Counting Backwards

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Counting Backwards Page 21

by Helen Dunmore

Who’s looking?

  did a fish jump?

  – and then a heron goes up

  from its place by the willow.

  With ballooning flight

  it picks up the sky

  and makes off, loaded.

  I wasn’t looking,

  I heard the noise of its wings

  and I turned,

  I thought of a friend,

  a cool one with binoculars,

  here’s rarity

  with big wing-flaps, suiting itself.

  One yellow chicken

  One yellow chicken

  she picks up expertly and not untenderly

  from the conveyor of chickens.

  Its soft beak gobbles feverishly

  at a clear liquid which might be

  a dose of sugar-drenched serum –

  the beak’s flexible membrane

  seems to engulf the chicken

  as it tries to fix on the dropper’s glass tip.

  Clear yellow juice gulps through a tube

  and a few drops, suddenly colourless,

  swill round a gape wide as the brim of a glass

  but the chicken doesn’t seem afraid –

  or only this much, only for this long

  until the lab assistant flicks it back on

  to the slowly moving conveyor of chickens

  and it tumbles, catches itself,

  then buoyed up by the rest

  reels out of sight, cheeping.

  Sailing to Cuba

  I’d climbed the crab-apple in the wind

  that wild season of Cuba,

  I leaned out on the twigs

  to where clouds heeled over like sails

  on the house-bounded horizon,

  but even from here I felt the radio throb

  like someone who was there when the accident happened

  ‘not two yards from where I was standing’,

  then Big Band music cha-cha’d from room to room

  to fill in time between news.

  At school we learned ‘Quinquireme of Nineveh

  from distant Ophir…’ The ships nudged closer.

  The wind roared to itself like applause.

  Off the West Pier

  Dropped yolks of shore-lamp quiver on tarmac –

  the night’s disturbed and the sea itself

  sidles about after its storm, buttery,

  melting along the groynes.

  The sea’s a martinet with itself,

  will come this far and no farther

  like a Prussian governess

  corrupted by white sugar –

  Oh but the stealth

  with which it twitches aside mortar

  and licks, and licks

  moist grains off the shore.

  By day it simply keeps marching

  beat after beat like waves of soldiers

  timed to the first push. In step with the music

  it swells greenness and greyness, spills foam

  onto a fly-swarming tide-line –

  beertabs and dropped King Cones,

  flotsam of inopportune partners

  sticky with what came after.

  A man lies on his back

  settled along the swell, his knees

  glimmering, catching a lick of moonlight,

  lazy as a seagull on Christmas morning –

  He should have greased himself with whale-blubber

  like a twelve-year-old Goddess-chested

  cross-Channel swimmer.

  His sadness stripes through him like ink

  leaving no space or him.

  He paws slow arm sweeps and rolls

  where the sea shoulders him.

  Up there an aeroplane falters,

  its red landing-lights on

  scouting the coast home.

  The pilot smokes a cigarette.

  Its tip winks with each breath.

  Winter 1955

  We’re strung out on the plain’s upthrust,

  bubbles against the sill of the horizon.

  Already the dark folds each figure to itself

  like a mother putting on her child’s overcoat,

  or a paid attendant, who quickly and deftly

  slots goose-pimpled arms into their stoles.

  My own mother is attending to her daughters

  in the Christmas gloom of our long garden

  before the others are born.

  A stream’s tongue takes its first courses:

  in siren suits and our cheek-hugging bonnets

  we put one foot each in that water.

  Now standstill clumps sink and disappear

  over the plate-edge of the world.

  The trees hold up fingers like candelabra,

  blue and unsure as the word ‘distant’.

  Casually heeled there, we circle

  the New Look skirts of our mother.

  The attendant’s hands skim on a breast

  fused into party-going ramparts of taffeta,

  but he takes up his gaze into the hall

  as if there’s nothing to be sorry or glad for,

  and nothing in the snowy eternity

  that feathers his keyhole.

  Rinsing

  In the corded hollows of the wood

  leaves fall.

  How light it is.

  The trees are rinsing themselves of leaves

  like Degas laundresses, their forearms

  cold with the jelly-smooth

  blue of starch-water.

  The laundresses lean back and yawn

  with their arms still in the water

  like beech-boughs, pliant

  on leavings of air.

  In the corded hollows of the wood

  how light it is.

  How my excitement

  burns in the chamber.

  To Betty, swimming

  You’re breast-up in the bubbling spaces you make for yourself,

  your head in the air, pointy, demure,

  ridiculous in its petalled swim-cap.

  You chug slowly across the pool.

  Your legs trail. Your arms won’t sweep

  more than a third of the full stroke,

  yet when you look up you’re curling with smiles,

  complicit as if splashed

  with mile-deep dives from the cliff’s height.

  In Berber’s Ice Cream Parlour

  A fat young man in BERBER’S ICE CREAM PARLOUR

  under a tiled ceiling the colour of farm butter

  with a mirror at 45o to his jaw.

  His moist jowls, lucent and young

  as the tuck where a baby’s buttock and thigh join,

  quiver a little, preparing

  to meet the order he’s given.

  A tall glass skims the waitress’s breasts.

  He holds on, spoon poised

  to see if the syrup’ll trickle right

  past the mound of chopped nuts to the ice-

  white luscious vanilla sheltering

  under its blanket of cream.

  The yellow skin weakens and melts.

  He devotes himself,

  purses his lips to wrinkling-point,

  digs down with the long spoon

  past jelly and fruit

  to the depths, with the cool

  inching of an expert.

  Beside him there’s a landscape in drained pink

  and blue suggesting the sea

  with an audacious cartoon economy.

  They’ve even put in one white triangle

  to make the horizon. A sail.

  Large creamy girls mark the banana splits

  with curls and squiggles,

  pour sauce on peach melbas,

  thumb in real strawberries.

  Their bodies sail behind the counters,

  balloons tight at the ropes, held down

  by a customer’s need for more clotted cream

  topping on his three-tier chocolate sundae.

  Th
ey have eight tables to serve.

  With their left hands they slap out the change

  and comets smelling of nickel

  for kids’ take-away treats,

  and over on the bar counter there’s room

  for adult, luxurious absorption

  of dark mocha ice cream.

  Flowing, damp-curled, the waitresses

  pass with their trays

  doubled by mirrors, bumping like clouds.

  On drinking lime juice in September

  (for Patrick Charnley)

  How the sick body calms itself

  and knows it is blissful to live.

  The lime juice of long voyages

  fans through each tissue.

  Ultramarine stands at the masts,

  the long wake purls, barbarous sailors

  wait round the canvas, heads bowed.

  The captain, your ancestor,

  fell from the grace of his life one voyage

  west from Australia. They made him

  his shroud of sailcloth with quick stitches.

  They stole his book of the burial service

  out of his pocket: now it was theirs

  to read through slowly, becalmed,

  in its long, sea-remembering cadences.

  They launched his vessel of flesh

  where it would dive, darken,

  cast up its sewn air,

  its gene code with a hundred answers.

  Not going to the forest

  If you had said the words ‘to the forest’

  at once I would have gone there

  leaving my garden of broccoli and potato-plants.

  I would not have struggled

  to see the last ribbons of daylight

  and windy sky tear over the crowns

  of the oaks which stand here,

  heavy draught animals

  bearing, continually bearing.

  I would have rubbed the velvety forest

  against my cheek like the pincushion

  I sewed with invisible stitches.

  No. But you said nothing

  and I have a child to think of

  and a garden of parsnips and raspberries.

  It’s not that I’m afraid,

  but that I’m still gathering

  the echoes of my five senses –

  how far they’ve come with me, how far

  they want to go on.

  So the whale-back of the forest

  shows for an instant, then dives.

  I think it has oxygen within it

  to live, downward, for miles.

  Lutherans

  Whichever way I turned on the radio

  there was Sibelius

  or an exceptionally long weather forecast.

  Good practice: I’d purse up my lips

  to the brief gulp of each phrase.

  Sometimes I struck a chord with the World Service’s

  sense-fuzz, like the smell of gardenia

  perfume in Woolworth’s: instantly cloying,

  the kind that doesn’t bloom on your skin,

  or, in the two P.M. gloom of the town square,

  I’d catch the pale flap of a poster

  for the Helsingin Sanomat: POMPIDOU KUOLLUT.

  I’d buy one, but never wrestle beyond the headline.

  When pupils asked what I thought of ‘this three-day week’

  I’d mention the candle-blaze

  nightly in my room during the power-cuts,

  and the bronchitis I had,

  but I’d balance the fact that I smoked too much

  against the marsh-chill when the heating went off.

  I’d always stop on the railway bridge

  even at one in the morning. The city was shapeless, squeezed in

  by hills bristling with Sitka spruce.

  The drunks had their fires lit

  but they were slow, vulnerable, frozen

  while flaming on a half-litre from the State Alcohol Shop.

  If their luck held they’d bunch on the Sports Hall heating-grates

  rather than be chipped free from a snow heap

  in the first light of ten in the morning,

  among a confusion of fur-hatted burghers

  going to have coffee and cakes.

  Work started at eight, there was never enough time.

  They’d stop, chagrined, and murmur ‘It’s shocking’.

  They were slowly learning not to buy the full-cream milk

  of their farming childhoods; there was a government campaign

  with leaflets on heart disease and exercise

  and a broadsheet on the energy crisis

  with diagrams suggesting the angles

  beyond which windows should never be opened.

  Their young might be trim, but they kept

  a pious weakness for sinning on cake

  and for those cloudy, strokeable hats

  that frame Lutheran pallor.

  After an evening visit to gym, they’d roll

  the green cocoon of their ski-suited baby

  onto the pupils’ table. Steadied with one hand

  it lay prone and was never unpacked.

  FROM

  The Raw Garden

  (1988)

  To Mike Levine and David Stewart

  Code-breaking in the Garden of Eden

  The Raw Garden is a collection of closely related poems, which are intended to speak to, through, and even over each other. The poems draw their full effect from their setting; they feed from each other, even when the link is as mild as an echo of phrasing or cadence.

  It is now possible to insert new genes into a chromosomal pattern. It is possible to feed in new genetic material, or to remove what is seen as faulty or damaged material. The basic genetic code is contained in DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid), and its molecular structure is the famous double helix, so called because it consists of two complementary spirals which match each other like the halves of a zip. Naturally occurring enzymes can be used to split the double strand, and to insert new material. The separate strands are then recombined to form the complete DNA helix. By this process of gene-splicing a new piece of genetic information can be inserted into a living organism, and can be transmitted to the descendants of the organism.

  It seems to me that there is an echo of this new and revolutionary scientific process in the way each poet feeds from the material drawn together in a long poetic tradition, “breaks” it with his or her individual creative voice, and re-combines it through new poems.

  One thing I have tried to do in these poems is to explore the effect which these new possibilities of genetic manipulation may have on our concept of what is natural and what is unnatural. If we can not follow Romantic poets in their assumption of a massive, unmalleable landscape which moulds the human creatures living upon it and provides them with a constant, stable frame of reference, then how do we look at landscape and at the “natural”? We are used to living in a profoundly human-made landscape. As I grew up I realised that even such apparently wild places as moors and commons were the product of human decisions and work: people had cut down trees, grazed animals, acquired legal rights. But still this knowledge did not interfere with my sense that these places were natural.

  The question might be, what does it take to disturb the sense of naturalness held by the human being in his or her, landscape? Is there a threshold beyond which a person revolts at a feeling that changedness has gone too far? Many of these poems focus on highly manipulated landscapes and outcrops of “nature”, and on the harmonies and revulsions formed between them and the people living among them.

  Perhaps the Garden of Eden embodies some yearning to print down an idea of the static and the predictable over our knowledge that we have to accept perpetual changeability. The code of the Garden of Eden has been broken open an infinite number of times. Now we are faced with a still greater potential for change, since we have acquired knowledge of the double helix structure of DNA. If t
he Garden of Eden really exists it does so moment by moment, fragmented and tough, cropping up like a fan of buddleia high up in the gutter of a deserted warehouse, or in a heap of frozen cabbages becoming luminous in the reflected light off roadside snow. This Garden of Eden propagates itself in strange ways, some of which find parallels in far-fetched horticultural techniques such as air layering, or growing potatoes in a mulch of rotted seaweed on white sand. I hope that these poems do not seem to hanker back to a prelapsarian state of grace. If I want to celebrate anything, it is resilience, adaptability, and the power of improvisation.

  Seal run

  The potatoes come out of the earth bright

  as if waxed, shucking their compost,

  and bob against the palm of my hand

  like the blunt muzzles of seals swimming.

  Slippy and pale in the washing-up bowl

  they bask, playful, grown plump

  in banks of seaweed on white sand,

  seaweed hauled from brown circles

  set in transparent waters off Easdale

  all through the sun-fanned West Highland midnights

  when the little potatoes are seeding there

  to make necklaces under the mulch,

 

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