by E. V. White
Their kiss lasted for some time and Emilyʼs fingers gently slipped into his hair, making him shiver down through his spine. When the trance ended, she got up to sit on his lap, her legs strewn on one side and the other. Their hips did not touch; there was nothing sexual with the approach, only the need to be closer. He continued to kiss her each time he had the occasion, tracing the silhouette of her back with his fingers.
He untied her coat and let it drop to the floor. With his fingers, he stroked the thin fabric of her shirt, he could feel the protruding bones of her spine and her ribs; she had come a long way but still had a lot to do before having a life that could be defined as normal. He made his way under her shirt with his fingers as he kissed her, but stopped before going further.
“Are you sure?” He whispered, looking straight in those big brown eyes of hers.
She nodded and went back to kissing him; Alex explored her skin gently, almost hesitantly, but without taking off her shirt. They made love for the first time without completely undressing, taking the time to get to know one another little by little. Neither of them was ready to bare his or her wounds, to show the other the marks their lives had left. They allowed themselves the only indulgence of sleeping huddled in the each other’s arms to make certain neither one slipped away.
*
Emily opened her eyes when dawn broke. She took a moment to establish that she was in Alexʼs room. Bit by bit, her mind recalled the moments of the night before, which made her smile. She turned to him; he was still sleeping. He looked so innocent in his sleep. She had never stopped to look at him carefully, but now that she had, she took a moment to enjoy his beauty. His face had almost angelic traits that she had never noticed because she always got lost in those big blue eyes that usually caught her full attention.
She slightly rose to look at the alarm clock on the bedside table. There was enough time to have a shower, have breakfast and go to work. She was glad that her grandmother persuaded her to accept Alexʼs invitation. She had not yet decided to live with him because she needed to do things slowly, but she was happy to have overcome her fears and returned to him.
She got up, trying not to wake him, and went to the bathroom quickly, slipping under a hot shower. She conceded herself a few minutes to appreciate the pleasant sensation of the water running over her skin. She came out, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her shoulders; it smelled of soap and aftershave, it smelled of Alex, of home. She smiled and buried her face into the fabric, slightly blushing with embarrassment recalling the night before.
She dropped the towel on the floor and the mirror showed an image of her that made her smile disappear a little. With one hand, she touched her still visible ribs, far too evident for what she had been accustomed to. She was glad Alex did not have her take her clothes off in front of him. She was not ready to share that part of her life with anyone since she herself was not able to cope with it fully.
She finished getting dressed and left the room, but instead of heading towards the bedroom, she followed the smell coming from the kitchen and saw Alex by the cooker.
Alex was making breakfast for Emily. When he woke up and saw that she was not in bed he immediately became worried thinking that she had left in the middle of the night so he got up, but then heard the sound of the shower and relaxed.
He was struggling to make scrambled eggs when two slender arms wrapped around his waist. He turned and found those two large dark eyes gazing at him.
“So you do know how to cook,” she exclaimed.
Alex smiled.
“Only scrambled eggs,” he admitted.
Emily chuckled then began to help him with the pots. He liked it when she fluttered around in the kitchen. It was something he had never experienced in his life and he had to admit he was starting to like it.
They ate in comforting silence as they were used to doing. Emily broke the silence only when she checked the time and realised it was late.
“I have to run to the bakery,” she informed him.
“I’m playing at the Underbelly in Hoxton Square tonight, would you like to come?” He asked her. “If you prefer not to go back to that place again, itʼs okay, I understand,” he hastened to add when he remembered it was where she had spent most of her nights out in the streets.
Emily silenced him, kissing him gently on the lips.
“I’d love to,” she whispered close to his mouth.
Alex smiled and kissed her again, then watched her leave and go to work. He found himself thinking that if this was real life, it was fine with him. Honestly, he could even venture to say that he was happy.
When he snapped out of his trance, he went to the sofa, took a pen, some paper and a guitar and started writing a song that was forcing its way out of his mind since early that morning. He did nothing to have it come to mind; he just woke up and found it there, coming from his heart straight to the brain.
Alex showed up at Mattʼs house and rang the doorbell. His friend opened the door and let him in. When he entered the house, he saw that the boy was working on a song, but was not quite succeeding at it, given the sheets of paper scattered everywhere.
“Forget your song, I have one,” Alex announced, earning Mattʼs full attention.
“Let me hear it,” he said, handing him the guitar.
Alex smiled.
“No, you’ve got to trust me on this,” he stated. “You’ve got to trust me, you’ve got to accept that Emily’s in my life and you’ve got to give me fifteen thousand pounds that I’ll repay as soon as I can,” he added.
Matt looked at him with wide eyes, looking at him as if he was insane.
“Iʼm not joking,” Alex continued with a half-smile.
Matt got up, walked over to him and gave him a slap on the nape.
“Hey! What was that about?” He asked, rubbing his head.
“I believe that was the least stupid thing that’s happened in the last five minutes here,” his friend said. “Okay for trusting you, I’ve never found fault with any of the songs,” he began. “Okay for Emily, I don’t understand what you see in a junkie but I’m sincerely tired of talking about it,” he went on. “But fifteen thousand pounds? What do you need it for?” He demanded.
“I canʼt tell you what I need it for, but I can guarantee that Iʼll pay you back... in time,” Alex explained.
Matt looked at him again and when he headed towards him, Alex walked away, mindful of the smack given him earlier.
“You can’t come here and ask for such an outrageous amount of money without one iota of an explanation,” expressed Matt in disbelief.
“Look, hereʼs what weʼll do. If you promise not to force me to tell you, youʼll get them all back, otherwise you’ll lose everything,” Alex proposed.
His friend looked at him increasingly bewildered.
“What kind of a fucking proposition is that? You know, normally you offer something in return when you ask someone else to accept your request. While here, thereʼs nothing in it for me,” he said
“First of all: do I look like a normal person to you? And second, if you don’t bugger me about it, youʼll see the money again. Thatʼs whatʼs in it for you,” he stated simply.
Matt rolled his eyes and shrugged.
“Look, I donʼt want to know anything. If you donʼt give it back, Iʼll break your legs,” he told him and went to get his chequebook.
Matt signed the cheque and handed it to his friend who then headed for the door.
“Another thing,” added Alex. “Call Christopher and tell him to show up tonight,” he instructed his friend before disappearing again behind the door.
Alex stood in front of the thick wooden door that has witnessed his presence twice within a short space of time. This time, however, contrary to the previous time he had presented himself, he was not afraid. He rang the doorbell and when Edward opened the door, a broad smile radiated on the boyʼs face, which was one of his most genuine acts ever.
“Mr. Williams,” the man exclaimed in su
rprise.
“I have to talk to my mother and no, she’s not expecting me,” he anticipated without changing expression.
The man let him in and left him alone in the hall as he went to call his mistress. A few minutes later, far less time than previously, the woman appeared on the stairs, impeccable as always.
“Alexander Gregory Williams, do you need more money?” She asked before Edward had the time to vanish.
“No, Edward, please stay,” Alex said when he saw that the man trying to get away.
The butler stood in the middle of the corridor, uncertain of what to do. He looked at his mistress for instructions but she was too busy giving her son a fierce glare to notice him.
“No, mother,” Alex began. “Actually, I’m here to give you back the fifteen thousand pounds you had lent me. I also had the foresight to bring notes so you canʼt tear the cheque or find some other way for me not to pay you back. Do as you please. Burn them, give them away, use them as bath salts, I donʼt care,” he said before moving his gaze to Edward.
Alex approached the man and hugged him. He felt him stiffen under his grip but then felt him relax to reciprocate his hug with affection.
“Edward, youʼre the only person, besides my grandfather and my sister, who I really cared about. I donʼt think weʼll ever see each other again. I just wanted you to know that,” he said sincerely.
The man looked back at him with much affection and emotion. He was not able to say anything, but Alex knew that he felt the same. He read it in his face.
The boy turned, not even looking at his mother, and walked out the front door with a smile, his heart was so light that it almost felt like he was floating on air.
*
Alex peered from behind the red curtain at the Underbelly. He was nervous like he had never been before. Matt put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around towards him.
“Calm down. Itʼs nothing you havenʼt already done hundreds of times,” he tried to reassure him.
“You do remember how it went the first time I was sober, right?” He asked.
Matt smiled.
“Better than the last time you were drunk,” he remarked.
Alex thought about it. The last time he played while he was drunk, he could not even remember how he got off the stage. He looked at his watch and saw it was time to begin.
“Do you trust me?” He asked.
Matt nodded.
“Always,” he confirmed.
Alex took the stage followed by the others, grabbed his acoustic guitar, looked for those big brown eyes that made him feel at home in the crowd and, when he found them, started to play their song.
Lights go down
You try not to make a sound
Hearts collide
We still have plenty of time
Iʼm like a child, a boy young man of 23
And I believe in us ʼcause you believe in me
Believe in me
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But Iʼll wait for you come this summer
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But Iʼll wait for you come this summer
Lights go down
We try to not make a sound
Hearts collide
I still have plenty of time
Iʼm like a child, a boy, young man of 23
And I believe in us ʼcause you believe in me
Believe in me
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But Iʼll wait for you come this summer
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But Iʼll wait for you come this summer
So come close, and Iʼll scream
Oh just let me be me
And I fail to see
The dark skies arenʼt all that dwell inside me
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But Iʼll wait for you come this summer
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But Iʼll wait for come this summer
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But Iʼll wait for come this summer
And Iʼll wait for you in the dark
Arms outstretched comforting lover
My bones may be falling apart
But youʼll help put me back together
After the concert, Alex got off the stage first, went to Emily and kissed her tenderly on the lips.
“You were wonderful,” she exclaimed.
“It was all about the lights,” Alex cracked.
Emily kissed him again.
“So thatʼs why you were so grand tonight,” Jaden hazarded once he joined them.
Alex chuckled.
“Not in front of her, please! Do I always have to explain everything to you?” He teased him, resting an arm on his shoulder and reaching the others who had just stopped Christopher at the bar.
“Well, then?” He asked the man.
The talent manager studied him for a few seconds with a straight face. Alexʼs determination and enthusiasm died a bit more with each passing second. Then the man pulled out a bundle of papers out of his briefcase and handed it to the boy.
“Sign it… before I change my mind,” he insisted, patting his shoulder laughing and leaving the club.
Alex, Matt, Jaden and Jordan looked incredulous, unable to move. Emily was the only one steady enough to snatch the bundle of papers from his hand and read it.
“So? Shall we celebrate the contract?” She asked the four boys, still dazed.
The joy that exploded among them was overwhelming.
Alex, Matt, Jordan and Jaden were sitting on the sofas of the recording studio. The journalist in front of them was frantically flipping through his notes then raised his head and turned to Alex.
“So, how does it feel to be on the cover of Rolling Stone?” He asked.
Alex laughed.
“I don’t know; it hasn’t come out yet. You’re the only one here who’s seen it. You tell me, how is it?” He replied.
Everybody burst into laughter.
“Seriously,” Alex continued. “Five years ago we were playing in local London clubs. Now we’re on world tours and end up on major magazine covers. I would say that it’s like a five-year long orgasm.”
They all laughed again.
“Indeed, you have forged ahead quickly enough, success was immediate and you’ve been constantly at the top of the charts for the last five years, it must be rewarding. How do you live it? How has your life changed?” The journalist posed.
“Mine hasn’t changed much, I was living like a rock star before, but without any money,” Alex chuckled.
“Actually, among us you’re the one who lives less like a rock star right now,” Jaden cleared up.
“True,” the journalist said. “You’re the only one who’s got a partner and a daughter, Audrey. How do you balance these two lives of yours?” He inquired.
Alex smiled, one of those smiles that only a father speaking of his daughter can have.
“Emily and Audrey are fantastic; they participate in my life as a wanderer, like it’s a great adventure. The world is their oyster,” he explained.
“But, you’ve also received a lot of criticism in this regard. Many people believe that a child should have a stable environment that surrounds her in order to grow up properly. How do you respond to such criticism?” The
journalist probed.
“If by stable environment they mean that a family has to wait at home for a father and partner to return once every six months, I say they should reconsider their concept of stability. But, if they mean a united family that enjoys every single moment they have together, I say from this point of view we are stable to death,” he responded smiling. “As a child I would have done anything to have been able to spend some time with my father. I don’t want to deny such a thing to my daughter,” he added.
“Matt, now you. I know you and Alex have at stake a matter of money. Fifteen thousand pounds, if I’m not mistaken,” the journalist said.
“No, please, not the mystery of the ghost lock box again! It’s been haunting us for five years,” jumped in Jordan faking despair and making everyone laugh.
“There’s nothing to explain,” Matt answered.
“But in the end, did he pay it back or not?” The journalist insisted.
“I won’t take the money unless he tells me how he used it and he won’t give it back if I force him to tell me why,” Matt explained. “I’d say we’re quite certain I won’t be seeing a quid,” he added.
“That’s not true. Sooner or later you’ll give up and I’ll have to give it back,” Alex predicted.
They all laughed again and the interview went on for a good part of the afternoon in leisure, exploring that rock star life that Matt and Alex had dreamed of ever since they started playing in the garage of Jaden’s house and how the boy’s mother lambasted them because they were making too much noise. They had always promised themselves never to reveal in interviews that less edifying part at the start of their career, but that day they were too relaxed, too comfortable not to let some small secrets out. After all, even those trying moments helped fuel their Cinderella-like story as musicians.
Acknowledgments
The acknowledgments in this novel are very easy for me to write. First of all, I want to thank Ilaria for her precious help. Without her, I would not have made it on time, and above all, I would not have overcome the moments where everything I was writing seemed horrible to me. I thank her for her enthusiasm, hard work, and dedication, even if we have not known each other for a long time.
Also, Marlet has a special spot on this page because she never stopped to cheer for me since she read this novel the first time.