“Are you sure?” suddenly exclaimed Feversham.
“Yes. Why?” asked Ethne, turning her face towards him for the first time since she had sat down.
“Lieutenant Sutch was at Suakin while I was at Omdurman. He knew that I was a prisoner there. He sent messages to me, he tried to organise my escape.”
Ethne was startled.
“Oh,” she said, “Colonel Durrance certainly knew that you were in Omdurman. He saw you in Wadi Halfa, and he heard that you had gone south into the desert. He was distressed about it; he asked a friend to get news of you, and the friend got news that you were in Omdurman. He told me so himself, and — yes, he told me that he would try to arrange for your escape. No doubt he has done that through Lieutenant Sutch. He has been at Wiesbaden with an oculist; he only returned a week ago. Otherwise he would have told me about it. Very likely he was the reason why Lieutenant Sutch was at Suakin, but he knows nothing of the four feathers. He only knows that our engagement was abruptly broken off; he believes that I have no longer any thought of you at all. But if you come back, if you and I saw anything of each other, however calmly we met, however indifferently we spoke, he would guess. He is so quick he would be sure to guess.” She paused for a moment, and added in a whisper, “And he would guess right.”
Feversham saw the blood flush her forehead and deepen the colour of her cheeks. He did not move from his position, he did not bend towards her, or even in voice give any sign which would make this leave-taking yet more difficult to carry through.
“Yes, I see,” he said. “And he must not guess.”
“No, he must not,” returned Ethne. “I am so glad you see that too, Harry. The straight and simple thing is the only thing for us to do. He must never guess, for, as you said, he has nothing left but me.”
“Is Durrance here?” asked Feversham.
“He is staying at the vicarage.”
“Very well,” he said. “It is only fair that I should tell you I had no thought that you would wait. I had no wish that you should; I had no right to such a wish. When you gave me that fourth feather in the little room at Ramelton, with the music coming faintly through the door, I understood your meaning. There was to be a complete, an irrevocable end. We were not to be the merest acquaintances. So I said nothing to you of the plan which came clear and definite into my mind at the very time when you gave me the feathers. You see, I might never have succeeded. I might have died trying to succeed. I might even perhaps have shirked the attempt. It would be time enough for me to speak if I came back. So I never formed any wish that you should wait.”
“That was what Colonel Trench told me.”
“I told him that too?”
“On your first night in the House of Stone.”
“Well, it’s just the truth. The most I hoped for — and I did hope for that every hour of every day — was that, if I did come home, you would take back your feather, and that we might — not renew our friendship here, but see something of one another afterwards.”
“Yes,” said Ethne. “Then there will be no parting.”
Ethne spoke very simply, without even a sigh, but she looked at Harry Feversham as she spoke and smiled. The look and the smile told him what the cost of the separation would be to her. And, understanding what it meant now, he understood, with an infinitely greater completeness than he had ever reached in his lonely communings, what it must have meant six years ago when she was left with her pride stricken as sorely as her heart.
“What trouble you must have gone through!” he cried, and she turned and looked him over.
“Not I alone,” she said gently. “I passed no nights in the House of Stone.”
“But it was my fault. Do you remember what you said when the morning came through the blinds? ‘It’s not right that one should suffer so much pain.’ It was not right.”
“I had forgotten the words — oh, a long time since — until Colonel Trench reminded me. I should never have spoken them. When I did I was not thinking they would live so in your thoughts. I am sorry that I spoke them.”
“Oh, they were just enough. I never blamed you for them,” said Feversham, with a laugh. “I used to think that they would be the last words I should hear when I turned my face to the wall. But you have given me others to-day wherewith to replace them.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
There was nothing more to be said, and Feversham wondered why Ethne did not rise from her seat in the pew. It did not occur to him to talk of his travels or adventures. The occasion seemed too serious, too vital. They were together to decide the most solemn issue in their lives. Once the decision was made, as now it had been made, he felt that they could hardly talk on other topics. Ethne, however, still kept him at her side. Though she sat so calmly and still, though her face was quiet in its look of gravity, her heart ached with longing. Just for a little longer, she pleaded to herself. The sunlight was withdrawing from the walls of the church. She measured out a space upon the walls where it still glowed bright. When all that space was cold grey stone, she would send Harry Feversham away.
“I am glad that you escaped from Omdurman without the help of Lieutenant Sutch or Colonel Durrance. I wanted so much that everything should be done by you alone without anybody’s help or interference,” she said, and after she had spoken there followed a silence. Once or twice she looked towards the wall, and each time she saw the space of golden light narrowed, and knew that her minutes were running out. “You suffered horribly at Dongola,” she said in a low voice. “Colonel Trench told me.”
“What does it matter now?” Feversham answered. “That time seems rather far away to me.”
“Had you anything of mine with you?”
“I had your white feather.”
“But anything else? Any little thing which I had given you in the other days?”
“Nothing.”
“I had your photograph,” she said. “I kept it.”
Feversham suddenly leaned down towards her.
“You did!”
Ethne nodded her head.
“Yes. The moment I went upstairs that night I packed up your presents and addressed them to your rooms.”
“Yes, I got them in London.”
“But I put your photograph aside first of all to keep. I burnt all your letters after I had addressed the parcel and taken it down to the hall to be sent away. I had just finished burning your letters when I heard your step upon the gravel in the early morning underneath my windows. But I had already put your photograph aside. I have it now. I shall keep it and the feathers together.” She added after a moment: —
“I rather wish that you had had something of mine with you all the time.”
“I had no right to anything,” said Feversham.
There was still a narrow slip of gold upon the grey space of stone.
“What will you do now?” she asked.
“I shall go home first and see my father. It will depend upon the way we meet.”
“You will let Colonel Durrance know. I would like to hear about it.”
“Yes, I will write to Durrance.”
The slip of gold was gone, the clear light of a summer evening filled the church, a light without radiance or any colour.
“I shall not see you for a long while,” said Ethne, and for the first time her voice broke in a sob. “I shall not have a letter from you again.”
She leaned a little forward and bent her head, for the tears had gathered in her eyes. But she rose up bravely from her seat, and together they went out of the church side by side. She leaned towards him as they walked so that they touched.
Feversham untied his horse and mounted it. As his foot touched the stirrup Ethne caught her dog close to her.
“Good-bye,” she said. She did not now even try to smile, she held out her hand to him. He took it and bent down from his saddle close to her. She kept her eyes steadily upon him though the tears brimmed in them.
“Good-bye,” he said. H
e held her hand just for a little while, and then releasing it, rode down the hill. He rode for a hundred yards, stopped and looked back. Ethne had stopped, too, and with this space between them and their faces towards one another they remained. Ethne made no sign of recognition or farewell. She just stood and looked. Then she turned away and went up the village street towards her house alone and very slowly. Feversham watched her till she went in at the gate, but she became dim and blurred to his vision before even she had reached it. He was able to see, however, that she did not look back again.
He rode down the hill. The bad thing which he had done so long ago was not even by his six years of labour to be destroyed. It was still to live, its consequence was to be sorrow till the end of life for another than himself. That she took the sorrow bravely and without complaint, doing the straight and simple thing as her loyal nature bade her, did not diminish Harry Feversham’s remorse. On the contrary it taught him yet more clearly that she least of all deserved unhappiness. The harm was irreparable. Other women might have forgotten, but not she. For Ethne was of those who neither lightly feel nor lightly forget, and if they love cannot love with half a heart. She would be alone now, he knew, in spite of her marriage, alone up to the very end and at the actual moment of death.
CHAPTER XXXIII
ETHNE AGAIN PLAYS THE MUSOLINE OVERTURE
THE INCREDIBLE WORDS were spoken that evening. Ethne went into her farm-house and sat down in the parlour. She felt cold that summer evening and had the fire lighted. She sat gazing into the bright coals with that stillness of attitude which was a sure sign with her of tense emotion. The moment so eagerly looked for had come, and it was over. She was alone now in her remote little village, out of the world in the hills, and more alone than she had been since Willoughby sailed on that August morning down the Salcombe estuary. From the time of Willoughby’s coming she had looked forward night and day to the one half-hour during which Harry Feversham would be with her. The half-hour had come and passed. She knew now how she had counted upon its coming, how she had lived for it. She felt lonely in a rather empty world. But it was part of her nature that she had foreseen this sense of loneliness; she had known that there would be a bad hour for her after she had sent Harry Feversham away, that all her heart and soul would clamour to her to call him back. And she forced herself, as she sat shivering by the fire, to remember that she had always foreseen and had always looked beyond it. To-morrow she would know again that they had not parted forever, to-morrow she would compare the parting of to-day with the parting on the night of the ball at Lennon House, and recognise what a small thing this was to that. She fell to wondering what Harry Feversham would do now that he had returned, and while she was building up for him a future of great distinction she felt Dermod’s old collie dog nuzzling at her hand with his sure instinct that his mistress was in distress. Ethne rose from her chair and took the dog’s head between her hands and kissed it. He was very old, she thought; he would die soon and leave her, and then there would be years and years, perhaps, before she lay down in her bed and knew the great moment was at hand.
There came a knock upon the door, and a servant told her that Colonel Durrance was waiting.
“Yes,” she said, and as he entered the room she went forward to meet him. She did not shirk the part which she had allotted to herself. She stepped out from the secret chamber of her grief as soon as she was summoned.
She talked with her visitor as though no unusual thing had happened an hour before, she even talked of their marriage and the rebuilding of Lennon House. It was difficult, but she had grown used to difficulties. Only that night Durrance made her path a little harder to tread. He asked her, after the maid had brought in the tea, to play to him the Musoline Overture upon her violin.
“Not to-night,” said Ethne. “I am rather tired.” And she had hardly spoken before she changed her mind. Ethne was determined that in the small things as well as in the great she must not shirk. The small things with their daily happenings were just those about which she must be most careful. “Still I think that I can play the overture,” she said with a smile, and she took down her violin. She played the overture through from the beginning to the end. Durrance stood at the window with his back towards her until she had ended. Then he walked to her side.
“I was rather a brute,” he said quietly, “to ask you to play that overture to-night.”
“I wasn’t anxious to play,” she answered as she laid the violin aside.
“I know. But I was anxious to find out something, and I knew no other way of finding it out.”
Ethne turned up to him a startled face.
“What do you mean?” she asked in a voice of suspense.
“You are so seldom off your guard. Only indeed at rare times when you play. Once before when you played that overture you were off your guard. I thought that if I could get you to play it again to-night — the overture which was once strummed out in a dingy café at Wadi Halfa — to-night again I should find you off your guard.”
His words took her breath away and the colour from her cheeks. She got up slowly from her chair and stared at him wide-eyed. He could not know. It was impossible. He did not know.
But Durrance went quietly on.
“Well? Did you take back your feather? The fourth one?”
These to Ethne were the incredible words. Durrance spoke them with a smile upon his face. It took her a long time to understand that he had actually spoken them. She was not sure at the first that her overstrained senses were not playing her tricks; but he repeated his question, and she could no longer disbelieve or misunderstand.
“Who told you of any fourth feather?” she asked.
“Trench,” he answered. “I met him at Dover. But he only told me of the fourth feather,” said Durrance. “I knew of the three before. Trench would never have told me of the fourth had I not known of the three. For I should not have met him as he landed from the steamer at Dover. I should not have asked him, ‘Where is Harry Feversham?’ And for me to know of the three was enough.”
“How do you know?” she cried in a kind of despair, and coming close to her he took gently hold of her arm.
“But since I know,” he protested, “what does it matter how I know? I have known a long while, ever since Captain Willoughby came to The Pool with the first feather. I waited to tell you that I knew until Harry Feversham came back, and he came to-day.”
Ethne sat down in her chair again. She was stunned by Durrance’s unexpected disclosure. She had so carefully guarded her secret, that to realise that for a year it had been no secret came as a shock to her. But, even in the midst of her confusion, she understood that she must have time to gather up her faculties again under command. So she spoke of the unimportant thing to gain the time.
“You were in the church, then? Or you heard us upon the steps? Or you met — him as he rode away?”
“Not one of the conjectures is right,” said Durrance, with a smile. Ethne had hit upon the right subject to delay the statement of the decision to which she knew very well that he had come. Durrance had his vanities like others; and in particular one vanity which had sprung up within him since he had become blind. He prided himself upon the quickness of his perception. It was a delight to him to make discoveries which no one expected a man who had lost his sight to make, and to announce them unexpectedly. It was an additional pleasure to relate to his puzzled audience the steps by which he had reached his discovery. “Not one of your conjectures is right, Ethne,” he said, and he practically asked her to question him.
“Then how did you find out?” she asked.
“I knew from Trench that Harry Feversham would come some day, and soon. I passed the church this afternoon. Your collie dog barked at me. So I knew you were inside. But a saddled horse was tied up beside the gate. So some one else was with you, and not any one from the village. Then I got you to play, and that told me who it was who rode the horse.”
“Yes,” said Ethne, vaguely. She
had barely listened to his words. “Yes, I see.” Then in a definite voice, which showed that she had regained all her self-control, she said: —
“You went away to Wiesbaden for a year. You went away just after Captain Willoughby came. Was that the reason why you went away?”
“I went because neither you nor I could have kept up the game of pretences we were playing. You were pretending that you had no thought for Harry Feversham, that you hardly cared whether he was alive or dead. I was pretending not to have found out that beyond everything in the world you cared for him. Some day or other we should have failed, each one in turn. I dared not fail, nor dared you. I could not let you, who had said ‘Two lives must not be spoilt because of me,’ live through a year thinking that two lives had been spoilt. You on your side dared not let me, who had said ‘Marriage between a blind man and a woman is only possible when there is more than friendship on both sides,’ know that upon one side there was only friendship, and we were so near to failing. So I went away.”
“You did not fail,” said Ethne, quietly; “it was only I who failed.”
She blamed herself most bitterly. She had set herself, as the one thing worth doing, and incumbent on her to do, to guard this man from knowledge which would set the crown on his calamities, and she had failed. He had set himself to protect her from the comprehension that she had failed, and he had succeeded. It was not any mere sense of humiliation, due to the fact that the man whom she had thought to hoodwink had hoodwinked her, which troubled her. But she felt that she ought to have succeeded, since by failure she had robbed him of his last chance of happiness. There lay the sting for her.
“But it was not your fault,” he said. “Once or twice, as I said, you were off your guard, but the convincing facts were not revealed to me in that way. When you played the Musoline Overture before, on the night of the day when Willoughby brought you such good news, I took to myself that happiness of yours which inspired your playing. You must not blame yourself. On the contrary, you should be glad that I have found out.”
Complete Works of a E W Mason Page 391