“My people don’t like being made ridiculous — least of all Mullahs.”
But there was no answering smile on Violet’s face. Rather she was troubled and alarmed.
“But surely that was unwise?”
Shere Ali shrugged his shoulders.
“What does it matter?” he said. He did not tell her all of that story. There was an episode which had occurred two days later when Shere Ali was stalking an ibex on the hillside. A bullet had whistled close by his ear, and it had been fired from behind him. He was never quite sure whether his father or the Mullah was responsible for that bullet, but he inclined to attribute it to the Mullah.
“Yes, I have the priests against me,” he said. “They call me the Englishman.” Then he laughed. “A curious piece of irony, isn’t it?”
He stood up suddenly and said: “When I left England I was in doubt. I could not be sure whether my home, my true home, was there or in Chiltistan.”
“Yes, I remember,” said Violet.
“I am no longer in doubt. It is neither in England nor in Chiltistan. I am a citizen of no country. I have no place anywhere at all.”
Violet Oliver stood up and faced him.
“I must be going. I must find my friends,” she said, and as he took her hand, she added, “I am so very sorry.”
The words, she felt, were utterly inadequate, but no others would come to her lips, and so with a trembling smile she repeated them. She drew her hand from his clasp and moved a step or two away. But he followed her, and she stopped and shook her head.
“This is really good-bye,” she said simply and very gravely.
“I want to ask you a question,” he explained. “Will you answer it?”
“How can I tell you until you ask it?”
He looked at her for a moment as though in doubt whether he should speak or not. Then he said, “Are you going to marry — Linforth?”
The blood slowly mounted into her face and flushed her forehead and cheeks.
“He has not even asked me to marry him,” she said, and moved down into the courtyard.
Shere Ali watched her as she went. That was the last time he should see her, he told himself. The last time in all his life. His eyes followed her, noting the grace of her movements, the whiteness of her skin, all her daintiness of dress and person. A madness kindled in his blood. He had a wild thought of springing down, of capturing her. She mounted the steps and disappeared among the throng.
And they wanted him to marry — to marry one of his own people. Shere Ali suddenly saw the face of the Deputy Commissioner at Lahore calmly suggesting the arrangement, almost ordering it. He sat down again upon the couch and once more began to laugh. But the laughter ceased very quickly, and folding his arms upon the high end of the couch, he bowed his head upon them and was still.
CHAPTER XVI
SHERE ALI MEETS AN OLD FRIEND
THE CARRIAGE WHICH was to take Violet Oliver and her friends back to their camp had been parked amongst those farthest from the door. Violet stood for a long while under the awning, waiting while the interminable procession went by. The generals in their scarlet coats, the ladies in their satin gowns, the great officers of state attended by their escorts, the native princes, mounted into their carriages and were driven away. The ceremony and the reception which followed it had been markedly successful even in that land of ceremonies and magnificence. The voices about her told her so as they spoke of this or that splendour and recalled the picturesque figures which had given colour to the scene. But the laughter, the praise, the very tones of enjoyment had to her a heartless ring. She watched the pageantry of the great Indian Administration dissolve, and was blind to its glitter and conscious only of its ruthlessness. For ruthless she found it to-night. She had been face to face with a victim of the system — a youth broken by it, needlessly broken, and as helpless to recover from his hurt as a wounded animal. The harm had been done no doubt with the very best intention, but the harm had been done. She was conscious of her own share in the blame and she drove miserably home, with the picture of Shere Ali’s face as she had last seen it to bear her company, and with his cry, that he had no place anywhere at all, sounding in her ears.
When she reached the privacy of her own tent, and had dismissed her maid, she unlocked one of her trunks and took out from it her jewel case. She had been careful not to wear her necklace of pearls that night, and she took it out of the case now and laid it upon her knees. She was very sorry to part with it. She touched and caressed the pearls with loving fingers, and once she lifted it as though she would place it about her neck. But she checked her hands, fearing that if she put it on she would never bring herself to let it go. Already as she watched and fingered it and bent her head now and again to scrutinise a stone, small insidious voices began to whisper at her heart.
“He asked for nothing when he gave it you.”
“You made no promise when you took it.”
“It was a gift without conditions hinted or implied.”
Violet Oliver took the world lightly on the whole. Only this one passion for jewels and precious stones had touched her deeply as yet. Of love she knew little beyond the name and its aspect in others. She was familiar enough with that, so familiar that she gave little heed to what lay behind the aspect — or had given little heed until to-night. Her husband she had accepted rather than actively welcomed. She had lived with him in a mood of placid and unquestioning good-humour, and she had greatly missed him when he died. But it was the presence in the house that she missed, rather than the lover. To-night, almost for the first time, she had really looked under the surface. Insight had been vouchsafed to her; and in remorse she was minded to put the thing she greatly valued away from her.
She rose suddenly, and, lest the temptation to keep the necklace should prove too strong, laid it away in its case.
A post went every day over the passes into Chiltistan. She wrapped up the case in brown paper, tied it, sealed it, and addressed it. There was need to send it off, she well knew, before the picture of Shere Ali, now so vivid in her mind, lost its aspect of poignant suffering and faded out of her thoughts.
But she slept ill and in the middle of the night she rose from her bed. The tent was pitch dark. She lit her candle; and it was the light of the candle which awoke her maid. The tent was a double one; the maid slept in the smaller portion of it and a canvas doorway gave entrance into her mistress’ room. Over this doorway hung the usual screen of green matting. Now these screens act as screens, are as impenetrable to the eye as a door — so long as there is no light behind them. But place a light behind them and they become transparent. This was what Violet Oliver had done. She had lit her candle and at once a part of the interior of her tent was visible to her maid as she lay in bed.
The maid saw the table and the sealed parcel upon it. Then she saw Mrs. Oliver come to the table, break the seals, open the parcel, take out a jewel case — a jewel case which the maid knew well — and carry it and the parcel out of sight. Mrs. Oliver crossed to a corner of the room where her trunks lay; and the next moment the maid heard a key grate in a lock. For a little while the candle still burned, and every now and then a distorted shadow was flung upon the wall of the tent within the maid’s vision. It seemed to her that Mrs. Oliver was sitting at a little writing table which stood close by the trunk. Then the light went out again. The maid would have thought no more of this incident, but on entering the room next morning with a cup of tea, she was surprised to see the packet once more sealed and fastened on the centre table.
“Adela,” said Mrs. Oliver, “I want you to take that parcel to the Post Office yourself and send it off.”
The maid took the parcel away.
Violet Oliver, with a sigh of relief, drank her tea. At last, she thought, the end was reached. Now, indeed, her life and Shere Ali’s life would touch no more. But she was to see him again. For two days later, as the train which was carrying her northwards to Lahore moved out of the station, she s
aw from the window of her carriage the young Prince of Chiltistan standing upon the platform. She drew back quickly, fearing that he would see her. But he was watching the train with indifferent eyes; and the spectacle of his indifference struck her as something incongruous and strange. She had been thinking of him with remorse as a man twisting like Hamlet in the coils of tragedy, and wearing like Hamlet the tragic mien. Yet here he was on the platform of a railway station, waiting, like any commonplace traveller, with an uninterested patience for his train. The aspect of Shere Ali diminished Violet Oliver’s remorse. She wondered for a moment why he was not travelling upon the same train as herself, for his destination must be northwards too. And then she lost sight of him. She was glad that after all the last vision of him which she was to carry away was not the vision of a youth helpless and despairing with a trouble-tortured face.
Shere Ali was following out the destiny to which his character bound him. He had been made and moulded and fashioned, and though he knew he had been fashioned awry, he could no more change and rebuild himself than the hunchback can will away his hump. He was driven down the ways of circumstance. At present he saw and knew that he was so driven. He knew, too, that he could not resist. This half-year in Chiltistan had taught him that.
So he went southwards to Calcutta. The mere thought of Chiltistan was unendurable. He had to forget. There was no possibility of forgetfulness amongst his own hills and the foreign race that once had been his own people. Southwards he went to Calcutta, and in that city for a time was lost to sight. He emerged one afternoon upon the racecourse, and while standing on the grass in front of the Club stand, before the horses cantered down to the starting post, he saw an elderly man, heavy of build but still erect, approach him with a smile.
Shere Ali would have avoided that man if he could. He hesitated, unwilling to recognise and unable quite to ignore. And while he hesitated, the elderly man held out his hand.
“We know each other, surely. I used to see you at Eton, didn’t I? I used to run down to see a young friend of mine and a friend of yours, Dick Linforth. I am Colonel Dewes.”
“Yes, I remember,” said Shere Ali with some embarrassment; and he took the Colonel’s outstretched hand. “I thought that you had left India for good.”
“So did I,” said Dewes. “But I was wrong.” He turned and walked along by the side of Shere Ali. “I don’t know why exactly, but I did not find life in London so very interesting.”
Shere Ali looked quickly at the Colonel.
“Yet you had looked forward to retiring and going home?” he asked with a keen interest. Colonel Dewes gave himself up to reflection. He sounded the obscurities of his mind. It was a practice to which he was not accustomed. He drew himself erect, his eyes became fixed, and with a puckered forehead he thought.
“I suppose so,” he said. “Yes, certainly. I remember. One used to buck at mess of the good time one would have, the comfort of one’s club and one’s rooms, and the rest of it. It isn’t comfortable in India, is it? Not compared with England. Your furniture, your house, and all that sort of thing. You live as if you were a lodger, don’t you know, and it didn’t matter for a little while whether you were comfortable or not. The little while slips on and on, and suddenly you find you have been in the country twenty or thirty years, and you have never taken the trouble to be comfortable. It’s like living in a dak-bungalow.”
The Colonel halted and pulled at his moustache. He had made a discovery. He had reflected not without result. “By George!” he said, “that’s right. Let me put it properly now, as a fellow would put it in a book, if he hit upon anything as good.” He framed his aphorism in different phrases before he was satisfied with it. Then he delivered himself of it with pride.
“At the bottom of the Englishman’s conception of life in India, there is always the idea of a dak-bungalow,” and he repeated the sentence to commit it surely to memory. “But don’t you use it,” he said, turning to Shere Ali suddenly. “I thought of that — not you. It’s mine.”
“I won’t use it,” said Shere Ali.
“Life in India is based upon the dak-bungalow,” said Dewes. “Yes, yes”; and so great was his pride that he relented towards Shere Ali. “You may use it if you like,” he conceded. “Only you would naturally add that it was I who thought of it.”
Shere Ali smiled and replied:
“I won’t fail to do that, Colonel Dewes.”
“No? Then use it as much as you like, for it’s true. Out here one remembers the comfort of England and looks forward to it. But back there, one forgets the discomfort of India. By George! that’s pretty good, too. Shall we look at the horses?”
Shere Ali did not answer that question. With a quiet persistence he kept Colonel Dewes to the conversation. Colonel Dewes for his part was not reluctant to continue it, in spite of the mental wear and tear which it involved. He felt that he was clearly in the vein. There was no knowing what brilliant thing he might not say next. He wished that some of those clever fellows on the India Council were listening to him.
“Why?” asked Shere Ali. “Why back there does one forget the discomfort of India?”
He asked the question less in search of information than to discover whether the feelings of which he was conscious were shared too by his companion.
“Why?” answered Dewes wrinkling his forehead again. “Because one misses more than one thought to miss and one doesn’t find half what one thought to find. Come along here!”
He led Shere Ali up to the top of the stand.
“We can see the race quite well from here,” he said, “although that is not the reason why I brought you up. This is what I wanted to show you.”
He waved his hand over towards the great space which the racecourse enclosed. It was thronged with natives robed in saffron and pink, in blue and white, in scarlet and delicate shades of mauve and violet. The whole enclosure was ablaze with colour, and the colours perpetually moved and grouped themselves afresh as the throng shifted. A great noise of cries rose up into the clear air.
“I suppose that is what I missed,” said Dewes, “not the noise, not the mere crowd — you can get both on an English racecourse — but the colour.”
And suddenly before Shere Ali’s eyes there rose a vision of the Paddock at Newmarket during a July meeting. The sleek horses paced within the cool grove of trees; the bright sunlight, piercing the screen of leaves overhead, dappled their backs with flecks of gold. Nothing of the sunburnt grass before his eyes was visible to him. He saw the green turf of the Jockey Club enclosure, the seats, the luncheon room behind with its open doors and windows.
“Yes, I understand,” he said. “But you have come back,” and a note of envy sounded in his voice. Here was one point in which the parallel between his case and that of Colonel Dewes was not complete. Dewes had missed India as he had missed England. But Dewes was a free man. He could go whither he would. “Yes, you were able to come back. How long do you stay?”
And the answer to that question startled Shere Ali.
“I have come back for good.”
“You are going to live here?” cried Shere Ali.
“Not here, exactly. In Cashmere. I go up to Cashmere in a week’s time. I shall live there and die there.”
Colonel Dewes spoke without any note of anticipation, and without any regret. It was difficult for Shere Ali to understand how deeply he felt. Yet the feeling must be deep. He had cut himself off from his own people, from his own country. Shere Ali was stirred to yet more questions. He was anxious to understand thoroughly all that had moved this commonplace matter-of-fact man at his side.
“You found life in England so dull?” he asked.
“Well, one felt a stranger,” said Dewes. “One had lost one’s associations. I know there are men who throw themselves into public life and the rest of it. But I couldn’t. I hadn’t the heart for it even if I had the ability. There was Lawrence, of course. He governed India and then he went on the School Board,” and Dewes th
umped his fist upon the rail in front of him. “How he was able to do it beats me altogether. I read his life with amazement. He was just as keen about the School Board as he had been about India when he was Viceroy here. He threw himself into it with just as much vigour. That beats me. He was a big man, of course, and I am not. I suppose that’s the explanation. Anyway, the School Board was not for me. I put in my winters for some years at Corfu shooting woodcock. And in the summer I met a man or two back on leave at my club. But on the whole it was pretty dull. Yes,” and he nodded his head, and for the first time a note of despondency sounded in his voice. “Yes, on the whole it was pretty dull. It will be better in Cashmere.”
“It would have been still better if you had never seen India at all,” said Shere Ali.
“No; I don’t say that. I had my good time in India — twenty-five years of it, the prime of my life. No; I have nothing to complain of,” said Dewes.
Here was another difference brought to Shere Ali’s eyes. He himself was still young; the prime years were before him, not behind. He looked down, even as Dewes had done, over that wide space gay with colours as a garden of flowers; but in the one man’s eyes there was a light of satisfaction, in the other’s a gleam almost of hatred.
“You are not sorry you came out to India,” he said. “Well, for my part,” and his voice suddenly shook with passion, “I wish to heaven I had never seen England.”
Dewes turned about, a vacant stare of perplexity upon his face.
“Oh, come, I say!” he protested.
“I mean it!” cried Shere Ali. “It was the worst thing that could have happened. I shall know no peace of mind again, no contentment, no happiness, not until I am dead. I wish I were dead!”
And though he spoke in a low voice, he spoke with so much violence that Colonel Dewes was quite astounded. He was aware of no similiarity between his own case and that of Shere Ali. He had long since forgotten the exhortations of Luffe.
Complete Works of a E W Mason Page 460