Echoes of You

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Do I have to?” I moan as I turn over in bed.

  “Yeah, I’ve made you a hot chocolate. I want you to see the sunrise, come on.”

  Painfully aware of my morning breath, I flick my hand at him. “I need the bathroom. I’ll be out in a moment.”

  “Don’t take too long.” He kisses me on the cheek again, before pushing off the bed and leaving. I hear Zhen’s toenails scrape against the floor as he follows Dylan. “Come on, boy. Want some breakfast?”

  I know Zhen’s favorite word, other than ball, is breakfast and dinner. I can imagine he’s wagging his tail, waiting for Dylan to feed him.

  Last night ended up disastrous. We didn’t have sex. Dylan couldn’t go through with it. He was shaken by the fact Neve forced her way through. He needs time, and I’m okay with that. I won’t push for him to do anything he’s not comfortable with, just like he’s patient with me.

  Throwing the covers back, I head into the bathroom to take care of my morning business.

  I can hear Dylan talking to Zhen from the front porch, asking him how he liked sleeping on the sofa. I can’t help but giggle. “You know, I think you should sleep on the sofa tonight too. Try not to come into the room.”

  I quickly brush my teeth, and fix my hair so I don’t have bed-head, then leave the bathroom so I can find Dylan and Zhen.

  Dylan’s sitting on a bench seat out on the porch. Zhen’s at his feet, sitting with his head on Dylan’s lap, his tail swishing on the porch floor as it wags.

  “I think you’ve definitely found a best friend there.” I indicate to Zhen.

  “I gave him food. I think that’s the only reason he likes me.” He scratches Zhen’s head. Zhen’s eyes begin to close. “Here, take a seat. Let me grab you your hot chocolate.” He stands and rushes into the cottage, then comes back within seconds, carrying two mugs. “I’ve fed Zhen. He seemed to like what I gave him.”

  “That’s because he’s not a food snob, and likes everything we put in his bowl. He isn’t a fussy dog.”

  Dylan sits beside me, and slings his arm over my shoulder. We sit and look over the vast grounds. The sun is rising, and the light is only just breaking over the land. “It’s so peaceful here,” Dylan says, and kisses the side of my head.

  “It’s so quiet. All night long all I could hear were the frogs.” I look around, and see a large house in the distance. “Wow, is that Tommy’s house over there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s huge. Mind you, this cottage is pretty big too. Especially considering it’s a cottage.”

  “Yeah, he bought the land and built the houses on here. He offers this for whoever needs a few days away. His parents travel often, and they come to stay here for the holidays. He’s a good guy. We’ll go over later for lunch, if that’s okay with you.”

  I instantly become apprehensive. My stomach churns as I mentally start creating tension about what could happen. “I don’t know,” I say slowly.

  “It’s okay, Molly. I told him about you, and your incredible life. He’s eager to meet you.”

  “You don’t think he’ll think I’m some kind of freak?”

  “Ahhh, freak? No. Weird?” He playfully grimaces. “Maybe.”

  I smack his chest in fun. Dylan always eases my anxiety. Just knowing he’s here for me, makes having alters a lot easier. “Okay, I’ll meet him. I’m sure he’s a nice guy.”

  “Yeah, he is. But you can’t tell him I said that.”

  I stand, and maneuver myself so I’m sitting on Dylan’s lap. Zhen walks away, and goes to lay down at the top of the steps with a heavy sigh. “I love you,” I say again. I find myself not really saying these words often to Dylan. I don’t know why. I do love him. But for some reason, they’re difficult words to say.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  “I don’t know why I can’t tell you I love you more often. I feel like something’s holding me back.”

  “I don’t know either. But it doesn’t matter how often you tell me. I know you do, and that’s all that matters to me.”

  “No, I should be able to say it more than once every now and then. I don’t know why I struggle to say it.”

  “Maybe as we grow as a couple and you feel safer with me, you’ll be able to open up to me more.”

  “Do you think I’m cold toward you?”

  “No, not cold. But reserved. In saying that though, it’s understandable. You have to learn how to trust me.”

  “I do trust you.”

  “I know you do, but I haven’t been in your life as long as your parents, or Tina. They’ve proven to you that you can trust them, and love easily flows between you all. Your guard is still up with me, but I’m breaking down those barriers, and one day you’ll easily tell me you love me often. I’m patient.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Uncharted lands for all of us. You, me, Kate, AJ, and Neve. But we’ll get there, in time.”

  “I do love you.”

  “I know.” He kisses my nose, then my lips. I deepen the kiss, wanting to take this to the next level, desperately wanting to be able to take control of myself, and my internal family. I grind against him, feeling exactly what I’m doing to him. “Molly,” he whispers as I kiss down his throat. Gently sucking the skin between my teeth.

  “I want this, please tell me you do too.”

  “Of course, I do. But…”

  “Please, let me take the lead here. If anything changes, we can stop. Please.”

  “Molly.” He breathes out, sighing deeply. Pinching his nose, he closes his eyes. “I’m not sure.”

  “I know; I understand. It’s unfair for me to push you to do this when you don’t know if you can.”

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I definitely can. I’m just trying to be cautious, for all of us.”

  “Look at me, Dylan.” He opens his eyes, and stares into mine. “I promise, if I think someone else is going to come forward, I’ll stop before that happens.”

  “But you don’t always know they’re going to come through, do you?”

  “No, I don’t. But I trust you to stop. Like you did last night.”

  He runs his hands up and down my back, settling them on my hips. “We can try,” he says.

  “That’s all I’m asking for.”

  He stands, picking me up with him, and takes me into the bedroom.

  I wring my hands together as we stand at Tommy’s door, waiting for him to open it. “You’ll love him,” Dylan says. “Oh, and by the way, he has no filter.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, my trembling increasing. Zhen nuzzles into my leg, and gives me a quick lick on the top of my foot.

  The door opens, and a really tall, red-haired guy opens the door. He has the full mountain man beard going on, with short hair, and blue eyes that could rival the cleanest of oceans. He’s wearing a plaid shirt, and jeans. “Dylan, man.” He steps forward, and gives Dylan a half hug, then this macho shake of their hands. “Oh my God. You’re gorgeous. And you, buddy, are batting way above your average,” he says to Dylan about me. “You’re a cute looking dog. He’s not going to make a mess inside, is he?”

  “Um, hi. No, Zhen won’t make a mess. He’s a good dog. I’m Molly,” I introduce myself as I hold my hand out.

  “You’re the one who has a bunch of weird-ass personalities living inside them, right?” Yep, Dylan was right, no filter. He steps forward, grabs me around the waist and picks me up in a huge bear hug.

  What is going on? Kate asks, and pastes a huge smile on my face. This looks like fun.

  “Not now, Kate,” I whisper reasserting control as Tommy places me to my feet.

  “Shit, sorry. Did I do that?” Tommy asks. “Come in, come in.” He steps aside, and leads us into his huge house, I’d describe more like a mansion. From the outside it’s massive, from the inside it’s even bigger.

  “Wow, this place is huge!” I say as I look around.

  “Ah, yeah. Personal space and all.”

  “D
ude, I told you. You can’t be your normal self around Molly,” Dylan reprimands Tommy.

  I feel bad that Tommy can’t be Tommy in his own home. “Oh no, please, be your normal self. It’s Kate. She likes having fun. Thank you for letting us stay in your cottage.”

  “I designed it for my parents to come and stay for the holidays. But Dylan has a standing invitation whenever Mom and Dad aren’t here. Who wants a drink?”

  “Ah, I’m not old enough to drink.”

  “I meant a soda, or water or something? Anyway, come on through. Lunch is nearly ready.” He takes us through his home, and I notice a room enclosed in glass walls that has a bank of laptops and computers all lined up. There’s got to be at least fifteen in the room. Tommy notices me looking at it. “That’s where I work from. Wanna look?”

  “Sure.”

  He leads us into the room, and I automatically notice how cool it is in here. “It’s quite cold in here.”

  “Better environment for all the computers. And for me. I work better when it’s cold.”

  “There are so many. Why do you need so many computers?”

  Tommie shrugs. “I don’t know. I just like them.”

  “He’s a dork, that’s why,” Dylan adds.

  “Whatever, man.” Tommy rolls his eyes. “Anyway, up the stairs are the bedrooms. Down that hall is a guest suite. Down the opposite hall is a bathroom, laundry, and the access to a cellar. All the boring shit.”

  I smile at Tommy. He’s really easy to like. I see how Dylan and Tommy can be friends. “Dylan told me you were a dork in school.”

  “Yeah? Did he tell you about prom?”

  “Prom? No, what happened?” I ask as we follow Tommy into his huge kitchen.

  “No, man. Don’t do it,” Dylan begs.

  “Oh come on. You gotta tell her about prom.”

  “Don’t.” I turn to look at Dylan who’s burying his face in his hands.

  “Now I have to know. Please, go ahead.” I eagerly wait for this story. Tommy opens the back sliding doors, and we sit under the pergola on the back deck at the massive outdoor set of table and chairs. Zhen runs off to discover what’s happening in the garden.

  “Do you still talk to her? What was her name? J-something, wasn’t it?” Tommie asks.

  “Janet,” Dylan grumbles. “And no, she didn’t look me in the eyes after prom. She never spoke to me again. You know that.”

  Tommy is laughing, and Dylan is cringing. “Come on, don’t make me wait. I need to know,” I plead.

  “Are you going to tell it, or am I?” Tommy asks.

  “Ugh. What are you cooking?” Dylan stands, and heads inside. “I don’t want to hear this again.”

  “I’m not cooking. The chef has come to make me food for the week. And to make our lunch. I have no idea where he is or what he’s making. Probably gone on a break, the lazy bastard.”

  “I heard that,” a guy calls from the kitchen. “Hey, I’m Scott,” he announces as he comes out back where Tommy and I are sitting. He’s an older guy, maybe in his fifties, with short gray hair, and a porn star moustache. “He’s an ass. Don’t believe a single thing he says.”

  “Get inside before I fire you,” Tommy threatens playfully.

  Scott turns and walks inside, but not before flipping Tommy the bird over his shoulder. “Whatever, man. If you fire me, you’ll starve. By the way, now’s a good time to talk about a pay raise. I think ten percent is good.”

  “How about you get your ass into the kitchen?” I have to laugh, are these two lovers or boss and employee? Either way, they’re amusing me. “So, our stud Dylan in there decided to ask a girl to prom.”

  “I’ve never been a stud,” Dylan yells from inside.

  “I thought you wanted Tommy to tell the story. Which means you have to be quiet and let him tell it,” I call to him.

  “Great, now my girlfriend and my best friend are conspiring against me,” he mumbles loud enough for us to hear him.

  “As I was saying, stud-muffin in there asked a girl to prom. Now, picture this. We were so uncool. Mr. Sexy in there, finally grew into his head. Yes, I know.” He holds his hand up. “It’s impossible to actually think of us as uncool, but we were. So, Dylan asks the girl, the girl says to him, ‘Let me think about it.’”

  “Ouch, that’s terrible,” I say as my hand flies up to my chest. “How horrible.”

  “Yeah, well, it gets worse. About four days before prom, she comes up to him and says, ‘I suppose I can go with you if you want.’”

  “Oh, now that’s nasty. Please tell me he told her no?”

  “Yeah…nah, he didn’t. He was so happy to be going with her. He’d been crushing hard on her for the whole school year.”

  “No, I wasn’t!”

  Tommy nods his head, leans in and whispers, “Yeah, he was.”

  Scott comes out, holding a pitcher of what looks like soda, and four glasses. It appears, Scott will be joining us for lunch. I don’t mind; he seems like a cool guy. “Here.” He places the pitcher down, and pours me a glass before disappearing back into the kitchen.

  “What about me?” Tommy calls after him.

  “You’ve got two hands, and a perfectly good heartbeat. Do it yourself.”

  Tommy rolls his eyes. “He’s such a damn diva. Anyway, as I was saying. Mr. Hot Pants gets so excited that Janet said yes, that he goes all out. Buys her a corsage, hires a muscle car, books a dinner at a beautiful, expensive restaurant.”

  “I sense a but coming along. Did she back out?”

  “Oh no. But I think Dylan would’ve wanted her to.”

  “You can stop now. Look at the beautiful garden, Molly. Shall we take a walk, and leave this loser here?” Dylan asks as he emerges outside, and gives me a light kiss on the lips. “Come on, let’s go.” He playfully takes my hand in his and gently pulls me up.

  “No, it’s okay. I can look at the garden later. Tommy and I are getting to know each other.”

  “Ugh,” Dylan scoffs. “Fine.” He sits beside me, and pours himself a drink. “I may as well sit here, and correct the lies he’s going to tell you about me.”

  “Lies? More like hilariously funny truths.”

  “Shut up.”

  “He had this beautiful date prepared for himself and Janet. Everything was organized, perfect. She was going to love saying ‘yes’ to our man, and hopefully, he would’ve scored because he was so attentive toward her and because of everything he’d done for her.”

  I’m already shaking my head, knowing something funny is coming. “Go on.”

  “Please don’t,” Dylan pleads one last time.

  Tommy flicks his hand at Dylan. “They go to dinner at this expensive restaurant. She’s not really enjoying herself.”

  “Yes, she was. She was warming up to me.”

  “You and your pimply face.”

  “You gotta stop making me worse than I was.”

  “Buddy, should I break out the year book to show her?” Tommy begins to stand.

  “NO!” Dylan yells. “I was pimply, and dweeby and I wasn’t very confident.”

  I’m looking between them, and Tommy nods his head before sitting again. “They get to prom. She’s walking two steps ahead of Dylan, he’s trying to chase her and she’s all but ignoring him. They get inside, and found their table, which was with me and my date.”

  “You took my cousin Gemma, because you couldn’t get a date,” Dylan mocks Tommy.

  “Yep, that’s right. Actually, how is Gemma? I haven’t seen her in years. Anyway, tell me about her later. So, we’re all sitting there, Janet keeps looking around the room probably trying to find her friends, and Dylan over here, starts sweating.”

  “Sweating, why?” I ask.

  “Seems he ate something that was spoiled.”

  My hand flies up to my gaping mouth. Oh no, the poor guy. “No, don’t tell me you were sick?”

  “Worse,” Dylan confirms with a straight face.

  “Worse? Did you vomit on her
?”

  “That would’ve been the best-case scenario,” Tommy says, laughing between the words.

  “What happened?”

  “I’m not sure I can hang around for this,” Dylan stands, then sits again. “Just tell her. Rip the band-aid off quickly.”

  “He shit himself.” My mouth falls wide open, but I’m trying my hardest not to laugh too. “Yep. It was bad. He had explosive diarrhea. But then, while he had the shits, he vomited too. All happened so fast. He ran out of there with a trail of shit behind him. Janet copped some chunks of vomit on her dress. I never knew I had such a strong vomit reflex when I see someone else being sick. Seems a lot of us at the table have that reflex. Worst prom ever.”

  “Oh no.” I place my hand on Dylan’s thigh. “I shouldn’t be laughing, really I shouldn’t. But how did you go back to school after that?”

  “Let’s just say, it took me a few days to get over the food poisoning, and the rest of the school year was spent hiding in the library or the bathrooms. No one ever let me live it down, including this bastard over here.”

  “I’m sure you’ve got something embarrassing to tell about Tommy.”

  “I do.” Dylan stands, puffs out his chest and lifts his chin. “But I choose to be the better man and not humiliate him.”

  “That’s because my most embarrassing story is of the first time I had sex with a chick, and I came before I got my dick in her. That was embarrassing.” He shakes his head at himself. I’m left staring at him. I can’t believe he admitted that to me. “Sorry. TMI?” He shrugs.

  “Lunch. Stop grossing the girl out. She’s never going to let Dylan bring her back. And you’ll end up an old fart living here on your own with a thousand cats and no visitors!” Scott snaps at Tommy.

  “I’ll still have you,” Tommy lovingly replies.

  “’Til I leave your skinny ass.” He turns to me, smiling. “Sorry, I should be nicer. But he hurts my head.”

  “It’s okay. I’m enjoying the banter between you all. And truthfully, I love knowing Dylan shit himself and was totally embarrassed.”

  Dylan leans over and whispers in my ear, “I’d be quiet if I were you, because I’m not doing to you tonight what I did this morning.” My cheeks instantly burn, and my eyes widen. God, I hope no one heard that.