by Karen Lynch
I’d left here the night she’d almost broken the bond, feeling like my heart was being ripped from my chest. Hearing her talk about waiting for me to come home and how she’d blamed herself for me leaving filled me with so much regret. I hadn’t realized until that moment just how much I’d hurt her, and I hated myself for it. The pain I’d felt the last four days was nothing compared to what I’d put her through.
“Mmmm,” Beth murmured softly.
She shifted and let out a small gasp before she lay still. Not wanting to startle her, I didn’t move as I waited to see what she would do.
Minutes passed before she started to ease away from me. Instinctively, my arm tightened around her waist, not wanting to let her go yet. She lay back down with a resigned sigh.
“I did not crawl into your bed this time,” she grumbled.
Lightness spread through my chest. Despite her words, she didn’t sound unhappy to be with me. I hadn’t imagined it or dreamed it. Something had changed between us.
I smiled against her hair. “I don’t think this qualifies as a bed.”
She huffed softly and moved again to get up. This time I didn’t try to stop her, but when her elbow accidently knocked the side of my head, I couldn’t hold back my groan of pain.
Beth sat up and looked down at me, her brow furrowed with concern. “Are you okay?”
I winced and put a hand over my eyes. “I’ll let you know as soon as my head stops threatening to explode.”
Her laugh was unexpected and the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. Less than a day ago, I’d been afraid I would never hear it again.
“That’s what you get for drinking yourself into a stupor,” she scolded. “Whatever possessed you to drink demon liquor?”
“It was Niall’s fault,” I moaned into my hands.
The details about how we’d ended up at Sal’s were cloudy, but I remembered Niall challenging me to a round of nobs, a demon drinking game. I hadn’t been thinking clearly, or I never would have accepted a challenge from an Irishman whose favorite pastime was drinking.
“Yes, I’m sure he forced it down your throat,” she said without an ounce of sympathy before she got up and strode into her bedroom.
I eyed the duffle bag on the other side of the coffee table, wondering how much it was going to hurt to stand up and walk over to it. With herculean effort, I managed to sit up, only to sag back against the cushions as the room spun wildly. Sweat broke out on my brow, and I swallowed as my stomach began to revolt.
“Kill me now.”
I let my body fall back to a horizontal position, taking slow deep breaths to calm my churning stomach. I’d overindulged in murren once before, and I should have remembered that moving only makes the hangover worse.
“Here.”
I opened my eyes to see Beth standing over me, holding out a can of gunna paste. I took the can from her, but my hand was shaking so much I couldn’t open it.
Beth made a sound of exasperation and perched on the edge of the couch. She opened the can and scooped out a large amount of the green paste with two fingers.
“Open,” she ordered briskly. I did, and she placed the gunna paste on my tongue.
Before she could withdraw her fingers, I closed my mouth and sucked the last of the paste from them. The stuff tasted awful, but seeing her lips part and the flush in her cheeks was worth every bit.
She pulled her hand away, and I swallowed the paste like a good patient.
“Thanks,” I rasped.
“You look green. Are you going to throw up?”
I closed my eyes. “No. Just need to lie still until the gunna paste kicks in.”
“Okay.”
She stood, and I heard her set the can of paste on the coffee table before she went into the kitchen. Soon, the sounds and aroma of brewing coffee filled the room. In a few minutes, she was back, setting a mug on the coffee table near me.
“Drink that when you no longer feel like vomiting.”
“You’re an angel,” I said without opening my eyes.
There was no mistaking the amusement in her voice. “Just try not to puke. Murren smells bad enough on your breath. I do not want to know what it smells like coming back up.”
“I’ll do my best.”
I heard her sit in one of the arm chairs and take a sip from her own cup. She seemed content not to speak, so I didn’t either. It was enough to know she was in the same room with me. I was happy to lie there with her close by and let the gunna paste work its magic.
After about twenty minutes, the pounding in my head lessened and my stomach stopped threatening to erupt. Five minutes after that, I was able to lift my head off the couch without going into a tailspin. I eased myself into a reclined position and picked up my mug with a hand that still trembled slightly.
The coffee was cold, but I didn’t care because it felt so good to my parched throat. I drained the mug and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
“I needed that,” I said to Beth, who still sat in her chair. “Thanks.”
She came over and took the mug from me. “Feeling better?”
“Much.”
“Good.”
She turned away, but not before I saw her face take on a tender expression. She cared more than she wanted to let on. I didn’t know what had softened her toward me, but I’d take it.
She carried our mugs to the kitchen and rinsed them, returning with a bottle of water for me. When she started to move away, I took hold of her wrist in a loose grip.
“Sit with me.”
She arched an eyebrow but didn’t pull away. “You’re milking this sick patient thing.”
I started to make a joke and went with honesty instead. “My Mori needs to be close to you.” I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb. “I need to be close to you.”
She hesitated, and I watched the play of doubt and worry across her face. But those emotions were not as strong as the answering need I saw in her eyes.
I let out the breath I was holding when she sat on the edge of the couch and turned toward me. I released her wrist and took her hand, pleased when she didn’t object or pull away. The feel of her skin against mine did more to relieve my pain than anything else could.
“How have you been since…?” I trailed off, unsure of how to finish the question.
She looked down at our joined hands and whispered, “Fine,” which I knew meant she’d been anything but that.
“How about now?” I pressed softly.
Her teeth worried her lower lip. “A little better.”
I smiled at her quiet admission. I understood her reluctance to open up to me, and I knew I had to be patient and gentle with her, now more than ever.
“I’m feeling better, too, and not just because of the gunna paste.”
That got a little smile from her, and she lifted her gaze to mine. “You did look a dangerous shade of green.”
I nodded. “It was touch and go for a few minutes. Thanks for taking care of me today…and last night.”
She made a face. “I almost told Nikolas to leave you on the lawn.”
I laughed and then winced at the lingering pain in my head. I was never touching murren again.
“I’m sure I deserved it.”
“Probably, but I was afraid you’d end up drowning yourself in the pool.”
“So, you do like me,” I teased, earning an eye roll from her.
“You’re not going to let that go, are you?”
“Not until you admit it.”
She looked down again, going quiet for a long moment. I watched her bent head and hoped I hadn’t pushed her too soon to talk about her feelings. This was all new territory for me, and I didn’t want to mess it up. I’d never been one to go slow when it came to women, but then, I’d also never been in love with anyone until Beth.
“Today, I like you,” she said at last. “Tomorrow remains to be seen.”
I gave her hand a little squeeze. “Then I’ll have to do what I
can to make sure you still like me tomorrow.”
She fell silent again. After a minute, I tugged on her hand to get her attention. “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes were troubled when she looked at me again. “I’m sorry I ran away. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“I know that.”
I let go of her hand and reached for her to pull her into my arms, but she resisted, shifting so she was facing away from me.
“I’m not ready to…”
“I understand.”
I was disappointed that she didn’t want me to hold her, but I wasn’t surprised after what had happened a few nights ago. It was enough for now that she was sitting here beside me.
“None of this is your fault. I’m the one who screwed up, and I should be begging you for forgiveness. Just tell me it’s not too late to make it right.”
“No… I mean it’s not too late,” she said in a rush.
My heart began to race, but I forced my voice to sound calm. “So, going home was good for you.”
“Talking to Rachel helped a lot. But then Sara asked me something yesterday.”
I could barely speak around the breath that was bottled up in my chest. “What did Sara say to you?”
Beth stared at the far wall, but I could see her throat working before she spoke.
“She asked if I could imagine my life without you.”
I didn’t speak as I waited for her to continue.
“I can’t,” she said hoarsely.
I closed my eyes briefly as relief coursed through me.
She turned slightly to look at me, and my heart constricted at the hurt in her beautiful eyes. The need to hold her was fierce, but I was afraid to make any advances that might undo the progress we’d made.
“I want you in my life, but I’m scared. This is all happening too fast, and I…”
“It’s okay.”
I held out my hand to her, and slowly, she slipped hers into mine. I laced my fingers with hers and let our joined hands lie on the couch between us.
“Bonding is difficult in the beginning, no matter how easy Sara and Nikolas make it look.”
I raised my eyebrows meaningfully, and she rewarded me with a small smile. Taking that as a good sign, I continued. “It’s normal to have doubts, especially considering our history. I hurt you, and you’re afraid I’ll do it again. Give me a chance to earn back your trust and love.”
She pressed her lips together, but her eyes betrayed her inner struggle. She wanted to say yes, but fear made her question everything.
“If I say yes, what happens next?” she asked in a voice laced with uncertainty.
“Well, right now, I’m going to lie here until I’m able to stand again.”
Her eyes widened, and a startled laugh bubbled from her.
I smiled back. “After that, we’ll take it one day at a time.”
She nodded slowly. “I think I can do that.”
Beth
The door opened as I was tying the laces on my gym shoes, and I looked up to see Mason hesitantly enter the house. He glanced around before he came all the way in and shut the door.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Checking to see if the coast is clear.” He walked over and pulled me up into a tight hug. “So glad you’re back.”
“Me, too.”
He let me go and sat on the end of the coffee table nearest me. “I take it Chris left.”
I flushed even though there was nothing to be embarrassed about. “How did you know he was here?”
Mason gave me a crooked smile. “I walked in here at 6:30 after my patrol and found the two of you asleep on the couch. I figured it was best if I made myself scarce, so I crashed on the couch in the control room for a few hours.”
“You didn’t have to –”
“I wanted to.” He studied my face. “Does this mean things are okay between you and him?”
“Yes. We agreed to take things slow.”
His serious expression dissolved into a relieved smile. “Good, because I hated seeing you so miserable.”
“I wasn’t that bad.”
He gave me an incredulous look. “Beth, you cried all night and left without a word. Then it took me two days to get you to tell me what happened. You had me pretty worried there for a while.”
“I’m sorry.”
He leaned in and took my hands in his. “You have nothing to apologize for. You were hurting, and you needed to cope with it in your own way. I’m just glad you worked it out.”
“Yeah, me too.”
I let out a long breath. Things were a lot better between Chris and me, but I was confused about his feelings for me. He’d called me Dove when he’d said he loved me last night. Had he been dreaming about the young girl he used to know when he’d said that? Or had he meant he was in love with the adult me? He hadn’t repeated the declaration this morning, so I was left wondering if he’d even meant to say it. It was enough to drive me crazy.
“Are you up for some training?” I asked Mason. “I’m headed to the gym, and I could use some company.”
He smirked. “Need to work off some energy?”
“Something like that.”
“Sure. Give me a minute to change.”
Five minutes later, the two of us entered the gym to find Chris and Seamus exchanging blows that would have knocked me into next week. I stood by the door, watching them move with speed and grace I hoped to have someday. Their bodies were slick with sweat, and it was impossible not to admire the play of muscles under Chris’s T-shirt or his strong arms. It amazed me that someone so powerful could also be as gentle as he was with me.
Of course, he chose that moment to look at me, and his cocky little smile told me he’d caught me checking him out. Great.
Heat spread across the back of my neck as he ended his fight with Seamus and walked over to me. It had only been an hour since he’d left the guesthouse, but he looked at me like he hadn’t seen me in days.
“Your turn,” he said to me.
“Me?” I let out a short laugh. “I’m no match for you.”
His smile turned sensual as he stepped into my space. “You’re the perfect match for me.”
I put a hand against his hard chest and shoved him. It was about as effective as pushing a brick wall.
“You know what I mean. I’m not fast enough to fight you.”
“That’s why you should fight me. You and Mason are at the same level, and you know each other’s every move. Sparring with a better partner will challenge you more.”
He was right. I hadn’t felt challenged in training for months. I needed to bump up the intensity to push myself to the next level.
“Okay, but don’t blame me if you get bored.”
“You could never bore me,” he said with a meaningful look before he turned and walked back to the center of the room.
“Good luck,” Mason called in a stage whisper as I followed Chris. I could hear the laughter in his voice, but I resisted the urge to glare at him over my shoulder.
I faced Chris on the mats, feeling uncertain and self-conscious. He was so good. How could I hope to land a strike against him? I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but that wasn’t enough. I hated losing.
“I’m going to fight without my Mori’s help to make it even,” he said.
“But it won’t be even if I use mine,” I protested.
Chris chuckled. “I think I can hold my own. Ready?”
I assumed my fighting stance and nodded.
Chris’s expression didn’t change as his left hand shot out. I brought mine up and blocked his strike before it could connect. The force of his blow shocked me, not because it would have hurt me, but because he was a lot faster than I’d expected. Even without his Mori speed, Chris was fast and most likely stronger than I was.
Recovering from my surprise, I struck back with a right hook, followed by a kick. Chris blocked me easily on both strikes, and then he shot me a taunting little smil
e that said, “Is that all you’ve got?”
Game on.
I went at him with everything I had, using every trick and technique I’d learned in training. I even managed to land some hits, but those victories were few and far between. Chris was a masterful fighter, his skills honed by many years in the field, and he maintained an infuriatingly neutral expression that gave nothing away.
After twenty minutes, I retreated and bent down with both hands on my knees, panting. I was sweating and breathless like a first-year trainee. And I’d never felt so exhilarated by a fight. I loved sparring, but I’d been missing out. Nothing compared to going up against the best, even when he was holding back.
“You done?” Chris asked with amusement lacing his tone.
I lifted my head and scowled at him. “Hardly.”
Mason snickered. “Oh, boy. I know that look. You’re in for it now.”
I straightened and studied Chris as my old trainer’s voice filled my head.
“You’re going to face fighters who are stronger and faster than you. But most fights are won with the mind, not the body. If you can win the mental battle, you can defeat any opponent. It’s up to you to find out how to get into their head and find their weakness.”
Her advice was all well and good, but Chris was a fighting machine. From where I stood, he didn’t have any weaknesses.
Except one.
I struck first this time, and he blocked it as expected. We fell back into the same pattern of trading blows. A few minutes lapsed before I deliberately moved too slowly, allowing his fist to graze my shoulder. I staggered backward and let out a small sound of pain.
Chris rushed forward to catch me. As soon as his hands landed on my shoulders, I swept my leg around, hooking his knees and sending him to the floor. I followed him down, twisting us so his bigger body was facedown with me on top of him, my signature move that had bested everyone in my training class. I had his arms pinned behind his back and my legs twisted around his before he could utter a sound.