“You know him better than any of us. I wish you’d have told me or your brothers what was going on—we would’ve straightened him out.”
Savannah laughed. “I don’t doubt that.”
She and her dad talked for a long time, and his reassurance, support, and love calmed her frazzled nerves. Before she hung up, her mother came back on the phone.
“We love you. Be careful and call us soon. Where are you at right now?”
“Near Pinewood Springs, in Colorado. I’ll give you the number of my new phone in case you need to get a hold of me. But please, Mom, I’m begging you not to tell Bret where I am, and don’t give him my phone number—I don’t want to hear from him.”
“Okay. Now let me get a pen and paper.” Some shuffling in the background. “What’s your number?”
After saying their goodbyes, Savannah stuffed the phone in her pocket as second thoughts about giving out her number pricked at her brain. Mom means well, but I hope she doesn’t give out any of my info to Bret. She just wants us to stay together, but that’ll never be. It’s over.
She swiped on another coat of raspberry lip gloss and walked out of the room.
* * *
After helping Ryder and Timmy build a kickass snowman, Savannah stood by the kitchen window waiting for the kettle to boil while she gazed at the ice man, wearing a purple-checkered scarf snug around his neck, standing vigil in front of the house. Timmy had been happy as he hunted for tree branches to make Freezy’s arms in the small area Ryder had managed to clear. During the past two days, the heat from the sun had helped in melting a bit of the snow on the east side of the cabin.
A blast of chilly air swept around her legs as Timmy and Brutus rushed in.
“Brutus!” Ryder yelled. The dog’s tail went between his legs as he padded back to the mud room.
Timmy froze in his tracks and stared at Savannah. “I forgot to take my boots and jacket off.” He spun around and quickly followed Brutus.
“Do you want me to help you?” she asked.
“I can do it alone, Mommy.”
“All right, but if you need help with your boots, let me know.” Savannah grabbed a bunch of paper towels and wiped away the tracks the two had left on the floor. By the time she’d finished, Timmy, Ryder, and Brutus traipsed in. She glanced at Ryder and his gaze latched onto hers.
“Who wants hot cocoa?” she asked, looking at him.
“I don’t, Mommy. I’m gonna play my game.” Timmy yawned.
Breaking contact with Ryder, Savannah smiled at her son. “Building a snowman is hard work, isn’t it?”
“It sure is.”
Savannah laughed and watched him shuffle toward his room with Brutus following him. “Would you like some hot chocolate?” she asked him.
Shaking his head, he fixed her with an unwavering stare.
“What about some tea?”
This time, a slight shake of the head.
“I think I’ll make myself a chai latte. I love the blend of spices.” She opened a small cupboard and pulled out a box of chai teabags she’d brought with her from the trailer, then took out a carton of milk from the fridge. “There’s something comforting about a cup of hot tea. All I need is a good book, and I’ll be set.” She giggled softly and glanced at him.
Ryder’s tongue glided slowly across his bottom lip as the naked heat in his stare seared her. Muscles deep inside tightened as a thousand butterflies fluttered in her stomach.
The shrill whistle of the boiling teapot pierced the air. Savannah jumped and clutched at her throat as she tore her gaze away from Ryder and looked at the billowing steam above the screeching kettle. A nervous laugh escaped her lips as she removed it from the burner.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Ryder watching her as she poured hot water into the mug. “Dammit,” she said as some of it spilled on the counter. Glancing up at him, Savannah froze as his eyes smoldered with lust. She put the tea kettle down, then picked up a napkin to wipe up the spill and turned toward him, her heart slamming against her ribcage. Savannah was pretty sure that Ryder could shatter her heart in pieces if she wasn’t careful. She was more fragile than he knew, but he tempted her in ways she wasn’t willing to admit.
“I don’t bite,” he said gruffly.
“It’s not that,” she replied, throwing the dirty napkin in the trash. “I just don’t want to be hurt.”
“I’m not gonna hurt you—I’d never do that.”
“Famous last words of men.” She hadn’t meant to sound so bitter.
Ryder reached out and grabbed her arm and gently tugged her to him. “I’m not men, I’m me, and I’d never hurt you.”
Savannah pressed her lips together as she stared at him, resisting for one long pause, her emotions tangled in a ball of confusion by this brooding and mysterious man. Then she leaned into him wanting his touch and so much more than she could articulate.
“You know we both feel it, Savannah—this fucking deep attraction between us. I’ve been trying to fight it, too, but it hasn’t done any damn good. You’re the most beautiful and genuine woman I’ve ever met, and the way you love your son is”—he ran his fingers through his hair—“so fucking honest and unconditional.”
Savannah fixed her gaze on Ryder’s brown eyes, the scowl that darkened his features, and the ever-present haunted look which kept his secrets at bay.
“I’ve never met such an intriguing man before,” she murmured.
His grip on her tightened, and his hand burned into her skin, making her nerves snap and sizzle.
Ryder’s thumb traced along her jawline and then her lower lip. “You feel the pull … the connection, don’t you?” he asked, his voice was rough as sandpaper, a sexy rasp that sent tingles down her spine.
Savannah swallowed, trying to moisten her dry mouth. “Yes,” she said in a breathy voice. Her knees wobbled and she gripped the counter to stop herself from keeling over. She felt like all the strain of the past few years was draining out of her.
Ryder’s thumb stroked her cheek, and her insides turned to mush. Her pulse thundered in her head as she leaned in slightly and inhaled his earthy male scent and the spicy aroma of his cologne. He placed his hands on each side of her face and looked deeply into her eyes.
“I’m fucked up real bad,” he said, his hot breath dancing across her cheeks.
“So am I,” she whispered.
“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll pull away,” he gritted, his gaze dark, mesmerizing, dangerous.
“Playing it safe is overrated,” she replied.
A low growl escaped from his throat as he closed the gap between them and lowered his head. Her lids fluttered closed as she parted her lips, the anticipation quivering through her.
Then his mouth covered hers and it was like a million watts of electricity sparking between them. Savannah wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with a ferocity she didn’t know she possessed. It was a hot, fast, wild tangle of mouths. Her hands twisted in his hair, drawing him closer, needing more of that fierceness … that passion. Goosebumps skittered over her and desire burned like fire in her veins. Images swarmed in her mind of them coming together, his wicked mouth scorching a trail down her body while his fingers pushed the right buttons inside her.
The kiss grew deeper, more frantic, as their lips fused together in raw hunger. Heat rippled off him as he ground against her, and she moaned at the intensity of that feeling.
Then he broke away and stepped back, her body immediately aching to be back in his arms. Disappointment rushed through her as she stared at him.
Savannah saw the muscles in Ryder’s jaw pulse as he scrubbed the side of his face. “That shouldn’t have happened.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We—”
“I gotta do some stuff.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, he sauntered out of the kitchen.
Savannah watched his retreating back, telling herself she was glad, and even relieved, that he
pulled away. Yet, a long buried part of her wanted him to come back and kiss her again—to crush her against him as his strong arms held her tight, taking them further. She picked up the mug of cool tea and dumped it down the sink. It’s just as well he stopped. Taking anything further with him would be a huge mistake. I can’t get involved with Ryder. The man had a dark edge to him that scared and excited her at the same time. At this point in her life, the last thing she needed was a complication, and Ryder had “complication” stamped all over him. Even if he was sexier than sin and could kiss like no other man she’d ever met, she couldn’t risk her heart—it already had too many cracks that still needed healing.
With Ryder’s kiss still burning hot on her lips, Savannah filled up the teapot again and put it back on the burner. The last thing she wanted to do was obsess about what had happened and all the feelings twisting inside her, so she walked over to the pantry and rummaged through it. She found a box of lasagna noodles and several cans of San Marzano crushed tomatoes. Cooking had always been her refuge when stress threatened to shut her down. During her marriage, she’d become a gourmet cook, especially since Timmy’s birth because that’s the way she’d dealt with the slow disintegration of her marriage.
Making a hearty Italian dinner would occupy her mind for the next few hours, and that’s exactly what she needed. She bent down and pulled out several pans and focused on creating the best meal ever.
* * *
“Damn, woman, your lasagna trumped my mom’s,” Ryder said as he cleared off the dishes. “Do you have some Italian blood running through your veins?”
Savannah laughed, happy that Ryder had finally spoken to her. Dinner was awkward between them, but she focused on Timmy while Ryder’s penetrating gaze during the meal ensured that she wouldn’t forget he was there.
“I worked for a few years at a family-owned Italian restaurant in Cambridge. Luisa sort of took me under her wing. Her daughter had gotten married and moved to Oregon, and it killed both Luisa and her husband, Carlo, so I became their surrogate daughter. They were wonderful people, and I felt privileged that she shared her family’s recipes with me. So you’re Italian?”
“Yeah—on both sides. Last name’s Rossi. Why’d you quit waitressing?”
“I got married.”
“To Daddy,” Timmy chimed in, and she smiled and ruffled his hair.
“That’s right, sweetie.”
Timmy turned back around and watched the Christmas cartoon, and Savannah followed suit. As she stared at the screen, she was acutely aware of Ryder’s eyes on her. She pivoted her head slightly in his direction and caught him gazing at her chest. He quickly looked back to the TV and stretched out his good leg.
Savannah licked her lips and tried to concentrate on the show Timmy was watching. For the life of her, she had no idea what was going on and stared blankly at a slew of elves scurrying back and forth across the screen. She sneaked a peek at Ryder to make sure he wasn’t looking then lowered her gaze to the big bulge pressing against his jeans. Blood rushed to her head in fear of getting caught, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Then his hand dropped casually down on his thigh and she froze, knowing full well that when she looked up she’d meet his brown orbs. I can’t believe I let him catch me looking at his groin. Her tongue ran across her bottom lip as she debated what to do.
“If you don’t stop looking at my dick while licking your lips, there’s gonna be trouble, woman,” he said in a low voice.
Savannah snapped her eyes up and Ryder’s gaze traveled over her body briefly before landing on her face. They stared at each other for a long while, the sexual tension crackling between them at a frantic pace. Then Ryder stood up and turned away quickly, muttering something about having to take Brutus outside. The poor dog was stretched out on the floor next to Timmy, and Ryder had to whistle at least three times before Brutus scrambled to his feet.
When he came back about ten minutes later, Brutus padded over to the same spot on the floor and laid down, and Ryder made his way to his bedroom. Savannah figured that’d be the last she’d see of him that night, and a part of her—albeit a very small part—was sorry they’d kissed earlier that day. Things were just becoming comfortable between them, and they had to ruin it by kissing. From his actions alone, Ryder had made it clear that it had been a big mistake, and that really stung.
After watching two hours of cartoons, two cups of hot chocolate, and several Christmas cookies, Savannah bent down and kissed her son’s cheek. “Sleep well,” she whispered as he yawned.
She closed the light and left the door ajar then went into her room and slipped between the sheets. In less than a second, she’d fallen into a deep sleep.
“No! No! Fuck!”
Savannah bolted up in bed—she was disoriented. It took her a few seconds to work out that she was not in the trailer but in the cabin because of the snowstorm. Timmy! She jumped out of bed and rushed into his room. The hallway light spilled over his bed in a rectangle, and she went over and saw his arm hugging his favorite stuffed tiger. She pulled the blanket over his shoulder and smiled. I must’ve been dreaming.
“Go back, Jeremy. Get the fuck away!”
Ryder! Savannah slipped out of Timmy’s room and made her way to Ryder’s as shivers tiptoed up her spine.
“No! Fuck no!”
Standing before the closed door, she swallowed then gathered the tattered edges of her courage and turned the knob. Darkness encased her and she waited until her eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room.
“I fucking shot a kid! Get back, Jeremy. I got this!”
Ryder’s anguished-filled voice bounced off the walls, and she slowly approached the bed. “Ryder? It’s me Savannah.”
“I’m hit. Goddammit! Jeremy, go back! There’re fucking landmines everywhere. Don’t follow me!”
He was in the war. That’s how he lost his leg. Oh, Ryder. Savannah climbed up on the bed and breathed in and out several times before she reached out and gently shook him.
“It’s okay, Ryder. You’re okay,” she said in a calm, reassuring voice.
He groaned and cursed while tossing and turning, but she kept a steady hand on his shoulder and shook him several times. It seemed to have helped because he stopped yelling.
“Where are you?” he grunted.
“I’m here.” She came closer and ran her hand over his sweat-soaked face. “You’re okay.”
“Where’s Jeremy? Is he in the Medevac? Where the hell is he?” His voice began to rise again.
“You’re in Colorado, Ryder.”
“I’m in the fucking Chinook. Why won’t you tell me where the fuck Jeremy is?”
Again she gently shook him, then leaned over and grabbed some tissues from the box on the nightstand, and mopped his face. “It’s okay.”
“Am I in a war?” he gritted.
“No, you’re safe in your cabin. Brutus is sleeping on the floor, and I’m Savannah. Everything is just fine. We’re all safe.” She cuddled his head on her lap and rocked slowly like she did when Timmy had a bad dream—it always calmed him.
“Fuck,” he said in a low voice.
“It’s all okay.”
“I’m in Pinewood Springs.”
“Yes, you’re home and you’re safe, and nothing can hurt you.”
Silence engulfed them as Savannah ran her fingers through his damp hair, still cradling his head in her lap. Seconds turned to minutes before he gripped her hand and tucked it under his chin. His heavy breathing told her he’d fallen asleep.
Slipping her legs under the sheets, she held on to him. There was no way she was going to let go. Ryder was a lonely and broken man, and she was an angry and scared woman. For a split, second she wondered if fate had brought them together to heal one another.
Maybe there’s something to Christmas wishes.
Ryder’s arm flung over her thighs as he let out a sputtering sigh. Savannah smiled and leaned against the headboard as his breathing quietly lulled her to sleep.
/> Chapter Nine
Brutus’s cold nose pressed against Ryder’s face, and he groaned as he cracked open his eyes. The dog’s soft whine prompted Ryder to throw off the covers and push up. His good leg bumped into something warm and soft, and when he looked over his shoulder, his eyes widened as his body went stiff.
“What the fuck?” he said under his breath as he stared at Savannah sleeping peacefully beside him. He sat up, closed his eyes for a minute and then slowly opened them, expecting Savannah to be gone, but she wasn’t. The sheet draped around her tempting curves, and the way her sweet lips parted enticed him to slip his tongue inside for a taste.
Shaking his head, he tried to figure out how the hell Savannah had landed in his bed. There was no way he wouldn’t have remembered fucking her. The kiss they’d shared was still etched on his lips, so he was pretty sure slamming his cock inside her while he played with her tits wouldn’t be something he’d forget.
Several whimpers from Brutus focused Ryder. He grabbed his crutches and hauled himself up, then he left the room.
A blast of cold air gushed in when he opened the door to let Brutus out. After closing it quickly, he crutched into the kitchen and leaned forward against the granite counter. The sun’s rays bouncing off the snow made him squint as visions of Savannah swirled in his head: her arms wrapped around him as they kissed, the sliver of skin when she raised her arms, the way her shorts rode up and showed off her thighs, and her soft lips alternately sweet and wicked on his. His dick twitched against his boxers and he cursed softly. If I can’t remember fucking her, then I might as well pack it in. We must’ve done something ’cause there’s no way she would’ve come into my room for nothing. I can’t remember shit when I take those damn pain meds. Fuck!
For the past week, Ryder had been jerking off to various scenarios that starred Savannah and him fucking in a variety of ways, and to think it might have happened without him remembering was a cruel kick in his balls.
As he shut his eyes against the sun’s glare, blurred memories from the previous night started to come into focus: his unit in Afghanistan engaging in combat against militants, driving the sonsofbitches farther back in the province … the firing ceasing … he and several men cautiously moving in to clear the cluster of old Afghani houses … Jeremy following.
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