by Ruby Raine
Melinda bit her lip to hold back a laugh. And then gave up when Michael doubled over, unable to keep it in. Courtney’s eyes darted between the siblings, wondering if they’d finally snapped. Her clumsy goof the final straw that broke them.
“How many times is this now, Michael?” Melinda questioned, catching her breath.
“I believe this makes nine.” He sucked in, the laughter releasing a ridiculous amount of stress off his heavy heart. “Thanks, Courtney, I needed that.”
“Um, you’re welcome?”
It was almost like William was still present. It wasn’t him. Courtney was fun to have around but she wasn’t their vampire. He’d never be so easily replaced. And was missed something fierce.
“You got it worse than me Sis, why don’t you go clean up. I’ll start down here.”
“Yeah, Okay.” It was the second laugh release that day, and this time, it made her sleepy as she came down. “You know what, I might try to grab a few hours of sleep since I’m heading up. I’ll come take second shift if that’s okay?”
“Yeah, do that. No use in all of us being up at once,” Michael agreed.
“I can have the kitchen back in order in a flash anyway,” reminded Courtney.
“You kind of get a kick out of being super-fast, don’t you?” teased Michael lightly.
She shrugged playfully. “I kind of do.”
Melinda left them to it and took off to her bedroom, still smiling. One look in the mirror and she let out a clipped wail of displeasure. How the heck was there so much blood in one coffee mug?
“Too bad William wasn’t here. I’d let him lick me clean...” How many times was she going to do this to herself?
Was it impossible to filter her own thoughts and keep them where they belonged? Locked away with all the other crap she couldn’t do anything about. William was never going to happen. She had to scrub that idea out of her brain. Somehow...
She’d gotten the pain lowered to a low, constant ache. It might never get better than that. And she had reached a very low level of acceptance of what could, and could not be. Try as she might though, her heart refused to give up, completely.
Regardless of the impossibility of them, she wanted him home. Where he belonged, which was here on the Isle. No matter how difficult it might be to live under the same roof and not love each other. Especially since she’d end up in a relationship with some man, at some point in time.
It was bound to happen. Wasn’t it?
Another round of unbearable hurt for someone, most likely William. Because it would mean she’d moved on. This relationship might even end up being Riley if he ever showed his face again. She was not against that idea. A second chance, or a do over felt in order.
How was it possible to love two men, so very much, at the same time? Still...
She stared back at herself, eyes glossy. A warm ache in her chest.
She’d fully forgiven her motorcycle man and had moved on to missing the hell out of him. Perhaps the distance made it easier to forget all he’d said, and done. When the day came he returned, and they were face to face, would she feel the same?
“Might never find out.” Unless he came home. She wondered if there was any way to reach out to him. He might not want to listen to Lizzy or Lucas, but he’d listen to her, wouldn’t he? And come home if she asked him to?
In the end, like so many things, she had needed time to work through the shit storm, and be able to get her feet on even ground again. To be able to step back from the experience and look at it through different eyes. Ones that were not filled with fear and regret and pain, but ones that needed to learn, accept, and move forward.
Her crazy dreams and incessant thoughts had allowed her to do that; these last few nights her dreams hadn’t been nearly as wild or chaotic. And awesomely so, absent of anything tragic and prophetic.
Talking everything out with Charlie had helped a lot. Even some with Lizzy these last few days. She’d not bothered Michael, he had enough on his plate freaking out over Emily. Regardless of it all though, it all came back to the same problem for her: she still loved both men. It did not matter how they felt, or what they wanted in return.
Perhaps the only choice was to deny her love for both.
Because either way things ended up, someone was getting hurt.
And although she’d be happily loving one of them, she’d be losing the other, for good.
“Useless worries that’ll get me nowhere,” Melinda let out with a groan.
She showered and tossed the bloodied clothes into the hamper, assuming there was too much blood to salvage them, but she’d try anyway. She hopped into bed where sleep eluded her. Her mind a cesspool of thoughts weighing her down. The summer heat giving no cooling comfort, even with the window open. It was a breezeless night.
“Damn stupid brain,” she grumbled, sitting up in a huff.
Her head slanted sideways, eyes pinned to her window. A raspy breath-like noise filtered inside.
“What the hell?”
A second later she was up and tiptoeing over to have a look.
“Holy crap, Finn! What are you doing way up here?”
He was curled up, taking up the space on the roof below her windowsill. His big oval head lifted, lips widening in she swore, a smile. He picked himself up and nudged his head into the window where she leaned in and gave his forehead a soft kiss.
“Silly gargoyle. Rooftops are not safe places for naps.”
He whimpered in return, like he was trying to reply to her. She cocked her head.
Protect. It was the only thing she sensed from him. He was trying to protect her. Something he wasn’t supposed to do according to all she’d learned about gargoyles.
In a rumbling movement his feet were on the sill, his body soaking up the space. Melinda jumped back as he deftly bounded inside, quietly so considering his bulk, and proceeded to curl up on the floor at the foot of her bed. No sleeping though, he was on full alert.
“You’re not supposed to be an indoor pet,” she chided. Although there was no contempt in her words, only delight. And he was not supposed to be a pet at all. There was no denying his presence was comforting. It gave her a sense of serenity. Her addled brain, sliding into a peaceful space, ready for sleep.
She gave a yawn and patted him on the head.
“Good night, Finn. Don’t get yourself in trouble or anything with the other gargoyles, or whatever.” Was that even possible? She needed to learn more about this creature keeping guard at the foot of her bed. She gave a clipped chuckle. That’s what he was doing, guarding her. She had a guard gargoyle. And she liked that idea. It was her last thought as she laid her head on her pillow and drifted off to sleep.
JEAN TOOK IN WILLIAM during brunch, in fleeting vampire flashes no human would ever notice. He was avoiding her glances just as fleetingly. Annie was preoccupied with Riley on the other side of the table, laughing over some topic Jean had not paid attention to. She noted the subtle shifts in William’s jaw, and the hardened muscles of his face. He had something on his mind; had since he’d arrived in Sorcier. But these inflections told her he was finally ready to speak of them.
William gave in, catching her stare so ever briefly; it was all there, written in the white of his eyes. Buried in the emerald. Some agonizing secret he intended on sharing. But only with her. Not Annie. Or Riley. Or anyone else.
If she’d had a beating heart it would have skipped a little in despair. Whatever this was, it was eating him alive, little by little. Sending a silent warning she might not wish to find out.
“Annie, Riley, would you clean the table?” Jean asked, but it wasn’t really an option to say no.
“Of course,” replied Annie.
“Yeah, not a problem,” Riley added. “We’ll head to the pub after.” It would be time to open in a couple hours.
“Actually, Riley, not today. Rather, not for the next week,” stated William.
Annie’s smile dropped, lips pressed together in a
gloomy sort of sympathy.
“We’ve reached that time,” Jean reckoned. How unpleasant it would be for the vampire. And still not the secret they needed to speak of.
“What’s going on?” asked Riley in thick apprehension.
“I’ll show you in an hour. First, Jean, I fancy a stroll before it begins. Would you join me?”
“I’d be pleased to, William. The fresh air will do you good.”
Riley held his tongue but seriously wanted to know what was up. Why he suddenly would not be working at the pub, and why all the vague secrecy. Annie nudged his shoulder as Jean and William departed.
“It’s nothing to worry about. Really.”
“Easy for you to say,” Riley grumbled in reply. “Don’t suppose you can fill me in?”
She shook her head in a meaningful shake. “Sorry. William will want to explain it himself. That way you can’t chicken out.”
“What?” he choked out.
“I’m just giving you a hard time.”
“So not funny,” he scolded.
“You’ll be fine. Really. Now help me clean up.”
He did so, wondering what the hell the vampire had in store for him now.
JEAN ALLOWED THEM TO walk in tense silence for a time, to let William gather his thoughts. Although she guessed he’d already penned the words in his mind a while ago and got the sense he was searching for the courage to speak them and make them real. Another wary sign of an impending gloomy conversation.
The streets of Sorcier were bustling. Everyone who saw William, and knew him, was sure to shout out a greeting. He obliged, though with a flatness he didn’t normally have.
Jean stopped him.
He refused to hook onto her brittle gaze.
“I realize you are aware I am hiding something from you. I will speak of it, but not here. Not on the street.”
“Confirmation I didn’t need old friend.” Her mouth lifted only slightly amused, her gaze softening some. “Suffering... it surrounds you.”
He refused to answer or catch her eye.
Jean continued. “You wished to speak, but not at home. Not where Annie, or Riley, or anyone else might overhear,” she surmised.
He nodded stiffly.
Jean’s hardened vampire frame emptied of breath, leaving her insides empty. Whatever this was, it wasn’t going to be good, and now she just wanted it over with.
“Annie looks good,” he changed the subject as they continued their stroll.
“Yes. If possible, more beautiful every day. But she is getting restless again. I can see it in her eyes. This simple life isn’t meant for her. Not for one forever young and vibrant as she. But I fear what will happen if she ever chooses to leave for good.”
“She’s always loved this place. Considered it home,” said William.
“Because it’s safe. And she’s smart enough to understand the value in that, as well as avoiding the dangers and temptations that lurk in the outside world.”
“I may have a solution,” William spoke evenly. He stopped and opened the door to an empty storefront, the business closed. He motioned for Jean to go inside.
Once in and assured they were alone, Jean asked, “What’s this solution of yours?”
“I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“Now you’ve seriously got me worried old friend.”
“It’s not my intent.”
“What is going on, William? I understand why you brought Riley here. He’s a good young man, a little lost. But this... this is nothing at all to do with him.”
William paced for a moment, a flicker of distraction and emotion making him falter.
“I am signing over the house to you, Jean. As well as all of Sorcier that’s still within my control.”
“Why?”
“You live here. I do not. You take care of these people now. Not me. It should be yours. You’ll find the paperwork in my old study. Already taken care of, all you need to do is sign.”
“Why?” she repeated, her tone almost a snarl.
“I... I do not plan on returning to Sorcier, again.” His gaze fixed upon hers, the truth digging into her, stabbing back like a dagger.
“You mean to die.” Not a question. And not a flicker of remorse, or doubt from him. His sureness inflamed her iced veins, but he held steadfast.
“I am tired, Jean. In a way I have never been before.”
“And by tired, you mean lonely.”
He gave her a half-hearted shrug. “To me, they are one and the same.”
“Why not return here then? If life on the Isle is leaving you in such a state.”
“It would be no different here, Jean. I was not meant to live so long. I was not meant to live so long, alone.”
“Then don’t be alone,” her snarl clipped. “Find someone. Let yourself be happy.”
“I did find someone. The only someone. The last someone. And I cannot have her.”
“A human?” Jean was already well aware he’d never turn another human. His regret over Annie plagued him still, after all these years.
“Yes.”
“One of the Howards,” she assumed.
“Yes.”
Which would mean the young woman, Melinda.
“You loved Angelina once, William.”
He groaned.
“You survived after losing her. It wasn’t easy, but why is this time any different?”
“Because I started to believe I could have her, that I deserved her.” And this can never be, and I do not, he left off. “She’s not a prize I can claim for some unearned worth.”
Jean paced, nervous energy making her fidgety.
“Does Melinda return your love?”
A flinch from the vampire upon hearing her name. And no chance of denying it was Melinda, his reaction telling.
“She believes she does. She also loves another. Melinda is young, and once she sees the world for what it really is and what she’d be giving up, she will not choose me.”
“You will not permit her to choose you.” Jean swung around to leave but twisted around again, fangs lowered. Pissed, would do little justice for the venom in her pose. “Would you not turn a human if they loved you in return? If they chose it? If they chose you?” She did not allow him to respond. “Annie was a mistake you made as a young vampire learning to control your hunger. This would not be the same.”
“How is it not the same?” he spat out. “Even if Melinda begged me, how do I make her fully understand what living in this form does to someone? How watching those you love grow old and die, over, and over, and over, while you remain unchanged, kills a little more of your humanity every year. I cannot ask this of any human. It would be selfish. It would take two lifetimes for them to comprehend what forever stuck, means. What never moving forward in life means. To discover the reality is not the same as the fantasy.”
“Perhaps, but she would not be alone. And neither would you. You’d have each other and that changes things.”
Jean had seen this self-deprecating behavior before. It was similar to a mid-life crisis or deep depression in humans. Especially for vampires who’d been around as long as she or William. Who lived the compassionate lifestyle where humans were equals, not food. Vampires who loved, and loved, and loved, until it broke them. Turned on them. Becoming something devoid of the humanity they strived for, which if permitted to fester, made them into the very monsters they feared to be.
It sent many a decent vampire sinking into the very pits of darkness they struggled to stay out of. Forever lost to the depths. These were the true monsters. The hunters. The creatures feared on lonely streets at night. Those with any sanity left, did as William was prepared to do now. End it. Before the bitterness overtook what was left of their souls and the monster surfaced with merciless anarchy.
William’s humanity and compassion is what first drew Jean to William and Annie all those years ago. Watching him interact with her, like a stern doting father of a newborn. Which Annie
was, just not in the human infant sense. And he was aged more a brother than father, when comparing their human years.
Sadly, though, when a vampire entered into this acerbic spiral, they were often unable to pull themselves out again. It ended up swallowing them whole. Consuming them. Jean shook her head, nothing more to say at the moment about the subject. She’d need to think on it. Figure out some way of making her friend see the value in life again.
“So what of Annie?” she changed the subject.
“I would like her to return with me, to The Demon Isle. When I do go back.”
“So you are going back?”
“Yes. I have not decided exactly when, but yes. And in another human lifespan of years, I do not plan on continuing.”
“When your human dies, when Melinda dies,” she restated, “this is when you plan on dying too?”
“Yes.” A short, determined answer.
Jean got quiet. At least she had a few short human years to figure out some way to lift her friend out of this morose state.
“The Isle would be good for Annie,” William offered. “It’s not as simple a life as Sorcier, but she is safe around humans. And she’d get rid of that restlessness that can be so dangerous to our kind.”
“And you would look out for her of course?”
“Naturally. I think a change of scene would be good for her.”
Jean eyed him as if to say, take your own advice.
He ignored the topic.
“I believe you mean to train Annie to take your place on the Isle. Don’t you?”
He sighed. There was no hiding anything from Jean.
“Perhaps. I would not force the choice on her.”
“She would do anything you asked of her.”
“Which is why I will never ask. If she goes, and wishes to stay, it only seems natural she’d take up my position after I’m gone.”
“After you take your own life,” Jean corrected.
“Annie is brilliant.” Again, refusing to reenter the subject of his own demise. “She’s kind. And has maintained the youth I was never capable of holding onto.”