“That’s what I’m afraid of too,” I admitted. “But I have to try. If you ever change your mind, you don’t have to go through it alone. I’m here. And I know what you’re going through more than probably anyone else does.”
“I’m here too,” Brendan added.
“I appreciate it, but I just can’t,” he sighed. “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you about…I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to air out all my dirty laundry like that.”
“Don’t be sorry, Ethan,” I murmured. “It’s okay. I’m just glad I understand now. And if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
He cracked half a smile, wiping more tears from his cheeks. My heart broke for him, and I felt sick to my stomach knowing that someone I was related to was capable of something this horrific. Of stealing the innocence of a child they were supposed to be helping.
I wished my father could be held accountable for his crimes, but I knew I had to respect Ethan’s decision not to report it, the same way Brendan, Naomi, Kate, and Ashton had respected my decision not to. This wasn’t a choice anyone else could make for him. He had to be ready to go through that, and he had to be ready to accept whatever consequences would come if the police investigated and found nothing. Frankly, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, so I definitely couldn’t try to force it on anyone else. All I could do was be here for him and support him, no matter what decision he made.
As glad as I was that I understood now and that Ethan and I had cleared the air, it made my blood boil to know that my own father was guilty of so much depravity and evil and he’d probably never be punished for any of it. The terrifying reality was, after I told my story to the police, Brendan and I would be lucky if my dad went to jail for long enough that we could find somewhere to disappear to. Somewhere he’d never find me again.
Chapter 29
Darla
Slide
SIX WEEKS LATER
“This summer is going by way too fast,” I complained.
“And so are your days as a single woman,” Heather teased, putting an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into her side.
I smiled and laid my head on her shoulder, and my eyes drifted closed. I’d been so tired lately, and I had no idea why. But then again, living in constant fear that my father would figure out I was living literally five miles away from him was mentally exhausting. I guessed it made sense that the mental exhaustion would take a physical toll.
“How are you feeling about that?” Christy asked, making my eyes pop back open. “Only a couple more weeks until you and Brendan tie the knot.”
“And that means it’s only like three weeks before Ash and I move to New York,” Kate reminded us, plopping down next to me on her bed. “We’re leaving right after the wedding.”
My eyes stung at the reminder that I was about to lose not one, but two of my best friends, and I choked down the lump in my throat. I was not about to ruin this girls’ day – well, girls plus Ashton – by bursting into tears.
“Don’t remind us,” Naomi murmured. “I already miss you guys so much it hurts.” She glanced at Heather and Christy. “And you two too. I’m not ready for you to go back to Georgia yet.”
“I’m not ready to leave either,” Christy sighed. “Darla’s right. This summer has gone by way too fast.”
“At least you’ll still have me and Brendan here, Nay,” I reminded her. “And Alex isn’t going anywhere either. He likes working with Brendan too much.”
Naomi turned bright red at the mention of her boyfriend, and I had to smile. The two of them were a classic case of “opposites attract,” but I’d never seen her happier. After the girl she’d dated for our sophomore and junior years broke her heart, I was just glad he’d finally come to his senses and realized what everyone else in our group of friends had known for years: that he was crazy about her.
“Thank God for that,” Naomi chuckled.
“Who’s hungry?” Ashton asked as they walked into the bedroom carrying two pizzas.
The smell of greasy pepperoni and cheese wafted through the room, and it immediately made my stomach turn. Bile started to rise in my throat, and though I tried to choke it down, I couldn’t, and I jerked up and rushed into Kate’s en-suite bathroom. I barely had time to close the door behind me before I emptied what felt like the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet. I had no idea why I suddenly couldn’t stomach the smell of my favorite comfort food, but then again, I’d been so stressed out lately that maybe the smell of the grease just tipped the scales.
“Darla?” Kate called, knocking lightly on the door. “You okay in there?”
“Yeah,” I croaked as I flushed the toilet. “I just don’t feel great all of a sudden.”
“I got you a bottle of water. Can I come set it on the counter?”
“Sure,” I groaned, pushing myself up from the floor and closing the toilet lid so I could sit down.
The bathroom door cracked open, and Kate slipped inside and set the drink on the counter. I gratefully grabbed it and took small sips, trying to get the taste of puke out of my mouth.
“What happened there, hon?” she asked me.
“I don’t even know,” I mumbled. “It was like the second I smelled that pizza, my stomach revolted.”
“Um, who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” she teased. “You love pizza.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s what’s so weird,” I sighed. “I’ve just been so stressed lately, I guess the smell of the grease was too much or something.”
Suddenly, her eyes went wide and one of her hands flew up to cover her mouth, and she quickly shut the bathroom door.
“What is it?” I asked, completely confused.
“Darla, when was your last period?” she whispered.
It felt like the wiring in my brain shorted as the weight of that question crashed down on me.
I had never missed a period before. Not even with all the stress my dad’s abuse put me through. I could always set my calendar by my menstrual cycle. But now that I thought about it, I realized that I hadn’t gotten my period since a couple of weeks after I’d moved in here. Which would have put my last period at around seven weeks ago.
“Oh, my God,” I choked out. “Like two weeks after I moved in here.”
“You haven’t been able to get on the pill yet, have you?”
I shook my head as a few tears trailed down my cheeks. “No, because the statement would go to my parents’ house. But we’re safe. We always use condoms.”
“A broken condom isn’t always obvious.” She took a deep breath. “Look, you’ve been under more stress lately than anyone should have to deal with. It could just be stress and a stomach bug. But there’s only one way to know for sure.”
I couldn’t say anything. I was too busy putting the pieces together in my head. I’d been so tired lately, and I couldn’t figure out why. I’d felt a little sick over the past couple of weeks, though it wasn’t nearly this bad. Add that to figuring out that I hadn’t had a period in over two months? I needed to be responsible and take a pregnancy test, but I knew what the result would be.
What was I supposed to do? Brendan and I were still kids ourselves. I was about to start college, and he had a full-time job. I was essentially estranged from both of my parents, and the only reason Brendan had stayed on speaking terms with his family was because of Nathan. So how were we supposed to raise a baby with no support to speak of?
“Come on back into the bedroom,” Kate said quietly, pulling me back to the conversation. “I’m going to run out and get you a pregnancy test. If I do it, then no one other than the people in this room will know it’s for you.”
I nodded.
“Don’t start freaking out yet, hon,” she said softly. “Not until you know for sure.”
“I can’t help it,” I sniffled. “What am I going to do, Kate?”
She gave me a sad smile. “I know it’s not something you’d normally consider, but—”
“No,” I cut her off. I didn’t need her to finish that sentence to know where she was going with it. “I can’t do that. Not just because of my beliefs. Because if…if I am pregnant, this baby is part of me. And it’s part of Brendan too.”
“Well, there’s always adoption. There are so many families out there who would kill for a chance to be parents.”
I buried my head in my hands. I knew she was right, and I knew that was probably the right thing to do, but just thinking about giving my baby to someone else felt so wrong on so many levels. Maybe it was selfish of me because I was supposed to do what was best for the baby, but I honestly didn’t know if I was capable of spending nine months growing this baby and then just giving it to someone else and never seeing it again.
“You don’t have to decide anything right now, Darla,” Kate tried to reassure me. “And it’s not something you should decide without Brendan. You’re about to get married, and if you are pregnant, this is his kid too. He’s as much a part of this equation as you are, and no matter what decision you make, you need him to support you.”
“I know that, but I can’t help it,” I said through my tears. “I always knew I wanted kids with him, but not like this. Not while my dad’s still out there, and not while we can barely support ourselves, let alone a child too.”
“You’ll figure it out,” she said with a smile. “I know just from seeing you and Brendan with Nate that you’ll make amazing parents one day. If one day is seven or eight months from now, then you’ll figure out how to give this kid an incredible life. It won’t be easy, but you can do it. Now, come on. Don’t sit there on the toilet until I get back.”
I sighed and stood up, and Kate pulled me into a hug before opening the door and leading me back out into her bedroom.
When Kate got back to the house about forty-five minutes later, she handed me a plastic bag with some ginger ale, saltines, and three pregnancy tests in it.
“Figured the ginger ale and saltines might help your stomach,” she chuckled awkwardly.
I forced a smile, but a knot formed in my stomach. I just froze. I couldn’t make myself get up off the bed to take the tests. It felt like my entire life was resting on whether or not that second pink line showed up on these little plastic sticks.
“You can’t avoid it forever, sweetie,” Heather said. “Just go take the test. And whatever happens, we’re all right here. You’re not alone.”
“I don’t…I don’t know what to do,” I mumbled.
“Pretty sure you just have to go pee on the stick,” Ashton quipped.
Kate shot them a glare. “Not helping, asshole.”
“Come on, Darla,” Naomi murmured, standing up, grabbing my hands, and pulling me to my feet. “The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be.”
“She’s right,” Christy chimed in.
I took a couple of deep breaths, then walked into the bathroom and took the tests out of the bag. I ripped open the boxes and pulled the plastic sticks out, setting them on the counter as I sat down on the toilet and drank some of the ginger ale, hoping it would help speed up the process.
I couldn’t even tell how long I sat there, just waiting for nature to call. Peeing on command wasn’t as easy as it sounded, especially since I was so stressed and nervous. But finally, I managed to take the tests, and then I threw all three tests in one box, washed my hands, and walked back out into Kate’s bedroom, flopping down on the bed.
“It says I have to wait for five minutes,” I announced.
“Just watch the movie with us,” Naomi encouraged me. “Don’t look at the clock. We’ll tell you when to check. Okay?”
I nodded and turned my attention to the TV screen, where they were watching X-Men.
“Okay, where the fuck are Magneto’s kids?” Ashton groaned as Magneto appeared on the train with Wolverine and Rogue. “Like, are we just going to ignore the fact that he’s a father?”
“Um, Magneto’s clearly not the paternal type,” Kate countered. “It would have been weird to include that in the movie.”
“He’s not the paternal type in the comics either,” they argued. “But that doesn’t mean that Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver should just disappear.”
“If they included everything that’s in the comics in this movie, it would have been four hours long.”
“And?” Heather said. “I’m not seeing the problem here. I’d watch four hours of Wolverine.”
“Are you going straight on me, baby?” Christy teased.
“I’d go straight for a night with Hugh Jackman,” she shot back.
“I thought your straight for a night hall pass was Johnny Depp, Heather,” Naomi chuckled.
“A girl’s allowed to change her mind, right?”
“For Hugh Jackman, absolutely. I’d climb that man like a tree,” Ashton chimed in.
Kate snorted. “Get in line, Ash. I was here first.”
“Don’t worry, dollface. I’ll share him with you,” they shot back, kissing her cheek.
Normally, I would have been laughing at my friends’ antics and complaining about them talking over the movie, but right now, I couldn’t even concentrate enough to care. The only thing I could think about was the plastic sticks sitting in this box that I was clutching in a death grip.
I couldn’t help myself. This sitting around and waiting was killing me. I had to know. I had to see. So I pulled one of the sticks out of the box…and it was faint, but there was definitely a second line on the stick.
The tears that I’d just barely been managing to keep at bay spilled over my cheeks as I attempted to muffle my sobs with my hand, and everyone in the room turned to look at me. Naomi, who was the closest to me, pulled me into a hug and petted my hair.
“Shh,” she whispered. “It’s okay, sweetie. You’re going to be okay.”
“Leave it to Darla to completely disregard our instructions not to look at the damn sticks,” Ashton chuckled weakly as they scooted across the floor to get closer to the bed and put a hand on my arm. “We’ve got you, honey. Just like always. We all know you and Brendan are going to be amazing parents. And you’re not alone.”
“But we’re going to be,” I sobbed. “By the time this baby’s born, you guys are going to be in New York and Chris and Heather will be back in Georgia.”
“We’re not leaving forever. We’ll still come down and visit every chance we get. This little nugget is going to need their Captain Ash to teach it about makeup and clothes and how Jack and Rose could both have fit on that damn door.”
I couldn’t help it. I snorted. Over three years later, and Ashton was still going on about how Jack didn’t have to die in Titanic.
“Captain Ash?” I asked.
“Well, since I have awesome genderfluid superpowers, I’m not an aunt or an uncle, so I’m dubbing myself Captain Ash,” they explained.
“Clearly not influenced by the fact that we’re watching a superhero movie right now,” Kate giggled.
“It’s adorable,” Heather chuckled. “I love it. It’s unique, just like you. And Darla, I’m not going to lie and say the timing doesn’t suck, because it does, but Ash is right. If there were ever two people who were completely meant to be parents, it’s you and Brendan. I’ve known you probably the longest of anyone here, and I’ve seen how amazing you are with Nate.”
“I’ve known you almost as long, and I agree. Plus, you know Auntie Nay is going to spoil this baby rotten, right?” Naomi said, squeezing me a little tighter.
I smiled a little. “Yeah, I know.”
The knot in my stomach twisted even tighter as I thought about what I had to do now. Really, I shouldn’t have even taken this test here, but I knew Brendan would have been freaking out as much as I was, and I’d needed someone to be strong and calm for me while I couldn’t be. I’d figured I could at least wait until I knew for sure one way or the other.
But now I knew, and I couldn’t put it off anymore. I had to tell my fiancé that he was going to be a f
ather.
BRENDAN
I’d just opened the door for the pizza deliveryman when I saw Darla rushing up the stairs to my apartment looking like she’d just seen a ghost. I quickly took the box from the deliveryman and shoved the cash in his palm, then held the door open for Darla.
“Hey,” I said. “What’s wrong?”
“Darla!” Nathan exclaimed from his spot on the couch. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”
Instead of answering either of us, Darla made a quiet gagging sound and then rushed off into the bedroom. Beyond confused, I set the pizza box down on the coffee table and looked at my brother.
“Make sure you wash your hands before you dig in, bud,” I reminded him.
“I know,” he mumbled. “Is Darla okay?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m going to go check on her.”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything, and I sighed and walked into the bedroom. I was immediately greeted by the sounds of my fiancée’s retching and then the toilet flushing.
Oh. My. God.
This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not like this.
I’d known something was going on with her for the past few weeks. She’d been so tired all the time, even though she wasn’t really doing much of anything all day, and she’d gotten a few random bouts of dizziness and vertigo that she’d passed off as just standing up too quickly.
I’d known it, but I’d dismissed it. Because I couldn’t let myself think of what it might mean.
But I couldn’t dismiss it anymore. There was only one reason I could think of why Darla would rush over here when she felt this sick instead of staying in bed at Kate’s house.
“Hey,” she sighed as she walked out of the bathroom. “Sorry about that.”
“You don’t have to apologize for not feeling well, baby,” I said as I walked over and pulled her into my arms. “It’s okay.”
My Vows Are Sealed (Sealed With a Kiss) Page 33