by Emilia Finn
“Like I do, you mean?”
Turning, he leans against the engine and studies my face. “It’s not my place to tell you how to heal from something. That’s your business, and hell, I’m a high school dropout, so what the fuck do I know? I’d bet your therapist probably has some choice things to say about my hunger for adrenaline as a coping mechanism.”
“I mean, that is a little messed-up.”
Laughing, he turns back to the engine and fiddles. “You gonna tell me yours now?”
My heart thumps. Hard. Painful. “My what?”
“We’re competing, aren’t we? I told you about the scepter, so now you can tell me your thing. Then when it’s all done, and we promise to not be all weird with the ‘oh my gawd, I’m soooo sorry,’ then we can probably get some lunch, because I’m fuckin’ starving.”
My hand goes to my stomach, but I can’t say I’m hungry. “Um…”
“Rip the Band-Aid off, Nora. Tear that motherfucker off and get it out. It might actually feel good.”
“You don’t know?” I take a step closer to the SUV, and lean against Galileo when he follows. “It was all over the news. I’m basically a town legend at this point.”
He scoffs. “I’ve picked up pieces here, pieces there. I know you were hurt, I know men scare you, which implies that you were hurt – possibly sexually – by men. I know that nighttime terrifies you, but in the daylight, you can basically handle yourself. I know your dog is your coping mechanism, as is your desire to control everyone around you.”
“I do not control everyone around me,” I grumble.
“Yes,” he counters with a smile, “you do. It’s how you remain calm. You don’t like surprises; you don’t like secrets. Which means I’ll never be able to organize a surprise party for you, because the ‘oh yay’ won’t be enough to counteract the anxiety that led up to it. So I’ve already logged that in my noggin.” He reaches up and taps his temple. “I also know that whatever happened to you, happened when you were a teen. Because otherwise, why wouldn’t you go to prom?”
“Because school dances are stupid. People think they’re so damn important, but they’re really not.”
“Which tells me you’re wise beyond your years. To a sixteen-year-old, prom is really fuckin’ important. But to you, it’s trivial shit, which means you were slapped with a reality check that eclipsed anything as insignificant as a dance. Something big happened to you, something horrible and life-altering, and because you had that knowledge of how fucked-up the world is, dances didn’t rate in your mind.”
“Can we get something deep fried for lunch?”
“Yes, we can.” Reaching forward, he snags my hand and pulls me closer. “Tell me, then we’ll go clog our arteries.”
“I still think you’re a shitty neighbor, inconsiderate and rude. And probably an incompetent mechanic, too.”
“That’s fine. I think you’re a snobby turd that thinks she’s so much better than the rest of us. Also, you smell pretty, and I really like your pink pyjama pants.”
“You’re so silly.” I lower my gaze and wipe a hand beneath my nose. “I was never sexually assaulted. So get that out of your head.”
He lets out a long, heaving breath of relief. “Thank god.”
“I was sort of on the path to being sexually assaulted, but it didn’t go that way in the end.”
“Tell me in one fast swoop, chronologically. Then we get to eat.”
I draw in a fortifying breath, and glance away from his eyes. They’re so sharp, so penetrating like he thinks he can stare into my brain and decipher my secrets. “My sister was just a little older than me. She was a little more outgoing than I was. One night, when I was sixteen, she dressed me up like I was her own Barbie doll, then we snuck out to this club in town. It’s not there anymore, but it used to be called Infernos.”
“Motherfuck,” he groans. “Okay. Keep going.”
He already knows. He just didn’t realize it yet. “Turns out that club wasn’t only for dancing, but we didn’t know until we were already inside. Lisa and I were scooped up by these guys, told we were invited to a private party upstairs. We knew we shouldn’t go, but we weren’t exactly given a choice at that point.”
“You weren’t sexually assaulted, you weren’t sexually assaulted.” He says it like a chant. Like a prayer. “Okay, keep going.”
“We weren’t sexually assaulted. Though we were given to these men. So, I mean, eventually we were going to be. Do you… uh… you know the Bishops?”
He nods.
“Kane was the man I was given to, and I was the girl who would not get a choice in who she lost her virginity to.”
“Kane?” he explodes. “Kane Bishop was in that fuckin’ office?”
“Jay was there too. He was told to take a line of cocaine, choose a lady friend, and uh… well… you get the idea.”
“Jay chose you?”
I shake my head. “He chose someone else. Which is kind of offensive in a sick, twisted way.” I snort. “Anyway, he did his thing, chose a girl, went to leave. Then it was Kane’s turn to choose.”
“I’m gonna kill him,” Tucker growls. “I’m gonna fucking murder him.”
“He chose me and Lisa.”
“I’m going to tear the skin from his bones.”
“He didn’t want to have sex with me.” I stroke Tucker’s bulging chest. “Relax. He was trying to save us. He chose me and Lis. He was told to inhale his line of coke.”
“He did?”
“He had to. There were loads of guns pointed at us. So he did what he was told. The man, the boss who owned the club—”
“Abel Hayes.”
“I’m not surprised you know that name. He asked our names, but Lisa wouldn’t answer.”
His chest visibly deflates. “Fuck.”
“I don’t know if she was purposely defying him, or maybe she was too terrified to speak. Probably a little of both, but she didn’t tell them her name. I tried.” My breath catches. “I screamed her name, I tried to answer for her, but they didn’t care.”
“They hurt her.”
“They murdered her,” I choke out. “A bullet in her head. Just like that. So fast, so cold. And then she was gone.”
“Shit.” He bundles me close and breathes into my hair. “I guess I do know this story.”
“There was nothing I could do. She was gone so fast, she didn’t even know she was gone. After that, Kane still chose me for his virgin. He wasn’t trying to hurt me.”
“He was saving your life.”
“Yeah,” I croak. “If he didn’t choose me, someone else would have, and they would have hurt me bad. So he took me. He was out of his head on bad cocaine, so he was a little rough with me. I was crying, screaming, fighting his hold. I wanted to go back to Lisa, because they just left her on the floor like nobody cared about her. But Kane grabbed me tight, he made me walk out of that office.” I wipe my tears on Tucker’s shirt. “Kane and Jay took me and the other girl to a room, and… well… Jay started having sex.”
“In front of you?”
“He was stoned. He wasn’t in his right mind. And that woman… she wasn’t a teenage virgin. She wanted to have sex too. Kane was still rough. He was trying to save me, but he was also stoned. I escaped to a corner of the room, plugged my ears, and waited it all out. No one touched me, no one hurt me. Eventually, someone came for me. Federal agents got me out, they took me home.” I pause. “You walked away from your trauma, and I…” I exhale. “I sat in my bedroom and hoarded mine.”
“It’s been a long time since that night.”
“Yeah, and I’m still screwed up in the head. Like…” I tap the side of my skull. “So unbelievably messed up. I can barely function once the sun goes down. I don’t like men. I especially don’t like people moving into my building and messing with my carefully planned routine.”
He chuckles. “I’m not sorry about that anymore. Being noisy made you come out and speak to me.”
�
��Shout at you.”
“Shouting at me showed that you had spine. If I’d only known the girl who gets a little scared, I probably would have tried real hard to stay away and remain invisible. Because it’s not my place to mess with your routine.”
“But…?”
“But you shouted, showed me your bad temper, and shit, but that turned me on.”
“You’re such a pig,” I laugh. “You have issues.”
“Yeah, but we’ve already established everyone has issues, right?” Placing a finger under my chin, he brings my gaze up until our eyes lock. “This is a shitty competition,” he murmurs. “I don’t wanna say you win, because that means you had something really horrible happen that I wasn’t able to fix. And I don’t wanna say I win, because I don’t want to invalidate your feelings or experiences.”
“You’re a real martyr.” I’m trying for sarcasm, but what comes out is closer to a sigh. “We don’t have to compete. It’s a shitty game, and there are no winners. Only losers.”
Staring into my eyes for a moment, he slowly leans forward and places an oh-so-very-gentle kiss on the corner of my lips. “Thanks for telling me. Thanks for letting me in.” Pulling away, he nods toward the SUV behind us. “I found your engine. Let’s go hustle Merv, and get it for six hundred bucks. Then we’re going to eat.”
Chuck
Let’s Chat
“Here you go, guys.” Our waitress stops by our booth in Franky’s Diner, and smiles when she drops plates of fried goodness in front of me and Nora.
The waitress – Katrina – just so happens to be Mac’s mom, and since Mac and I have eaten here together a million times over the years, I guess she figures it’s her place to point out the salad she dropped on my plate.
“Fried chicken, fries, gravy.” Her brow wings up as she looks into my eyes. “No way are you allowed to leave this table until you eat that lettuce.”
Laughing, I pick the green leaves up in one handful, complete with cherry tomatoes and a slice of cucumber, and shove the lot into my mouth.
Partially impressed, but mostly disgusted, she only shakes her head and turns away. “Enjoy your fried fat, guys. Don’t forget to tip your waitress on the way out.”
“I’ll never not tip you, Miss Blair.” Turning back to Nora, I grin and show a mouth full of food. “Eat up. Then I have questions.”
“You do?” It’s nice that she doesn’t panic at my words, like she might have only this morning. “Like what?”
“Well, eat, and I’ll ask them.” I select a fry from my plate, and offer it to Galileo, sitting on the floor beneath the table.
Nora tosses a fry into her mouth with a playful grin. “Ask.”
I lean forward a little, lower my voice. “You said you were a virgin selected for plundering.”
“You’re absolutely despicable!”
Barking out a laugh, I sit back and pick up a chicken leg. “I can’t help where my thoughts go! I’m only a man, Nora. A simpleton at that.”
“What’s your question?”
“Are you still a virgin?”
Growling, she snatches up a cherry tomato from her plate and pegs it at my face. “Why are you so disgusting? That’s none of your damn business.”
“I’m gonna make it my business.” I watch Galileo chase the tomato I ping across the diner. “You don’t have to answer, I suppose. It’s like a treasure hunt, in a completely crude way.”
“You’re such a pig. You’re arrogant, and rude, and have no manners at all.”
“And we’re back to you being all snobby and shit. See how this works?” I bounce my brows and open my mouth in preparation to catch the next thing she tosses.
Surprisingly, she doesn’t…
“Similar to how you ride bikes to face your monsters,” she shrugs, “I go out on dates to face mine. Not all men are horrible, not all encounters with a guy have to be fodder for my nightmares.”
When I say nothing, she slides a gravy-coated fry into her mouth and shakes her head. “I’m not a virgin. I relieved myself of that… ‘perk’ a long time ago. I would never again be sold with that label, like it somehow made me more valuable.”
“Who is he?”
She snorts. “Just some dude that lasted a few hours.”
“A few hours?” I shout. “No motherfucker lasts a few hours.”
“I meant on our date,” she snickers. “We had dinner, went for a walk, got dessert, and when we were done eating, I still didn’t hate him, so…” She shrugs.
“Romantic,” I drawl. “Your story makes my heart go all aflutter. Do I know him?”
She purses her lips and pats Galileo’s ears when he wanders back under the table. “I don’t know everyone you know, dummy. How can I possibly know if you know him?”
“Is he in your friend circles? Mine? Mac’s or Ben’s or Evie’s?”
She shakes her head and begins picking at the fried skin of her chicken. “Nah. He was a guy from my school. We ran into each other a couple years after the night in the club. He was all,” she lowers her voice, “Oh wow, I haven’t seen you in a while, how you doing?”
“Like I said,” I chuckle. “Romantic. You ran into each other, you didn’t hate him, you took him to bed. That’s how it went?”
“Yup.” She pops the “P” and grins. “Job well done, task now complete, and I didn’t cry. What about you?”
“What about me?”
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume you’re not a virgin.”
I laugh. “Fuck no. And I didn’t cry either. But I’m telling you now, no motherfucker lasts a few hours. So don’t judge me when I show you what I’ve got.”
“When you show me what you’ve got.” She rolls her eyes and sits back to eat her chicken. “You’re so sure of yourself. So stubborn and certain all women must fall all over themselves for you.”
“You’re not falling?” I press a hand to my heart. “Why the fuck not? What’s the matter with you?”
“Probably something to do with the plundering and not being able to last a few hours.”
“You have high expectations.” I point a finger and lift my brow. “You have impossible expectations. How about…” I pretend to consider, and while I’m doing that, take a noisy bite of my chicken and chew like a Neanderthal. “Let’s start with a date, maybe. I’ll buy you ice cream. I’ll take you to bed and last…” I close one eye to think. “Three solid minutes. Five, if we keep changing position and I get a second to breathe.”
“Disgusting.” She grins. “And unimpressive. I’ve got better offers, so…”
“Six minutes!” I shout as she pretends to push out of the booth. “Seven, maybe, but by that point, we might have done permanent damage to my little swimmers.”
“Your negotiation skills are…” Her lips twitch. “Cute, in the way a five-year-old showing off a painting of a rainbow is cute.”
“Pretty sure that was an insult.”
“Oh, it was. But cute isn’t really what I’m looking for, so…”
“So you admit you’re looking for something?” I set my chicken down and wipe my hands on a paper napkin. “You’re looking for a man?”
“No. I’m quite content with my life as it is.”
“So why date?”
“Why not?” She shrugs. “I’m not dating these people because I’m looking for a husband. I do it to shut my best friend up, and since I’m going anyway, I may as well face my irrational fear of men. To do that, I let them hold my hand while we’re walking to the car or whatever. It’s not a big deal.” Her eyes watch mine, jittery and unable to focus.
“You have another date lined up, don’t you?” I narrow my eyes and lean forward on the table. “Don’t you?”
She lifts her chin, proud and challenging, and nods. “Yes I do.”
“Call him and tell him you’re busy.”
She scoffs and goes back to her food. “No.”
“Call him,” I murmur in a low, dangerous timbre. Taking my phone from my pocket,
I set it on the table and slide it closer to her hand. “And tell him you’re busy.”
“No.” She slides the phone back. “But thanks.”
I guess, beneath my irrational anger, beneath the worry that I’m scaring her, beneath the fear that my talk of sex is traumatizing her, I can take solace in the fact she’s not backing down. Her cheeks are pink, her eyes fiery. All of that leads me to believe she’s not in any way scared of me.
But I wouldn’t have picked that up until her face turns positively sheet white when the bell above the door jingles. In comparison, I don’t even rate on her radar as something that scares her.
Whipping my head around, I scan the diner and stop on the door when I find yards of platinum blonde hair, curls for days, icy blue eyes, and, when her gaze stops on us – on Nora – bright, smiling lips.
“Well, slap my ass and call me surprised.” Evie clutches to Ben’s hand, and drags the poor fucker across the diner at a gallop. Stopping at the side of our table, Evie looks from Nora to me, Nora to me, and grins. “This looks cozy.”
“Eve.” Ben rolls his eyes and looks to Nora. He sees her white cheeks just like I do. He sees the fear in her eyes. Then his fiery gaze comes to me. “What’s going on?” He looks to Nora, protective and ready to take me the fuck out. “You okay?”
“She’s fine, Sasquatch.” Evie wraps her arm around his hips and snuggles in. “You need to relax.”
“She doesn’t look fine,” Ben glowers. “You look like you’re about to puke.”
He looks to me again. He and I are friendly, we’ve hung out a little, because of Mac. We know each other well enough to smile and say hey in the street. But he’s ready to shoot me dead.
He leans closer to Nora, effectively blocking me out of her sight and murmurs, “Yes or no?”
“I’m okay.” Her voice cracks. Swallowing, she nervously wipes her hands on a napkin. “Um…” She waves in my direction. “Tucker is my neighbor.”
“Yeah, we know who Tucker is.” Evie looks to me. “Good chicken?”
I flash a wide smile. “Delicious. How you doing, Evie?”
“Oh, you know. Starving, and we all know Miss Katrina serves the best pie in town.” Tapping my arm, she shoves me into the booth and drops down so her shoulder touches mine. Then she looks to Ben. “Sit down, handsome. We’re gonna eat with this fine couple.”