke softly so that only Rusty could hear him.
“If you really thought I was like my father, the last thing you would want to do is antagonize me. Neither of us know what happened between my father and the man he killed. Perhaps the other guy threatened my father in some way. Or maybe he kept getting in his face and my father had finally had enough of it. Just like I have.”
Rusty’s face blanched, and he stepped back as the meaning of Carson’s words struck him. Carson was nothing like his father. He would never take another person’s life, but he didn’t mind if Rusty wasn’t as sure. Especially if that doubt would keep him out of his life. Away from Gabriella and the kids.
“Are we clear?” Carson asked.
Rusty nodded and tried to smile. “I didn’t mean anything. I was just giving you a hard time.”
“I suggest you stop. You know, just in case you’re right about me and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”
Rusty stumbled as he ran out of the store. His friend followed slowly. Before he reached the door, the friend looked back and nodded. Apparently, there weren’t even a few people who judged Carson by his father’s actions. There was one.
Was he going to allow that one person to control his life? Was he going to let one person’s opinion keep him from being with the woman he loved? No. To be honest, he wasn’t going to allow a million people to keep him from Gabriella.
He’d been such a fool to walk away from the best thing in his life.
He left the feed store without picking up his order and ran to his truck. His heart raced as he sped down the highway. He needed to get back to Gabriella. Now that he knew that he’d never again let anything keep them apart, he had to let her know before another moment passed. He thought of how he’d hurt her and the children, and his heart seized. They hadn’t deserved his rejection. Hopefully, they’d accept his apology if he promised not to be so foolish again. If they forgave him, he’d never leave them again.
When he reached the road separating their properties, he turned into her driveway. As he parked and jumped from the truck, it occurred to him that he was showing up empty-handed. He should have stopped by Louanne’s and bought a dozen of the chocolate strawberries that Gabriella liked so much. Or stopped by the florist and gotten a dozen roses. Something. He needed something to show Gabriella how sorry he was and how much she meant to him.
He was about to get into the truck when Gabriella’s voice stopped him. “What are you doing? Are you coming or going?”
Good question. He stepped around the truck and walked to the stairs. The gift would have to wait for a better time. If he played his cards right, he would have a lifetime to give her gifts. “I’m coming.”
“Okay.” She’d been sitting on the swing and she rose. “In that case, you should come and sit down.”
She didn’t have to tell him twice. He climbed the stairs two at a time. When he reached the porch, he stopped and stared at her. She was just so beautiful. Dressed in a pair of white denim shorts that showcased her shapely legs and an orange T-shirt that clung to her, she was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. His heart thumped in his chest and he knew he would never be tired of looking at her.
But her beauty wasn’t just on her outside. She was beautiful on the inside, as well. Gabriella gave her love freely and with her entire heart.
“Are you going to say anything or are you just going to stare at me?”
He shook himself and walked over to the swing. She had been sitting in the middle, so she scooted over to make room for him to sit. “As much as I would like to just look at you,
I’ve come to speak with you.”
She smiled and relief surged through him. Although she didn’t need to—and he certainly didn’t deserve it—she was making it easy for him.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, yourself, Carson.”
“I guess I should just get to the point of my visit. I was so wrong to step away from you. I was wrong when I said that our love didn’t matter. It’s the only thing that does matter.”
“What about your father? And Rusty?”
“Ah, my father. I hate what he did and always will. But I can’t change the past. We’re two different people. His actions are his and his alone. They don’t define who I am as a person.”
“Do you truly believe that in your heart?”
“Yes.” He shook his head. “It’s just...”
“What?”
“I’ve never told anyone this, but a part of me misses him.”
“Of course you do. No matter what else he did, he was your father. Just like you can’t change what he did, you can’t change your relationship. And that doesn’t make you a bad person to love or miss him. Nor does it make you undeserving of love. It makes you human.”
“And do you still love me?”
“You have to ask?”
He knew in his heart the answer, but yes, he needed to hear it again. He nodded.
She cupped his face in her hands and looked directly into his eyes. “I love you, Carson Rivers. Now and forever.”
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. She still loved him. Opening his eyes, he held her gaze. “And I love you, too, Gabriella Tucker.”
He pulled her close and kissed her with all the love he had inside. Although he wanted to hold her and kiss her for the foreseeable future, he had a promise to keep. Ending the kiss, he wrapped her in his arms. “I know you want the kids to have a relationship with their father, but that might not happen.”
She sighed heavily. “I know.”
“And the kids know, too.”
“What?”
He told her about the conversation he’d had with Justin.
Redemption on Rivers Ranch Page 19