by Rae Walsh
She was powerless again. She couldn’t control what would happen or keep Sheldon or Maddie safe. She couldn’t stop the hate or vandalism. She felt one tiny thread of her guard start to unravel, and she nodded and said.
“Yes. I left because someone made me leave.”
He drew in a breath. His face changed so many times that she couldn’t keep up with it. He pressed his lips briefly to her forehead, some kind of tension rushing out of him, and then pulled back and asked another question.
“Was the someone Maddie’s father?”
Every muscle in Theresa’s body seemed to freeze and then scream. She couldn’t hold eye contact and flicked her eyes away from Sheldon’s. She needed to run. She pressed her palms into her cheeks and then began to tap her forehead with her fingers. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Sheldon didn’t move to stop her. A small part of her brain remembered her mother or her brother pulling her hands away from her head, telling her to stop tapping. Sheldon didn’t. Maybe that was why she answered him. Maybe that was why, in the tiniest voice, she whispered, “Yes.”
Theresa heard Sheldon take a breath, and then he drew Theresa back into the circle of his arms. They stood there for a long time, rocking slightly back and forth. Her head was on his chest, listening to his heart as it sped up and then slowed. He was warm and strong, and Theresa felt safe. She knew it was only a feeling, that even now the menace of the cruel forest could eat them both, but she was so relieved to feel safe that she let it be. She stood there leaning on Sheldon, imagining that it could last forever.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sheldon woke with a start, opening his eyes and sitting upright in his bed. His heart was pounding. His dreams had been tortured and full of anxiety. Theresa slipping off a cliff and Sheldon reaching for her only to accidentally let go. Driving down a steep hill in a car with no brakes, Theresa in the passenger seat.
Sheldon was coming to the slow, horrible realization that he’d had it wrong all these years. Theresa wasn’t worried, fickle, or hard to please. She hadn’t even left because anything that Sheldon had done or not done. Theresa wasn’t safe. And Theresa not being safe felt unbearable to Sheldon.
He sat on the edge of his bed, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. After a moment, he stood up and walked over to the window, pulling up the shade to look at the scene below. It wasn’t yet dawn— the street was dark. Sheldon checked his watch. Only four o’clock in the morning. His heart was still beating fast. He remembered another part of the dream. Theresa had been talking to someone. A man. Sheldon couldn’t quite see his face. Theresa was afraid, cowering, and as the man shouted at her, she sank onto the ground, holding her hands over her head. The man got angrier, screaming until he was shaking, and when Sheldon finally broke out of paralysis and grabbed the man by the elbow, he turned, and Sheldon saw that it was Daniel.
Sheldon shook his head to clear it now, looking at the line of light that was just beginning to show between the clouds and trees in the distance. It couldn’t be Daniel. Theresa had said it wasn’t. She wouldn’t lie to protect him, would she? Because he had a disorder like hers?
The birds weren’t even awake yet, and the whole town had that pre-dawn hush.
It wasn’t Daniel, Sheldon realized with relief. Theresa didn’t have the capability to act naturally around people she didn’t like. Sheldon remembered how Reesey had run from that agent, all those years ago. Whoever had hurt Theresa couldn’t be someone she spent time with regularly.
Was it Lenny, with his anger problems and harsh opinions? Rich? Cam? Or someone he hadn’t thought of? What about the old man who lived on the other side of the lake? Parents often told their children to steer clear of that man’s house. There was no proof that he was dangerous, but he wasn’t in his right mind. Or the man on the edge of town who had been pulled in for domestic abuse, more than once?
Theresa had barely told him anything. Sheldon needed to know more, but Theresa was too afraid to say. Sheldon was horrified by the thought that none of them had caught this. That they had blamed her for taking off to Minnesota and never coming to visit. Sheldon had blamed her. How could he have done such a thing? He knew Theresa. Why had Sheldon assumed that everything revolved around him? That she had left because of him?
He began to pace. He needed to get back to sleep. Work would start early in the morning. He shivered. The weather was colder than usual for central California, and Sheldon’s unheated apartment was chilly.
He got back under the covers, thinking of Theresa burrowing into his chest as if Sheldon could hide her from every terror. But if Sheldon wanted to help her, he would have to know who or what the threat was. He needed to try to find out. It was his last thought before he drifted back to sleep.
Later, Sheldon knocked loudly on Katie and Sam’s front door. Sam opened it, looking sleepy and annoyed. It was still early. Sheldon couldn’t care less.
“I need to talk to you,” he said, pushing past his friend into the house, walking back to the kitchen. Katie was usually in the kitchen, and Sheldon wanted to talk to her, too.
“Come on, Sheldon, give us some warning before you bust in like this,” Sam grumbled behind him. “It’s our day off.”
Katie was in the kitchen, as Sheldon had hoped. She was chopping vegetables at the kitchen counter, and she looked up as he entered, her face startled. She was more of a morning person and managed to look happier to see him than Sam had.
“Shel? What’s up? Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Have you talked to Reesey lately?” Sheldon asked. He didn’t know what to do with his hands or where to be. He ended up leaning against the island, crossing his arms in front of him.
“Depends what you mean by recently,” Sam said. “I talked to her yesterday, tying up some loose ends before the opening.”
“Why, Sheldon?” Katie asked. “What’s going on?”
“She got some sort of threat,” Sheldon said. “I don’t know if we should go through with the opening.”
Katie carefully put her knife down on the counter and wiped her hands on a towel. Wordlessly, she beckoned for Sam and Sheldon to follow her. She walked out to the sunroom and sat down.
Sam had built the little room off the back of the house just before the wedding, so the two of them would have a place just for them on the ground floor. It was furnished with colorful old couches Katie had found at the flea market, as well as armchairs, blankets, and pillows. The space was a welcome sight for Sheldon’s tired eyes. He sank onto one of the couches, feeling exhaustion sweep over him, all the way into his bones.
“Okay,” Katie said as Sam sat beside her on the other couch. “Explain. You know we can’t call off the opening without Theresa’s approval.”
“I’m not suggesting we do that,” Sheldon said. “That’s nuts. I’m wondering if you or Sam could ask Theresa about it. She acted like someone threatened her yesterday. She was terrified, and I don’t think this is the first time something like this has happened. Maybe she should lay low for a while and not invite the whole town to her house.”
Katie’s hair was tied back in a scarf, giving Sheldon a clear view of her eyes and the look of compassion on her face. Sam studied Sheldon, chewing on his bottom lip. They both looked at him for a long time.
“What?” he finally asked, irritated by their silence. Didn’t they understand what he was saying?
“You really love her still, don’t you?” Sam said.
Sheldon gaped at his friend. “Are you for real?” he asked. “Do you know me at all? How could you have missed that I have never for one day stopped loving your sister or even looked at another woman? In ten years, Sam! My love for Theresa has never been in question. The question has always been why she ran so far and fast to get away from me.”
Katie and Sam were quiet, listening. Encouraged, he continued, sitting back and lowering his voice a little.
“I assumed that she left because of me, but I’m starting to wonder if it might be someone else that she’s running f
rom. And not a relationship. A threat. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“I think so–“ Sam said, but Sheldon interrupted.
“What this means is that maybe we assumed Reesey was running from love, or consolation, or companionship, because of the hard time she has socially. It fit our assumptions, Sam, to think that, but maybe she has been in actual danger from an external threat, and we never knew. I’m trying to tell you that I think Theresa is in actual danger. If that’s true, Sammy, we failed her.”
Sam got to his feet, his face troubled. “I don’t understand. You think she’s been threatened, and she never told us?”
“Do you know who Maddie’s father is?” Sheldon asked.
Sam frowned. “You know I don’t. It’s true now, just like the last million times you asked me.”
“Well, does anyone know who Maddie’s father is?” Sheldon asked, his voice breaking. “Don’t you think it’s a little strange that we don’t know?” Katie and Sam were silent. Sam sat back down.
“Haven’t you ever wondered why no one knows who Maddie’s father is? Surely if she came from a one-night stand or just a bad breakup, Theresa would have told someone. One of us, Sam. We’re her closest friends. But what if there was something traumatic about whatever happened with Maddie’s father?”
“Are you saying that Maddie might have come from an act of violence?” Katie asked. “Are you talking about rape?”
Sheldon winced. He felt like he wanted to cry at the word. At the thought. “I don’t know what I’m saying. All I know is that I think we’ve attributed a lot of Theresa’s behavior to just Theresa being different, and maybe we’ve missed signs of something important, something that could put her in danger.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Sheldon went to work. It was all he could do, though he couldn’t concentrate. He piled stock, went over lists, called his dairy supplier, and got involved in the most irritating conversation with one of his cashiers about the difference between a real smile and a sarcastic smile. She claimed to be having a hard time differentiating between the two. Sheldon was reasonably sure that the cashier, Janelle, just didn’t like people very much.
“Like this,” Raj said helpfully, offering a toothy grin.
The cashier frowned at him, and Sheldon did too because the smile was terrifying.
“I’ve never seen you smile like that before,” he told Raj.
“Sure you have,” Raj said, through his teeth. “I smile like this all the time.”
“No, you don’t,” Sheldon said, pinching his nose. “Because if you did, I would fire you. Listen, Janelle, just don’t openly mock the customers, okay? That lady was only talking about the weather because it is a common, polite thing to do.”
“A pointless thing to do,” Janelle replied.
“Be that as it may,” Sheldon said, turning to leave, “it’s your job to be polite. That’s your last warning.”
“Just try,” Raj added.
“Thanks, Raj,” Sheldon said, heaving a huge sigh.
He straightened a rack of reusable bags on his way back to the office, wondering when he would get time to talk with Theresa. But when Sheldon got to his office door, Reesey was already in there, sitting in his beach chair. He did a double take.
“How did you get in here?” he asked.
She tilted her head to one side. “I walked, Taz. You were too busy demonstrating your smile.”
“You saw that?” he asked, picking up a paperweight on his desk in an attempt to be casual. He wanted to hug her. Reesey was pale, with shadows under her eyes. Today her hair was loose under a beanie, curling around her shoulders. She looked small and vulnerable.
“Yes, you should teach lessons,” she said. “I know I could use them.”
“You already have a beautiful smile,” he said.
“I seem to use it at the wrong times,” she said.
It was true. Theresa had always trusted people without question and seemed surprised when they didn’t live up to her firm idea of goodness. Sheldon had noticed the pattern when they were younger. Now he understood why she grew confused in social contexts and why she got herself into difficult situations. It was as though she was missing cynicism or wariness, a hefty portion of what it took to be in the world as a human. Sheldon knew that this lack was balanced by her directness, but her naivety made her vulnerable in a way that seemed unbearable to Sheldon. He felt terrible about not seeing it before now.
Sheldon pulled a chair close to the beach chair and held out his hands to Theresa. After a moment, she put her small, cold hands into his. He pressed them close to his chest, trying to warm her up. She kept her eyes on his face.
“How do you feel today?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Theresa said. “Tired, I guess. But I feel stronger today. I had a lot of time to think on my walk this morning.”
It was a good lead-in to what he wanted to ask her, but before he could speak, she continued.
“I came because I need to buy a bunch of stuff for the studio opening. Katie’s going to cater, but I’ll handle the drinks, and maybe we could have some fruit for people who don’t want to eat a lot.”
“Can’t Katie handle fruit and drinks if she’s catering?” He winced. It wasn’t what he really wanted to ask. He wanted to ask her to postpone the opening. But he needed to work up to it.
“She’s tired lately. Have you noticed? I don’t want her to work too hard.”
“Do you think…?” he asked, startled.
“She’s pregnant? Maybe.” She smiled. “Maybe it’s too early for them to tell us.”
“Or maybe they don’t know.”
“Or maybe she’s got a touch of the flu, and we’re overthinking.” They grinned at each other.
She looked cute in his beach chair, bundled in a sweater, the beanie pulled down over her forehead. Every time he thought she couldn’t get more beautiful, she proved him wrong. She was lovely, strong, and resilient. Not the quitter he had assumed for a long time. He had to say something.
“I need to ask you something,” he said, “but don’t respond until you’ve heard me out, okay?”
“Okay…” she said slowly, narrowing her eyes. “But maybe I know what you’re going to say.”
He took a deep breath, clutching onto his stone paperweight. “I think you should postpone the opening.”
“Yup, that’s what I thought you were going to say,” she said. She looked up at the ceiling.
“Theresa, please listen to me. Don’t block me out.”
“I’m listening.”
“Yesterday was crazy. I’ve never seen you so upset.”
“Yesterday was part of what it means to be me.”
“But you know what I’m trying to say. Are you safe? Is it safe to have a bunch of people at your house for an opening? Why won’t you tell me more?”
She ran her hands up and down her cordoroys. “Who is ever safe?” she asked.
He sighed. “But will the danger you fear...show itself at your opening?”
“How could I know that?” Reesey asked, finally meeting his eyes. When he would have spoken again, she held up a hand. “No, listen. You’re just now hearing this. I’ve been living it for a decade and a half. I’m tired of letting fear run my life. If I allow this…danger…to change me, it’s winning.” Her voice caught, and he reached for her hand again.
Theresa pulled away. “I will never have a life if that happens,” she whispered. “I need to have a life, Taz. I need to be able to open my shop and do my work, to sell my pottery in my community.”
Sheldon’s heart was beating fast with conflicting emotions. The need to protect, the need to support.
“What do I do to help keep you safe?” he whispered.
“I don’t know,” she answered. “But this is my dream, and I don’t want to lose it because of one terrible person.” Her voice broke. It tormented him to hear her so sad.
“Okay,” he said. “Okay, Reesey. I get it.” She turned a
nd laid her face on his arm, and the tenderness in his heart threatened to break him open.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The sound of the on-going construction was comforting to Theresa, even though she was certain it was louder than it needed to be. Honestly, how could just a few people make so much noise? But the hammering, sawing, and clattering meant that Theresa wasn't alone at the house. The presence of the workers comforted her when her heart raced with fear.
Theresa had made the decision to go ahead with life in Aveline, to hold her studio opening, and to emerge as an artist publicly. This was what she wanted, and she was through with running.
But terror still followed Theresa, lurking in the corners of her mind, waiting until she let down her guard and relaxed enough to joke around with Sam or Sheldon. Then, she felt the sudden spike of terror, making her heart race and her hands shake. Fear waited for Theresa in the wee hours of the morning, when she woke from nightmares of the menace of the cruel forest watching her, always watching.
Theresa did everything she knew to fight the fear. She watered her garden and pulled weeds, sitting in the grass, inhaling the fragrance of compost and rich earth. She threw pots and painted on glazes. She sewed curtains and put them up in the living room. It made her feel safer, and she could pull them open if she wanted to see the garden outside. She tinkered in the studio, setting up her supplies, while Sam oversaw the last of the construction. She saw Maddie off to school each day, sending her with lunch and a hug.
But deep inside, Theresa was afraid. Not only that—she was angry. Through every minute that she worked to keep fear at bay, Theresa burned with slow rage because she still couldn't relax, and this life she wanted so badly felt temporary, as though it would all be stolen from her. She hadn’t even talked to Sofía yet, afraid of what she would hear. She knew the reason she was still unable to talk to Sofía. Sofía knew everything, and she always wanted Theresa to tell. Theresa couldn’t do that, and it wasn’t good enough for Sofía. All Theresa wanted was a peaceful life.