Chapter Thirty-Seven
Uptown Girl
North Carolina is a modern and progressive state with great universities and a very intelligent populace. But given the reaction to Dusty on behalf of the male contingent at Woodland, you would have thought we all just recently emerged from the Cro-Magnon era. Grow up dudes, will ya? She is just flesh and bone. Granted that is some mighty awesome soft flesh placed over some perfect bones that I would like to…FOCUS!!!! As I was saying, this woman exerted major influence just by walking in the room.
Before the tour, I sat Dusty down and gave her the same type of introduction to The Circle and our X-400 security that I had given to Elwood and Jack. I am slightly ashamed to admit that I even threw in some of the same old corny jokes. Only this time they got a laugh. She also listened intently and took notes.
When I finished, Dusty was lightly chewing on the end of her pen. I was only going to give her several hours to continue doing that before I intervened providing I was not a puddle of goo by that time. “I must say that it is not the most sophisticated system in the world, but it sounds like it is solid. How many times have you had to go into the safety deposit boxes?”
“Never. We have been very lucky. All The Circle guys are the original members. They have their formula parts firmly implanted between their ears. You’ll see that they are all middle-aged farts like me. Of course, I am better looking and in much better shape than the rest. And, if my office is bugged, I’m excluding you from that statement, Charles.”
“You really are a funny guy.”
That is the one and only time I’ll ever thank Professor Thayer for anything.
“When will I get to meet the rest of The Circle to form my own opinion?”
“How about right now? We will start the plant tour by looking at our outdated assets. By that, I mean, the other Circle team members.”
I let her walk slightly ahead of me as we proceeded down the hallway. I’m proud to say that I didn’t glance at her ass one time. I’m not so proud to admit that I glanced numerous times.
“Phil, I’d like you to meet Dusty.”
Phil Kitter’s office was what one would think of as the stereotypical space for a research type geek. It was windowless with beige walls sporting no pictures. There were huge piles of research papers covering his desk and floor along with some types of manuals with titles like “Photosynthesis Threshold Theorems in Dynamic Douche Bags.” Ok, maybe I couldn’t see a couple of words fully, but that would have been my guess. Phil was face deep in some moldy looking tome. I swear I could see dust mites flying up his nostrils.
“Ummm.” He finally glanced up and looked at us over his reading glasses. Once his eyes focused on Dusty, three things occurred simultaneously. His jaw dropped, his glasses fell off and his book slammed shut both breaking said glasses and pinching his nose.
“Yeoww!”
Oh, lord.
Phil managed to recover with a minor amount of dignity left and struggled to standing position with only the slightest of wobbles.
“Well, welcome. Please come see me anytime if you have any questions of any kind, anytime. In fact, I have some time now if you’d like a plant tour.”
“Oh thank you, that’s very kind. But Mick is already doing that.”
“Lunch then?”
Considering it was only 9:30, that probably wasn’t going to fly either.
“I’ll take a rain check and gladly cash it in the coming days. Very nice to meet you, Phil.”
Smooth as silk. I mean Dusty, not Phil. Phil was about as smooth as Nixon’s five o’clock shadow. Google that if you’re under fifty.
Dan Fallan was a bit more dapper. He didn’t do anything to hurt himself and spoke semi-intelligently. However, I thought he was playing out of bounds when he offered to show Dusty “the town” some evening. I presumed that would be when Mrs. Fallan was off visiting her mother in Iowa. Again, Dusty handled that with a sweet smile and a kind, “Thank you. I will certainly think about it.”
Richard Winterville didn’t pull any verbal boners (I love that phrase) but invoked the classic Simon and Garfunkel’s Sounds of Silence. I have never ever seen Richard at a loss for words but he just nodded and smiled at Dusty. He also leered in what I’m sure he thought was a subtle manner. Not so much. He gave me a clandestine huge knowing wink as we were leaving. It probably would have been more secretive if the little smile on Dusty’s face hadn’t clearly signaled to me that she caught it with her peripheral vision.
The rest of the tour went much along the same lines. When we walked into the maintenance department’s break room, all chatter instantly ceased. The only sound was the thud of an uncaught Snicker’s bar falling from the vending machine. I would estimate that plant productivity dropped by a full fifty percent during that tour. Testosterone levels increased in reverse proportion.
To his credit, Earl didn’t seem impacted at all by her presence. He seemed normal. Well normal for Earl, anyway.
“Welcome to Woodland, Dusty. This is a great place to live and work and I hope you enjoy your time here. I’m the numbers and accounting guy. You know credits by the window, debits on the floor.”
Yep, same old Earl.
I saved what, for me, would be the best for last. We had not encountered a single female during our tour. I was frothing at the bit to see how Victoria would react to Dusty.
“Well, welcome sugar. Please have a seat.”
“Victoria, it is a true pleasure to meet you. You are even lovelier in person than I heard. And The Shareholder has said quite a bit about you. Rumor has it this place wouldn’t last an hour without you.”
I think Victoria actually blushed a little bit. Will wonders never cease?
“That is so sweet of you to say.”
“And, if you don’t mind me asking, where do you get your nails done? They look fabulous.”
“Let me tell you, honey…”
Ah geez. Girl talk. I quickly backed out into the hallway. This Dusty was good. I never saw anyone charm Victoria that quickly. It took me years. Secretly, I think I was hoping for a bit of an entertaining cat fight.
After the tour, I walked her to her Lexus rental. Apparently she had a much larger per diem than us poor plant folks.
“Mick. Thank you so much for the tour. I think I am really going to enjoy my stay here.”
“Listen. I wanted to say that I’m sorry that some of the guys acted a bit like jerks, including me, probably. It’s just that you were such a pleasant surprise. I think we thought Dusty Koepke was going to be some kind of lumberjack dude coming in here to swing some heavy wood upside our heads.”
“Oh, Mick. No need to apologize. I am used to this type of reaction. I find it sweet and still rather flattering. If anything, please apologize to Dan for me. Once I get settled in, I think I would love to have you show me the town one evening.”
She gave my arm a soft squeeze than slid into her luxury mobile. I got a full thigh shot which I tried with all might to not stare at. I failed miserably.
“See you tomorrow.”
Will somebody please shut off those damned alarm bells in my brain?
MBA - Moron$ Ba$ and A$$ Page 38