Some Regrets Are Forever (River's End Rescues Book 1)

by Jane Blythe

  But that was over.

  She would have to learn how to toughen up because she had a long and bumpy road ahead of her.

  Something heavy was draped over her shoulders, and then Abe was kneeling before her. His hands were big, but when they reached out and lifted her hand, touching his fingers to her wrist to check her pulse, his touch was soft and gentle and her heart fluttered a little.

  So much for focusing on being on her own.

  Why couldn’t a great guy like this ever fall for her?

  She’d always been the quiet girl in school, she had friends, and she’d dated a little, but usually the boys gravitated to the bubblier more vivacious girls, not the shy girl with the mousy blonde hair and the tiny breasts and the too skinny figure. She’d been surprised when her husband showed an interest in her, and craving love and affection the way she did, she’d immediately jumped into the relationship.

  All she wanted was someone like Abe, good, and kind, and strong, to spend her life with, so why did it never work out that way?

  “You’re still breathing harshly and I see bruises forming, I know you’re in pain, but do you need to go to the hospital?” Abe asked. He’d released her wrist, setting it in her lap, and grasped her chin between his thumb and forefinger, his grip was firm but still gentle.

  “I don’t need to go to the hospital,” she said. Her throat did hurt, and drawing in a breath was a little difficult, but she thought that was probably more because of shock. In her mind nothing had changed, her plans were the same. In fact now more than ever she had to get out of River’s End, and being in a hospital would make that more difficult.

  Abe’s hazel eyes didn’t look convinced, but he gave a single, sharp nod. “Are you hurt anywhere else? I know he sexually assaulted you, but I don’t know how long you were out there with him. Did he do anything else to you?”

  Meadow had gone numb at his words. How many times had her husband sexually assaulted her in their marriage? More than she cared to think about, they’d been together five years, and he enjoyed her pain, sexual or physical or psychological, it didn’t matter to him, as long as she was suffering he was happy.

  She swallowed audibly, winced as it bothered her throat, then shook her head.

  She couldn’t manage words at this moment.

  “I need his name, Meadow,” Abe said. “I know you’re scared of him, and I understand why. He’s hurt you badly, and I’m sure you have a lot of scars, physical ones and psychological ones, but he’s killed two people, and he’s made it clear he’s going to keep killing people until he gets you. I can’t stop him if I don’t know who it is I’m looking for.”

  Right.

  He was worried about his town.

  She got it, he was the sheriff, it was his job to protect the people of River’s End, but she couldn’t deny it hurt knowing that whatever affection he had felt for her was gone now.

  “Meadow, please,” he insisted. “Tell me your husband’s name.”

  What did she have to lose by telling him?

  She was leaving here as soon as she got a chance, but maybe having the cops looking for him would give her an advantage as she ran for her life. If she didn’t tell him, he could probably eventually find out anyway. She was sure it would take him a while to find the marriage license, her husband knew his way around the law, and she was sure he had made sure that particular license had somehow disappeared, but Abe was a cop, and she knew he would be like a dog with a bone, he would eventually find it.

  “His name is John Smith,” she whispered, knowing how that sounded.

  “John Smith?” Abe arched a brow. “Are you lying to me?”

  “No, I swear, that’s his name.” She met his gaze squarely so he would know that she was telling the truth.

  “Okay.” He nodded, apparently convinced. “Thank you. We’ll put out an APB on him, I don’t think he’s going to go far, not while you’re here. We’ll find him, Meadow, and until we do I’ll keep you safe.”

  He obviously meant the words to be comforting, and while she knew he was capable of keeping her safe allowing him to protect her was only going to wind up breaking her heart, and it was already in pretty bad shape. “No,” she said firmly.

  Abe narrowed his eyes at her. “What do you mean, no?”

  “I mean that I don’t need your help or your protection.”

  “You think you can take your husband yourself? I know I don’t have to tell you that he’s a very dangerous man, we both know that if he gets his hands on you, he’s going to punish you for running.”

  “Like you care,” she said, her voice rising as she shoved him away from her. “You don’t care about me, and I’m not going to be anyone’s charity project. You can’t keep me here, if you try I’ll just wait and leave the second you’re not looking.”

  Abe stood and stalked across the room, growling as he raked his hands through his hair. When he spun around to face her again his eyes were sparkling with fire. “I care about you.”

  That she hadn’t been expecting to hear. “W-what?”

  “You’re not a charity project.”

  “Then what am I?”

  A mess of emotions flashed across his face, but when he spoke his voice was even. “I don’t know, but I do know that I care about you and I’m not letting that psychopath get his hands on you.”

  With that, he crossed the room in two large strides, grabbed her, and pulled her out of the chair, then his mouth descended on hers and he was kissing her like she was the most beautiful woman he had ever touched.

  For a second she stiffened, wondering if this was a ploy to try to keep her from making good on her threat to run, but then she was yanked up against his rock hard body, and she melted into the kiss.

  * * * * *

  3:26 A.M.

  He was kissing her.

  This had to be the worst idea ever.

  Only Meadow thought that she didn’t mean anything to him, that she was just a burden that he wanted to fix so he could get rid of it, and he couldn’t let her think that. She’d spent her whole life alone, and all she wanted was someone to care about her. Well she had that now and he wanted her to know it.

  Reluctantly, he tore his mouth away from hers, he couldn’t stand here kissing her all night, Julian was on the way here, and they had to pack and get out of here before her husband decided to come back. They had to find out everything they could about John Smith so they could try to figure out what his next move would be and get ahead of him.

  “Wh-what are you doing?” Meadow stammered her chest heaving, her pretty sky blue eyes glistening with desire but also full of confusion.

  Abe raked his hands through his hair and walked a few steps away so he could clear his head, he couldn’t think straight when he was this close to her. What was he doing?

  Developing feelings for a woman he barely knew, after he had sworn off women after Talia. He’d promised himself he would never get emotionally invested like that again. Casual dating was one thing, but there would be no falling in love, no dreaming of a future, no doing anything that left him wide open to being crushed.

  And yet despite all of that, along came Meadow with her sweet nature and her baby blues, pregnant and alone and in need, making him feel things that he didn’t want to be feeling.

  Only now, standing here looking at Meadow, the taste of her still lingering on his lips, he wasn’t sure he would change these brewing feelings even if he could.

  “Did you just kiss me to try to convince me not to leave?” Meadow asked, suspicion growing on her face.

  “No.”

  “Then why? Why did you say you care about me? Last night I cooked you dinner and you told me that the kiss we shared was a mistake. I don’t understand what’s changed. I don’t understand …” she trailed off as she apparently decided on an appropriate way to finish that sentence, “you.”

  Well that made two of them.

  He wasn’t sure that he could explain what was going on inside his head,
but it was evident that Meadow needed some sort of explanation so he was going to have to try.

  “What happened with Talia, it kind of turned me off the whole falling in love thing. I’ve been on my own ever since and I promised myself that I would never allow another person to have that kind of power over me. And then you came along and … I don’t know, but I do know that I like you and I care about you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt. I’m sorry, I can’t offer you anything more at the moment, but I can promise you that I will help you, that I won’t let your husband hurt you again.” He paused and dragged in a breath, he knew he wasn’t being fair, but he needed a promise from Meadow that she wasn’t going to run as soon as he turned his back. “But, Meadow, I need you to promise me that you’re going to stick around. I can’t help you if you run, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

  Abe had to force himself not to hold his breath as he awaited an answer. He was the one who had been giving her mixed signals, so he had no right to expect her to promise him anything, and yet he needed her to.

  Meadow tilted her head to the side and studied him, her eyes giving away nothing. She stared at him for so long that he was beginning to think she wasn’t going to agree, but then she smiled and took a small step closer. “I won’t run.”

  “You won’t?” He couldn’t help but sound surprised. He’d been sure she was going to stick with her plan to bolt as soon as he wasn’t looking.

  “I won’t,” she repeated.

  He crossed the space between them in a single step and dragged her up against him, kissing her again. She responded, leaning into him and pressing her breasts up against him. Without even thinking about what he was doing, one hand curled around the back of her neck, pulling her closer, while his other hand slipped under the hem of her sweater, his fingertips brushing across her stomach.

  Meadow tensed and he immediately stilled his hands.

  Abe ended the kiss and pulled back so he could see her face. “Meadow, have you ever had sex with anyone other than your husband?” It wasn’t that he wanted to make her uncomfortable, but if they were forging some sort of relationship here then he needed to know as much about her as he could because he didn’t want to do anything that would be a trigger to her.

  “I wouldn’t really call what John and I did sex, it was more like him using my body for his own pleasure,” she said softly, her gaze dropping to the floor.

  That wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want her beating herself up over anything her husband had done to her. Grasping her chin, he gave it a firm shake. “He’s a psychopath, whatever he did to you is because he’s evil, not because of anything you did. And you didn’t answer my question.”

  She squirmed uncomfortably but replied, “There was this guy while I was in high school. He liked my best friend, but she was in love with someone else, so I was the consolation prize, I lost my virginity to him, but it wasn’t anything special. I guess I should be glad that I didn’t give it to John. I, uh, I don’t really know much about sex,” she admitted, her pale cheeks turning bright red.

  Scooping her into his arms, Abe sat down in the armchair he’d put her in when he’d brought her inside. Picking up the blanket he’d brought to help warm her up, which had fallen from her shoulders when he’d grabbed her and kissed her, he draped it around her shoulders. Her teeth had stopped chattering and she was no longer shaking, but her skin was still cold to the touch.

  Settling her in his lap, he began to stroke her long blonde hair that hung loosely around her shoulders. “You don’t have to give me details of what John did to you, but are you afraid of sex?” He didn’t want to hurt or scare her, but he did want to make out with her so he wanted to know what he was up against.

  “With John, yes. With … someone else, no I don’t think so, not if I trust them not to hurt me,” she answered him honestly.

  “And do you trust me not to hurt you?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, and a shiver rocked through her, one that he suspected had nothing to do with the cold.

  ‘Then close your eyes and relax,” he instructed.

  “Are we going to have sex now?” she asked, eyes wide.

  He couldn’t help but smile. “No, I thought we’d ease into things a little. Now close your eyes.” Once she had, he said, “Tell me if anything that I do makes you uncomfortable and you want me to stop, okay?”

  “Okay,” she said breathily. It was clear she was already into this and they hadn’t even started yet.

  He didn’t want to do anything to spook her. He wanted her to enjoy this, and for it to be special, something she would want to do again, something that would ease them into the next step when she—when they—were ready for that.

  Because he knew that she was already comfortable with him kissing her, he touched his lips to hers as his hand resumed its spot on her stomach. His fingers on her bare skin must have tickled because she clenched, but then she relaxed and he knew she was enjoying this.

  Taking his time, not wanting to go too fast because he knew this was all new for her, he let his fingers trail lazily backward and forward across her stomach, letting the kiss be the focus as he slowly moved his fingers higher. Her round, pregnant belly reminded him of the baby he had never even known existed until Talia threw it in his face that his being off in the military was the cause of the miscarriage.

  But today wasn’t about that.

  Meadow wasn’t anything like Talia, and he knew she would never do anything like that.

  His fingertips brushed the underside of her breast, and he wondered whether she was going to freak out, but she didn’t. A sweet little hum reverberated through her and she pressed her chest forward, silently begging for more.

  Abe smiled inwardly. Maybe this whole relationship thing wasn’t so bad after all.

  * * * * *

  3:39 A.M.

  Finally.

  Meadow hummed her pleasure when Abe’s hand finally claimed her breast. He tenderly massaged it, not too hard, but also not too soft, the kneading motion made heat swell in her body. Then he found her nipple and he was teasing it, rolling it between his fingertips and that heat grew, and she realized she’d never known how sensitive her nipples were.

  For pleasure anyway.

  She knew they were sensitive to pain.

  Abe could no doubt feel the scars—from the pliers, the knives, her husband’s teeth—that marred her skin, but thankfully he wasn’t mentioning it, he was just allowing her to enjoy learning about all the ways a lover could bring you pleasure.

  Is that what they were now?

  Lovers?

  They hadn’t really talked about the future, but he had told her he cared about her and he’d promised to keep her safe, and she was currently snuggled in his lap while he ministered to her breasts and kissed her.

  The light from a car’s headlights filled the room, and she heard the rev of an engine. Just like that all the wonderful things Abe was making her feel vanished, and she froze.

  John.

  He must be back.

  “Shh, it’s okay,” Abe soothed. “It’s only my cousin Julian, he’s going to take us down to the station while I figure out where you should stay until we get your husband in custody.”

  “You’re sending me away?” she asked, a little bit of panic clawing at her insides.

  “Yes,” Abe said, but the corners of his mouth quirked up in a smile. “But I’m going with you.”

  “Oh.” Meadow let out a relieved sigh.

  “Why don’t you go upstairs and pack a few things, we’re not going to be back here until this is over.”

  Abe stood with her in his arms then set her down on her feet, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders. Then he leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.

  Just like that the mushy feeling in her stomach was back.

  Somehow Abe possessed the ability to make her feel safe, no one else had ever done that before.

  A knock sounded on the d
oor, and since Abe didn’t look concerned, she didn’t worry either.

  With an arm around her shoulders, he took her with him to the door, and unlocked it to let his cousin in.

  “Julian, this is Meadow. Meadow, Julian,” he made the introductions.

  “Hi, Meadow,” Julian gave her an easy smile, his hazel eyes twinkling, and she immediately felt relaxed around him.

  “Hi,” she smiled back.

  “Run upstairs and pack, there’s a suitcase in the closet,” he told her, nudging her toward the staircase, and since she assumed that he needed to talk to his deputy about something work-related she did as he’d asked.

  In her bedroom she found the suitcase and put the clothes Abe had gotten from his sister for her to wear and folded and packed them neatly. When she was done, she went into the bathroom to clean up. Her face was tear-stained, and the marks around her neck made her realize just how close she had come to dying tonight. John was a terrifying man, and she hated being the center of his anger.

  “Ready?” Abe popped his head through the bedroom door.

  “Yes.”

  He took the suitcase handle from her and carried it and his own bag down the stairs. They followed Julian out to the car, and once she was sitting alone in the backseat, Meadow finally realized just how serious things were. The little bubble of happiness and safety that Abe had created for her in his living room was gone now and the stark realization that she was going to have to tell them everything she knew about John was starting to sink in.

  “We’re here.” Abe’s voice broke through her thoughts, and she realized that he had opened her car door and was holding out his hand to her.

  At least she didn’t have to do this alone, that was one saving grace.

  Meadow took Abe’s hand and let him lead her into the police station. She thought that he might take her into a stark, sterile interrogation room while he peppered her with questions, but he didn’t, he led her into his office and over to a leather couch in the corner.