by E. V. White
“No, Alex. Theyʼll fire me if I give you another one of those. Go home, go to sleep,” said the bartender, almost irritated when he asked him for another glass.
“I donʼt want to go home. I have to wait for her. She needs me,” insisted Alex.
“Who are you waiting for? Abigail?” The barman asked curiously.
Alex directed his drunk glance to the bartender and smiled.
“Oh, there’s no need for that. She knocks at my door every night to shag,” he informed.
The bartender looked at him amused. Everyone in there knew about Abigailʼs infatuation with Alex and many had even wondered if they were together. Then, considering the number of girls with whom Alex had had sex in the bathrooms, they soon abandoned the idea.
Matt entered the club and looked around, searching for Alex. The bartender had called him about half an hour before because his friend was literally unable to stand on his two feet, which was unsurprisingly true. When he saw Alex at the bar, he was almost strewn on top of it, an empty glass in his hand and his eyes narrowed. He was pathetic. Matt sighed and walked over to him, taking the stool next to his.
“Hey. How are you doing?” he asked quietly.
“He doesn’t want to refill my glass,” complained Alex.
Matt sighed and smiled. When Alex was too drunk, he became a spoilt child and it was difficult to get anything from him.
“Maybe because he would be fired if he did,” he explained.
Alex looked at him in surprise. For a brief moment, it seemed a semblance of lucidity had appeared in his eyes.
“He told me the same thing. Were you spying on us?” He asked.
“No, I wasnʼt. It’s only logical, Alex, only logical,” he reasoned sadly.
“Thank goodness youʼre here,” said the bartender when he saw him. “I couldn’t take him for another minute,” he added, pointing his finger at Alex.
Matt puffed.
“I know. He’s quite a prat when heʼs pissed,” he agreed.
The bartender nodded and walked away to serve another customer.
“Can we go now?” Matt asked.
“No, I must stay here. I have to wait for her,” Alex argued.
“Wait for whom?” His friend urged curiously.
The drunk version of Alex had the power to entangle himself in the worst paranoia. Matt would not be surprised to find out that the person he was waiting for was actually some movie character or someone who came straight from his imagination.
“Emily...I think,” he said doubtfully.
“You think?” Matt asked, smirking.
“Yes,” Alex managed to say.
Matt helped him to stand up and leave the club. He was really drunk. They walked towards the park in the middle of the square and Alex began to behave like a psychopath. He clung to the fence and started looking desperately for something. Matt was confused by his behaviour, to say the least.
“What are you looking for?” He wanted to know.
Alex did not answer and began to panic.
“What have you lost? Did you lose something?” Matt asked concerned.
“Do you see her?” he cried.
“See who, Alex? Who should be there? The park is closed right now and there is no one in there,” he said pretty scared.
It was the first time he saw Alex so shaken by something. In the past recent years, it seemed that nothing could affect him but, at that moment, he had completely lost his mind. Matt started to worry seriously.
“Alex, calm down. There is no one in there, believe me,” he assured him, or at least, he thought he did.
“I know there is nobody in there. Where is she? She must be freezing somewhere or screwing that asshole over there,” he said pointing to one of the houses that overlooked the square.
“Okay, listen. Alex, please listen to me,” Matt tried to calm him down.
His friend tried jumping over the gate and Matt laboured to keep him down. Alcohol was completely clouding his brain and his ability to reason, so Matt did the only thing he thought would calm him down: he hit him on the face with his fist, knocking him to the ground on the pavement.
“Alex, calm down. Letʼs go home. You can look for her tomorrow, when youʼre sober,” he said in a serious tone.
Alex looked at him completely dazed. He let Matt help him stand on his feet and followed him to the tube station.
Emily was awakened by the voices that came from Hoxton Square. Holed up in a basement that has now sheltered her for some days, she heard two guys yelling, or better yet, one talking and the other mumbling words, completely drunk. She was not able to understand the point of their discussion but she recalled the nights when her stepfather was drunk, as always, and found any small excuse to start a fight. It often ended up with her getting a good hiding in an attempt to defend her younger, crying sister and with her mother systematically kicked by the man who terrorized them.
She had never understood why their mother had never thrown him out or taken her daughters and left. She always found a way to legitimize his behaviour, his fits of rage, his lies, his actions. It was one thing that she could never forgive her for, although she knew that raising two daughters by herself would not have been easy for her mother to do. Yet, it was not enough of an excuse to let the three of them live in that kind of hell. She continued to justify the fact by saying that Hannah was his biological daughter and she could not have taken her away from him, but Emily knew that any judge with some integrity would have declared otherwise. Maybe she really loved the man and this would have explained why her two daughters were eclipsed by him.
Emily could not help but be afraid of that man. Rationally speaking, she knew the man screaming was not her stepfather and that by staying in that basement no one would have found her but still, she could not help but be terrified by the scene. She covered her ears, shut her eyes so tightly that it hurt and waited until it was over. Luckily, for her, sleep prevailed sooner than expected.
Matt helped Alex find his keys in his pocket and opened the door. His flat was a mess, worse than the last time he was there. Several pieces of paper were scattered on the floor of the living room and glasses were stacked on the coffee table in the middle of the room. Alex walked over to the couch and sat down. Matt came over and began to take off his shoes.
“What are you doing?” Alex asked mumbling the words.
“You need to go to bed. Iʼm helping you,” Matt grumbled in exasperation.
Alex nodded and continued staring at him emotionless. Matt finished taking off his shoes and helped him get up off the couch by taking his arm and pulling him. Alex lost his balance and collapsed on Matt who caught him. He helped him walk to the bedroom.
The room was completely different. It was clean and perfectly tidy. It seemed that no one had ever lived there.
“Do you ever sleep in here?” Matt wondered, more to himself than to Alex.
His friend looked at him and smiled.
“Sometimes,” he replied.
Matt lifted the duvet, helped him in to bed and covered him. Alex fell asleep almost immediately. Matt looked at him and sighed. He was worried. Alex was completely out of control and he had no idea how to help him. He knew his friend had too many problems to face alone but did not know how to rescue him. Matt turned and was about to leave the room when Alex woke up and called after him.
“Do you think I will ever find her?” He urged, his voice thick with sleep and alcohol.
“I hope so,” he responded without even turning back to look at him and left the room.
Matt went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Half a bottle of ketchup and a piece of dried lemon. He sighed loudly, took Alexʼs keys and left through the front door heading for a grocery store to buy some provisions.
*
Emily opened her eyes and a sigh of disappointment escaped her lips when she noticed that it was raining. The piece of clothing that the tourist had given her had kept away most of the water but some of it had no
w penetrated through the fabric and drenched her sweatshirt, freezing it. If she had the money she would have definitely moved on to a place where it was raining less but at that moment she did not even have any loose change to buy food, let alone have a passport or an ID. She was a nobody trapped in a city where she was invisible. That thought brought back to mind that she had spent her last money on Bobby, had nearly finished her oxycodone and was so hungry she could not even stand on her feet.
She got up, put the wet cloth inside the plastic bag that kept what little belongings she had and struggled going up the stairs to arrive to Hoxton Square, which was more deserted than usual because of the rain. She walked up to one of the bins and started looking for something to eat. She did not care if it was edible or not, it was enough simply to be able to fill the huge hole that was her stomach at that moment. She found a Starbucks cup with some liquid inside. She opened it to check that there was nothing inside that would send her to the hospital. A cold latte, apparently that’s what it was. She drank it down in one gulp and was surprised when she discovered that it wasnʼt that bad. Had it been warmer, she would have slowly sipped it with pleasure.
She tossed the paper cup and continued her search through all the other bins in the square. Generally, in the morning, people had no time to finish their breakfast and simply threw what they didn’t have the time to eat or drink, just as with that latte. She almost felt lucky to be living in a society that paid so little attention to waste.
Alex get off the tube at Old Street station. He knew exactly why he was there: to find Emily. The only thing he did not know was why he was looking for her. She was just a random homeless person, one among many others you could find around London. He ran across them every single day of his life and had never been so interested in them. Why her? Why was she so important to him? He could not explain it. Perhaps because she had never asked for his help or had never begged for his charity. The only thing he knew was that he was going out of his mind because of her and that was a dangerous thing for him. He already had too much to deal with and could not afford to burden himself with other peopleʼs problems too.
He walked quickly toward the square. His leather jacket and hat were protecting him from the cold rain that was drenching London. He scanned every face with brown eyes. Every step he took towards the park was making him more and more nervous and anxious. He wondered if he would find her there or if she had permanently changed area. He only had to glance in the middle of the park, empty because of the rain, to see her, scavenging. He stopped and watched her. Emily opened a filthy bag, took a piece of a sandwich and ate it.
Alex was petrified. Until then, he did not realised how wretched the girl’s situation was. No house, no food and probably no one looking for her. He felt as if someone had just punched him in the stomach. At that moment, he realised that following his instincts was the right thing to do. He did not know why her among all the poor people living in London, but she made an impact on him and he felt that it was only right to react.
Alex turned a few feet back; he entered a fast food place and ordered one of the largest menu on the list. The girl who took the order from behind the counter looked at him and smiled timidly.
“Are you the lead singer of The Cotton Buds?” She asked him.
He smiled, making her melt on the spot. It was something he did not plan on, it was not deliberate, he just smiled and the world around him lit up.
“Sure am, love,” he replied.
“I love your songs! The lyrics are so intense,” she squealed.
Alex smiled even more and leaned slightly over the bar, getting closer to her.
“Weʼll be doing a gig in a few days at the Underbelly. You should come,” he whispered making her blush even more than before.
A lad behind the counter aroused their attention, startling her. He spoke to her and pointed to the paper bag containing the order, ready on the shelf behind them. The girl awoke from her trance and looked at the cash register.
“Fifteen pounds and seventy cents,” she smiled.
Alex pulled out his wallet and peered inside to take the money out. Five pounds, he only had five pounds.
“Shit!” He cursed embarrassed.
The girl lovingly looked at him then turned around to make sure no one could see.
“Don’t worry, Iʼll take care of it,” she smiled typing something on the monitor in front of her.
“Thanks,” Alex muttered.
That was the first time he was not able to pay for a meal and felt completely embarrassed and uncomfortable. She handed him the paper bag and smiled.
“Iʼll see you at the show,” she flirted.
Alex looked at her and flashed his best fetching smile, which indeed was premeditated.
“Canʼt wait, angel,” he said before leaving.
Alex walked hurriedly towards Hoxton Square. The awkward feeling of shame he had felt inside the fast food restaurant did not disappear but one look at Emily was sufficient to forget his humiliation. He walked unsteadily, as if he was afraid to disturb her, and reached her, silently stretching the paper bag towards the girl. He noticed a look of bewilderment in her eyes as if she did not recognise him. Then she met his gaze and some form of comprehension appeared on her face, followed by fatigue and probably by hunger as well.
“What do you want?” She demanded in a curt tone.
“For you,” he answered somewhat faltering, the other hand tucked inside his trouser pocket.
Emily looked at the paper bag, then turned her eyes back at him, and then again at the bag. She did not touch it; she only kept staring at him as if she did not understand why he was paying so much attention to her. Clearly, she was used to being ignored and nobody had probably ever offered her anything.
“Go away,” she finally said brusquely.
Alex was surprised and a bit offended by her reaction. Buying that meal had made him feel mortified and yet she, stubbornly, was refusing it. On the other hand, though, she could not have possibly known what had taken place a moment ago so Alex should not really get angry with her. As a result, he just swallowed his pride and insisted.
“Take it, please,” he smiled.
Emily looked at him again, then turned and went back to scavenging. Alex stared at her piqued: he was tired of begging her.
“You know what? Do whatever you want,” he uttered leaving the bag on the bench and walking away.
Emily stiffened a bit when she heard those words. She was not planning on making him angry, but she had some trouble trusting people. People were nice to her only when they wanted something in return. He, however, did not ask her for anything. He just gave her the bag. Maybe he was simply really kind. Those eyes that made her feel stripped of everything when he looked at her seemed sincere. Those same eyes that were worried and confused a few nights back when he pulled her out of a situation to which she did not want to own up.
She sat on the bench and watched him head to the club across the street. She took the paper bag. It smelled quite good. She opened it hesitantly, glancing occasionally at the lad’s direction. She looked inside and found a complete meal. A sandwich, some chicken nuggets with chips and a drink. She could not believe her eyes. She raised her head and stared at the blond lad’s back. He had saved her day, for sure.
Emily was so busy biting into the sandwich that she did not realise the lad had turned back to look at her before entering the club. He was smiling but she did not notice.
*
Alex was locked up in the same bathroom the night of the concert with a different girl. A brunette with a thin waist and long legs. Her trousers were on the floor, along with her underwear. He was fucking her from behind while somehow trying to keep straight because the alcohol in his body was making him wobble.
“Is everything fine?” The girl asked him when they had finished.
“Yes,” he nodded hesitantly.
She looked at him as she pulled on her trousers.
“It doesnʼt seem so,
” she remarked as she straightened herself up.
He mischievously smiled, adjusting his skinny black jeans before leaving the bathroom. She was right, he was not well, but at least he could still walk on his own legs and that was already a major step forward, given the events of the previous evening.
Matt was at the bar of the Underbelly with Jaden and Jordan.
“Where have you been?” He asked Alex as he approached them.
Alex chuckled and pointed his gaze towards the bathroom door. Matt followed the same direction and noticed the girl coming out of the very door his friend had just exited.
“Youʼll get some disease one day, you know that?” He commented worried.
“Safe sex, my friend, only safe sex. Do I really have to teach you everything?” He teased.
A chap sitting near them turned to Alex and looked him straight in the eye, glaring at him without stopping for a second. Matt started to feel uneasy. The chap was looking at his friend as if he had some unfinished business with him.
“What do you want?” Alex asked.
The fellow turned without saying a word.
“Idiot,” Alex let out between his teeth before grabbing his jacket and leaving through the front door.
“Where are you going?” Matt demanded before he disappeared.
“To have a quick fag. Jesus Christ, will you stop hounding me?” Alex snapped.
Matt gave a look that was partly worried and partly annoyed by his behaviour.
Alex was lighting a cigarette in the alley next to the club when three lads approached him. He recognised the one who had stared at him. He did not have time to take the first shot because the chap immediately hit him with a punch in the face, knocking him to the ground. He barely had time to curl up and wrap his arms around his head when the three of them began kicking his stomach, back and legs. The pain he felt was so intense that he did not even have the strength to cry out. It happened so quickly the only thing he was able to think of was the pain he felt. The three hooligans continued punching him. He was curled up on the pavement, with his hands above his head, hoping it would finish soon, very soon. He was losing consciousness and could no longer feel his own body.