Darkness Past

by Sherryl Hancock

  “Jerry,” she whispered. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” Jerry replied in a whisper. “I’m sorry, I got confused and thought I was headed to the bathroom, but… you two just look so gorgeous together,” she said, indicating the way their bodies were positioned. “You should seriously have Chez take this picture for the magazine layout in Cosmo.”

  Palani shook her head. “Kana would never go for such a risqué shot.”

  “It’s not risqué,” Jerry said. “It’s art. You two look like this incredible sculpture. Have Chez take it in black and white. It would look fantastic, even the contrast of the white sheet against Kana’s dark skin. I’m telling you, it would be amazing.”

  Palani thought Jerry was probably right, but she was fairly sure Kana would never even consider it. It was worth asking about though. One never did know until one asked.

  ***

  Kashena knew she was pushing it, and she knew she needed to slow down. Linda wanted to celebrate their being back together. Her idea of celebrating was going out every night of the week and staying out until 1 or 2 a.m., then coming home to make love for hours. It was a pace Kashena couldn’t keep up with.

  Finally, after two weeks, she told Linda they weren’t going out that night.

  “Why not?” Linda asked, shocked.

  “Because,” Kashena said, leaning back against the couch, “I need some sleep for one thing.”

  “Sleep is overrated,” Linda joked, walking over to the couch and straddling Kashena’s waist. “Besides, my favorite DJ is at 21 tonight. We have to go.”

  “Babe…” Kashena said, brushing Linda’s hair back. “I can’t, not tonight. I need to get some sleep. This pace is killin’ me.”

  Linda pouted, her eyes downcast.

  Kashena hadn’t mentioned how it was costing her a fortune to go out every night. Between cover charges, drinks, and dinner, things were starting to add up. Kashena made decent money, but she had a mortgage and a few other bills to be concerned with. Linda didn’t understand that because she had no responsibilities, not even a job.

  Linda lifted her head, a triumphant gleam in her eyes. Kashena knew she wasn’t going to like what came out of her mouth next, and she didn’t.

  “Well, I’ll just go to 21 alone then,” Linda said matter-of-factly.

  Kashena narrowed her eyes at Linda. “Can’t just stay home one night, huh?”

  “I’m enjoying myself, Kashie. I’m young and I’m going to enjoy life while I can,” Linda said dramatically.

  “I’m sure one night would ruin your life,” Kashena said, moving Linda off her lap and getting up.

  “You can go with me, Kash…” Linda said in a leading tone. “You just want to stay home. I’m not a homebody like you.”

  Kashena turned around, looking at her in disbelief. “For two weeks we’ve been going out every night. Two weeks, Linda. When is it going to be enough for you?”

  Linda looked back at her thoughtfully. Finally she shrugged and got up, leaving the room. Kashena stayed in the living room, not willing to follow her girlfriend. After a few minutes she started cooking dinner, doing her best not to worry about what was going on down the hall. An hour later, as Kashena was sitting down to eat, Linda came out. She was dressed up, her hair flowing around her shoulders. Kashena knew that Linda was going out without her.

  Kashena ignored her, continuing to eat and read the report she’d brought home from work. Linda moved around the kitchen, using a fork to pick out some meat and vegetables from what Kashena had made. It wasn’t long before it became obvious that Linda was waiting for Kashena to comment on her going out. It made Kashena more determined not to comment.

  When she finished eating, Kashena got up, rinsed off her plate, and put it in the dishwasher. She refilled her wine glass, her eyes avoiding contact with Linda’s. Then she went down the hall to the bedroom. Linda heard the TV in the bedroom a few moments later. Kashena was in for the night.

  Linda debated her options. She knew if she went out, she’d have to beg her friends to buy her drinks. Her friends got tired of that really quickly. Part of her thought that she’d be smarter to stay home and assuage Kashena’s ego for a night. Then another part of her rebelled against being “kept.” Who did Kashena think she was? Linda was her own person—no one told her what to do and when to do it! This was bullshit! Just because Kashena didn’t want to go out, didn’t mean she couldn’t. And she would. She would show Kashena that she couldn’t boss her around.

  With that Linda left the house, borrowing the keys to Kashena’s car on the way out, as well as a few twenties out of Kashena’s wallet. She wouldn’t mind, would she?

  Linda got in about 2:30 a.m. Bumping into a table in Kashena’s room was her first mistake. Although she suspected that Kashena was awake already. Kashena turned over, glancing at the clock, then back at her. She said nothing, never a good sign.

  Linda climbed into bed next to Kashena a few minutes later, having dropped her clothes in an untidy pile on the floor. She snuggled against Kashena and sensed the tension in her right away.

  “I missed you tonight,” Linda whispered.

  Kashena didn’t respond. Instead she turned over on her side, putting her back to Linda.

  “Kashie,” Linda said, sliding her hand over Kashena’s waist, “please don’t be mad. I just wanted to have fun.”

  Again, Kashena didn’t respond.

  Linda sighed, turning over on her back to stare up at the ceiling. “I just don’t feel like I’m your partner, you know? You’re always telling me what we can do and can’t do. I hate that. I don’t want to feel like you own me, Kashena. Is that wrong?”

  That had Kashena turning over to face her.

  “Own you?” Kashena asked. “You think I feel like I own you?”

  “Yes,” Linda said, her voice tearful. “You’re always saying ‘we can’t do this’ or ‘we can’t do that.’ I feel like you’re the boss around here.”

  Kashena stared at her, then shrugged.

  “Tell ya what, babe,” she said evenly. “You get a job and start paying for shit around here, and I’d be happy to let you tell me what we can and can’t afford, okay?”

  “Don’t be a bitch,” Linda growled.

  “Then don’t fucking push your luck.”

  Linda was shocked by Kashena’s harder-than-stone tone of voice. Usually Kashena would do anything to keep Linda with her longer. This time she wasn’t doing that. Linda found that it made her want to stay more. But she had to push.

  “I’ll go out anytime I want to,” Linda said impudently.

  “Better start taking your own money,” Kashena said, her voice icy, “or I’ll arrest your ass for theft.”

  Linda stared back at Kashena like she’d never seen her before. And before she could formulate a reply, Kashena’s hand was on her cheek, her thumb under Linda’s chin, keeping their eyes locked.

  “And,” Kashena continued, her tone still angry, “you ever touch the keys to my car again, and I’ll kick your ass all the way into next week. You got that?”

  Linda swallowed a few times, shocked to feel herself getting excited. This was a side of Kashena she hadn’t seen in a long, long time. This was the forceful, experienced woman she’d gotten attached to.

  Without a word, Linda was kissing Kashena, wrapping her body around her, begging forgiveness with her body, her mouth, her hands. Kashena remained tense for a long time, but she finally gave in. The lovemaking that night was wild and passionate, something it hadn’t been in a long time. Linda fell asleep curled in Kashena’s arms, feeling like she’d just rediscovered gold.

  Kashena fell asleep knowing their relationship had just stepped up to a dangerous level. She’d been ready to beat the crap out of Linda for not only stealing from her, again, but for taking her car too. What was worse, she’d realized that Linda had indeed been drinking and then driving Kashena’s prized possession. It showed total disregard for her, and Kashena knew it. It didn’t bode well. Squ
ashing the thought, Kashena fell into a restless sleep.

  ***

  Kana glanced at Palani, rolling her eyes. Palani hid her smile behind her hand. They were waiting for the writer who was doing the story on them. It had already been an experience in exasperation. Apparently the writer wanted the pictures done first, and the photographer wanted the story done first. Kana said as far as she was concerned they could just skip the whole thing. Of course, the editor of the magazine had been quick to negate that idea.

  “This is an important story—it must be told!” she said, with far more flair than Kana felt was necessary. “We’ll do it according to how you two feel,” the woman went on to say.

  “I don’t feel like doing it,” Kana said, her tone even.

  “But Ms. Sorbinno…” the editor began, alarmed.

  “Relax,” Kana said. “My girl wants to do this, so we’re doing it. But I have a job, so I need you people to get on the ball.”

  “Certainly, Ms. Sorbinno. So sorry this has caused so much hassle.”

  Kana couldn’t believe these people. She knew they were kissing ass because Palani had just been chosen for the cover of not only Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition, but also for Vogue, Cosmopolitan’s chief competitor. But no one had the exclusive that Cosmo had, the story of how Kana and Palani came to be. Somehow, they’d suddenly become a hot commodity.

  Between Kana being so high profile, being with Midnight Chevalier all the time, and Palani re-emerging in the modeling field and becoming bigger than ever, they were a hot couple to know. With the world focusing on California and whether Proposition 8—a much-debated proposition that eliminated the options for same-sex couples to get married in the state—would remain in effect or be struck down in the Supreme Court, Kana and Palani’s planning to have the commitment ceremony was also a very current topic.

  Kana had no idea what to do with the newfound fame. All she knew was she didn’t like it. Palani was used to being photographed and asked about her life. Kana didn’t want anything to do with it. She was used to her life being private.

  The following day, Kana and Palani met with the writer of the story. The photographer was there as well, snapping candid pictures. Fortunately, the woman writing the story, while not gay, was very family friendly. She was highly intrigued by what Kana did and how she and Palani actually got together. It was the first question she asked.

  “You two met when Kana was an officer with San Diego Police Department, didn’t you?” the reporter asked.

  “Yes,” Palani said. “Kana was a sergeant with homicide.”

  “Homicide?” the reporter queried. “How exactly did you meet?”

  Kana looked at Palani and waited for her to answer.

  “Kana came to question my husband about a murder,” Palani said.

  “That’s right, you were married when you two met, weren’t you?”

  Kana nodded, thinking, here it comes.

  “Yes, I was,” Palani said.

  “And when did you two start dating?” the reporter asked.

  “After I pursued Kana and begged her to date me,” Palani said, looking at Kana and smiling.

  The reporter looked at Kana. “You didn’t want to date Palani?”

  “She was married, and not even sure she wanted women,” Kana replied simply.

  “Not sure she wanted women?” the reporter echoed, looking at Palani.

  “I knew I was missing something in my marriage,” Palani explained. “I had a good friend who was gay, and I saw how she and her girlfriend were together. I wasn’t sure if that’s what I was looking for, but when Kana kissed me the first time, believe me, I knew.”

  The reporter grinned. “Kana’s a good kisser?”

  “Kana’s good at everything,” Palani said, biting her lip and smiling.

  Kana rolled her eyes and shook her head.

  “What’s wrong, Kana?” the reporter asked.

  “Would you want your sexual abilities printed in a magazine?” Kana asked the reporter.

  “Only if it was a report that I’m good at everything,” the reporter replied, chuckling.

  “Well, I don’t think I want it in a magazine,” Kana said.

  “So, you two started dating while you were married?”

  “Yes,” Palani said. “I wanted to see Kana, and she agreed reluctantly.”

  The reporter nodded, understanding that Kana had not wanted to interfere with Palani’s marriage. “So what happened next?”

  “We fell in love,” Palani said, her eyes glowing. “Kana was who I knew I was meant to be with.”

  “And that’s when you left your husband?”

  “Kana wanted me to ease out of my marriage. She knew how Matthew would react if I was leaving him for a woman.”

  “And did he find out?”

  “No,” Palani said, her tone softening. “He did decide to find another way to keep me in the marriage.”

  “How?”

  “Palani…” Kana warned.

  Palani looked at Kana, and Kana shook her head slightly. Palani understood what Kana was telling her.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t really talk about that. Suffice it to say, it almost ruined Kana and me.”

  “You two broke up?”

  “Yes, for a year,” Palani said sadly.

  “But you got back together,” the reporter said.

  “Yes, when Kana was shot,” Palani said with a stricken look.

  “This was a little over two years ago, right?” the reporter asked, looking from Palani to Kana.

  Kana nodded, as did Palani.

  “You almost died, isn’t that true, Kana?”

  “Yes,” Kana said, looking at Palani. “I was dying. Palani pulled me back.”

  “Pulled you back?” the reporter asked, an excited light in her eyes.

  “Her voice,” Kana said, taking Palani’s hand and looking into her eyes. “She was crying and begging me not to leave her. How could I go?” Kana asked, as if it were truly a question.

  Palani smiled back at Kana, tears gathering in her eyes.

  “And who asked who to marry her?”

  Palani bit her lip, smiling shyly. “I asked Kana to marry me.”

  “You did?” the reporter asked, shocked.

  “Kana didn’t believe in same-sex marriage,” Palani said.

  “Really?” the reporter asked.

  Kana shrugged. “I don’t shove my sexuality down anyone’s throat.”

  The reporter, Tina Castle, was known for her liberal views, and therefore the liberal slant to any story she wrote. She found it interesting that Kana Sorbinno was against a right gays were fighting heavily for.

  “So you don’t think gays should get married?” Tina asked.

  “I didn’t say that,” Kana said. “I just didn’t feel like it was something I needed to do to prove that I love Palani. There are a lot of people that don’t feel marriage means anything. That it’s just a piece of paper and a ring. I’m no different than people who dodge marriage their whole lives.”

  Tina nodded again. “Would you say that you’re a liberal or a conservative?”

  “Conservative,” Kana said.

  “Yet you live a lifestyle that the conservative side of the nation, Republicans, don’t recognize as either legal or legitimate.”

  “I don’t base my political beliefs and practices on my sexuality,” Kana said. “While the liberal Democratic party supports my right to get married to another woman, they also support things I find incomprehensible.”

  “Such as?” Tina asked, sensing that Kana Sorbinno was far from the typical.

  “Such as the legalization of marijuana, the creation of more government aid programs, the lack of control on the welfare systems, the abolition of the death penalty—I can go on and on.”

  “And you disagree with the Democratic stand on these?”

  “Completely,” Kana said.

  “What about you, Palani?”

  “I have to say that a lot of m
y opinions have changed since I got together with Kana,” Palani said. “I’ve learned a lot more about law enforcement than I ever knew. I understand more about why certain laws are in place, and most importantly how it feels to have someone try to kill the person you love most with total disregard.”

  Kana sat back, watching the reporter make notes to herself. She wasn’t sure if things were going as expected or not.

  “So, why did you agree to marry Palani if you didn’t believe in gay marriage?” Tina asked.

  “I never said I didn’t believe in it,” Kana said, her eyes narrowing slightly. She didn’t like the woman putting words into her mouth. “I said it wasn’t something I ever wanted to do. The reason I agreed to it, however, is simply because Palani wanted it so much. When you love someone, you go out of your way to give them something they want.”

  “And did I hear correctly that you two are planning on having a baby?”

  “Yes,” Palani answered.

  “Who will you have father the child?” Tina asked.

  Palani glanced at Kana, unsure if she wanted to answer that. Kana gave her a nod.

  “Kana’s brother is going to donate the sperm. That way it will be Kana’s family DNA combined with mine.”

  Tina looked surprised. “Your brother won’t want custody of a child that is his?”

  “My brother wouldn’t know what to do with a child,” Kana said with a grin. “He’s better with things like puppies. They can be put outside when they’re bad, whereas children can’t.”

  Tina chuckled at that description.

  “Can I ask you questions about Attorney General Chevalier?”

  “That would depend on the questions,” Kana replied.

  “Fair enough. During the election, Midnight Chevalier made a very moving speech defending you and telling people that you were to be respected for your time in law enforcement, rather than being crucified for your sexuality. How did you feel about that?”

  “I wasn’t even aware of that speech until weeks later,” Kana said, “but when I found out about it, I’d have to say it made me proud to know a woman like Midnight. She’s someone who is able to separate business from personal. Yet she’s unfailingly loyal to both her friends and the people she works for.”