We smile carefully at each other as we simultaneously realize that this thing might not be ruined.
“You’ve made things so much better.” His fingers reach out to touch mine, braver than me. “I don’t think I told you that enough.”
“Oh.” I smile down at our nearly joined hands, shy. “Well. That’s good.”
“So … what does that mean?” His fingertips tap a nervous rhythm on my knuckles. “Do you still want to, you know, go out?”
The shimmering light of his hope fills my brain and my whole face is a grin. The Great Amazing Feelings Boy rides again, this time feeling stronger than ever.
63
ADAM
“I’m game if you are.” Caleb smiles, his face split open in happiness, and I can’t help but laugh.
“You are such a jock.” I shake my head, grinning at him, and he squeezes my hand. God, how I missed this.
“Meathead,” I mumble.
“Dork,” he replies, stepping into our familiar rhythm.
Against all odds, I’m filled with hope again. Things might be okay. He hasn’t run away and I haven’t found a hole to crawl into. We’re sitting on this bench, holding hands, beaming at each other like lovesick fools, and things might be okay.
Things are going to be hard. I have no illusions about that. Caleb still has an Atypical ability and I still have depression. Caleb still gets angry and I still want to hurt myself. My parents are still scientists who’ve done things I can’t imagine, even if they’ve tried to convince me of their good intentions. There are still Chloes and Franks and Damiens out there that are going to make Caleb’s life complicated. There’s still an organization that we barely know anything about but that makes Caleb go pale whenever it’s mentioned.
Things are going to be hard. But for the first time, I start to wonder if things might be easier together.
But first: communication.
“Okay,” I start sternly, “but we have to agree on one thing.”
64
CALEB
“Okay, but we have to agree on one thing,” Adam says, suddenly serious again, and my heart would clench if it wasn’t already buoyed up by so much joy.
“Okay…” I play along. “What?” I would be freaked out if I wasn’t feeling Adam’s giddiness. I don’t know what he’s about to say, but whatever it is isn’t serious enough to drown out his happiness so I can’t be fussed to worry about it.
“Neither of us is going to be the normal one,” he says practically. “I think it’s best we just accept that.”
I huff a laugh, a slight breeze of relief bolstering the joy even more. Adam beams at me, the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, and I bask in the warmth. I can’t help but kiss his curved lips, chasing the taste of sunlight, before giving him my answer.
“Sounds good to me.” I smile, an entire sun in my head. A whole solar system. “We’ll be weird together.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
When I started The Bright Sessions back in 2015, I could never have anticipated what it would become. It was meant to be an experiment, a way to explore a new-to-me form with some actors I admired, a chance to stretch my legs as a writer. All these years later, and the world of Dr. Bright and her patients has become my entire world, a world that so many people have joined me in, both as collaborators and listeners. It was never my creation alone and there are so many people who need to be thanked for helping me make this story.
To the actors who first filled the world of The Bright Sessions with their voices: Julia Morizawa, Anna Lore, Charlie Ian, Ian McQuown, Andrew Nowak, Alex Marshall-Brown, Phillip Jordan, and Alanna Fox—thank you all for coming along on this journey with me. And thanks most of all to Briggon Snow and Alex Gallner, who were the first people to give voice to Caleb and Adam and give them life. Hearing your voices in my head made this book possible. An enormous thanks to Mischa Stanton and Evan Cunningham, who create the auditory landscape of The Bright Sessions and who inspire me every day.
To Matthew Elblonk, for seeing something in my writing and always believing in me. I’m so grateful to have an agent that so deeply understands me, and even more grateful to call you my friend.
To Ali Fisher, who made having an editor the opposite of the scary thing I feared it would be. You’ve made my writing so much stronger, made me smile with your notes, and related to my Fannibal tendencies. There’s no one I’d rather ride with in the Reaper’s War.
To all the people who made me love reading in the first place, especially T. A. Barron and Seann Alderking, who put fantasy books in my hands when I was a child and expanded my universe infinitely outward.
To the communities of people that have held me up: my New Year’s gang, FTH, my Glow Up Crew, my Time Stories team. Thank you for sending me memes and giving me joy when I got buried in work. And a deep, heartfelt thanks to the audio drama community—especially Jeffrey Cranor, Joseph Fink, and all of Night Vale—for the paths you’ve paved, the inspiration you’ve provided, and the kindness you’ve shown me.
To Brendon Urie, for giving me music for fifteen years. You took me from my own emo phase all the way through writing Adam into existence. Neither of us would be who we are without you.
To my parents. Thank you for always supporting my dreams of telling stories and for filling my life with so many stories from the very beginning. To my sister, Betsy—you could fit in literally every single one of the above categories. You’ve given your voice and your expertise to TBS, you put so many books in my hands and taught me how to read them, you have held me up my entire life.
Last but certainly not least: to all of you. To all of you who pick up this book and see a little (or a lot) of yourself in Caleb or Adam, whether you’re in high school or high school is a distant memory. There’s nothing I can say to make those painful moments less painful, but I hope knowing you’re not alone brings a bit of comfort.
To every person who has been following Caleb and Adam’s love story for the past few years and beyond: thank you. You keep me green.
Stay strange.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
LAUREN SHIPPEN is a writer with a focus in fiction podcasts. She is the creator and head writer of the popular science fiction audio drama The Bright Sessions. She was named one of Forbes 2018 30 Under 30 in Media and one of MovieMaker Magazine and Austin Film Festival’s 25 Screenwriters to Watch. Shippen grew up in New York, where she spent most of her youth reading and going to Panic! at the Disco shows. Shippen now lives in Los Angeles, where she does the same thing. The Infinite Noise is Shippen’s debut novel. You can sign up for email updates here.
Visit Lauren Shippen online.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
1. Caleb
2. Adam
3. Caleb
4. Adam
5. Caleb
6. Adam
7. Caleb
8. Adam
9. Caleb
10. Adam
11. Caleb
12. Adam
13. Caleb
14. Adam
15. Caleb
16. Adam
17. Caleb
18. Adam
19. Caleb
20. Adam
21. Caleb
22. Adam
23. Caleb
24. Caleb
25. Caleb
26. Adam
27. Caleb
28. Adam
<
br /> 29. Caleb
30. Adam
31. Caleb
32. Adam
33. Caleb
34. Caleb
35. Adam
36. Caleb
37. Adam
38. Caleb
39. Adam
40. Caleb
41. Adam
42. Caleb
43. Caleb
44. Adam
45. Caleb
46. Adam
47. Caleb
48. Adam
49. Caleb
50. Adam
51. Adam
52. Caleb
53. Adam
54. Caleb
55. Adam
56. Caleb
57. Adam
58. Caleb
59. Adam
60. Caleb
61. Adam
62. Caleb
63. Adam
64. Caleb
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
THE INFINITE NOISE
Copyright © 2019 by Lauren Shippen
All rights reserved.
Cover illustrations by Victo Ngai
Cover design by Esther S. Kim
A Tor Teen Book
Published by Tom Doherty Associates
120 Broadway
New York, NY 10271
www.tor-forge.com
Tor® is a registered trademark of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC.
The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-29751-8 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-250-29752-5 (ebook)
eISBN 9781250297525
Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by email at [email protected].
First Edition: September 2019
The Infinite Noise Page 30