Find Me

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Find Me Page 17

by Tory Jane

I giggle. “Right now?”

  “I wish. I’d drag you behind the house right now if I could. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me today. Watching you and Charlie, this gift, taking a chance with me.” He kisses me enthusiastically. A passionate, panty-scorching kiss that leaves us breathless. “Yes, I want to make love to you right now.”

  “We can sneak away? Five minutes, that's all I need.”

  “Bad girl. I love it.” He starts to lead me toward the back steps.

  I’m tempted, and then come to my senses. “We can’t. Everyone would know.”

  He pushes me up against the house and rubs against me. I can feel him, and I want him so badly I could scream. He kisses me. Another scorcher. I suck his tongue into my mouth. I'm about to say, “Fuck it, let's go.” He pulls away, panting and grinning.

  “You’re a damn tease.”

  He points to his crotch. “And you don’t think this is painful? I want to be inside you so badly.” He leans in for another kiss.

  “You are a tease and a bad influence.”

  I grab for my drink and relight my abandoned cigarette. “Now smoke a cigarette and finish your drink like a good boy.”

  He sprawls in the wicker chair, his legs spread. I can see the perfect outline of him and my mouth waters. He's nearly poking out of the top of his pants. He leers at me as I’m objectifying him. He runs his hand up my leg, cups me, and teases me with his thumb. We both groan.

  “Fuck, Belle. You’re soaked. Oh, god, I want you.”

  Then I see it. Jack's crown pops out of the waistband of his pants, and he is dripping with pre-cum. I can't resist. I lean down and lick him clean.

  He growls a warning, “Belle.”

  I look up at him. “What, sweetheart? I didn't want your pants to get wet, and I didn't have a napkin.”

  He starts laughing. “You don’t play the ingénue very convincingly, my love. Thank you for your thoughtfulness. Do you need me to clean you up?”

  I back away from him.

  “Mmm…I want you to sit on my face again. Have I told you my Christmas wish? You on your knees with your ass up in the air?” He groans and strokes himself. “Please. I want that. To bury my face in you and tongue you hard?”

  I take another step back and bend over, wiggling my ass, teasing him. Then turn back to look at him and wink. He’s still harder than I’ve ever seen him, poking out of his pants. I want to drop to my knees.

  “You should probably think about other things.”

  “You in front of the mirror the other day?”

  He’s killing me. “Stop torturing me. Put that thing away and think about baseball.”

  “Like rounding the bases? Hitting a home run?”

  I’m giggling. “Okay, think about garbage trucks, baby ducks, our parents, and your son just inside the house.”

  I'm trying to calm myself down. I chug my drink and smoke like a fiend. He has me all riled up.

  He chuckles, watching me. “Admit it. You want it just as badly as I do.”

  “Nope. I’m fine. I’m cool as a cucumber. Bad choice of words. Cucumber.”

  “Annabelle. I’m shocked,” he teases.

  “Have you seen yourself? You're the size of a freaking cucumber. A huge, thick, ripe cucumber. Mmm…you’re making me hungry.”

  He grabs himself and pulls his pants tight across his crotch. “It turns you on doesn’t it? You want this, my Bella?”

  I might be drooling at this point. “Fine. Let's go back into the house. Right now. You can show it off to the whole family.”

  This time he laughs so hard he snorts. Which, of course, makes him laugh harder until we’re both cracking up.

  At that moment, Peter and Julia step out onto the piazza. The laughter has calmed him down, but not enough. He tries to cross his legs and can't. Instead, he lays the box with the picture in his lap.

  Julia hears our laughter. “What are you bad kids up to? A smoke break. Please?”

  Peter rolls his eyes at her. I suspect he’s used to this. I explain to Jack, “Julia is in denial that she’s pregnant.”

  “Your mother admitted to me that both she and my mother, the perfect Miss Sarah Beth, smoked like chimneys while they were pregnant with us. She didn’t judge me.”

  “You were out here sneaking a smoke with her earlier? She asks you to call her Lillian, she’s sneaking smoke breaks with you, and she has erotic pictures of you in her bathroom. Too much information.”

  She shrugs and lights up and hands one to Peter.

  Jack perks up. “What? Erotic pictures in the bathroom?”

  “Peter took them for his exhibit. They’re very subtle and artistic.”

  “Yeah, maybe those are. I bet you two have a stash of more suggestive pictures. Less subtle, perhaps?”

  Julia smiles while Peter looks away, whistling. We laugh at them.

  Julia changes the subject. “Jack, Charlie is adorable. I love that he played pretend Santa and gave out presents. What a sweet thing to do.”

  “You need to give Belle credit for that. He was about to start ripping into every present under that tree.”

  “I watched you with him, Belle. I can’t believe you were worried you wouldn’t know how to act. You’re a natural.

  “Speaking of which. You have to see this.” She pulls out her phone and hands it to Jack and me. “Scroll through the ones at the end. I caught a perfect shot of him kissing you.”

  Jack and I look through the pictures, and I almost tear up. They're beautiful. There is one of Jack and I kissing and then Charlie leaning in for his kiss. “Julia. These are incredible. Will you please send them to me? I'd love them developed as a series of photos.”

  “I can't believe I forgot my camera,” Peter says. “We were all in awe watching the three of you together. I love these pictures, though. They’re real and natural. You make a beautiful family. Maybe another day I can take more professional shots of the three of you?”

  The three of us look at him, eyes wide.

  “What?” he says. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No, Peter, not at all. Thank you.”

  Julia pokes him. “They’re not a family. At least not yet. Not officially.”

  “I disagree. Belle, Jack, and Charlie are clearly a family.” He reaches out and palms her tiny bump. “We're a family, and we're not official.”

  Julia flashes her ring. “But we will be.” she grins.

  “Yes, love, we will be.” He kisses her gently.

  Jack pipes up, “And we will be as well. I’ll make this woman my wife, you’ll see. You and Wallace may have to kidnap Belle and meet me in Vegas, but it will happen.”

  “Let’s have a double wedding in Vegas,” Julia cries. “Save me from my mother. Unfortunately, we have to head over there now. You know my mother will have all kinds of plans. She's probably been on the internet all morning looking at Southern Living and Town and Country for ideas. I will not let her do this to me again.”

  I put my hands on her shoulders. “Stay strong, Julia. One poufy white dress in a lifetime is enough. Just say no.” I kiss her on each cheek. “You'll be fine. You're one of the best event planners in town, and you're marrying a fabulous artist. This will be your wedding, not Miss Sarah Beth’s. If she shows up in a red dress again, Wallace and I will strip her down and force her to wear something beige and poufy, with a massive bow in her hair. Don’t worry. It will be beautiful.”

  She kisses me back. “And small.”

  I turn to Jack. “While you were living as a recluse in the woods, Julia had the wedding of the century. Her mother went crazy. There were three hundred guests. Ten bridesmaids and ten groomsmen, flower girls and a ring bearer. It was an afternoon wedding and Miss Sarah Beth wore a slinky, beaded red dress. Julia’s bastard husband spent the day with his friends getting drunk. We rescued her, hid, drank shots, and chain smoked.”

  Jack laughs, shocked. “You’re kidding? You two never told me that story. Peter, did you know this?”

>   “I’ve seen the pictures. It’s all true. Julia tells me that’s the kind of wedding Belle wants.”

  I punch his arm and then hug him. “Ha-ha. Very funny. Can you imagine?”

  “You may want to intervene. Jack’s mother told me she and your mom are already making plans.”

  “They’re insane. Jack? Can we get married barefoot on the beach?”

  “That sounds perfect to me, but I'd agree to three hundred guests and you in a poufy white dress. I'd prefer if it were just our parents, Charlie, Julia, Peter, Wallace, and Ben on the beach—or on Johns Island. We have a lovely spot there.”

  “A lovely spot? What’s going on?”

  “Belle hasn’t told you about one of her Christmas presents?”

  “I haven’t had time. I just found out yesterday.”

  “What is it? Tell me, tell me.”

  I babble on about the property and the plans for the river house, and realize how excited I am for the future. It’s happening all at once, but it’s a dream. Why not have some fun for a change and celebrate these changes.

  “Jack, it sounds amazing. I’d love to ride out there with you and Ben one day. And whatever I can do to help, let me know.”

  Jack sets the picture frame on the table next to his chair and stands to shake Peter's hand. “Thanks Peter. I appreciate that. I’m happy for you and Julia. Julia’s a new woman. Confident and more beautiful than ever. You’re definitely a family.

  “Would you be interested in photographing it in phases and then designing a timeline? You're the artist; I'd leave that to you.

  “Thanks, Jack. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. Crazy how love does that for you, eh? Of course, I’d be happy to photograph the work in progress. That could be cool. Who knows? Maybe we can pitch an article and photo spread to Architectural Digest?”

  “Shit. Are you kidding? How awesome would that be? Every architect's dream. Yes. Let's do it.”

  “The equivalent of Julia on the cover of Town and Country in an elegant, non-poufy wedding gown,” Peter laughs.

  Julia spots the picture on the table. The wrapping has blown open. “Belle?” she asks gently. “Is that what I think it is? Is that why you brought Jack out here to give it to him?”

  Jack holds me. I nod. “Yes, Julia. You can look.”

  Jack hands her the picture frame, and Julia handles it carefully. She has tears in her eyes. “Your baby. Look, you can see his little face. This is priceless.” Peter is looking at her with a question in his eyes. She hasn't told him.

  “Thank you for respecting my privacy, Julia. Tell Peter. Later? Please.”

  “Thank you, Belle. Do you mind, Jack?”

  “No, of course not. We’re all family now and Belle was alone in this for too long.”

  Julia hugs us both, wiping away tears. “He was beautiful. I know you’re scared, Belle, but I hope you’ll consider trying again.”

  She hugs me and whispers, “Don’t be afraid. Love surrounds you. You are not alone.”

  I can see Peter putting the pieces together. He looks sad, and a little scared. She’s about to get a lecture about smoking.

  I catch his eye and try to reassure him with a look. That man is head over heels in love with Julia and their growing baby.

  I remind Julia, “Be strong with your mother. Vegas or we'd be honored to host it at the Tucker-Cliff Estate.”

  “The question is whether to get married before or after Baby Oops is born. My mother is appalled that I'm a brazen hussy. I was hoping she’d cut me off and stop talking to me.” She rolls her eyes. “No such luck. I'm happy either way, as long as I'm with Peter.” He hugs her from behind.

  I smile. “You’re still going with the name Baby Oops? You two are a stunning couple. I’d love to see you on the cover of Town and Country in a tight, white dress, eight months’ pregnant. You glow with happiness. I'm thrilled for you, even if you are a slut.”

  They laugh. “Okay, we better face Miss Sarah Beth. At least Peter’s parents are cool. Merry Christmas to you both. We all have so much for which to be grateful. I suspect next year will be a huge year. I’m so happy you’ve returned, Jack.”

  We give hugs all around.

  “Don’t forget to text me those pictures, okay?”

  “Absolutely. If you don't receive a text by tomorrow, please remind me. Pregnancy brain sucks. Ask your mom, too. I think she has video.”

  I turn to Jack and cuddle into him. “They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?”

  “I’m too manly to comment on another man’s looks, but I have to agree. Now you have to show me the photographs in the guest bath.”

  “Come on, perv.”

  He caresses the picture and wraps it up more tightly before he carries it in.

  Before we head back into the living room, I show him the bathroom.

  Jack studies them. “Wow, Peter is quite talented. I’d love for him to photograph the river house.”

  “You have no idea. His exhibit overwhelmed me. Please work with him.”

  When we return to the living room, it's obvious we've been gone too long. It looks like a tornado has come through. Our parents seem exhausted. Charlie is having a meltdown. It’s nap time, maybe for all of them.

  Jack immediately scoops up Charlie. “Baby boy, you need a nap. Poor kid. It’s been a big day, hasn’t it?”

  My mother offers, “Why don’t you let him sleep in Belle’s old room?”

  “Lillian,” Jack teases, “Why haven’t you ever offered to let me sleep in Belle’s room?”

  “John Charles Cliff. Why do you think Belle has had a twin bed her whole life?”

  “Have you noticed how tiny she is? We would have fit.”

  My mother and Jack both laugh. They’re both full of surprises today. Even Jack’s mother is giggling. They must all be tipsy.

  While they’re teasing each other, Charlie is fussing. “Okay, buddy, let’s go lie down.”

  “Bella. I want Bella.” He squirms out of Jack’s arms, runs to the corner, and gathers up the books I gave him.

  He runs back to me, crying. “Read? Bella read. Please?”

  “If I read to you, will you take a nap?”

  He looks up at me with Jack’s eyes. “Promise.” He grabs my hand.

  I lift him up into my arms, and he rests his sleepy head on my shoulder. “It's a deal, Charlie.” I carry him up to my girly room and climb into bed with him. He rests his head on my chest. I notice he is also clutching the soft, floppy, stuffed rabbit I gave him. This kid is killing me.

  I look up and find Jack in the doorway watching us. The look at us with longing.

  “You like your bunny, Charlie?”

  “Love him. He’s Pete.”

  “Good name.

  “Which book do you want to read?”

  He grabs one from the stack. His eyes are already closing.

  He feels so good cuddled up to me. I'm relaxed and sleepy, too. I read the book to him, trying to do different voices. Neither of us makes it through the end.

  I wake up to Jack’s kisses. “Mmm…I fell asleep. How long have I been sleeping?”

  “Two hours. You've both been out cold. I need to get Charlie up for Christmas dinner.”

  We both start to pet Charlie. I run my fingers through his curls and sing to him. “It’s time to wake up Charlie.”

  He stirs and opens his eyes, looking up at me. “Bella.” he smiles.

  “Hey sweet boy, we fell asleep together. We had a nice long nap with Pete. It's time to get up. It's time to go have dinner with Daddy, Nana, and Granddaddy.”

  “And you?”

  “No, baby. I’ll be here with my parents.”

  Jack starts to lift him. “Come on, Charlie.”

  “No. Stay with Bella.”

  “I promise you’ll see Belle soon.”

  “Bella come with us.”

  “Charlie, I wish I could. But I need to be with my Mama and Daddy.”

  “You be my Mama. You come with us.


  I can feel Jack’s love and yearning.

  “Charlie, I would be blessed. We’ll have dinner together soon, sweet boy.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  He gathers up his books and Pete and lets Jack pick him up.

  I follow them downstairs. We all say our goodbyes. I’m convinced our parents are all drunk. Why are we all not having dinner together?

  Charlie reaches for me one last time before they leave.

  I cuddle him and hold him against me. He puts his little arms around my neck. “I love you, Bella Belle.”

  “I love you, too, Charlie.”

  Jack takes him from me and kisses me over his head. “I’ll see you later?”

  “Yes, please. Love you.”

  Charlie smiles. “Daddy, Bella loves you, too.”

  I kiss his cheek. “Yes, sweet boy. I love you both.”

  ***

  I run to the kitchen, make myself a drink and go outside to hide. I gulp my drink, loving the burn, and let myself fall apart. I sit and cry with a drink and a smoke.

  My mother joins me. She hands me tissues and kisses the top of my head.

  “It’s awe-inspiring, isn’t it? The emotions it evokes. The love of a child.”

  “Is that why I’m crying?”

  “That’s my guess. Why do you think you’re crying?”

  “He asked me to come with him, to be his Mama. He fell asleep in my arms, and it felt so good, so natural. He told me he loved me. I love him. How can I love a kid I met today?

  “I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before. I’m not a mother. I don’t have a clue how to be a mother. I’m a selfish bitch.”

  “Annabelle. That is not true. Everyone is selfish, and there are times it is healthy to be selfish. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. You continue your therapy, you carve out private time for yourself and time with Jack. Most importantly, you ask for help. Moderation, sweetheart.

  “I do not want to hear you call yourself a bitch. Yes, you have struggled. What you fail to see is that you are a nurturer. That's why you're so successful with your business. Darling, from what I saw today, you’re a natural. You know exactly how to be a mother.”

  “What if I fuck up, Mama?”

  “Do you know how many mistakes I made as a mother? Three weeks ago, I had to admit one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. Every mother fucks up. You can’t let fear get in the way of building a family with Jack. You have so much love to give. It’s not too late for the two of you to have a child together.”

 

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