by Johnson, Cat
2
“Well?”
“Well, what?”
Ana closed the front door behind her, kicked off her shoes and followed Ky into their boxy living room. She plopped on to the well-worn, brown leather loveseat, draping her legs over Ky’s lap.
“You totally know what. Well, what did you think of Xander?”
“He’s… cute.”
“That’s it? Just cute? Are you blind? Do we need to call your eye doctor? Girl, he is hot. Hot and hilarious – I know you love it when I bring the alliteration.”
Ana nodded and glanced around the sparsely decorated room, trying to focus on something, anything that wasn’t the piercing, mossy-green eyes staring at her between the copper curls framing her friend’s face. She frowned as her gaze landed on the faded used-to-be-navy curtains drawn across their bay windows.
“We need new curtains.”
“This is true. We do need new curtains for your reading nook, aka throw cushion mountain over there, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now, Anabanana. Nice try on the convo switcheroo, though. Definitely one of your better attempts. You know I can’t help but get waylaid by soft furnishings, right now, however, I’m trying to get my girl laid laid, you know what I’m sayin’?”
Ana rolled her eyes while Ky gave her an exaggerated wink. Ana knew it was pointless, once Ky got her teeth into something, she wouldn’t let up. Having lived together for as long as they had, Ana wondered how she hadn’t yet improved her skills of evading her friend’s probing questions.
“Never mind me.” She waved a dismissive hand and forced a casualness into her tone that she wasn’t feeling. “What’s the dealio with you and Ethan?”
Ky’s eyes narrowed to slits as she pulled her brows into a deep frown and pursed her lips. “What about me and Ethan?”
“I feel like something is off with you guys is all.”
An all too familiar feeling of hope flickered in Ana’s chest as her gaze continued to wander around the room.
It was Ky’s turn to sigh. Ana felt her pulse quicken. She had been around long enough to know the four-one-one on Ky’s ever-revolving door of relationships. They never lasted longer than a few months, and she’d never been single for more than a day or two before jumping right into the next one. Between Ky’s relationships, Ana hadn’t ever been able to muster the courage to confess to her bisexual best friend that she was harboring first-time-feels for her.
Maybe this is the right time at last.
Stay calm.
She’s still in a relationship. And for all you know, you just think you have the hots for her ‘cause every man in Detroit is a douche canoe.
What would you even say? Hey Cadhla, I think I might have a crush on you, can we make out to see if there’s something there?
“Wanna talk about it?” She said instead.
Chicken.
Ky clicked her tongue piercing against her teeth and threw an intense glare at Ana. “Distracting me from talking about your feelings by making me talk about mine?” She arched an eyebrow and picked up one of Ana’s feet, pressing her thumbs into the heel.
Ana groaned aloud while her stomach flipped. “No fair. That’s cheating. You know your thumbs are magic. I’d willingly give you the codes to the nuclear football for one of your foot rubs.”
“If you have the codes for the football, we have bigger issues than you being cagey over a boy. Stop deflecting. Tell me what you didn’t like about Xander, and I’ll tell you where I’m at with Ethan.”
“It’s not that I didn’t like him, I did. And he’s a good kisser…”
She blushed at the memory of the goodnight kiss outside their door as the boys dropped them home.
He just isn’t who I want to kiss right now, that’s all.
Go on, say it. Tell her.
“But?”
But you’re in a relationship and I’m terrified I’m going to ruin everything by telling you I kinda, sorta wanna kiss you sometimes.
“But there was no spark.” She shrugged, hoping it would be enough.
Chicken.
“Your turn,” she pushed, before Ky could process her answer.
“I might be,” she paused and pressed her thumbs into the arch of Ana’s foot, “catching feelings for him.”
Ana’s heart dropped.
“Oh!” Every word in the English language spontaneously evaporated from Ana’s mind. “That’s…”
Awful? Disappointing? Potentially end game?
A vision of Cadhla walking down an aisle in a white dress towards Ethan flashed through her mind and her stomach twisted.
“Different,” she finished, swallowing hard. Pulling her feet from Ky’s lap she hopped up and strode into the kitchen. “Drink?” she called lightly as she opened the fridge, flapping her hands at her cheeks, willing the cold from the fridge and her flailing hands to stop the spreading flush that had crept up her neck, into her face.
“I know, right?” Cadhla giggled. “Not really one for the long-term-feels, I know this. So weird. And sure, thanks, whatever you’re having.”
As Ana poured two glasses of wine with shaking hands, she contemplated the situation. Cadhla hadn’t ever had a serious relationship, and Ana assumed her crush would either just ‘go away by itself’ or she’d tell her friend ‘when the time was right’. But hearing Ky talking about growing feelings for someone else had shaken her.
Taking a steadying breath, she felt pulled in opposite directions. Part of her wanted to just leave everything as it was. Ky seemed happy with Ethan, and as her best friend, that’s all she truly wanted for her. But the other part wanted to dig deep, find her lady balls and not only tell her best friend that she thought she was bisexual, but that she had a crush on her.
Except you know that would just ruin everything.
Chicken.
3
“If I’m honest, I wasn’t sure I’d see you again.” Xander eyed her over the top of his beer bottle as he took a long pull.
That’s ‘cause I had absolutely no intention of seeing you again.
Ana smiled and swept at the bangs falling into her eyes.
They had enjoyed wine with dinner and she was already on her third cocktail since arriving at the bar. She was feeling a warm, alcohol buzz. Ky had somehow convinced her to give Xander ‘one more try’ and the four had repeated their double date from a few nights prior. Instead of heading home after dinner, they decided to have a few drinks at a local hole-in-the-wall dive bar, managed by one of Ky’s friends.
Ana was trying to stay on the right side of drunk so she didn’t come right out and vocalize the thoughts and feelings that were bubbling inside her. She had tried to call her big brother, AJ, to talk it through with him, but not realizing her ‘just checking in’ call was actually a ‘contemplating my entire existence’ call, he’d blown her off to go play hockey. She didn’t call her parents, either. She didn’t want to face the fact they may not accept the idea that their daughter liked both girls and boys.
She knew in her heart that wouldn’t be the case, rationally she knew they’d love her regardless, but she still couldn’t bring herself to make the call. Her usual go-to for things of an existential crisis, was Ky, who was currently making doe-eyes at Ethan across the table. Ana could all but see the pink hearts popping out of her head. When she glanced at Ethan, he seemed almost disinterested by her affection and his face remained impassive.
What the hell, dude? She’s draped over you like a friggin’ blanket, how can you not be into her right now? She looks amazing!
Simmer down, Williams. Not your problem.
Swallowing hard, she took a sip of her Long Island Iced Tea in an attempt to wash down the confusion and jealousy sitting heavily on her chest.
Not. Your. Problem.
“I said, If I’m honest, I wasn’t sure I’d see you again,” Xander repeated, as though it was the din of the bar swallowing his words that caused her silence, rather than the fact she had no answer for
him.
Meeting his questioning stare, she could feel her cheeks blush. She took another sip, willing her mind to come up with an answer for the guy whose gaze asked ‘am I gonna get laid tonight?’
“I dunno if she’s ever kissed a girl before.” Ky’s boisterous voice interrupted her thoughts. “Ana? Ana! Ethan wants to know have you ever kissed a girl before.”
Ana blinked in confusion and her stomach clenched.
What fresh hell is this?
Feeling three sets of penetrating eyes around the table, her blush darkened. She avoided all of them, glad of the dim lighting in the bar.
“I—” Her voice cracked, words lodging in her throat. “Eh. No, I haven’t. Well, unless you count Lara Mae in elementary school, but that was less a kiss than it was a lingering peck on the cheek... And she kissed me.”
Shut up. Stop talking. You’re rambling. Find a way out of this conversation.
“Haven’t you ever been curious?” Ethan pressed, leaning forward, elbows on his knees.
I am not nearly drunk enough for this conversation.
“Haven’t you ever had a group of horny boys dare you to kiss your best friend because it’s basically every teenage boy’s fantasy to watch?” Xander asked with a lopsided grin and mischief twinkling in his eyes.
Oh god. This isn’t happening right now.
Ana looked at Ky to rescue her from the discomfort of the conversation, but Ky seemed to be ‘don’t care’ level of drunk, all she got from her friend was a shrug and a small smile.
Drink. You can’t speak if your mouth is occupied.
Mouth.
Lips.
Don’t look.
Kissable lips.
Don’t look!
Stop. Stop. Stop. Nope, you’re not thinking of Ky’s mouth right now.
Damnit.
Her gaze flicked to Ky’s mouth; her heart was hammering so loudly in her chest she was sure the others could hear it.
“I can’t believe you’ve lived with Ky for over a year and she hasn’t kissed you yet,” Xander mused as he flagged down a server and ordered a round of shots to accompany another round of drinks.
Me neither, but that’s beside the point.
“Me neither,” Ethan vocalized Ana’s internal monologue, throwing a disbelieving look between the women. “Never? For real? Not even after a crazy, drunken night in the bar?”
Cadhla shrugged. “She’s straight.”
Am I, though?
“I feel like it’s a rite of passage…”
Stop talking, Ethan.
“Is it a rite of passage for guys to kiss other guys, too?” Ana managed around the lump in her throat.
Both guys gave her incredulous looks. “It’s different and you know it,” Ethan insisted.
Shouldn’t be, though.
Shit, is it getting hot in here?
She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.
The waitress arrived with more drinks and Ana snatched hers like it was a lifeline.
Please just drop this entire line of questioning right now.
“I kinda agree with him,” Xander added, passing her a shot.
Stop talking Xander.
“I’m down with it if she is,” Ky said, dropping her empty shot glass onto the table and licking her lips.
Oh god, those lips.
Ana’s stomach flipped.
Wait, what?
She’s down with it?
Oh god. This is a bad plan.
Stay calm.
Her stomach churned.
“Sure,” Ana squeaked before downing her shot.
Terrible plan.
Before she knew it, Ky had scooted her chair closer to her and her soft hands cupped her face.
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“It’s fine,” she answered breathlessly, wondering if Ky could feel her pulse racing.
“You’re stiff as a rod, Ana. Don’t let the horny boys bully you into it.”
“No, really, it’s—”
Her breath stopped as Ky’s lips pressed gently against her own; the tension in her body instantly melting away into their kiss. Conscious of the fact they were in a bar, surrounded by ogling men, Ana held back.
Pulling back, Ky kept hold of Ana’s face and pecked her on the nose. “Now, was that so bad?”
Ana bit her lip, which now tasted of Ky’s cherry-flavored shot and shook her head, afraid of the words that might tumble from her mind if she were to let any spill out.
“Not bad at all, Williams,” Ky added with a sly wink. “Not bad at all.”
* * *
A loud bang pulled Ana from her dreams. Blinking awake, she sat upright, realizing she’d fallen asleep on the loveseat with the lights on. Her cheeks flared at the memory of kissing Ky in the bar, she touched a finger to her lips and smiled.
Bang.
What the—
Bang.
“Cadhla?” she mumbled, standing and quickly scouring the room for something she could use as a weapon should the need arise.
“Where the fuck is the fucking alcohol in this fucking house?”
Ana breathed a sigh of relief as she walked into the kitchen, adrenaline pumping through her veins from the unexpected awakening.
“Ok, woah. Can we leave the cabinet doors intact, please? What did they ever do to you?”
When Cadhla didn’t answer, or even giggle, Ana grabbed her by the shoulder and gently turned her, tucking her thick curls behind her ear so she could see her face.
“Are you crying? Ky? What happened? When I left you at the bar, you were fine! What happened? Sit… sit! I’ll get you a drink.”
She plucked a Kleenex from the box and handed it to her friend before filling a glass of water.
“T—that’s not the kinda drink I was hoping for,” she half-hiccupped, before downing half the glass.
“You don’t need any more liquor. What gives?”
“He broke up with me, Ana. Ethan, he said it’s over.”
4
“What can I get you?”
“Just take me out back and shoot me.” Ana groaned and dropped her head on her folded arms on top of the bar.
“O…kay. Can I maybe get you a drink to go with that melodrama?”
She lifted her head enough to peek at the bartender. He had broad shoulders, was at least six-foot-tall and his hands looked enormous splayed out across the cherry wood in front of her. He had a copper-colored man-bun pulled back neatly on top of his head and a scruffy beard hid his face. He wore a plaid shirt, had a cleaning cloth draped over his shoulder, and his ice-blue eyes sparkled impishly at her.
“If looks could kill, I’m pretty sure I’d be dead right now. What’s with the death glare, lady?”
She sighed and sat upright. “I’m sorry, eh—?”
“Mitch,” he supplied with a wide grin.
“I’m sorry, Mitch, I’m having somewhat of an existential crisis. I came from Michigan to surprise my asshat brother and to talk through everything, but turns out he’s way too busy doing God only knows what. I don’t even know who he is anymore. But I guess he’s a grown man, kinda, sorta, grown man-child more like. Ugh. So, I’m here, talking to you, instead. I’m sure you’re thrilled. What’s your specialty?”
Mitch blinked once, then twice, as though he was catching up with everything she’d just said. “From… Michigan?”
Ana pursed her lips and nodded. “I needed to get away.”
“And across town wasn’t enough? You had to… flee the state? Man, guess I was right about the melodrama. Must be bad to make you travel over 600 miles.”
“Existential crisis, remember? I figured my big brother would help, but he’s going through his own shit. It’s not the right time to talk to him about this.”
She sighed and hung her head in her hands.
“I feel like you need something stronger than a beer. You want a blueberry mojito?”
She nodded.
“I lik
e you already, Mitch. I’m Ana by the way. I feel like if I’m about to unload skeletons from my closet onto your bar, you should at least know my first name.”
“Well?”
“Well, what?”
“You promised me skeletons. Out with them.” He tapped a playfully demanding finger on the bar.
She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m not sure I can,” she practically whispered. “I’ve never said it out loud before.”
“I’ve heard it all in this place. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s nowhere near as bad as you think.”
“I have feelings for my best friend.”
He looked at her expectantly and gestured for her to continue as he made her drink.
“She’s a girl.”
His face remained unchanged. “She’s got a boyfriend?”
Ana sighed and hung her head in her hands. “Not anymore.”
“So she’s single?”
Ana nodded.
“She’s not into girls?”
“She is.”
“I’m not seeing the problem then, Miss Ana,” he answered, sliding her drink across the bar and leaning on his hand.
Avoiding his gaze, she stirred her drink with the straw and took a sip. “This… wow, Mitch. I’m tempted to move to Alabama just for your blueberry mojitos!”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, young lady. I’m a happily married man and my husband can get a lil jealous. But I’m not letting you change the subject. So, you have feelings for your best friend, she’s single, she digs girls… what’s the problem?”
He stared at her intently as she quietly sipped her drink.
“She doesn’t know you like girls too?” he guessed.
She shook her head. “Until recently, I didn’t know either. At this point, I like a girl, singular. Just her. We live together, we’re best friends, it would ruin everything and be awkward as hell if I told her I liked her and it wasn’t reciprocated.”
She avoided his stare, her cheeks ablaze, and continued.
“Her boyfriend and his friend dared us to kiss in the bar the other night and by the time she got home she was single.”