by Heidi Skarie
She was amazed at how focused his life was, down to his singleness of purpose in his consuming desire to find Truth. His love for God had always been the center of his life. She paused in her reading as a contraction tightened across her abdomen. Once it passed, she turned to the next chapter of the manuscript and continued reading.
When I was seventeen, Master Bakka, the spiritual leader of the Secret Teachings, sent me and another student named Bhandar to stop Samrat Condor’s invasion of the free worlds. During our mission, Bhandar was seduced by Condor’s dark power and betrayed me.
“You should try to sleep,” Michio said, interrupting her reading. He sat on the bed next to her.
“I can’t relax enough to sleep.” She tensed with the next contraction.
“Breathe through it.”
Once it was over she said, “I’m enjoying your manuscript. It amazes me how well you remember everything you experience in the Inner Worlds. I have a hard time bringing it all back.”
“Someday the veils will be drawn and you’ll have clearer recall.”
Toemeka set down the pages and turned off the light. They both lay down and she cuddled up next to Michio so her back was to his chest.
“I love you, Star Rider,” Michio said, addressing her affectionately by her call sign.
“And I love you. Learn anything interesting while you were at the palace?”
“Captain Zachary just got back from Haklute. He thinks there’s going to be problems with King Zanton and that he shouldn’t be allowed to rule, even as a figurehead. Erling, however, won’t break his promise to Zanton.”
“What do you think is best?” She stiffened, drawing in a sharp breath.
“You’re having another contraction, aren’t you?” Michio asked, holding her more closely to him.
“Yes, but please continue; I need the diversion.”
“It’s not clear-cut what Erling should do. King Zanton is dangerous, but it’s good that Erling is acting from a high sense of ethics rather than fear.” After the contraction passed, Michio kissed her tenderly. “Rest now. We’ll talk later.” He reached up to turn off the light.
Toemeka tried to sleep, but the contractions made it impossible. She lay in bed listening to Michio’s deep, even breathing and wished she could rest, even if it was just for a short time. Rising from bed, she sat in an armchair and looked out at the starry night, glad their baby would soon be born. She’d finally get to see him and hold him in her arms.
Early in her pregnancy she had a dream with her brother Baymond who’d been killed by Samrat Condor’s soldiers eight years earlier. He told her she was going to have a boy and she held the baby, awash in love for him. Up until that moment she had mixed feelings about being pregnant since she was still a Coalition field operative.
Why don’t you come, little one? she thought. I’m tired of being fat and pregnant. Being in labor isn’t much fun either. She closed her eyes, relaxed her body and sang her soul song. Soon she felt uplifted and raised in consciousness. Inwardly she visualized the small infant with fine, dark baby-hair covering his head. The image of a baby disappeared and was replaced by a blue light.
“I am always with you,” Master Bakka, her inner guide, said. “Don’t be afraid. Trust in Spirit. God is Love. Love is all.”
A sharp pain sliced through her and the inner vision disappeared. She breathed deeply with the contraction and gradually it went away.
She thought about the Master’s words. “Don’t be afraid.” Was he talking about the birth? Had he come to reassure her? Would the labor be difficult? She let go of her fear. She had an inner knowingness that she was taken care of, no matter how difficult the labor and delivery. She felt the reason the Master came to her was more than that. He’d reminded her of God’s love and trust; she sensed someday it might be all she’d have to depend upon.
A chill went through her and she sensed darkness just outside her conscious mind. She tuned into it more fully. A large man appeared. As his image came more clearly into focus, she recognized him as Cadmus. Horrified, she gripped the armrest of the chair and gritted her teeth in pain as the next contraction hit, too tense and upset to relax. Gradually, the discomfort eased.
Toemeka wondered about the meaning of her ominous inner vision. Cadmus was dead. Erling stabbed him during a fight. It happened the same day Cadmus cornered her in her lab at the space center, insisting she become his mistress. When she refused, he tried to sexually molest her. If Belona hadn’t come in and stopped him… She pushed the memories of Cadmus from her mind.
After she married Michio, the nightmares that tormented her since her family was killed began to diminish. She gazed at Michio’s face in the moonlight, love for him filling her being. But even as her heart opened, a chilling thought came to her. Why did she feel that Cadmus was searching for her when he was dead? Was he searching for her in the lower regions of the Inner Worlds? Would he be waiting for her sometime when she made a spirit flight?
Toemeka inwardly sang her soul song again and gradually became calm enough to doze off in the chair. Her sleep was poor, unsettled and she kept waking up from the discomfort of her contractions.
In the early morning, she awoke when Michio lifted her from the chair and into bed. He pulled the covers around her chilled body and held her in the warmth of his arms.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Tired and discouraged,” she replied, yawning. “My contractions are still irregular.
“I’m sure they’ll get more regular soon. Did you get any sleep?”
“A little.”
The day passed slowly as the contractions increased in strength, but didn’t become more regular. Toemeka went on a few short walks with Michio and ate sparingly, so she wouldn’t go into delivery with a full stomach. That night she and Michio stayed awake and he helped her remain relaxed with her contractions. Toward morning she dozed off and found herself walking on a narrow mountain ledge beside Master Bakka.
“You must walk carefully to keep your balance,” Bakka said in his melodious voice. “The way is narrow and many don’t make it.” His ageless face was full of light and compassion. He took her hand and they flew off the ledge. When they landed, Toemeka found herself in a pillared, marble building.
Erling and his sister Breezy stood at a table, working on a puzzle. The pieces seemed to be fragments of their lives together. Erling and Breezy joined Toemeka and Master Bakka as they walked outside and headed down a stone path to the ocean where the water sparkled and shimmered in the sunlight.
Toemeka was jolted back to her physical body when an especially hard contraction gripped her body. She felt a gush of water between her legs and jumped out of bed. As fluid continued to flow down her legs, she realized her water had broken. Surely the baby will be here soon, she thought. She went to the bathroom and got a towel to clean up the mess.
Michio awakened and finished cleaning up the fluid. He put fresh sheets on the bed while she changed into a dry nightgown and sat on the bed, timing the contractions. “Are your contractions more regular?” he asked, sitting next to her, rubbing her back. “Should I call Dr. Tenzing?”
Toemeka shook her head. “No to both your questions.”
“Climb back into bed; you’re shivering.”
Toemeka lay back down, wondering about the meaning of the dream. The puzzle seemed to symbolize she was nearing the completion of a cycle with Erling and Breezy.
The day passed with no real progress in her labor. That night Michio stayed awake to help Toemeka control her labor pains.
In the morning, Michio brought Toemeka a glass of water. “Are you sure you don’t want me to bring you something to eat?” he asked, looking at her with concern. “You’ve hardly eaten anything for nearly three days. Your body needs energy for the work it’s doing.”
“I won’t be able to digest it and would probably throw it up.”
“I called Dr. Tenzing. He said we need to go to the birthing center. The baby needs t
o be born soon since your water broke twenty-four hours ago.”
“I want to have it naturally here at home.”
“I know, but what’s most important is that you and the baby both get the care you need.”
“Why is it taking so long? Do you think something’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, but first births always take more time.”
At the birthing center, a midwife named Kutzue brought them to a room with a bed and birthing pool. Soft music played and the room was dimly lit with blue light. A screen with a video of ocean waves gently rolling in covered one entire the wall.
“This is nice,” Toemeka said, looking around the warm room.
“We use healing music and light to help the expectant mother feel tranquil,” Kutzue said.
“You might enjoy sitting in the pool. Your husband can be in it with you.” Kutzue gave her a birthing gown to put on.
Once Toemeka changed into it, an especially strong contraction hit her and she grabbed Michio’s hand and squeezed. He counted the seconds to let her know when the contraction eased. When it passed she asked, “Will our baby ever come?”
“It’ll come. Try and relax between contractions. You’re too tense.”
“How can I relax? They’re coming so fast now.”
“That’s good. The baby will be here soon.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” she snapped. “You can have the next baby.”
Michio smiled. “At least you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
Dr. Tenzing walked into the room and Toemeka felt comforted by his reassuring presence. “How are you doing, Toemeka?” the white-haired doctor asked in a kind voice.
“The contractions are getting stronger and closer together.”
“I’ll examine you and see how far along you are. Lie down on the bed.” He looked at Michio. “Queen Koriann and Prince Erling just arrived and are in the family waiting room. Why don’t you wait with your friends while I examine your wife? I’m sure you can use a break.”
As Michio left the room, the doctor slid a vita scan across her belly. A picture of the fetus appeared on a screen near the bed. “The baby’s vital signs are good and he’s in a good position for the birth.” He waited until her next contraction passed, then checked to see how dilated she was. His wrinkled face became even more furrowed. “You’re not making progress fast enough. I’m going to give you something to increase the strength of your contractions.”
“I want the baby naturally.”
He put a comforting hand on her arm. “Your baby is doing well, but it’s stressful for him when labor goes on too long.”
As Katzue gave Toemeka a shot, Michio reentered the room. “Onolyn and Zac are with Erling and Koriann,” he said.
“Didn’t you all work together to overthrow General Bhandar and free Jaipar?” Dr. Tenzing asked.
“Erling, Onolyn and I were part of the Coalition team sent to support the local Resistance, which Zac and Queen Koriann belonged to.” Toemeka said. “Michio joined the effort as well.”
“My people are eternally grateful to all of you,” Dr. Tenzing said. “It will be awhile yet before you’re ready to give birth. I’ll check on you again.” He left the room.
Toemeka tensed and put her hands on her belly as another contraction started.
“Hang in there, honey,” Michio said.
“It hurts.” Through a fog of pain, she concentrated on Michio’s voice telling her to breathe with him, feeling his love flowing out to her, giving comfort. When the contraction passed, she opened her eyes and gazed at him. His presence gave her courage.
“Do you want to try the pool?” he asked.
“If you’ll join me.” Toemeka knew she was nearing her limit of endurance. She removed her birthing gown and got in the pool. “Oh, this feels good. It’s nice and warm.”
After changing into a bathing suit, Michio climbed into the tub and sat behind her.
Over the next two hours, her labor pain increased. Toemeka looked more and more to the Inner Master. After the doctor used a mirror to see how dilated she was, he finally told her she could push. With the next contraction, she leaned back against Michio’s chest and pushed. Unbearable pain shot through her and her legs began to tremble.
Floating in the water after the contraction was over, she said, “I’m scared.”
“You’re doing great,” Michio said. “Hang in there, Star Rider.”
As the delivery continued, she endured the pain, quietly bearing down with each contraction. At last she cried out. “I can’t push anymore. It feels like I’m being torn open! It hurts too much!”
Michio’s face clouded with concern and he looked at the doctor with a pleading expression. “Give her something to ease the pain! There must be something you can do.”
“She’s too close to delivery,” Dr. Tenzing said.
“It’s okay, Michio,” Toemeka said. “Our baby will be here soon.” She felt a contraction tightening across her womb again and with it, an overwhelming urge to push came over her. As she bore down, groaning, Michio supported her back.
“Michio, come look, the head is crowning,” Dr. Tenzing said.
“No, I’ll stay by Toemeka,” Michio replied, still holding her.
“Go watch our son being born.” Toemeka let go of his hand.
Michio climbed out of the tub and went to stand by Dr. Tenzing. Katzue held Toemeka’s hand and talked her through the delivery. With the next push the baby’s head emerged. Keeping his hands under water, the doctor eased the shoulders through as another contraction came on. Once the baby was fully out, the doctor handed the baby to Michio. He held his son close before placing him into Toemeka’s arms, making sure the cord didn’t get tangled.
“Our son has arrived!” Michio exclaimed, joy spreading across his face as he gazed at their baby.
Toemeka tenderly held the infant close to her heart. Throughout the room, a feeling of love and joy reverberated. “He’s perfect, Michio,” she said. “Look at his tiny little feet and hands. His foot is less than half the size of my hand and he has so much hair.” She ran her fingers through the wet, dark hair that covered his head, feeling radiant.
In that moment, her fatigue and all the pain of labor and delivery were forgotten. She felt a circle of love connecting her, the baby and Michio. She looked at her husband. “I love you. Truly, we’re blessed.”
Michio leaned down and kissed her. “I love you, too. Thank you for our son.”
The flow of Spirit was strong and Toemeka heard a high-pitched ringing in her ears. She kissed the baby on the cheek, amazed by the softness of his skin. A deep contentment settled over her.
The baby began to cry and Katzue helped Toemeka put him to her nipple; he began to suckle contentedly. Another contraction came over her and the doctor pressed down on her belly, pushing out the afterbirth. Katzue took the baby from Toemeka and saw to his needs while Michio helped her out of the tub and dried her off with a heated towel.
Toemeka slid on a robe, then thanked the doctor and Katzue for their care.
Dr. Tenzing smiled. “It’s always a pleasure to welcome a newly returning soul into the world. You did well.” He looked at Michio. “You both did well. Katzue will take over from here. Blessings of love to both of you.”
Once Toemeka was dressed in a nightgown and sitting in bed with the baby in her arms, Michio left for the family room to tell the others the baby was born.
“I must look a mess,” Toemeka said. “There’s a comb in my bag. Can you get it for me, Katzue?” Katzue combed her hair, then left the room.
Toemeka’s body ached all over, but she was radiantly happy as she gazed at the baby. She couldn’t get over how perfectly formed and beautiful he was. He would grow to be an attractive man.
He opened his eyes and looked directly at her. In that moment she realized Soul had entered the baby’s body. His vibrations were distinctive and she was sure she’d known him in another life. Her eyes filled with tears
. She had a family again!
The baby continued to look Toemeka directly in the eye and a deep knowingness passed between them. His eyes reflected a fully conscious Soul, looking out at the world through the windows of his new body. Then the moment was gone and the veil was drawn once again. His eyes became that of a small infant, unable to focus clearly.
As he began to cry his face turned red and his legs drew up close to his stomach. The moment of awareness was gone, but the bond of love remained. Toemeka comforted him. “Don’t be frightened. Michio and I love you and will take good care of you.”
Michio came back into the room. “Are you up for visitors?”
“Yes, I’d love to see everyone.”
Michio opened the door wider. Prince Erling, Queen Koriann, Onolyn and Zac entered. They were loaded with flowers, balloons and gifts. Koriann hugged her. Erling set some gifts on the dresser and kissed her cheek. “Hi, Toe. How are you feeling? We were worried about you and the baby.”
“I’m fine. Just a little drained. Having a baby is hard work. Meet Baymond. He’s handsome, isn’t he? Just like his father,” she said, excited they were there to see her baby.
Erling gazed at Baymond. “He’s so tiny.”
“Do you want to hold him?” Toemeka asked.
Erling took a step backwards. “Me? I can’t hold him. I might break him.”
“You don’t want to hold him?” she asked.
“I don’t know how.”
“Now is a good time to learn.”
Erling frowned and moved back to the bed. He gingerly picked up the baby, moving stiffly instead of with his usual grace. “He doesn’t weigh much and is kinda floppy.”
“You have to support his head,” Toemeka said. “Relax… you look like you’re being tortured.”
“You’d better take him back. I’m better at holding swords.”