by Karen Lynch
Her eyes narrowed at my challenge, and I saw the competitive spirit that had put her at the head of her class. I held back a grin. This was going to be fun.
Talk of training had put her at ease, and she relaxed in my arms. When someone nudged her from behind, pushing her closer to me, she didn’t stiffen and pull away like she would have a few days ago. I could have stayed there with her like that all night.
The music switched to a faster song and I reluctantly released Beth, but I didn’t let her leave the dance floor. Jordan joined us, and Sara even managed to drag Nikolas out onto the floor. Beth spent more time dancing with the other girls than with me, but I didn’t mind. She was having fun, and I loved watching her lithe body move with the music. I was already anticipating the next slow song when I could hold her against me again.
Four songs later, Beth declared she needed water and we headed for the bar. As soon as we left the crowded dance floor, I heard someone calling my name. I turned to see an attractive blonde woman, who squealed and launched herself into my arms.
“Chris! It is you,” she gushed, hugging me tightly. “I can’t believe it.”
“Hey,” I said, acutely aware of Beth, who stood beside me looking on.
The woman stepped back, smiling, and I suddenly remembered where I knew her from. A pit opened in my gut as my past collided head-on with my present.
“What are the odds of running into you here?” she said. “And wow, you haven’t changed a bit. How long has it been?”
She snapped her fingers before I could reply. “Four years.”
“That long?” I asked lamely, feeling like a deer in headlights.
“Oh, yeah.” Her smile turned sultry. “Best July Fourth weekend ever.”
Beth’s gasp was almost inaudible, but there was no mistaking the faint wave of pain that flowed into me through our bond. I reached for her hand, but she jerked it away from me. I caught the wounded look in her eyes before she spun and disappeared into the crowd.
“Excuse me,” I said to the woman as I turned to go after Beth.
I caught up to her outside the restrooms. “Beth, wait.”
“Don’t touch me.” She shrugged off the hand I laid on her shoulder as if it repulsed her and went into the ladies room.
“Fuck.”
I paced outside the restroom, trying to figure out how to fix this mess. God, the timing for that little reunion could not have been worse. Things had been going so well, better than I’d hoped, and this was going to undo all the progress we’d made tonight. Worse than that, Beth was hurting and it was my fault.
Beth
Stupid! I’m so stupid.
I swiped angrily at the tear that trailed down my cheek, ignoring the curious glances from the three other women in the restroom. What were they staring at anyway? I wasn’t the first girl to cry over a man who didn’t deserve her tears, and I wouldn’t be the last.
My chest tightened painfully as my mind replayed the beautiful blonde woman in Chris’s arms, the recognition in his eyes, the way she’d smiled and looked at him with the familiarity of a former lover.
Best July Fourth weekend ever.
A fresh wave of tears threatened as old heartaches pushed their way to the surface. In the mirror, I saw the sixteen-year-old me who had been crushed by the same man I’d unwittingly let back into my heart.
One of the women grabbed several tissues from a box on the vanity and carried them over to me. She was my height with inky black hair, dark skin, and the face and body of a runway model.
“He’s not worth it.”
I sniffled and blotted away the wetness on my face. “How do you know?”
Her smile was understanding as she met my eyes in the mirror. “Honey, any man who would make you cry when you look that gorgeous is not good enough for you.”
“Amen,” said a petite redhead as she retouched her lipstick. “Too many great guys out there to waste your time crying over one.”
The door opened, and Sara entered the restroom, her eyes immediately finding me. Her brow furrowed in concern as she walked over to me.
“What happened? Chris looks miserable, and you’re in here crying. I thought you two were having a great time together.”
“We were.”
“So, what went wrong? Did he say something to upset you?”
No, he said all the right things. And I fell for them.
I wiped away a few smears of mascara below my eyes and straightened to face her. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have here in front of an audience.
“Can we talk about it later? I just want to get out of here.”
“Sure.” She glanced at the closed door. “He’s outside, waiting for you.”
I knew exactly where Chris was, thanks to the bond between us, the bond I should have broken days ago if I hadn’t been so weak. God, I was such a fool.
Steeling myself, I went to the door and opened it. The first person I saw was Chris, standing a few feet away, his expression one of worry. And guilt.
“Beth,” he said as I walked up to him.
“I can’t do this,” I managed to say as my throat tightened, almost cutting off my air. I moved to go around him, and he took my wrist in a loose grip.
“Let’s talk about this,” he pleaded softly. “We’ll go home and –”
I pulled out of his grasp. “There’s nothing to talk about. Please, just leave me alone.”
Sara spoke to Chris as I walked away, but I was too focused on putting distance between us to hear what she said. I thought about looking for Jordan to tell her I was leaving and abandoned the idea when my gaze landed on the woman from Chris’s past. Pain flared in my chest again, and something ugly burned in my stomach at the knowledge of exactly what she had been to him.
I wasn’t stupid or naïve. I knew a man like Chris didn’t live like a monk and that he’d probably had a lot of lovers. It wasn’t something I liked to think about, so I tried to never let my mind go there. But coming face-to-face with an ex-lover of his had almost gutted me.
“Beth, are you okay?”
I stopped outside the main exit and turned to look at Adam, who approached me with concern etched on his face. Jordan and I had run into him in the club earlier, but I hadn’t seen him since. Or maybe I’d been too caught up in Chris’s spell to notice anyone else.
I forced a smile. “Yes. I’m just a little tired.”
“Wes went to get the car. Can we give you a ride home?”
“I’m good, thank you.”
I appreciated his chivalry, but I also knew he was interested in more than friendship. I didn’t want to send him any false messages. Not to mention what could happen if I arrived at the house in the company of another male. For the moment, I was still bonded to Chris, and bonded males were possessive and volatile. I would not drag Adam into that.
Adam frowned. “At least, let me get you a taxi.”
I nodded gratefully, and he hailed one of the many cabs cruising the street for fares. He opened the back door for me, and I thanked him as I got in. At the light I looked back, but Adam had already gone. In his place stood Chris. I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel the weight of his stare even after we rounded the corner and he disappeared from sight.
When I could no longer sense him, I sank back against the seat with a ragged sigh. It was a brief reprieve because he wouldn’t be far behind me. I thought about telling the driver to take me to a hotel instead of the house because I felt too fragile inside to deal with anything else tonight. But if Chris went home and I wasn’t there, he’d freak and everyone would worry.
I beat everyone else home, and I was dressed in jeans and a comfortable sweater by the time I felt Chris arrive. I stood in the living room and waited, knowing he’d come directly to me. The door opened, and he entered, closing it behind him before he faced me. In his eyes, I saw pain and regret, but also determination.
He entered the living room, but something in my expression must have warned him again
st coming too close. Stopping a few feet away, he held up his hands.
“Let me explain, please. That woman –”
“I know all I need to know about her. I know you had a life before this and that you didn’t spend it alone.” My voice cracked, making me sound younger, which fueled my anger. “I don’t care about your love life or who you share your bed with.”
His eyes narrowed. “The only woman I’ll share my bed with is you.”
The possessive gleam in his eyes sent a rush of heat through me. But it was only my body reacting to the bond, nothing more. I needed to remember that if I was going to come out of this with my heart intact.
I crossed my arms and stood my ground, determined to say my piece and get this over with.
“Do you know where I was four years ago, on July Fourth?” I asked with as much coldness as I could muster. “I was sitting in my bedroom, waiting for you because you never missed a holiday. I figured it had been a month since my birthday, so that whole thing would be forgotten and you’d show up like nothing had happened.”
“Beth –”
“But you never came, not then, not ever. I cried myself to sleep that night, hating myself for telling you how I felt and for driving you away. And all that time, you were with some woman whose name you probably can’t even remember. But she was obviously more important to you than I was.” My voice broke on the last few words, but I got them out.
Chris’s eyes filled with anguish. “I’m so sorry, Dove. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing not going back.”
“You were wrong,” I said hoarsely.
“I know.” He took a step toward me. “I swear I’ll make it up to you. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
My heart felt like it was breaking for the second time.
“In a way, I’m glad we ran into that woman. It reminded me how much you can hurt me. I can’t go through that again. I won’t.”
He went still. “What are you saying?”
My Mori howled and pressed forward, trying to take control and stop me from doing what it read in my thoughts. I never should have let it go on this long, never should have let my Mori get close to his. I never should have allowed myself to fall for him again.
“I…”
I choked. I knew the words I needed to say, but I couldn’t form them. It was like hands were squeezing my lungs and making it impossible to draw a breath.
A sob welled in my chest, working its way up my throat, and I put a hand over my mouth to keep it in. I spun away from Chris, trying to pull myself together. I would do this. I had to.
Hands gripped my shoulders, turning me and crushing me against his hard chest. I tried to pull away, but he refused to release me as he buried his face in my hair.
“Don’t,” he said harshly. “Don’t say it.”
The desperation in his voice was my undoing, and the last of my composure crumpled. Years of hurt and abandonment spilled forth in a torrent of tears that soaked his shirt and left me feeling achy and hollow.
Chris held me the whole time, his strong arms wrapped around me like they would shelter me from the world. For a few minutes, I pretended that was true. I closed my eyes and let his warmth and strength envelop me. I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be.
When I could stand on my own again, I pushed away from Chris. His arms fell slowly to his sides, and he stood there quietly, waiting for me to say something. I avoided his gaze as I summoned the energy to speak.
“I need to be alone.”
“You’re upset. Let’s just talk,” he said gently.
“I need space.” I took a breath and met his eyes. “From you.”
Pain flickered in his eyes. It wasn’t my intent to hurt him, but I didn’t know what else to say. I hadn’t been able to break the bond, and I needed to figure out what that meant. One thing I knew was I couldn’t think straight with him around.
“Please.” I hugged my waist trying to hold back the emotions that threatened to burst from me again. “Please, go.”
He raised a hand and let it fall. Then he turned away and did what I’d asked.
Chapter 14
Beth
WHEN THE TALL iron gates of Longstone came into view, I felt the tears I’d warded off all day burn the back of my throat. I lifted my visor to greet the warriors manning the gate, but I didn’t stop to talk. I’d ridden all day to get here, and there was only one person I wanted to see.
I’d left Los Angeles long before dawn, stopping once for gas and food and to finally return Mason’s frantic voice mails and texts. He’d had a minor freak out when he read the note I’d left for him on our fridge, and he’d wanted to know why I’d left without him. He would have gladly come with me.
I’d explained to him that I needed to do this alone and promised I’d text him as soon as I got home. Immediately after I parked my bike near the main garages, I sent off a text to tell him I’d arrived safely. His response came less than a minute later.
About time. I’ll let everyone know.
By everyone, I knew he meant Chris, who had called and left texts for me, too. I’d asked Mason to let him know I was going home and to tell him to please not come after me.
I’d gotten about five hours from Los Angeles when I’d surfaced from my misery long enough to realize what my leaving would do to Chris. Last night, I’d tried to break the bond, and today I’d taken off without a word. He had to think I was running with no intention of going back.
Am I?
I’d been asking myself that question ever since I rode away from the command center, and I was no closer to the answer now than I was then. Mostly because it hurt too much to think about what would happen if I walked away from Chris forever.
Tell him, I started to type. I deleted it and sent a simple Thanks.
Grabbing my small duffle, I walked across the compound to the residential area. Unlike military strongholds, Longstone was laid out more like a small town with actual houses, a school, and even a park. There were a lot more families here, too, which meant more children of all ages. I recognized many of them as I passed by, and they all called greetings to me. I waved and smiled, but continued on without stopping.
In no time, I stood outside the pretty little house I’d grown up in. It felt like I hadn’t seen this place in years, although in reality, it had only been a month. Maybe it just seemed that way because so much had happened since Mason and I had set out from here to see the world.
I opened the door and went inside, setting my bag down in the living room. I hadn’t told Rachel I was coming home, but when I’d talked to her a few days ago, she’d said she was just back from a job in Portland and would be here for the next two weeks.
“Rachel,” I called in a voice that cracked from pent-up emotion.
She hurried out of her bedroom, her eyes wide. “Beth? You didn’t tell me you were –”
Taking one look at my face, she ran to me. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” I whispered before the dam broke and I began to cry.
She gathered me in her arms, and I buried my face against her shoulder like I used to do when I was younger. The last time I’d cried like this in her arms was the day Chris left Longstone without saying goodbye. I’d thought my heart was going to break in two that day, but that pain had nothing on what I felt this time.
Rachel held me while I cried, rubbing my back soothingly like moms do. When I started hiccupping, she led me over to sit on the couch and waited until I found my voice again.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked softly.
“I don’t know where to start.”
A few days after Chris had shown up in Los Angeles, I’d called Rachel and told her. I’d assured her I was okay with it and that he wouldn’t be there long anyway. She’d been satisfied with that, and she hadn’t pressed for more information about him. How did I tell her now that Chris and I had been bonded for almost two weeks and this was the first she wou
ld hear of it?
She tenderly brushed my hair back over my shoulder. “Is it Chris?”
“Why do you ask that?”
“In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve only cried like this for one person.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist as a fresh wave of pain hit me.
“It hurts so much. I can’t make it stop.”
“Oh, sweetie. What happened?”
It was several minutes before I could answer her. I took a breath and met her worried eyes.
“We bonded.”
“What?”
The word came out almost as a shout as Rachel gaped at me with wide disbelieving eyes. I was pretty sure that was the last thing she’d expected me to say.
Her mouth worked for a few seconds before she managed to speak again.
“Last night? Is that why you left Los Angeles?”
I bent my head so I didn’t have to see her face. “Two weeks ago.”
“I…don’t understand,” she stammered. “You never said anything.”
“I didn’t know what to say. I think I was in shock at first, and then…” I swallowed hard. “I was going to break it, but Chris said he didn’t want to. I was so confused, and before I knew it, I fell for him again.”
My throat closed up, and I took a few breaths to compose myself. Rachel didn’t speak as she waited for me to continue.
“I was starting to think I could get past what happened before, but last night…we had a big fight, and I knew it was over.” I told her what had happened at the club and after. By the time I got it all out, my words were coming between broken sobs. “But when I tried to break the bond, I couldn’t. And I don’t know what to do.”
Rachel’s arms came around me, and I curled into her as she stroked my hair.
“Is that why you left Los Angeles – to break the bond?”
“No. I was so upset, and all I could think of was coming home to you.” I let out a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I wish you had, but I understand how overwhelming this must be for you. Bonding is emotional enough without him being someone you were once so close to.”