by Ruby Raine
Lizzy grinned. "If it wasn't Charlie I don't know as I could handle it either. It's different when you love someone, I think. Or maybe just because we're wolves. But it works and I've kind of already become addicted to it. And not that I'm not nervous about this first shift, because I am. I'd be an idiot not to be. Things can go wrong. But hell, don't tell Charlie I said that. He's freaking out enough for the two of us already."
"Seems to be his thing."
"You need routine and time. He needs to worry about problems that don't exist yet. And I need to tell it how it is. We all have our ways. But I love the roller-coaster. Charlie would prefer to be the driver. And you'd prefer if it parked and never moved."
"You've never been on a roller-coaster, have you?" Lucas retorted.
"No. Something else I need to remedy. And in a few more days, once I've made it through my first full moon, a certain werewolf and I are going to be making lots of babies."
Lucas choked out a snort. "I hope you've informed him of this."
"Oh, he's aware. And I'm not allowing a single excuse more after the damn moon rises."
Lucas heard the hint of disagreement on the subject and could only imagine the two of them arguing it out.
"I suggest doing it right away then—the roller-coaster thing. Because if how you explain it is true, once you get knocked up, your wolf is going to lock you up."
Lizzy smirked. But she feared Lucas wasn't wrong there. Charlie was going to freak out to never before levels once he had a child on the way. But damn it if she wasn't getting a tingle between her thighs at the idea of them trying to get pregnant.
Lizzy wanted to send that idea into her mate's mind, however, he was too busy being in shock about something. They'd find out why, soon enough she imagined.
Lucas grinned at the ridiculously happy gleam in her eyes.
He wished he could see that on himself when he looked in the mirror.
"For the first time since I was ghasted, I'm living the life of my choice," Lizzy said. "That alone is pretty damn incredible. The rest will work itself out. I feel confident about that."
Lucas wished he could muster that sort of confidence about his own life.
"You'll get there, Lucas," she spoke aloud. His inner thought had been easy to read outwardly.
Footsteps approached. Mack trod back into the clearing.
"Michael's just a few minutes behind me."
"Good. The sooner we perma fix that alarm the better." Lizzy glanced back at the entrance to the Power Source, wondering how much longer they'd be. A few minutes later Courtney reappeared in a flash of arrival.
"All's good in the park," she advised.
Michael arrived shortly after and he went off to fix the alarm.
"Courtney," Mack grabbed the vampire's attention. "When you were out doing rounds, did you see exactly how far out that last burst made it?"
"I did. It stopped a couple hundred feet out. I could tell by the bend in the shrubs and whatnot. And as far as I can tell, there were no humans out and about the area. At least, I didn't smell any human presence nearby." And damn, didn't they have an unmistakable, yummy scent about them.
"Hungry?" Lucas noted with a raised eyebrow. "You'd better wipe the drool..." he made a teasing motion with his hand to wipe off her chin. Lizzy laughed. It wasn't often, but Lucas could be funny when he was more at ease with things.
Courtney grumbled and took out one of her blood packs.
Mack gave them all a headshake. But ran to her patrol car and returned with a map.
"Can you show me on this map how far away you saw the blast? That way I can make sure there's no sign of anything left behind, just in case, once this is done."
"Sure."
They'd just finished outlining the area on the map when Michael rejoined them, and—squawk—squawk—squawk.
"Fuck." Michael shifted, gazing into the woods as the alarm blasted a warning.
"Sure you fixed it?" Mack couldn't help but question.
"Yup. It's going off. For fucking real." Michael's palm raised expecting an incoming attack.
"What direction is it coming from?" Lucas asked.
"Everywhere," Lizzy answered grimly.
The five-some stood backs to backs in a circle, ready for an attack to fly out of nowhere. Hearts racing, adrenaline rising.
The blast of the alarm silenced, as it should, but the crystals were lit up in the distance like beacons of doom encircling them.
Now, would be the worst possible time for Charlie and Mathew to exit.
So, naturally, this is when they started to hear the roots of the Power Source's entrance moving and contorting into the doorway to let them out.
But what materialized out of the woods, pushing its way through the crystalized beacons and hazy darkness shocked them all into silence.
Michael's mouth fell open, and he staggered forward a few steps, sure he finally snapped, lost his mind, and was hallucinating.
"Emily?"
WILLIAM WENT SILENT, his eyes forced closed as if he was trying to hold off whatever was coming next. Melinda saw the shame and defeat in his features. He was desperate for this trip through his past to end. But Melinda didn't imagine there was much left to feel any shame for. She'd already seen him at his lowest. At his most dangerous. She'd suffered alongside him as he relived all he'd lost and overcome.
What more could there be?
Out of nowhere, a bright sunny day surrounded them. And Melinda had rejoined the cast, playing out the part of herself. However, the, what more there could be, had yanked them out of the past and jumped them ahead into the future. Not the real future, but some possible version of it.
Melinda was not alone. She was on a beach wearing a pale yellow sundress, walking along in the hot summer sand with Riley Deane. But a breath-stealing thing was happening... she was pregnant. But with her own child this time, not some past version of William's dead wife.
And most shockingly, was the second young child running and playing behind her and Riley. A son. Maybe four years old. Hers and Riley's. He had her eyes, but Riley's molasses mop of hair.
Riley was suddenly in front of her, all grins, and on a knee. He rubbed her belly. And kissed it in loving adoration.
"I don't know how you do it," he said, peering upward at her. "But you're more beautiful every damn day. And each day I think, this is it. She can't go anywhere from here, this is perfection. And then you blow my mind and do it all over again."
Melinda smiled back. She couldn't help it. Even though just a figment of William's mind, the happiness radiated out of Riley and engulfed her in secure warmth like a heated blanket fresh from the dryer.
But equally transfixing was when her gaze lifted upward, over a rocky bank on the edge of the beach, was William, wearing a faraway stare that fixed downward at the happily playing family having fun on the beach.
And flash forward.
The beach and sun dissolved into a cloudy day in a park somewhere. They were surrounded by tall pines and she and Riley wrangled three youngsters to a picnic table—it was a birthday party for her youngest child. A daughter. Her son, older now, was running and playing with his younger brother. Two sons and a daughter. How surreal.
And when her gaze drifted off into the edges of the clearing, there, off in the shadows of the trees was William. Taking in the happy family from afar. Always at a distance. There. But not there. Part of her life, but never like it was now.
And even though he wore a genuine gaze of satisfaction for the happiness he'd wanted Melinda to find, there was a spark of truth that never left his eyes. He wanted it to be himself by her side. And even though he wanted this, he'd rather see her happy with someone else than to spend one wasted life with him.
He was trying to show her what she'd miss out on if she chose him.
She'd miss a life of family.
And even though it was her responsibility to bring new Howard Witches into the world, didn't she get some say about her future too? Did th
is have to happen? Was there a future where she got to choose not to have a family, if she was so inclined? Whoever she ended up settling down with... she loathed the pressure of this choice.
And even though it painted a lovely picture, it wasn't real.
Her fake family vanished. The misty grayness enclosing in around Melinda as William stepped out of the shadows. She had the impression he was struggling against his actions, but that his mind was forcing him to see this through.
He reached out and touched her cheek so tenderly she had a hard time swallowing.
"My greatest joy and my greatest fear are equal and the same. To see you truly happy with another, and then watching you succumb to the inevitable decay of humanity."
The gray mists surrounding them widened out into a graveyard.
And aged woman was lying in an open casket.
Melinda's name was carved on the tombstone.
This was a reality that bowled her over. To see herself old, and dead.
But it was inevitable.
It would happen.
To her, to everyone she loved.
To everyone William loved.
"To watch you die will be my undoing." William's voice was almost like the wind itself, carrying off to some distant, faraway place. The vision tore him away from her side and a flash later he was part of the vision, kneeling in front of her gravestone. His body as cold and still as the stone itself.
Melinda had a fleeting moment of panic to think that her body was buried down there. Many feet below the surface and stuffed into a casket. Which isn't the way it would happen anyway. Witches were burned after death because it was believed it freed their magic back into the world. But, shit. Like that was any better a thing to think about.
The sky started to lighten.
The fog, lifting. The sun peeking downward.
Melinda sniffed, smelling smoke, and sucked in the truth.
William...
He must have stopped taking his daylight potion.
"Get out of the sun," she shouted from the sidelines. "You'll burn. You'll die."
But he didn't obey her demand. He lifted to his feet and twisted to see her. The pain in his features was far heavier than any sting of the sun. Or the blisters forming on his skin.
"Please don't do this," she begged him.
"Whatever awaits me after death, it comes for me on the day you die."
He never cried out once, only closed his eyes and outstretched his arms in a motion that meant, take me. I'm done. The physical pain far less than the emotional burden of living.
This was so much worse than watching him get tortured, because he was choosing it. Choosing to end his life. And something ignited inside Melinda.
Anger...
Disappointment...
"How dare you do this?"
It shocked the vampire right out of the nightmare, and the sun vanished, his skin, healing itself. He eyed Melinda like she was a stranger invading some private and secret moment.
"How dare you do this?" she threw at him again, approaching him. "How dare you force me to spend the rest of my days knowing what you intend to do?"
"I never intended for you to know."
"That does not make this okay."
"It's the right choice."
"Right choice? Are you fucking kidding me?"
He stepped back like she'd slapped him in the face.
"Melinda—"
"No." She cut him off. "You don't get to blow this off like it's already done. Have you even once thought there was another way? How is this any better than what I did? It's just a longer, more drawn out hell of what I did to get you tortured. Have we learned nothing? William—I love you. Why can't that be enough?"
He blinked. And stared. And blinked. Like his mind was fighting for coherent thought.
Melinda wasn't done yet though.
"If you plan to die when I do anyway, then why not have one life together?" But it wasn't like that was a perfect plan either, because she'd grow old and William would not. And suddenly the weight of it all buckled her legs. She sank downward, steadying herself on her knees. A torrent of defeat stealing away her anger.
"Is this really what you plan to do, William? To kill yourself after I die?" She needed to hear him say it. "Do you really mean to end your life with mine?"
The silent shame of the truth was painted on his features.
"William... I understand your loneliness. I understand the things you believe you don't deserve. And I understand the things you're still trying to make up for. But this..." she scrunched her face, her features morphing into great sadness.
He was suddenly there in front of her, not so unlike in her dream of him after he'd saved her from the Feyk, their knees touching, swiping the tears from her face.
"This is not your burden," he told her. "This was never to be your burden."
"You are not a burden, William. What you feel doesn't have to be a burden. I get why you wouldn't want to tell me these things. But it doesn't need to be like this. It doesn't need to end like this."
"It does," he stated gently. "Because I fear what I will become if I remain alive and you're not here. It's not purely just being in love with you, Melinda. I don't think I can love and lose again. The inevitable losses have become more than I can bear. If I don't end my life I will turn into something vile. A true monster."
"Then don't lose me. Don't become that thing you fear. If you love me so much that you don't want to live once I'm gone... why won't you do something about it while I'm still alive?"
"You're young, Melinda. You can't know what you ask."
"I'm twenty-three in a few weeks. I'm a grown adult who can make up her own damn mind."
"But I cannot live with myself if I steal your humanity."
"And you can't live if you let me keep it, either."
This wasn't getting them anywhere. But Melinda had one burning question on her lips and she pushed it out into the cosmos before she lost her courage, and hoped that William, in this state of painful honesty, would show her the truth.
She leaned in and gently pressed her lips again his and pulled away with a calming breath.
"What is your greatest desire? What is the one thing you want more than anything else?"
The scene flashed and changed around them as if he had no control, but to answer her, honestly and brutally.
"To live the one human life I never got to live, with you."
And just like that she was back in a wedding dress. Out in the middle of a field surrounded by her family. With William across from her as her groom. Alive. Human. With a nervous blush on his cheeks and a shuddering in his heart as he looked upon his bride.
But when he strode forward and kissed her, everyone vanished, the field vanished, and they were in a home. Not the mansion, somewhere else. It was Christmas and William was unhooking a stocking from a mantle and handing it to—their son.
A son he'd never have as a vampire.
A child he'd lost before his own humanity had been taken from him.
He gazed down at the child with such adoration it shattered Melinda's heart to see it, holding the knowledge that it would never be. It really was a dream, and nothing more. But with a swipe of his arm, the scene vanished like a veil dropped over them, and suddenly it was just William and Melinda and he was striding toward her with an intensity in his gait that would not be stopped.
His lips crashed into hers and she nearly melted on the spot.
He had her off the ground and in his arms in a flash, maneuvering them onto a bed that appeared out of nowhere, ravishing her mouth as he spread himself over her. With a simple wish that required no movement, clothes vanished and skin sank into skin.
Melinda shuddered at his warmth.
This was William as he wished to be. Human. Alive. Their hearts pulsing against each other.
They were a tangle of limbs and lips and gasps because there was no getting close enough. His lips left a sting, soaking up every inch of her
.
He filled her core. Her heart. Her mind.
Every part of her taken over and drawn into the dream of William's greatest desire. They rode the high, cresting the top together. Eyes fixed on each other. Ragged breaths intermingling. And in that moment, it was like William had some frightening moment of clarity, or decision, or regret. He'd taken this too far. Shown her too much. Given in completely to a future that would never be, and there was no turning back from that.
Their scenery changed again.
As if the dream had somehow heard the subconscious thoughts, it answered with a swift change of direction. Melinda's eyes refocused to a darkly lit room of red. Like someone had put a bloody colored filter over her eyes and everything was the color of dark or blood. Like she'd just been thrown into the middle of a horror flick.
She was dressed in a flimsy nightgown, her chest heaving as the heat of William's skin on hers still lingered. Her arms wrapped around her waist as she caught her breath and William, the vampire, stalked out of shadows.
Wild.
Untamed.
Wanting.
Melinda had a feeling he had lost total control over where this whole nightmare was going.
"This is the answer to your question Melinda. The only way we can be together."
As he spoke, he reached out and unwrapped her arms and before she knew what was happening, he'd shackled her wrists above her head and yanked on a chain that spread her arms wide and to the side.
She gasped, breaths coming out raggedly. Part fear. Part heat. Part understanding—like even deep within his own mind, as it broke wide open and revealed his deepest secrets, he was still fighting it. Still denying them.
"Not fighting," he corrected, as if he silently understood what she was thinking. Or maybe he saw it in her eyes. "If you want the truth, all of it, you have to see the monster too. Because that is the truth. That is the existence."
"You're just trying to frighten me," she argued breathlessly. "Hoping I run away."
"You should be afraid, Melinda. Because after my greatest desire, this is a dangerously close second. I am a vampire, and those desires are much, much, darker." He leaned in and teased his fangs along her neck. She shuddered and tensed involuntarily, the shackles pulling taut. A snarl rumbled in his throat. "You fight, but I can smell that you like it."