I tried again.
[Giselle] How are you today?
I hit send. It was good enough. Considering how much pressure I was under, and how stressful it had been looking out for Father, chatting with Leo gave me a semblance of simplicity. He eased my troubled mind, although I rarely shared the stresses I carried under the crown. Just having a shoulder to lean on meant something, and right now I just really wanted to talk to Leo, so any message at that point would do.
It had been weeks since Father had been released from the hospital, and he was under the care of a highly-recommended oncologist who had devised an aggressive treatment plan to cure his cancer. Meanwhile, I had been stowed away in his office, managing his day to day tasks so he could rest and recover.
It was true that Father didn’t like to take his medicine. He was a stubborn old man that way. But I loved him, nevertheless, which was exactly why I visited his chambers every day to deliver his doses in person. He could refuse the servants. He could tell Nathanial to go away. But there was no way he could deny his own daughter who only had his best interests at heart. I was going to take full advantage of that fact and make sure he swallowed his medicine, as bitter and terrible as he claimed it was.
His recovery was slow going. When the doctor called to inform me that follow-up tests indicated cancer cells had been located in his lungs, I was beyond distraught. But they explained in great detail the course of action, though Leo had been the one to ebb my worries and concerns in shorts discussions to help me better understand the side effects of his treatment to the outlook of his prognosis. From the sounds of things, Father would make it out okay. But in the meantime, he was incredibly tired and slept for most of the day.
As a result, I found many of his normal responsibilities shifting onto my shoulders. Important meetings had to be rescheduled, as I could only consult on matters of the state and not necessarily make firm decisions in Father’s place. I had to take care of some of the paperwork, reviewing proposed budgets sent to the palace by Prime Minister Bolton and his majority parliament. I found that I rather liked working with the economic aspects of politics. As it turned out, I had a knack for keeping track of expenditures and finding room in the royal treasury to expand on public social projects like new hospitals, schools, public parks, libraries and so on.
I sat in my father’s office behind a big mahogany desk. It had been used by his father, and his father before him. One day, I would sit here and pass proclamations or deny trade embargos and all the other things a queen had to do in the run of a day. As I signed away on papers and made notes of where Father needed to review, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander. When I was a little girl, I used to play at Father’s feet as he shuffled through his agenda. I’d crawl into his lap and sit in the very chair that I was now, putting on a stern face to do my best impression of him.
Father was going to get better. I had to remind myself constantly. But the thought of him not being here one day, perhaps sooner than I would have liked, weighed heavily on my heart. I thought that if I denied it, believed that Father would rule Idolia forever, maybe then it would happen. It was a foolish thing to think, I knew, but it was easier than dealing with the issue properly. As king, there were several plans in place should he die. It was grim, but necessary.
I knew the plans well. Nathanial would be the one to inform me in the event that I wasn’t with Father at the time of his passing. Nathanial would then become my private secretary, contacting the prime minister and several reputable news sources about Father’s death. From there, all kinds of funeral preparations had already been laid out—from the coffin Father was to lie in to the route his carriage would take him through the city to the types of flowers he’d be buried upon. It was all morbid considerations when his oncologist was hopeful of his diagnosis, but I understood the necessity of being prepared for the worst.
“He’s going to be fine,” I had to mumble to myself allowed. My voice was quickly absorbed and dampened by the thick curtains covering the office’s windows. There were even tapestries draped over walls. I felt like I was talking into a box, my own silent thoughts soaked up instantly, never to be heard by another living soul.
And because of that, I felt lonely.
Father was in good hands, but the terrible thoughts kept creeping in. What if he did die? What if the cancer won and took him away from me? I’d be left to grieve in silence, just as I had before with the death of Mother. While the whole world watched, allowed to cry and wail for their beloved king’s death, I had to remain stoned-faced and strong. Even if all I wanted to do was ball my eyes out in somebody’s arms. If Father left me, I’d be all alone.
Leo’s kind blue-green eyes popped into my head.
What of Leo? I hadn’t personally contacted him since our trip to the hospital. How could I? Father was keeping a close eye on me—albeit a sleepy one—and all my calls would have to go through Nathanial, which also wasn’t an option.
I wondered what he was up to. Now that he was on leave, where in the city had he settled down for a well-deserved break from military service? I recalled that he had an adorable niece. Was he visiting her? Were they enjoying the wonderfully warm summer weather? I hoped wherever they were that they were having a good time. Maybe one day, I could manage to find the time to sneak away and join them in whatever activity they were participating in. Maybe we could all go to the park, go canoeing on a lake, fly kites when the wind was particularly strong. Anything with Leo would have been ideal in contrast to the paperwork that I was stuck doing.
I checked my phone to see if he’d replied back to my message. To my utter delight, he had. I forgot that my phone had been turned on silent so that I could focus on all of Father’s work, so I’d missed his two messages to me.
[Leo] I’m doing very well. And you?
[Leo] How is your father?
I was grateful to Leo. He’d effectively saved Father’s life. Had it not been him receiving the Medal of Honor at the exact moment of Father’s collapse, I didn’t know what would have happened. Any number of terrible things could have occurred. Luckily, they didn’t. Leo was there, at the ready, prepared to help in any way he could. His bravery stuck with me, made me feel warm inside. If only I could have a man like him by my side, I’d feel safe no matter where I went.
I giddily texted Leo back.
[Giselle] He’s doing much better. Tired, but better.
[Giselle] And I’m good now that I’m talking to you.
Perhaps now Father could understand why I was so taken with him. If I brought it up, maybe Father wouldn’t be opposed to me seeing Leo, after all. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t of noble birth. Leo was a decorated war hero who saved the king’s life. If Father didn’t consider him a man worth pursuing, I didn’t know who was. Leo was the very definition of a gentleman. Maybe while I visited Father to deliver his medicine, I’d speak to him about the prospect of dating Leo for real.
[Leo] I miss you.
My heart leapt out of my chest. He was thinking of me. He was actually thinking about me. I felt like I could finally breathe again. My thumbs flew over the screen of my phone and immediately wrote up a response.
[Giselle] I miss you too.
I wished I could see him in person. I had so much to say to him, so much more than the few words I could fit in a text message.
[Giselle] I wish I could see you, Leo.
[Leo] I know, sweetheart.
[Giselle] This isn’t fair to either of us.
[Leo] What are you up to?
He changed the subject. We’d discussed this and both with under the agreement that when the time was right we’d discuss us being together with Father, whether he wanted to accept it or not. This was my life, and regardless of my duty to my people, I deserved happiness.
But in the forethought of my mind, could I truly rebel against my responsibilities to my people? Could I go against my father’s wishes? If he disapproved of Leo and I being together, he could—and would—preven
t it from happening without any further justification or explanation.
[Giselle] I’m finishing up some paperwork.
I went along with the change in topic. It was a disaster of the heart to keep trudging up things we could not change, and I knew as much. But the heart wants…
[Leo] Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.
I rolled my eyes at his response. Leo was ever the gentleman. Modest and respectful at best.
[Giselle] I’m the one who reached out first, silly.
[Leo] That’s very true. This is all your fault.
I giggled quietly to myself. Even the most meaningless conversation with Leo made me happy, and at a stressful time like this, I felt I owed it to myself to smile a bit more when possible.
[Giselle] What are you doing?
[Leo] Getting settled in. Trying to clean up my old room at my sister’s place.
I was happy that Leo had returned home after receiving his medal. He’d given more than enough of himself to our country, and being with family was a comfort for him after all the warfare and chaos he’d faced during his time in the military.
[Giselle] Sounds fun?
[Leo] Probably as much as paperwork.
When the grandfather clock in the king’s study chimed, signaling that it was now six in the evening, I rose and stretched my arms above my head. After stifling a yawn behind my hand, I tucked all of the important documents away and sent Leo a quick message before exiting the office.
[Giselle] I’m sorry. I have to get going.
[Leo] That’s okay.
[Giselle] Can I text you later?
Not two seconds later, [Leo] Of course. Can’t wait.
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and tucked my phone away before opening the office doors. Two royal guards stood on either side of the door and proceeded to follow closely behind me for my protection. Since Father was in such a frail state, security around me had increased to ensure no harm could come to me. If something were to happen to Father and myself, there’d be no one left in the long line of the Idolian Royal Family to take up the throne. It would be utter chaos, hence the reason for my heightened security detail.
I walked down the lengthy hall, listening to my heels click against the polished floors. Outside of Father’s chambers, Nathanial stood, apparently waiting for me. He had a silver tray in his hand, a tiny plastic cup full to the brim with syrupy medicine. The doctor said that it was supposed to help calm the stomach and help Father keep his food down. It was bitter tasting to the point where Father wanted to gag it all up, so I had to steel myself and be firm with him. He’d either drink his medicine, or I would make him.
Nathanial handed me the tray. “His fever’s gone down,” he informed me.
“Good. Has he gotten any sleep?”
“Plenty. Unfortunately, he slept right through lunch.”
I sighed. “That’s not good. The medicine’s too hard on his stomach. Without food, he’ll only feel worse.”
“My apologies, Princess Giselle. I did try to wake him, but he swatted me away.” Father had proven to be a hateful old man in his sickness.
“It’s okay, Nathanial. We’ll just have to see what we can do.”
I entered Father’s bed chambers and curled my nose up. All of the curtains had been drawn shut, blocking out the sunlight. It was unbearably warm in Father’s room, and the faint scent of dust mixed with vomit lingered heavily in the air. The little bucket I left beside Father’s bed in case he was feeling ill was coated in stomach fluids, mixed in with tiny bits of undigested food.
After waving one of the house attendants over to clear it, I sat on the edge of Father’s bed, placing my hand on his forehead to test his temperature. He was a little warm, but not as bad as he was that morning.
“Giselle,” he grumbled, “please, don’t make me take it. I’m sick enough without it.”
I grinned unhelpfully. “Remember when I was seven, and I refused to eat my brussels sprouts?”
Father nodded weakly.
“This is my revenge.” I held the little cup of medicine out to his lips and started to tip it upward so the liquid would pour. It oozed, leaving the sides of the cup coated in thick purple. “Cheers.”
Very reluctantly, Father drank every last drop, shuddering as it slid down his throat.
I wiped Father’s brow down with a cool, damp cloth, wiping away the sweat that was beading upon his skin. I really wanted to talk to him about Leo, but Father didn’t look well enough for discussion. Then again, if I didn’t say anything, I could very well miss my chance.
“Father?”
“Hm?”
“I wanted to ask you something.”
“What is it, dear?”
I took a deep breath and prepared the words that I wanted to get off the tip of my tongue.
But before I could, Nathanial entered with a little black agenda in his hands. “Apologies,” he interrupted. “I wanted to let you know that the royal matchmaker has just called back to confirm your appointment for tomorrow, Princess.”
I blanched. “What?”
Father placed his hand on my wrist. “I’ve been thinking a lot about your future, Princess. In the event that I shouldn’t make it–”
“Please, don’t talk like that.”
He firmed up his grip on my wrist, bidding me back into silence. “Should I not make it, I want to make sure you have someone by your side who will take care of you.”
“I want that too, but–”
“That’s why I’ve invited the royal matchmaker to visit you. You remember Lucinda, don’t you? She set your cousins up a couple of years ago.”
“And they’re so happy,” I said dryly. “Father, I don’t think that’s–”
“We’ve already compiled a short-list,” explained Nathanial.
“A short-list,” I echoed in disbelief.
“Prince Wilson from the Kingdom of Laetsya,” recounted Father. “Very wealthy young man. He’d bring many resources with him if you married him. Think of how great it would be for our people. He’d be super far away from home, but I’m sure he’d feel comfortable here. The climate in Idolia is very similar to that of his kingdom.”
“And then there’s Prince David of Weles,” said Nathanial. “He’s currently seeking refuge at one of our ports nearer to the Welesian border. Marrying him would serve as a great political stance and give the Idolian Navy even more control of the sea. A marriage to him would also be beneficial for future trade routes by water. Great for the Idolian economy.”
“And last, but not my favorite, Prince Harold.”
I scoffed. “Prince Harold of the Pramorian Empire? Are you kidding me?”
“Lower your voice, Princess. I have a headache.”
I stood and huffed, crossing my arms before my chest. “I would never marry that monster.”
Father let out a frustrated sigh, which promptly transformed into a vicious cough. It took him a few moments to come down from it. “You can’t marry for love, Giselle. It’s not possible. Prince Harold is a last resort. Should the Pramorian Empire decide that they want to make a move on Idolia next, you need to be prepared to marry him to spare us from unnecessary transgression.”
“When you married my mother, did you love her?” I snapped. This was ludicrous. “I understand that my duty is to my people, but this is too much. We aren’t stuck in the medieval times where women were used as pawns. I am my own woman. I should be able to marry who I want.”
Father bit his lip. “I grew to love your mother.”
“What?” I sobbed, the threat of tears suddenly surging forward without warning. “How can you say that?”
“Our lives aren’t simple, Princess. You know that. To marry for love, that’s for commoners. You are royalty. Our lives are dictated by another set of rules.”
I set my jaw, grinding my teeth together painfully. The future I’d imagined with Leo was quickly fading right before my eyes. I had to say goodbye to that little house I wanted to
one day live in with him. I had to put aside ideas of strolling happily along some park path with him. Goodbye to the idea of having multiple kids to raise around us. Goodbye to growing old with him, happily and content.
I clenched my fists and left the room. Father had taken his medicine. My job was done here.
19
Leo
Giselle did not, in fact, message me later.
I wondered if something had happened. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the amount of work she had to do with her father in such critical condition. I hoped that she was alright, but it worried me to no end not knowing how she really was.
I couldn’t wait around any longer. I had to see her. I’d been a stressed out, heavily caffeinated mess all week, and I just couldn’t take it. I’d been to war, and I’d seen awful things. But nothing was worse than what I was feeling, stuck in my own little limbo of never quite knowing where Giselle and I stood. Why did the palace have to have such strict rules? Why couldn't Giselle be with me like she so clearly wanted? She didn’t have to say anything for me to know how badly she wanted to be with me, just as I wanted to be with her. I could read it in her eyes, the way she stared at my lips, in the way that her touch lingered for slightly longer than necessary. Our attraction hadn’t faded over the year; it had only grown. I supposed the old saying was true.
Absence really did make the heart grow fonder.
I awoke at the crack of dawn, filled with a determination to do something. Anything. I didn’t really have a plan, but I knew I couldn’t sit around the house all day waiting for something in our circumstances to change. I needed to be the change, make things happen. Because if I had to wait on King Maximillian to change his mind and recant his overly conservative views, I’d die an old man.
I hopped into the shower, shaved, then dressed in my finest suit. It had been a while since I put the thing on, and I had to admit I felt a bit weird to be out of uniform. But there wasn’t any need for me to don my colors since I was off duty. Once I was dressed, I rushed down the stairs of my sister’s house and booked it to the basement where we kept all of our old items.
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