"I'd like that, I just don't want to do anything else that would make you uncomfortable."
Sofia reached across the table, taking Allie's hand into her own. "You won't," she said, an honest smile finding a home upon her lips.
Covering their joined hands with her free one, the worry lines fell away from Allie's face, replaced by happy creases from a wide white smile. "Great, so let's start over." She sat up straighter and cleared her throat. "Sofia, I'm so happy we're doing this. I was looking forward to seeing you all day." She leaned forward, the distance between them at the intimate table for two a mere arm's length.
Blood rushed to Sofia's cheeks and she dipped her head, her dark bangs making a sad attempt at hiding her reaction. She smiled wider, unable to help herself. "I've been looking forward to seeing you too." Deep brown with tiny flecks of black—she lost herself in the warmth of the eyes staring back at her.
"Good."
The smirk on Allie's lips sent Sofia's heart racing. The woman was a deadly combination of sexy and sweet, sometimes making her head spin at the quickness with which she could shift from one to the other. But it was all so honest and spontaneous. Not a single response felt forced or rehearsed.
Kylar had been so very what-you-see-is-what-you-get. She never mixed words or hid her emotions. Allie also wore her emotions on her sleeve, however, she had an air of mystery about her that tickled Sofia's curiosity. She hadn't met anyone quite like the woman sitting across from her and she found herself wanting to know every little thing about her. All her quirks, nuances, expressions, favorite things, pet peeves...everything.
"Hello, ladies. What can I get you to drink tonight?" The twenty-something Asian waitress asked with a smile. With tattoos and pink streaked hair, she resembled more of a night club bartender than a family sushi restaurant server.
Allie responded with the house sake, to which Sofia quickly agreed, and in a flash, they were alone again.
"So, Sofia. What do you do for a living?"
Every muscle coiled tight at what had been an expected, though uncomfortable, question. Sofia had planned her response, hoping to skim past it until a later time. There was still much to be dealt with in that arena. "I'm a consultant," she replied tight-lipped.
"That's so very vague. Like a spy cover story or something." Allie let out a little laugh.
Sofia relaxed, allowing her smile to return. "To be honest, I'm a retired pharmaceutical scientist. I worked in labs and development to help change lives. But life happened and I needed a change of my own, so I started a business. With my best friend, actually." Allie didn't need to know she'd lost faith in her career after treatment for Kylar had failed.
Allie opened her mouth, ready to dig deeper, but was interrupted by the waitress delivering their drinks. The moment she left, Allie was right back on point. "Consulting on pharmaceuticals?"
"Not exactly, but there is still chemistry involved." Sofia lifted her glass in a toast, spurring Allie to do the same. "To life's wonderful surprises."
"Here, here." Allie touched her glass to Sofia's and then savored a sip.
"Your turn, Allie." Sofia set her glass down and clasped her hands on the tabletop with an expectant smile.
"I'm a financial advisor at MacMillan Wealth. I just got promoted and now I'm working on finding my place in the boy's club, if you know what I mean."
"Oh, I definitely do, but somehow, I'm sure you'll do just fine."
"I appreciate the vote of confidence." Allie took another sip of sake, then added, "One day I'd like to open my own office though."
"I have no doubt you will achieve all of your goals." Sofia had a feeling Allie was one of those people who never stopped pursuing their dreams and she could appreciate that kind of perseverance.
The waitress returned for their orders, breaking the Q&A session and granting Sofia a reprieve. She shifted in her seat, hoping to break free of the tension gripping her muscles. It wasn't that she was having a bad time—far from it—or that she was focusing on her earlier concerns, but rather the guilt of all she already knew about Allie. She didn't like having to pretend. Still, she couldn't tell her now. Maybe once they got to know one another better, or at least after the whole telling Runa thing was over. She inhaled a shaky breath, but when Allie's attention fell back to her, her inner storm settled. Nothing else mattered under the warm gaze of the woman seated across from her.
Dinner went off without a hitch, besides her late arrival. Conversation had flowed freely and easily and food had been enjoyed to the fullest. With great effort, Sofia convinced Allie to let her pay. It was the least she could do following her behavior. They made their way to the exit, neither ready for the date to end. It may have been Sunday, but it was still early, so they dragged their feet on the way to the parking lot, making small talk to make the evening last a little bit longer.
"Gorgeous car," Sofia said as they came to a halt in front of Allie's Barracuda. Her gaze took in the details of the Plymouth, but quickly made their way back to Allie.
"Thanks," Allie said. Her tone spoke of the knowledge that neither of them were truly interested in the car. Not right now. She fidgeted with her keys and then asked, "Would you care to take a walk down the boardwalk? It's a really nice evening." She smiled a shy smile, hopeful yet scared.
"I'd like that very much," Sofia answered, her own soft smile shifting into a mischievous smirk. "But first, there's something else I'd like to do."
"Oh yeah? What's that?" Allie's eager response came with a grin that widened in anticipation of the answer.
No words followed, only action. Sofia moved gracefully into Allie's space and cupped her cheeks with both hands, holding her in place. Sofia's smile grew as Allie's expression fell into one of surprise and then joy, just before those delicious supple lips were captured fully, completely. The feeling was every bit as magical as the first. Finally, Sofia let go of all her fears and enjoyed the moment.
Instant addiction—the taste of Allie's lips, the warm skin, the silkiness of her hair, the smell of coconut shampoo, the soft curve of her hip as Sofia let her hand drift lower, and by God, the moan of ecstasy as their tongues met.
But what hooked Sofia the most, the thing she had craved since their last encounter, was the racing of her heart and the prickle of excitement zipping up and down her spine. Allie was CPR for her soul and for the first time in years, she felt alive.
♥♥♥
Allie moaned. Her hands slid down to Sofia's waistline, fingers digging into soft cotton that covered deceptively well-toned flesh. Afraid Sofia would run again, she snaked her arms around, pulling her desperately closer and despite her better judgement, deepening the kiss. A whimpered response was her reward. Needy gasps and heaving chests eventually parted their lips, but not by much.
Sofia softly nibbled Allie's lower lip and then pulled back enough for Allie to lose herself in those heavenly eyes at close range for the first time. Allie wanted to say something meaningful, something they'd remember forever, but she had nothing. There were no words for the honesty she saw in those soft green pools that reflected the same inexplicably strong feelings as her own. The missing piece of Allie's puzzle was right here in her arms in the form of an unbelievably smart, beautiful, funny woman and she couldn't believe her luck.
Allie had thought their first kiss had been the mother of all kisses, but the fireworks currently igniting within shamed even her wildest dreams. She never wanted to stop kissing Sofia, never wanted to release her from her arms. The woman was something special and Allie truly felt like this was the beginning of something amazing. And to think they found one another with just one look across a crowded room.
As Sofia bit her lip and smiled, her heated gaze darting back and forth from Allie's eyes to her mouth, Allie could do only one thing. She kissed her again. And again. Smiling against Sofia's lips when she met her just as passionately, she brushed fears of the woman running again to the far recesses of her mind. Life's wonderful surprises indeed.
> CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Runa had spent most of Sunday in bed—a rare occurrence since she was usually up with the sun. When two p.m. came around, she rolled out of the comfy confines of her pillowtop mattress and took up residence on her plush sofa. There'd been no change of clothes, no freshening up, no peppy steps in route to the coffee maker, only the dragging of her pillow behind her as she exchanged one soft surface for another. Even the view was much the same—sea salt green walls speckled with pictures of beaches and family, highlighted by white doors and trim. The only difference was the kitchen window, which allowed an unobstructed glimpse of the perfect blue sky outside she'd worked hard all morning to ignore.
Though the day had been a waste, it seemed needed. She rarely ever took a minute's rest. A muted ESPN played on the television. Her phone remained an afterthought, tucked deep into her bag to avoid the certain onslaught of best friend texts. Blackout curtains and a giant fleece blanket cocoon kept the rest of the world at bay. A day alone to rehash and reboot after her defeat was a sound plan. Maybe she could figure out what comes next. Or, maybe she'd say to hell with thinking, order a pizza, and let fate do whatever it liked. She had already tried to force her hand once. Lesson learned.
She had a nice condo, a career she loved, a supportive family, a great best friend, and apparently, a new friend in Allie. Calling Allie her friend without the blinding hope of something more stapled to the word would take some getting used to, but it would have to be done. Allie had left no wiggle room. Friendship was all they would ever have. While it had stung like hell earlier, Runa recognized—even through her cloud of doom and gloom—that she breathed easier today. Tomorrow would be better, and the day after, even better yet. Then, on Wednesday, she would see Reyna.
Her heart thumped a little harder. A smile teased her lips. Her fingers itched to dig up her phone and call Reyna, but she held steadfast to her plan of no outside contact. She needed time. Besides, her feelings for Reyna confused her. She could admit to enjoying the woman's company, and God knew she was amazing to look at, but was there anything more? She had been so wrapped up in Allie for so long it was difficult to see anything else clearly. But all that could wait until Wednesday. For now, a movie marathon of Underworld seemed appropriate. Kate Beckinsale kicking ass always made things better.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The alarm clock blared rap music at seven a.m. sharp, as commanded. The thumping sound was something Sofia had never enjoyed, but was certain to get her out of bed since she'd purposely left the clock across the room. She had tried other methods over the last seven years, but this had been the only sure-fire way to get her up and moving. It was her routine. Just another morning, like any other morning, yet not at all like the others since Kylar had died. This one—a Monday of all things—had Sofia feeling a sense of vigor she had not known for years. There was energy, vibrancy, and as she bounded into the bathroom, a smile.
When was the last time I smiled in the morning before coffee or the pressure to put on a happy face for the world?
The morning before Kylar's diagnosis.
That was a long time without an honest to goodness smile—one she could feel from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and into the depths of her soul. There was only one reason for the sudden change and that was the woman who had reached into her chest and revived her heart with the skill of the finest cardiovascular surgeon known to man. Even pharmaceuticals had been unable to achieve the same results. There had been no reason for the organ to beat again, until now. Until Allie.
Sofia pulled open the curtains to a partly cloudy Miami horizon that in no way matched the light shining inside of her. A flash of the parting kiss they had shared just hours ago made her body hum once again. Her fingers unconsciously moved to touch her lips, longing for a return visit. Shrugging off the gray sky, she went about preparing for her day by brushing her teeth and grabbing a quick shower. She slipped into her plush baby blue robe and tied the belt snug around her waist on her way to the kitchen.
As she poured her cup of coffee, she glanced out the sliding glass door to the sunrise. The balcony facing the ocean, even though it was a few miles away, had been her main reason for buying the condo. Partaking in her daily coffee out there while reading the news had been another routine she'd taken comfort in, but today, something pulled at her. There was something she needed to do, probably had needed to do years ago, but today was the day.
Setting down her mug and tablet on the table outside, she walked back inside and over to the bookcase in the living room. A careful grasp lifted a picture of her and Kylar on the beach with reverence. The photo had been taken by a friend at sunrise eight years ago. It was New Year's morning and they had joined several friends in toasting the first day with mimosas in their hand and sand between their toes. The moment had been captured to perfection with the newlyweds smiling so wide, lost in one another's eyes, that they were completely unobservant of the camera.
Her heart swelled at the memory, but then quickly receded, clenching tightly as the lovely memory was replaced by the pain of loss. "Hey you," she whispered with love in her voice as she gently brushed her finger down Kylar's cheek. "I miss you so much, every day." The bright clear eyes she'd had moments ago turned to opaque glass as a pool of tears formed. She didn't want to cry. That wasn't what this was about. This was a good day, a happy day, and she wanted to share it with the woman that had held her heart for so long.
She carried the photo set in a golden frame out to the table and set it beside the mug to face her. They had picked the frame out at the store together. Kylar had voted for gold over black because it matched the sun's rays off the ocean behind them. Sofia laughed at the memory. She hadn't cared about the color, she'd just cherished the picture. But Kylar, being an artist, had an eye for those things. Wiping away the buildup of tears, she cleared her throat and looked to the glimmer of the ocean before turning back to the photo.
"I miss you and I love you so, so, much, but I've finally realized I haven't been living all these years. I thought I had. I'd really and truly convinced myself that I had been able to move on and be happy, but I hadn't. The moment you left me I locked myself away, existing under a facade of forced smiles until we would be together again. I mean, what was the point, right? I had lost a great love, the one person I believed I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, so that was that. No one could ever make me feel the way you did again. Why pretend otherwise?"
More tears rushed forward as she finally spoke her truths aloud. She had tried hard to move on, doing all the things she'd been told to do after losing a spouse, but when it came to the biggest one, she had faked it. She had never moved on. There were dates and sex and meet-ups to appease her friends and family that had expressed concern, but she had never set herself free.
A self-deprecating laugh fell from her lips and she shook her head. "But that's exactly what I did, didn't I? You've probably been up there scratching your head, wondering why I'd been so insistent on punishing myself for something neither of us could control. You told me you wanted me to be happy, to enjoy the rest of my life, but how could I possibly, when the truest happiness I had ever known was with you?"
She took a deep breath and pushed her coffee away, no longer in the mood. "To be honest, I was afraid…" She paused and briefly considered whether or not she truly wanted to say her next thought aloud. Then, with a heavy breath she said, "Afraid of what loving someone else would mean and whether or not you really meant it when you said you wanted me to move on. I don't know if I would have wanted you to love anyone else but me."
She tipped her head back and stared at the sky. The sun kept trying, but failing to break free of the clouds. "No." Sofia shook her head vehemently. "No, that's a lie. That would be selfish and cruel and not at all how I would want you to spend your remaining years. I don't know why I would even say that, or doubt what you had wished for me."
A moment of silence allowed more truth to bubble to the surface.
"Yes, I do. I was angry and scared and angry and heartbroken. Mostly angry...for so many years. Not at you, but at everything else for taking you away." Her hands met the table top with force, knocking the picture frame down and spilling coffee over the edge of her cup, but she didn't care. The dark liquid earned a steely glare as it pooled around the bottom of the white mug. She reached past it and set the photo back on end.
"Sorry." There was a point to make and it was time to do so. Shaking out her hands and taking a deep breath, she started again, "What I'm trying to say, is that I get it now. I get all of it. I will always be grateful for having you in my life for the time I did and I will always love you." On instinct, her fingers caressed her pendant.
"You will always live in my heart and my memory, but I have finally found a way, a reason, to move on. Her name is Allie and she's funny and beautiful and kind and makes me feel things...she's special. She had to be to bring me back, to make my heart beat with purpose again. I know it's all brand new and it may not amount to anything in the grand scheme of things, but for the first time since I lost you, I have a reason to hope, a reason to try to be happy. Allie makes me happy and I hope that makes you happy too."
A soft sniffle followed her admission and as if Kylar had heard her words and offered her approval, the clouds parted, allowing the sun to shine onto her balcony. A calm settled the turbulence within. "Thank you." Sofia hummed and closed her eyes as she basked in the warmth that had graced her and the relief of finally setting herself free.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Sofia walked into the office and headed for her desk, flashing Reyna a smile and issuing a good morning on her way past. Once she settled in, she pulled out a bag, still warm with a grease stained corner, and set it on the edge of the desk. "Here. I brought you those muffins you like. The orange cranberry ones."
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