“Because she needs us,” I say again, this time with more frustration.
She looks around, and a small smile draws her lips up. “It’s not him. She doesn’t need us for him. It’s something else.”
I try to listen to what Neve can hear. “What do you mean it’s not him?” I ask, stepping closer to her.
“It’s not him.”
“But M needs us.” I look around, confused by what’s happening.
“She does, so I’m going. But it’s not because of him.” Neve holds my hand, taking me by complete surprise. “I’ll take care of her,” she says and smiles. Neve disappears, and I sit on her bed, anxiously waiting for her to return.
“Why are you in Neve’s room?” Kate asks.
“She was needed,” I reply.
Kate looks around Neve’s room and crinkles her forehead. “Is he back?”
“No, not him. Something else.”
Kate stands still for a moment, listening. “He’s been gone for such a long time, I didn’t think she’d ever need us again.”
“Right now, she needs Neve. And we’re going to be here for her whenever she needs us.”
Kate shakes her head and huffs. “That girl can’t keep doing this.”
“Who? Neve?”
“No, M. She’s broken. This’ll send her over the edge. This will destroy her,” she pauses and looks to the corner of the room. “She’s been through so much, she won’t be able to deal with this too.”
“That’s why we’re here. We have to be here for her. It’s our job to protect her.”
“And it’s your job to protect us.” She squeezes my upper arm. “You’ve been here for us since I can remember, AJ. You’ve always looked out for us.”
“This is going to sound terrible, Kate. But I’ve only ever wanted to look after M.”
“I know.” She takes another deep breath. “We all know.”
Mom, Dad, and Dylan are standing on the other side of the room. Two police officers are in the foyer, with my parents. All five of them are staring at me.
I blink a few times. Yawning, I notice how exhausted I’m feeling. My mind is foggy, and it’s taking me a few moments to work out what’s happening.
And then I remember. “Tina,” I say as I jump up off the floor and run toward the door.
“Molly?” Mom asks stepping forward and blocking my path.
“What?” I stare at Mom like she’s lost her mind. “Where’s Tina?” I ask the police.
Both are really young, and look as confused as my parents and Dylan. “Are you okay?” one of the police officers asks.
“I’m fine.” I rub at my eyes, trying to ease the brain fog happening inside my head.
Stay strong, M. We’re here for you.
I look around, trying to figure out where that voice came from. My hands tremble, and my breathing rapidly escalates. “Who said that?” I ask.
They all look at each other. Their worried looks speaks volumes. No one said anything.
I knock the side of my head, trying to dislodge the voice.
You have to calm down.
“Who are you?” I shout. I back myself into a corner and press my hands over my ears, trying to get away from this voice.
You know who we are.
“No, I don’t. Where are you?”
“Requesting ambulance at…”
Calm down.
“How can I calm down when I don’t know what’s going on?” I burst into tears. Dylan steps closer, but I hold my hand up to him. “Don’t,” I plead. “Just don’t.”
One of the police officer’s steps forward. “Molly, my name is Sarah. Is it okay if I come to you?” I watch as she slowly approaches me. I shake my head, I don’t know what’s happening. “It’s okay. We’re here to help.”
“Where’s Tina?” I crumble to the floor, knowing where she is. Maybe I got it wrong, maybe she’s not d-d… I can’t think it.
“Molly,” Mom says. My gaze snaps up to her. She’s broken. Her shoulders are slumped downward, and her cheeks are tear-streaked. “He…” Mom takes a breath. Dad grabs her, as she bursts into tears again.
The other police officer steps toward me, and with difficulty says, “We’re sorry to tell you this, but your sister Tina has been killed.” My entire body trembles. My brain can’t quite comprehend what’s going on. “But we’re concerned about you.”
I stare at the police officer, tilting my head to the side.
I can take over.
“No, I don’t want you to,” I reply.
“Who are you talking to?” Dad asks.
I look to Dad, unsure why he’s asking me such a stupid question.
They can’t hear me, only you can.
Distressed, I look to my parents and Dylan. “What’s happening?” I grab at my hair, trying to tug. “The walls are closing in.” My head’s spinning, I can’t focus, I can’t think.
M, you have to listen to me. You need to calm down or I’m going to send Neve back in to help you.
“Who’s Neve?” Everyone’s looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Am I crazy?” I ask them. But no one answers. No one else knows what’s happening in my head.
M! Listen to me. Calm down.
“I don’t know who you are.” A barrage of tears erupts.
Yes, you do. I’m AJ.
“AJ?” I don’t understand. I run my hand through my hair, confused. I know that name. “Why would I know you?”
You know who I am. You know who we are.
“We?”
“Molly, who are you talking to?” one of the police officers asks.
I back up until I can feel the wall behind me, and slide down. “What happened to Tina?” I ask again, in case this is some kind of nightmare.
The police officer steps closer, and kneels in front of me. Dylan takes hesitant steps closer, and finally sits beside me. “Molly,” Dylan says while carefully reaching for my hand. “Tina was killed.”
“I know,” I say. But nothing makes sense. Nothing logical is happening. “Why?”
The police officer looks over her shoulder to my parents, then back to me. “We’ve called for an ambulance to come. I think it’s best if you go to the hospital.”
“Why? What’s wrong with me?”
“The stress of your sister being murdered could’ve triggered something.”
“Murdered?” I ask. “Who…why…how?” I can’t even…wait, what’s happening?
Let me take over, I can help.
“No, you can’t.”
“No who can’t?” Dylan asks. “Who are you talking to, sweetheart?”
I close my eyes, and place my palm to my head. “He’s trying to tell me he can help.”
“Who can help?” Mom asks.
“AJ. But I don’t know how.”
“Who’s AJ?” Mom asks.
I look up to her, unsure on how to answer her question. “I don’t know,” I whisper. “I don’t know,” I repeat in a softer voice.
“Sometimes with trauma, the brain can shut down to protect itself,” the other police officer says. “It’s why we’ve called an ambulance. Molly needs to go to the hospital to make sure she’s okay.”
“Okay,” Dad replies as he holds on to Mom.
“I’m coming with you,” Dylan says as he hugs me tight to his body.
“We all will,” Mom says.
“No! I just need to know what happened to Tina,” I beg someone to tell me.
“Preston killed Tina,” Dad says while he struggles to hold back his emotions. “That bastard strangled her.” His breathing deepens. Mom’s tears return, heavier than before.
I feel dead.
What?
I look over to the police, and stare at them. “Tell me he’s not going to get away with this.”
“He’s been arrested.”
Calm down, M.
A lump sits in my throat, making it hard for me to swallow. My brain is foggy, and I have a voice telling me to calm down. “I’m calm,�
�� I whisper.
“We know,” Dylan replies.
“Please, just…don’t.” I shake my head, desperately trying to make some kind of sense of everything. It’s like I’m standing in a room with a thousand people trying to talk to me at once. I don’t know where to look, or who to listen to. It’s too much.
Let me help you, M. Let me take over so you can rest for a moment.
I spring to my feet, frustrated with myself. “I don’t need to rest, I need to figure out what’s happening.” I hit my head with the palm of my hand, trying to dislodge the voice.
“Who are you talking to?” Mom asks again.
“Him.” I make a fist with my hand and hit the side of my head again.
“This is a highly emotional time, and we need to all take a deep breath,” the police officer says. She steps toward me. “Molly, the ambulance will be here soon, and we can get you to the hospital. Just to make sure you’re okay.”
I look up at her, and shake my head. “You just told me my sister was murdered by a man whose parents always find loopholes and manage to get him off. I have this AJ guy in my head telling me to calm down. My family is falling apart, and you want to make sure I’m okay? What part of any of this do you think is okay? Because in my head, I’m falling apart. Actually, we all are.” I refer to my parents.
“We won’t fall apart, Molly. We’ll stay strong, through everything,” Dad says, and finally lets go of all his tears, holding Mom close.
Dylan stands, and heads to the door. There’s a lot of talking, most of which I can’t focus on. The voice inside my head is loudest.
We’ll get through this. Let me help you.
“How? Can you bring Tina back?”
No, but I can protect you. It’s my job. It’s always been my job.
“How can you protect me?”
I can look after you. Take your pain away.
“No one can take my pain away.”
I can help, if you let me.
“There’s nothing you can do.”
“Hi, Molly.” A man kneels in front of me. “My name’s Adam, and I’m a paramedic. How are you?”
“Is this a trick question?” I ask.
He gives me a sympathetic smile, and nods. “I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. But right now, everyone is concerned about you.”
“Because I’m having a conversation with someone in my head?”
“That can be brought on by extreme trauma. And you’ve experienced it here tonight with the sudden loss of your sister. It’s a perfectly normal reaction, but we all think it’ll be a good idea to take you to the hospital, just to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m not crazy.” Or am I?
No, you’re not.
“You have to stop talking to me. I can’t deal with you.”
“Who are you talking to?” the paramedic asks.
I slowly shut my eyes, and huddle into myself. I can’t do this. Not at anymore.
Yes, you can. Please, I’m begging you, let me help.
“Stop it!” I yell at the voice inside my head calling himself AJ. “Just stop. Give me room to breathe for one minute.”
“Molly,” Dylan says. I look over at him and fear flutters in my stomach. The puzzled look on his face makes my heart shudder. “Please, go with them,” he pleads.
I look around the room, and see my father’s ashen gaze. The color has been sucked from my mother’s cheeks. And panic flares in Dylan’s eyes.
“I’ll go,” I say as I stand and walk out with the paramedic officer. We hit the steamy evening, and I notice how unusually suffocating the air is. Although the evening’s warm I’m trembling, unable to regulate my body temperature. My body is going through the motions, taking one step after another while my world is rapidly collapsing.
You need to rest.
I blink several times as the paramedic helps get me in the ambulance. My stomach growls with hunger, although I don’t feel hungry. I stare out the window, unsure of what’s happening.
“I feel lost.”
The paramedic looks over to me and smiles. “We’ll get you to the hospital soon. Your parents and your boyfriend are following us.”
I look around, blank. Are we in transit? Are we moving?
Please M, let me take over. I can help protect you.
“No one can protect me,” I say with an emotionless voice.
“Sorry?” the paramedic replies.
I can’t help but stare at him. “I’m not talking to you,” I say. Closing my eyes, I lay my head back, and try to figure out what’s happening.
Hopefully, soon, I’ll wake up and find out this whole thing is nothing but a cruel and senseless nightmare.
“Hello, Molly. My name is Nick Powers, and I’m a psychologist here at the hospital. Do you mind if I sit with you?”
I look over to him, and nod my head.
“I know some fairly traumatic things have happened to you.”
“My sister was murdered by a violent repeat offender.” I clutch at the tissue I’m holding. Looking around the room, I notice we’re alone. There’s a big screen TV playing something, which I haven’t been paying attention to. My parents and Dylan were all here since I was admitted last night, but I’ve sent them all home.
The talking in my head is loud, and having the voices in there has made it harder for me to concentrate.
My parents also have a funeral to plan.
The funeral of my best friend.
I’ve got you.
“No, you don’t,” I say.
“No I don’t what?” Nick asks.
“I wasn’t talking to you.”
Nick scribbles something on his notepad. “Who were you talking to?”
“You think I’m crazy, right?” I shake my head, and roll my eyes. The pain in my head is a constant reminder how AJ is here, waiting for me to talk to him.
“Not at all. I think sometimes in our lives, things happen to us, and we try to cope the best way we can. Tell me about the relationship between you and your sister.”
I rub my fingers across my temple, trying to massage the tightness. I take several deep breaths. “It became strained. But it was never like that before.”
“Tell me about how it was. How did you see Tina?”
I smile. “She’s…energetic, and outspoken. She tells you exactly what she thinks. She has no filter, at all. She’s bubbly, and really likeable. She gets on with virtually everyone. She’s the exact opposite of me.”
“You don’t get on with people?”
“It’s not that I don’t get on with people, I prefer the company of my dog, Zhen. And I have a really small circle of friends.” My brows crinkle as I think about it. “Actually, I don’t really have friends. I never really thought about that before.”
“Why do you think that is?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Dogs are more loyal then people maybe.”
“Tell me about your childhood. Your parents told me you were adopted.”
“I had a great childhood. Mom and Dad are really supportive, and they just adore Tina and me. Both Tina and I are really lucky they’re the parents we got. You hear so many horror stories, but Tina and I we’re just so…” I inhale deeply. “Fortunate.”
Nick smiles. “I like the love you have for your parents. Not in a weird way.” He chuckles. “At what age were you adopted?”
“I was seven.”
“Do you remember that?”
I stare past him, shaking my head. “I don’t even remember the day I came to live with them.” I try to recall that time, but I can’t.
“What’s your earliest memory?”
“Specific memory?” He nods. “I don’t know. It’s hard, it’s like my brain has blocked things out, although I know they happened. For example, I know I was adopted, I’ve seen the adoption papers. But I don’t recall the day I came home. I know… I know…” A memory flashes in my mind. I feel my face tighten as I struggle to recall it in its entirety. “I think I reme
mber sitting on the bed, crying.” Closing my eyes, I try to focus.
“Why were you crying?”
The memory is fragile. I can’t make a whole memory, only the fragments are there. “I was sad.” Opening my eyes, I fixate on a small spider walking across the floor. My heart lurches, as my stomach cramps with fear. “I was scared.” Panic infiltrates my body. “I didn’t like the dark.”
“What would happen in the dark?”
“No, it wasn’t the dark. There was something else.”
The spider dashes across the floor, I watch as it scurries away.
“What was it?”
Let me tell him about it.
“What can you tell him?” I ask.
“Who are you talking to, Molly?” Nick sits forward, and stares at me.
I can tell him about the memory, I can tell him about the truth.
“What truth? What are you talking about?”
I can tell him what happened to you.
“You need to tell me first,” I say becoming increasingly frustrated.
You know what happened.
“How do I know?” I jump to my feet, and begin to pace, back and forth. Trying to figure all this out. “I don’t remember.”
Then let me explain it to both of you.
“I want to know. But how do I let you take over?”
“Molly, who are you talking to?” Nick asks again.
Sit down, M. If you allow me, I can help.
I move to sit.
Are you ready?
“I think so.”
It’s not going to hurt, but you’ll find it exhausting.
Staring at Nick, I nod my head.
A wave of fogginess clouds my head. I begin to rub at my eyes, and I can feel myself being sucked away from being me. I have no control over myself. My body is not my own. It’s shared with a person who lives inside of me.
“Let’s get this straight from the start. I don’t trust you, and I don’t know you. But I’m doing this for M, because she needs the help.”
“Your voice is different.” The guy sitting in front of me looks like a dweeb. “Who are you?” he asks as he scribbles furiously on his stupid note pad.
“I’m AJ. I protect M. I always have, and I always will. What’s your name?” I ask as I cast a careful look over him.
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