“You’re her. Afterward.”
“Yes.”
“Are we...” He struggles to find the right words. “The same?”
“No,” she says, and her eyes shine as bright as the sun. “We’re better.”
My past self and my current self both watch in awe as Paige opens a portal to the Earth Realm. On the other side is her apartment, filled with books and furniture and the essence of summer. I manage to catch a glimpse of my frozen body still lying on the floor as she steps through and closes the portal behind her.
Back in the tower, my past self turns to the glass casket. I watch as he starts trying to open it. His sense of his own power is so skewed he thinks he can overpower Gaia’s magic with brute force. Millennia alone, as a dragon, will do that to you. It’ll make you feel like you can hold the entire world in the palm of your hand.
But all you’ll ever really have is your power.
“Dea suscitatum,” I say urgently, but he doesn’t hear me.
Outside, Jasper is circling closer and closer to the tower in dragon form, his scales glistening with icicles and hellfrost. His wings are flapping with tremendous power, generating a ferocious blizzard intended to destroy the glass casket.
Gaia needs to awaken now. My past self needs to rouse her and speak the spell that was given to him, and the goddess needs to release herself from the glass casket so she can be sent to another world. So she can become a human named Paige.
But still she remains fast asleep.
My past self is becoming desperate, knowing he needs to wake Gaia but not remembering how. He wants to kiss her one last time. He wants to tell her he’s fucking sorry for abandoning her to become a dragon. For never once letting her know how alone he felt. For hiding the dark side of his true self from her, even when he was in terrible pain. Even when she was the one responsible for it. Because she was responsible for it.
He can’t wake her in the glass casket.
But maybe I can.
I approach the glass casket and lean down to Gaia, my head passing easily through the barrier.
I speak the spell. “Dea suscitatum.”
There’s a terrifying moment where I expect my lips to pass through her body as well, but instead they land on her mouth with a brilliant spark of lightstorm.
I don’t stop to think. I just do it.
I kiss her.
As Gaia’s eyes flutter open and focus on my past self, I can feel the world fading all around me. Even though Paige traveled through time, everything that just happened is what always happened. I don’t remember what comes next, but I know the end result of it. The demigod and goddess speak their spells. They become Aidan and Paige. And they don’t find each other again for a very, very long time. But they’ll love one another for as long as it takes them to get there.
And then cold water hits me in the face, and I wake up.
Chapter Nineteen
Paige
I fall to my knees in my apartment, feeling as if I can’t breathe. My head is aching so intensely I can’t see anything at first, and my body is shivering uncontrollably. Why is it so freaking cold in here? This might actually be worse than when I was in the Winter Realm. Pain is searing through my mind like fire, making me want to scream.
But my lips are frozen together.
I can’t make a sound.
I can’t speak.
When I fought Jasper in the Winter Realm, it was like every book in my library of Gaia’s memories had suddenly been filled. I knew exactly where to go and what to say, as if I’d been given a script for a play that was written long ago. Even when I was in the tower in the Spring Realm, all the answers were ready and waiting for me. It was like I could see everything that had ever happened in all of time.
But now Gaia’s memories are being erased again, and it’s tearing me apart from the inside out. I know it has to happen so I can remain Paige, but this is more painful than anything I’ve ever felt. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
I can’t remember any spells. I can’t remember any potions.
I can’t remember how to save Summer.
Barely clinging to consciousness, I crawl over to Aidan through the moss and books and wildflowers all covered in sparkling frost. Even though I’m on my hands and knees, I’m finding it hard to move at all. Part of me just wants to lie down and sleep for all of eternity, but I’m Paige because I didn’t want to sleep any longer.
I wanted to be with Summer.
When I finally reach Aidan, I unclasp my winter cloak and drape it over his body, trying to warm him even slightly. Tears crystallize on my face as I kiss him with trembling lips. He doesn’t so much as open his eyes, but enough color tinges his skin that I know he’s still alive.
A piece of paper flutters out of the folds of my cloak.
The cursive title catches my eye.
Thawing Potion.
I look down at my hand and slowly unfurl my fingers to reveal a small vial of blood.
A potion to undo harm to the body.
Of course.
With a rush, all my memories come back to me as my pain ebbs away. I no longer have Gaia’s spells or knowledge, but I’m wholly Paige again. I know I’m supposed to make a thawing potion using the recipe and the ingredients Rowan said he’d give to me.
When I search for the portal to the Autumn Realm, it’s gone. But in its place is a leather bag overflowing with glass bottles and paper envelopes and cut leafy herbs that threaten to spill over the sides. Somehow I manage to carry the bag all the way to the kitchen, even though it’s really heavy and bulging in weird places. But I’m finally able to heave it onto the counter, where I smooth out the recipe and read the written instructions.
One. Take rich red wine fermented from winter berries & cast into pot.
Two. Take flesh of peeled clementines born of frost & cast into pot.
Three. Take cloves buried ‘neath a blue fir tree for one hundred years & cast into pot.
Four. Take freshly brewed golden ambrosia of the gods & cast into pot.
Five. Settle pot over flames ‘til boiling, then cast blood of ice god into pot.
Six. Serve forth hot immediately.
I’ve never been good at cooking, especially when compared to Willow, but the recipe seems simple enough. I rummage through the leather bag to find a decanter of red wine and the remaining ingredients: small clementines in a paper bag, spiced cloves in a corked bottle, and a tiny bottle of golden liquid that sparkles brilliantly when I hold it up to the light.
With trembling hands, I add each ingredient to a pot on the stove, trying not to think about what I’ll do if this doesn’t work. At least the aroma seems promising enough: spiced citrus with an undertone of warm, sweet honey. A week ago, I couldn’t have fried an egg without turning it to mush.
But a week ago, I would have laughed in your face if you’d told me magic was real.
When the potion finally boils, I add the ice vial of blood and watch as it melts with a puff of smoke. Then I carefully ladle the steaming liquid into a mug and carry it into the living room, where I kneel down beside Aidan and rest his head in my lap.
Careful not to spill even a drop, I ease the potion down his throat. And then I wait as the temperature slowly rises in the apartment. I wait as the frost gradually melts from his body. I wait and I wait until I think I really will scream.
But even when Aidan is completely thawed, he’s still unconscious.
I watch him for a few more minutes, trying to decide what to do. I could call an ambulance, but then I’d have to explain a lot of other things that would make me sound insane. I could search online for how to wake someone who’s unconscious, but I’m still cold and my hands are shaking so badly I don’t know if I can do anything on my laptop or phone.
Out of desperation, I grab a glass of cold water from the kitchen.
I crouch down beside Aidan and take a deep breath.
“Sorry,” I whisper, and splash it onto his face.
And just like magic, it works.
Aidan jerks awake with a sputtering sound as I scoot back from him, somehow managing to set down the empty glass without shattering it. He turns to look at me, the winter cloak pooling on the floor between us.
The temperature in my apartment increases so rapidly I stop shivering.
“Paige,” Aidan says hoarsely, shaking out droplets of water from his golden hair. “I told you to close the portal to the Autumn Realm. You weren’t supposed to enter it and then travel to the Winter Realm and the Spring Realm as well.”
“How do you even know where I was?” I ask, beyond relieved that his eyes are green again and practically glowing.
“I know everything,” Aidan says, with so much intensity I don’t doubt it for a second. But as if wanting to give me every reason to believe him, he pounces on me in the next instant, his lips crushing mine as we tumble to the floor.
I gasp as his memories flow into me.
Aidan was watching over me in the Winter Realm. In the Spring Realm. My winter cloak allowed him to protect me from frostbite as well as a pack of snow wolves, and he was able to wake Gaia before she burned in the fire.
But he didn’t see everything, did he?
“I rebound Jasper like you said I could,” I whisper. “But he wouldn’t give me his blood unless I bound myself to him. Every winter, I’ll have to go back to his realm.”
Aidan leans down and kisses the curve of my throat. Based on his expression, he wishes I hadn’t bargained for his life. But we both know I paid the price willingly and I’d do it again if I had to. “We can break his spell by force. And if we fail, I’ll go back there with you. Every year.”
“There’s too much hellfrost in the Winter Realm,” I start. “You won’t survive it—”
“Not as long as I’m with you.” As his thumb gently brushes a tear from my face, warmth begins to swell throughout my entire body. “I don’t want to be a dragon just as much as you don’t want to be a goddess. Neither of us wants to be alone. So we’re going to be human together, even if that means risking our lives for each other. I’ll follow you into the Winter Realm. I’ll follow you anywhere.”
“Me?” The words almost hurt to say. “Or Gaia?”
“You.” Aidan kisses my collarbone. “You’re the one who marched into the enemy’s lair for me. You’re the one who sees me and understands who I am. I’m different from Summer because I learned control. You’re different from Gaia because you understand pain. Even when we don’t remember each other, fate itself can’t keep us apart. You and I are fucking inevitable, Paige.”
I feel the impact of every word he says in my flesh and blood, as if they were written in the stars an eternity ago. The war with Jasper isn’t over. Both of us know that.
But for the first time, neither of us cares.
I gasp as my wedding dress magically dissolves under his touch, baring my skin to the warming air. But even though I’m completely naked, I don’t feel cold or exposed at all. Instead electricity is sparking through my veins, and my blood is so charged with anticipation I think I’ve forgotten what realm we’re in.
We’re far past the point of taking things slowly.
Aidan kisses his way across my skin, teasing me with caress after caress until I feel as if I’m fracturing into pieces anyway. His mouth skims down my side, over the curve of my waist, onto the inside of my thigh. His tongue pulses against me right where it aches, with increasing firmness, until the tension becomes almost unbearable.
“Aidan...” I’m practically begging at this point.
He wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me into the air, nuzzling at my throat. And then we’re falling onto my bed together, the stack of books still pushed aside from the last time we had sex. His nose inhales my scent as I find myself breathing in his musk again, the cologne Summer used to always wear in my memories. Our movements are becoming intense and desperate, both of us wanting to feel the other as closely as possible.
Aidan leans down and kisses me passionately. And then he pushes into me, deliberately and tenderly, as if wanting to remember every second of it. Our lips and bodies connect together as if we’ve been permanently joined as one, and even though he’s deep inside me I feel as if he’s all around me. He’s in everything I breathe and everything I see.
He’s in the green moss covering my bed.
The red roses sprouting along the ivy on the walls.
The memories of Summer filling my room.
The raw power and magic streaming between our hearts and sparking into the air all around us.
When we finally climax together, there’s a shattering explosion of magic as wave after wave of pleasure flows through my veins. And something incredible happens in that moment. We expend so much power that for a second it’s like we were never a goddess and a demigod at all. We’re just two humans with no magic other than the simple fact that we would travel to the ends of the earth for each other.
It’s like Aidan said. He and I are inevitable. Not because of fate, but because we made it so. This is us being selfish for the first time in millennia. This is us fighting to be together for as long as we can, with as much love as we can, until the next time Jasper tries to tear us apart.
This is us remembering how to live again.
I gaze up at Aidan, and he smiles down at me with so much joy my heart practically bursts with emotion. No matter who we are, no matter where or when we are, we will always find our way back to each other.
“Again?” he says into my ear.
“Again,” I whisper.
And then I close my eyes, and I lose myself in Summer.
Epilogue
Paige
“Paige?”
I pull the plaid comforter over my head sleepily. Aidan’s voice is gentle but carries with it an undertone of urgency I don’t want to acknowledge right now. If I pretend to be asleep, he might leave and come back with two cups of coffee and a bag of warm croissants. It’s the middle of December and snowing outside, which makes this the perfect morning for staying in bed.
And for other things, too.
But his lips only press against my hair briefly. “I know you’re awake, Paige. I’ll be waiting for you downstairs.”
The mattress rises and falls as Aidan gets out of bed and closes the door behind him. Part of me wants to drift back to sleep, but the sudden silence is too complete. For a second I’m terrified the past few months have only been another dream about Summer.
I sit upright in bed, expecting to see the familiar stack of books next to me, but instead I find another pillow and a crumpled throw blanket. The walls of my bedroom are now lined with wooden shelves that contain the hundreds of books Aidan has given me, all misted with his cologne.
Jasper can’t find me in here.
He can’t even touch me.
But I can’t sleep forever, no matter how badly I want to avoid winter. I reluctantly climb out of bed and get dressed, fastening my winter cloak around my neck. My apartment is no longer covered in moss and other greenery, but there are enough potted plants and flowers to give off a summer vibe without actually revealing the existence of magic. The cabinets are filled with ingredients for potions, even though Willow keeps trying to use them for cocktails, and Aidan’s presence is evident in the traces of lightstorm all around me.
I weave my way through the piles of books and head downstairs to the Dragon’s Tale, trying not to remember what day it is. As I enter the bookstore, Willow rushes over from behind the register and wraps her arms around me, embracing me tightly.
“Aidan’s waiting for the cab outside,” she says to me. “I’m going to miss you, Paige.”
“Not as much as I’ll miss you.” I hug her back, tears forming in my eyes. “Are you going to be okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” she says, laughing. “You’re the one who’s traveling the world for the next three months. Don’t do anything too crazy, okay?”
“I won’t if you wo
n’t.”
“Deal.”
I hate having to lie to my best friend like this, even if it’s for her own good. Willow has never seemed to recognize Aidan as Summer, and I don’t think she’d believe in magic even if it blew up in her face. The story we’ve told her is that Aidan is from Europe and we’re spending the winter backpacking around the continent to visit his friends and family.
But the heartbreaking truth is that we failed. After months of trying to break the spell contained in Jasper’s pomegranate seed, it hasn’t been weakened at all. Aidan and I have brewed so many potions and spoken almost every spell in The Goddess Codex, but nothing has ever seemed to make a difference.
Tonight is the Winter Solstice and the official last day of autumn, and I can already feel it in a deep, visceral way. It’s like the Winter Realm has suddenly started attracting me on a primal level, as if I’ve been transformed into an arctic creature who needs a frigid climate to survive.
If I stay, hellfrost will freeze me to death and even Aidan and all his lightstorm won’t be able to stop it.
“Excuse me, do you have this title in paperback?” A customer is waiting nearby with an exasperated look on his face. His dark hair is a little too messy and his glasses are weirdly smudged, but he’s looking at Willow.
“Go,” I whisper to her. “He’s kind of hot, actually.”
She rolls her eyes, but flushes slightly when she glances over at him. As Willow returns to her seat behind the register, I step outside the bookstore to find myself in a beautiful world of falling snow. Most people would call it dazzling, maybe even breathtaking, but it’s too close to my worst nightmare to be anything other than terrifying.
Every snowflake that lands on my skin burns like fire.
Aidan, who’s waiting for me at the end of the street, greets me with a long hard kiss that practically melts the snow on my body. It takes longer than it should for us to pull apart, because I keep wanting to stay and he keeps letting me.
When we finally separate after an eternity, I can see the portal to the Winter Realm waiting for us at the end of an alley. It’s snowing so steadily on both sides that it’s hard to tell where one world ends and the other begins. The log cabin inside the portal is as far away from Jasper’s ice castle as possible, and hidden deep within a dense forest of pine trees as well.
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