Let Me Tell You a Story

  And neither had I, nor the sea for that matter, except in pictures, but I let my imagination run wild. ‘My ship is huge,’ I told them, thinking of Kitty’s sailing boat, ‘much bigger than Swallow of course but like Swallow it is powered only by wind.’

  ‘How?’ asked Iwona, wide-eyed.

  ‘The white sail has to be hoisted up and down twice a day. The ship is blown by the wind.’

  ‘How does it stay upright?’ Kasia wanted to know.

  I had to think fast.

  ‘The children all have to be weighed before we set sail and then divided into two equal groups. These groups take it in turns so that, while one group is sleeping or eating, the other group will have to rush from one side of the ship to the other to make sure the ship stays upright.’

  ‘It all sounds very dangerous,’ Iwona remarked.

  ‘Oh it is,’ I said. ‘You have to be carefully selected to go on that ship. You have to pass a special test. I passed it with flying colours.’

  Iwona was wide-eyed. ‘What did you have to do?’

  ‘I can’t tell you because it’s a secret test and I had to swear to tell no one,’ I replied solemnly, carefully crossing my fingers behind my back to save myself from carrying around more guilt for the rest of the week.

  A few days before my date of departure Kasia’s mother came to visit Aunt Zuzia to ask if she could arrange a goodbye party for me.

  Because of the food shortages they both agreed that everyone should make something. Aunt Zuzia baked a splendid cake covered with chocolate with my name in pink inscribed on top. It was so big that there was enough for everyone to have a slice. I proudly walked alongside Aunt Zuzia and Uncle Julek to Kasia’s house. Everyone was full of praise for my aunt and her cake. It was a work of art, and it tasted delicious. My aunt was so pleased that for once she forgot to cry and her puffiness went down and her face took on a soft pink glow. She looked very pretty and much more like my old aunt. The other parents had also brought wonderful things to eat such as potato placki, and pancakes filled with sweet cream cheese and a delicious cold soup made from plums.

  Everyone made a huge fuss of me and I felt so important and grown-up.

  ‘This is from us,’ Kasia said, holding out her hand. ‘It’s for when you get to England, so you have something to play with.’

  I took the little package and inside was a new paper doll with lots of clothes to cut out. I was so pleased – the doll had long fair plaits coiled round her head in exactly the way I had always wanted mine to look. In Scotland I would have time to tie my hair up like that, I thought. One of the outfits was a Polish national costume with the wide skirt and the bright ribbons at the shoulders.

  ‘I hope you won’t forget us, especially me,’ Kasia added sadly when I held the costume up for everyone to see.

  ‘I will never forget you,’ I said solemnly.

  The grown-ups also gave me a present: my very own suitcase with my initials painted on the outside.

  ‘You will be able to pack all your clothes in here and your possessions and everyone will know who it belongs to,’ said Kasia’s mother.

  ‘Very important if you lose sight of it on the aeroplane,’ added Aunt Zuzia.

  ‘Or when you are on the ship and you have to leave it to run from side to side,’ called out Iwona and the grown-ups looked at her in amusement.

  Then some of the mothers began to make little speeches. Aunt Zuzia was, once again, overcome by emotion and started sobbing.

  ‘For heaven’s sake,’ grumbled Uncle Julek. ‘Not here. Please.’

  But Aunt Zuzia couldn’t stop so he bundled her from the room. I hardly noticed them leaving; I was too happy and excited – I was queen of the party and loving every moment.

  Those final hours before Frederika arrived went on for ever and ever. Aunt Zuzia packed, unpacked and repacked my suitcase and didn’t stop giving me instructions about what I must and must not do. All the time she was remembering something important that had to go into the suitcase and then, having packed that carefully away, she thought of another even more important item and started all over again.

  ‘But, Aunt Zuzia, I must take my books,’ I said, watching her remove all of Maria’s books, which Mrs Zimińska had given me, and putting them on the table by my bed.

  ‘They won’t be of any use in Scotland,’ said Aunt Zuzia. ‘You will get plenty of new ones in English. And anyway your case will be far too heavy.’

  Aunt Zuzia had bought me a new coat that I would wear on the journey and I kept trying it on and looking in the mirror. Did it fit properly? Did the blue tweed look nice on me? I must ask Kasia, I thought, and so added it to my list of things to do. My list grew longer every day. I had to say goodbye to all my friends at school and to my teachers and of course to Father Pawel. I had to thank him again for saving me from eternal damnation. Then there was the librarian downstairs, the man at the bread shop and dear Barek.

  When there was no one else to say goodbye to, I tried to reread as many of my old friends, my wonderful Polish books, as I could before having to leave them behind.

  ‘It won’t be for ever,’ Aunt Zuzia told me. ‘You will come to see us often and who knows, maybe we will be able to visit you too.’

  ‘You must come and visit me,’ I told her, ‘because I will be far too busy to come all the way back here. There will be so many new things for me to do. That’s what Tatuś told me. And he knows.’

  ‘We are getting a little tired of hearing you talk only of yourself and what you will be doing,’ Uncle Julek said suddenly. ‘It might be nice to hear you ask your aunt what she will be doing and how she will manage to cope with not having you to look after. She has been very good to you, you know.’

  Both Aunt Zuzia and I looked at him in astonishment. Suddenly I felt terrible. I was ashamed of myself and embarrassed that Uncle Julek had finally spoken out loud the fact that I wasn’t at all sad to be leaving my aunt.

  I gave Aunt Zuzia a huge hug.

  ‘I really will miss you,’ I said and this time I meant it. ‘You must come to Scotland to see us soon.’

  Then seeing the tears well up in my aunt’s eyes, I took a deep breath and turned to Uncle Julek.

  ‘What will happen to my rocking horse? He’s too big for me to take. Should I give him to Kasia?’

  ‘No, I think we must leave that decision to Mr and Mrs Zimiński. They may want to give it to someone themselves. I shall ask next time I see them.’

  ‘I would like to visit them before I go. They have been so nice to me.’

  ‘I’m afraid there isn’t time, but why don’t you write a little thank-you letter and I will deliver it.’

  I groaned. More than anything I hated writing letters. I never knew what to say. Nevertheless, I sat down at once and with my tongue sticking out of the corner of my mouth and without any further prompting wrote a nice little note to Mr and Mrs Zimiński to tell them how much I had loved the rocking horse and how I would miss him and hoped he would go to a good home. Uncle Julek was pleased with my effort.

  ‘I see you can write a good letter when you put your mind to it,’ he said, ‘so why do we have the weekly fuss when you have to write to your father?’

  ‘That’s different,’ I replied. ‘I don’t know him. I never know what to say.’

  The big day finally arrived. I lay in bed woken up by the early morning noises in the street below. Now that it was time to leave, I found myself wishing that it wasn’t. Facing the window, snuggled under my blue quilt, I was sad that this was the last time that I would wake up in this room. The last time I would see the watery sunlight dancing off my rocking horse’s golden mane. I was really and truly leaving my aunt, uncle, friends and school. I was going to a foreign land to live with a father who was a stranger. I wouldn’t be able to understand what anyone said to me. I would have to learn to read and write all over again, I would have to start at a new school without any friends. How would I be able to talk to them? How would they understand me?
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  Suddenly I longed for Aunt Zuzia to come into the room, arms outstretched ready for a cuddle, and say, ‘I’m sorry, darling, but there has been a change of plan. You aren’t going after all. It’s for the best.’

  For once, I wanted to be met by bad news.

  Or perhaps a letter had arrived to say that my father had changed his plans and was coming back to Poland, after all. Then we could all live happily ever after, here in this flat in Przemyśl. I would give up the bedroom I so loved and go and sleep on a mattress in the sitting room. Anything would be better than heading into the unknown again. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Frederika would understand how I felt and she could go without me. She could explain the situation to my father and he would say that it didn’t matter and would pack his belongings and come straight back to Poland.

  But I knew that it was too late. Frederika had arrived safely late the evening before, long after I’d gone to bed. I hadn’t heard her arriving, but when I got up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night I tripped over a huge suitcase standing in the narrow hall.

  There was a knock and the door opened. Frederika stood in the doorway in her nightdress, her red hair tumbling over her shoulders. I leaped out of bed and rushed to hug my favourite person.

  ‘I’m so happy you’ve come. I’ve missed you so much,’ I said.

  ‘I’ve missed you too, my darling, and now we’re going to be together for more than a week. Won’t that be lovely?’

  ‘Yes, but couldn’t we all stay here together?’ I looked at her. ‘I’ve decided that I don’t want to go to Scotland. I think we should tell Tatuś to come back here instead.’

  Frederika laughed and stroked my hair. ‘We can’t do that. All the arrangements have been made. Your father is so looking forward to your arrival. We couldn’t disappoint him now.’

  ‘Why can’t he come here instead?’

  ‘It’s too complicated to explain, sweetheart. He just can’t. It wouldn’t be safe, so you must go to him. Besides, I have worked very hard to make all the arrangements and I wouldn’t be very pleased if they had to be cancelled.’ She looked at me with a cross expression on her face before it broke into a smile. ‘Now you must get up and have breakfast. Aunty Zuzy has prepared a feast and you must do it justice or you will upset her. She is very unhappy that you are going and she thinks you don’t care. So, you must tell her how much you’ll miss her and promise to write to her very often.’

  ‘I shall miss her,’ I said, ‘very much,’ and I did mean it. With all my heart I realised how loving and kind my aunt had been to me. ‘I suppose she will miss me a lot because she has also lost Fredzio and Jerzyk. I think she needs to have someone to look after. Do you miss Fredzio?’

  ‘Very much,’ said Frederika, stroking my hair. ‘But I have you and my parents and Zuzia and Julek to look after and that keeps me busy.’

  ‘What about my father? Will you have to look after him too?’

  Frederika laughed. ‘No, of course not. My job is to take you to him so he can look after you.’

  ‘Yes I know that, but will you stay with us?’

  ‘No, I can’t. I have to go to Norway. We shall meet him in England and then I shall go on. Neither of you will want me around. Now get dressed as quickly as you can and don’t keep breakfast waiting or we will miss the aeroplane.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  20–28 March 1946. Przemyśl to London via Gdyńia

  Uncle Julek, Aunt Zuzia, Frederika and I stood shivering on the runway, a long, straight road that led to nowhere. It was bitter and cold. The wind howled across the airfield and there was icy snow on the scraggy, yellow grass. Everyone looked sad and miserable including all the other children wrapped in mufflers and coats, stamping their feet to keep warm. Some were alone with no one to wave them off, others were in groups with teachers. I was one of the lucky ones with a group of my own. But soon it would be time to leave my family and join everyone else milling around the wooden hut on Przemyśl airfield.

  I didn’t realise there would be so many children leaving with me.

  ‘There will be far more at Gdyńia,’ Frederika told me.

  ‘How many?’

  ‘Thousands probably,’ she replied.

  ‘Can a thousand children fit on one ship?’ I was stunned.

  ‘Probably not,’ said Uncle Julek, ‘but there will be more than one boat sailing to England.’

  I felt both happy and miserable. This time it was me who was crying while Aunt Zuzia did her best to keep cheerful and make me feel better.

  ‘Don’t cry, darling, you are a very lucky girl. Just think of the wonderful life you are going to have with your father.’ But I think she said it not only to make me feel better but herself as well.

  The Russian military aeroplane stood at the end of the runway, a great grey beast hugging the ground, its huge wings stretching out on either side. I had never seen an aeroplane on the ground before, only heard their roar as they passed overhead before the sirens and the mad rush to the cellar. I’d never had time to study them high up in the sky and, looking at this monster, I found it hard to believe that it could fly through the air like a bird. I couldn’t imagine its wings flapping. Was it safe? Aeroplanes were used for carrying bombs and destroying cities and people. Could my father really want me to go on such a terrifying monster?

  ‘Is it safe?’ I asked my uncle. ‘It looks so big and heavy. How does it stay up in the sky?’

  ‘Of course it’s safe,’ he said. ‘I’d love to fly in an aeroplane. I never have and probably never will.’

  ‘When you come and visit me, you will,’ I said, but no one replied.

  We had all run out of things to say. I clung tightly to my aunt and looked around at my fellow travellers. Most of them seemed to be of a similar age to me and looked as nervous as I felt.

  I noticed a boy standing on his own not far from our little group. He looked very small and lonely. He was staring down at the ground then raised his arm and wiped the corner of his eye with his sleeve. As he did so I noticed the huge hole in the elbow of his jacket. He reminded me of Jan and I thought perhaps it was him. Since no one had said anything for a good few minutes I let go of Aunt Zuzia’s arm and walked over to him.

  ‘Hello,’ I said. ‘Are you going to England?’

  The boy turned around. It wasn’t Jan. He was older and his hair curlier than Jan’s. I felt disappointed.

  ‘No,’ he answered with a sniff. ‘I am going to Palestine.’

  ‘Where are your parents?’

  ‘I don’t have any,’ he said, his eyes still fixed on the ground. ‘I am an orphan. I am going to be adopted.’

  I then noticed that one of his shoes also had a hole through which I could see the pointed end of his uncut toenail. His trousers were too short and his coat was very thin. I could see by the way he was shivering that he really was very cold.

  ‘What’s your name?’ I asked.

  ‘Tomasz.’ He finally looked up at me and I could see his sad grey eyes. ‘Are you going to Palestine too?’

  ‘No, England. My father is there. I am going out to join him.’

  ‘You’re lucky,’ Tomasz said. ‘What about your mother?’

  ‘She’s dead. She died ages ago. The Nazis took her.’

  ‘Both my parents died in a concentration camp too. So you’re sort of half an orphan?’

  ‘I suppose so. Come and meet my aunt and uncle,’ I said.

  ‘I like being on my own. I’m fine,’ Tomasz said. ‘I’ll see you on the aeroplane.’

  Somehow I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I wasn’t travelling alone. He would find out soon enough. I gave him a little smile and walked back to rejoin my family.

  ‘Who was that little boy?’ Aunt Zuzia asked.

  ‘He’s an orphan and he’s going to Palestine to be adopted.’

  ‘How nice.’

  I looked at my aunt in astonishment. ‘What’s nice about that?’ I said. ‘He’s all alone. I asked him to co
me and talk to you but he refused. I feel sorry for him.’

  Aunt Zuzia opened her mouth to reply but stopped when she saw a woman in uniform approaching us.

  ‘Time to board the aeroplane. Only passengers allowed beyond this point. Please say your goodbyes here.’

  My heart leapt, thudding in my chest. This was it. We were off. From then on everything became a blur – a confusion of kisses, tears and loud sobs. Aunt Zuzia hugging me, Uncle Julek patting my head. I heard myself say goodbye and thank you over and over again but that wasn’t enough. My words let me down. I couldn’t say what I felt, I couldn’t tell them how grateful I was to them for looking after me, for loving me and caring for me. I didn’t know where to begin. I wished I could go back and do it all over again but this time properly.

  Now Frederika was taking my hand and pulling me away. I turned back to my aunt to give her a final kiss, then to my uncle to give him a hug. He hugged me and smiled, a real one that went all the way from his lips to his eyes. I felt my eyes well with tears once again. I couldn’t go, I couldn’t leave them. Uncle Julek planted a kiss on the top of my head and then I found myself walking, half dragged by Frederika, across the vast windy tarmac towards the plane.

  I started to panic and I turned, waving frantically, walking backwards so as not to miss one tiny moment of seeing them.

  Aunt Zuzia was waving back. And then I saw my uncle take her arm and begin to lead her away in the opposite direction. She turned to follow him but she looked broken and bent, like Mamusia when she left the room for that last time. Then Aunt Zuzia stopped and tried to find me again, to have one last look. I waved and waved but she was looking in the wrong direction. Now Uncle Julek was pulling her forward again, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the way ahead. Then they were gone – my aunt, my uncle, my safety, my happiness, my life as I knew it, had disappeared. For ever.

  A huge cloud of loneliness swept over me. I was leaving it all behind for a life that I didn’t know, and at this moment didn’t want, and I was to live with a stranger again. I had told all these wonderful stories to my friends, but that is all they were – stories from my imagination. I felt dizzy and clung to Frederika, big, fat tears rolling slowly down my cheeks.